Just One Look

By Valma

Part 22: A "Mel" of a Time

My Journey Through Life – Niles Crane

Omnia Vincit Amor – well at least I hope it does.

Because if love doesn't "conquer all" – then each and every one of the current trials and tribulations that I now find myself having to endure may be for nothing.

There is actually a contradictory quality to my life at the moment.

On one hand, I have Daphne in my life now. It wasn't so long ago that I never dreamed of ever being able to say this. She seemed so unattainable, so completely beyond my reach that I didn't dare even entertain the merest soupçon of a notion that this was possible.

So how could I be anything except utterly and unequivocally happy?

Well, I will tell you how in one word – Mel.

Mel… what can I say except that she continues, with each passing day to become ever more spiteful and increasingly more inventive in her ways to extract her own personal brand of vengeance from my miserable carcass.

Can I blame her?

Not really.

I truly believe that this is the penitence I must do to atone for the moral wrong that I unwittingly perpetrated on her.

And so I am determined to ride the storm of Mel's fury and reprisals and see it through to the bitter end no matter what she throws in my direction. It is the cost I must pay for my ultimate bliss.

I only wish is that I can shield Daphne from any unwarranted suffering.

She continues to be everlasting in her beauty and grace, trying to understand my morose behavior as of late and forever a vision of love for me to find refuge in.

She in one word – perfect. For me to deserve her perfection I have to take my comeuppance from Mel in any fashion she sees fit to dole out. Once I do this I will be free – free to be with Daphne with a clear conscience.

But I can't write any more now – too exhausted to even keep the pen in my hand.

Let those who have deserved their punishment, bear it patiently.
Aequo animo poenam, qui meruere, ferant.
- Ovid (Publius Ovidius Naso), Amorum (II, 7, 12)

Adieu.

Daphne's Diary:

Damn that Mel!

I'm so sick of that – that woman --- that bitch!

I always suspected that she wasn't going to be totally happy until Niles was an absolute wreck – but now I know I'm right!

Oooohhh, yes --- at first she claimed that she just wanted him to play the dutiful husband for a couple of weeks so that she could quietly end their charade of a marriage without embarrassing herself among her snooty friends.

A couple of weeks – my arse! That - that was over a month ago and there's still no divorce in sight! She hasn't even filed yet!

Now she's cooked up a whole new set of conditions that she said he would have to bow to before she would even consider setting him free. She wasn't satisfied any longer just to hog all of Niles' spare time; insisting that he couldn't be seen with me in public, flaunting him like some prized performer at a dog-and-pony show – now... now there are more demands --- and she's insisting there's a totally different spin on things.

She calls it "Phase Two".

What that really means is that she's decided that Niles has to be branded the villain of their marriage in front of Seattle's entire high-society crowd. It's no longer good enough that things are done quietly, now she wants a public shaming.

What's next – putting him in a pillory in Pike Place Market so the tourists can throw tomatoes at him, just because we fell in love?

It's like a bloody soap opera!

I can't believe he agreed to this arrangement! He should have told her "Bollocks to that!" and went to see his lawyer.

But he didn't.

Instead, over the past few weeks, he has had to take her to various upper crust functions or show up at her assorted soirées, where I expect she has probably tried to disgrace him thoroughly.

I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but I know it must be pretty bad – he won't talk about it when we are together.

I purposely haven't pushed him for any of the gory details. I don't want to add to the torture Mel is already dragging him through. I do know he is humiliated by what he is being forced to do because just the retelling is pure agony for him. He gets this painful look in his eye that is almost pitiful whenever he has just come back from seeing her – a silent but unmistakable plea for me not to ask too many questions.

So I just let it be.

I understand why he doesn't want to talk about this. I really do.

But what I really can't figure out is --- why doesn't he just stand up to her?

Why?

He keeps bringing up Maris and the ordeal that she put him through and – and says he's trying to avoid that. But he did eventually deal with her – he made it clear to her that he was going through with the divorce.

What makes this time so different?

He still insists to me that Mel is going to keep her word and give him the painless divorce that she originally promised him, if he would go along with this shameful circus act.

He can't possibly believe that in his heart of hearts --- can he?

Could he be that naïve – to trust in the milk of her human kindness and sense of fair play?

Or maybe he thinks that she will soon tire of the whole situation and just give up and grant him a divorce?

You know what I think?

