Tony Stark dumps Spider-man at Matt's apartment at 5 in the morning.

Matt will repeat this, because he still doesn't quite believe it.

Tony Stark dumps Spider-man at his apartment. At 5. AM. As in morning.

"Is there a reason," Matt asks wearily, smoothing his hand out over his face as he asks, "That you have decided to drop by at this ungodly hour?"

Spider-man fidgets, sounding unbearably guilty as he lifts a shoulder and says quietly, "I brought tea."

Matt stares. There is something unbelievably, unbearably wrong with this situation. He is not okay with this situation. This situation is wrong, and it is his duty to correct the way that this smells like a Really Bad Idea.

"What kind of tea?" He asks, surrendering to the magical effect that Spider-man always seems to have on him and opening the door wider.

"Lemongrass." Spider-man's probably beaming as he turns to look at Stark, probably with a I told you so expression on his features. "It's supposed to be good for when you're feeling negative and help you feel more positive and calm and stuff."

If he were to wager a guess, Stark would probably have a funny look on his face, all raised eyebrows and curious stares. "Well," Stark says, surprised and impressed and somehow rude all at the same time as he steps into the apartment. "That went much easier than expected."

"I told you," Spider-man sighs, childish and light as he moves gracefully past Matt and into the kitchen, where he begins boiling some water, "Daredevil's cool."

Matt closes his eyes and reminds himself to breath a few times before the corners of his lips twitch and he sighs, "I presume that Stark already knew my identity before you decided to disclose it to him?"

"Yeah," Spider-man turns on the heat and pulls out three cups, setting them lightly onto the counter. Clank. Clank. Clank. "He, actually, uh, figured out my identity, and that's how I got my suit. He made it for me."

Matt hums as Stark moves further into his home and gives his apartment a disbelieving once over. "Yes, well, I did know that he made your suit for you, so I assumed that you had told him."

"Nah," Stark shakes his head, and squints out the window, "The kid's worse with a secret than me with emotions."

Matt almost laughs at that, but the unbidden memory of Spider-man crying on his couch comes to mind and he asks, "Why are you here?"

"Straight to the point." There's a frown in Stark's voice and he sighs even as Matt hears Spider-man's muscles tighten and his breath hitch. "Well, simply put, we'd like a lawyer."

Matt does laugh at that, humorless and dry. "So you're not even here for me as Daredevil," He murmurs, cocking an eyebrow. "Just a lawyer? But you already have your own lawyers. A bunch of them, all expensive and much better than I, most likely. Why come to me? What do you really want?"

Spider-man shifts again, clearly uncomfortable as he pours out the tea.

"We need someone discreet." Stark says, firm and strong. "I'm adopting Spider-man."

He really doesn't know how to respond to that. "You want to..." He starts faintly, then trails off and can't quite find it in himself to continue.

"Yeah." Spider-man presses a cup of tea into Matt's hand and grasps the other in an imitation of a handshake. "Hi, Daredevil. My name is Peter Parker, and I'm 15 years old."

"And Stark is going to adopt you." Matt says faintly. "So you came to me hoping that... that, what, nobody would notice?"

Stark and Spider-man... Peter, he supposes... exchange glances, and Peter stares at the cup of tea in his hand before pushing it into Stark's. "Was it too optimistic to hope that?" He asks quietly, disappointed but knowingly. "It's just... there's nobody else who'd take me in, so Mr. Stark feels that he has to..."

"Feels nothing, kid, I want to." Stark cuts in, the sharp edge of his tone making Matt think that they've had this argument many times before.

There's a bit of thankfulness and a smile in Peter's voice as he continues, "Alright, Mr. Stark. Anyways, so since there's nobody else, he has to adopt me," Stark sighs at this, and takes a sip of tea, presumably an attempt to keep himself from arguing with the kid, "But I really would rather avoid the media attention, and we don't really have a good excuse for him adopting me other than, well, obvious reasons. So. We hoped that you could help, somehow."

Matt taps his chin, and then he asks, "What if I adopt Peter?"

They both visibly start at that, hearts pounding, surprised but not quite hating the idea. "You don't have to feel obligated to..." Peter starts in protest, but Matt cuts him off with the shake of a head.

"Look, Spider-man. Peter. I like you, and you seem to like me decently enough. We're both vigilantes, so no secrets, and it's not as though you'll never see Stark. Honestly, you could live with him 24/7, it'll just be on paper. You don't have to change anything about your lifestyle, don't have to feel obliged for anything. I'm willing to provide room and food, but if Stark really insists, I'm willing to do whatever you choose. Even if you seriously dislike me, it'll just be on paper. And if you do happen to like me, then I happen to like you as well, so it works out well."

They're both silent, turning the idea over in their heads, but Matt can tell that they're both approving and understand the logic behind it.

"Okay," Stark says, finally breaking the silence with a crisp nod. "I'm down with this idea. Kid?"

Peter's silent, fidgeting nervously as he slides his hand over the side of his cup and taking another sip before he squeaks, "Are you sure I won't be too much of a burden?"

Matt wants to scowl, to shake Peter by the shoulders and make him understand that Matt wants this, too, no matter how little he really knows the kid. But he knows he can't, so he just raises an eyebrow and answers as though it were never in question (which, really, it wasn't), "Why would you be?"

Stark reaches out to squeeze Peter's hand and this seems to be it for him. He puts his tea onto the coffee table before crumpling to the ground, and squeaking out a soft, "Thank you," before he bursts into tears, Stark just rubbing his back comfortingly while Matt awkwardly answers, "No problem."

And really, there's no problem.