I bet she's just getting started! If he somehow weathers these new indignities she will concoct something else - something even more cruel and degrading to put him through. God knows what she'll dream up. If he doesn't put an end to this shortly, she'll just work herself into a frenzy of revenge, tearing him apart, like a shark that smells blood in the water --- until nothing is left of him.

Mel's just messing with his mind - playing on his old insecurities; making sure that his status with the snob gang is threatened, attempting to ruin his reputation about town, demeaning him in front of important people – people whom he has spent years trying to earn respect from.

It's Maris all over again, but only worse because I believe Mel could --- just maybe --- end up destroying our relationship in the bargain. If she gets to him and mashes his confidence and his reputation to bits in the bargain, how can I be sure he will be able to withstand all that pressure? I hardly get a moment alone with him that she isn't ringing him up, demanding that he come to her side so that she can play the put-upon wife to the "Niles the Ogre". What type of an atmosphere is that to start our lives together?

It was bad enough to sit there and watch Maris stomp all over him – back in the days before there was an "us" to worry about. But now it's different – we're together – I see him differently and he sees me… well the same – his "Goddess" and all that, but that's not the point… there's our new relationship at stake and I just can't stand watching it destroyed for her entertainment!

Every time I broach the subject of how much longer this will go on, Niles just bravely smiles, pats my hand and tells me not to worry - says that he is handling it and assures me that it will soon be over and we will be free.

But --- but is he "handling" it?

I really hope so.

I guess for now all I can do is keep my fingers crossed and have faith that he is right and --- and that Mel lives up to her pledge to let him go.

I'll live on that hope for now and try to keep a stiff upper lip for Niles' sake.

G'night Diary

Daphne's Diary:

It's 4:37 a.m. and I can't sleep.

I have avoided sitting down to make this entry in my diary, but I think I will feel better if I struggle through and get what is bothering me out on paper.

This morning I was just leaving a shop on Pike, when I spotted Mel coming out of La Petite Femme Fashions. She was chatting on her cell phone as she pranced down the street – her, with her flawless size two figure, the sharp heels of her pointy little shoes clicking against the pavement and her free hand clutching an extravagant purse.

Well, the sight of her infuriated me so much that I could barely stand it – just seeing her traipsing along like that got me thinking about the torment she has been putting Niles through lately and I was soon spitting like a wet cat.

I found myself following her on an impulse. Like a dog chasing a car, the question was just what did I think that I was going to do when I caught up with her?

Would I challenge her about her drawing out the divorce plans with Niles?

She'd just deny it, if she acknowledged my presence at all.

Maybe I should hurl some pithy remark at her to try and embarrass her the way she has tried to do to Niles?

She's probably much more clever than I could ever be and I'd end up being the one with egg on my face.

How about me just scratching her catty little eyes out!

I'm already facing one lawsuit - I don't think I could afford another --- and a criminal charge of assault to boot.

But I couldn't help myself – I just kept following her, feeling quite like a "Mata Hari".

She finally went into some pricey little café, and after she set her bags down on a seat and hightailed it off to the loo, I discreetly slipped in and sat at a cubicle that was next to hers.

The high-backed benches of the booths allowed me to eavesdrop quite nicely without being spotted.

After a few moments the "Bitch from Mel" returned, she ordered a "skinny" decaff and started dialing some numbers on her cell phone. Nothing exciting at first, just a few calls checking in with her office to see about her schedule for the next day and a couple to friends and acquaintances – chatting about future plans in the upcoming weeks. I was beginning to regret my hasty decision to follow her when suddenly my ears pricked up –

"Niles?" Mel squeaked into the phone, "Not too busy, I hope?"

There was a good lacing of sarcasm in her tone.

"Well, no matter – I'm sure you can always find time for the really important things in life… later," she giggled with a tenseness that tarnished her humour with a rusty spot of cruelty. "Listen – I'm at Le Chat Noir and I'll expect you to make an appearance within the next half hour. Yes, yes, I have invited some of the girls as well – so be prepared for a good showing... I expect you to dish out a heavy portion of debasement on your part. After all, I'm not going to end up

looking like villain in this little scenario. I'm not the one who dumped their newly betrothed mate and ran off with the hired help!"

I grit my teeth.

She never seemed to miss any opportunity to twist the knife in as deeply as she could.

There was a brief moment of silence while Niles reacted to her snide comments, but it didn't last long.

"Well, I really don't care if you're sorry or not! Your apologies are worthless to me now." she said, cutting him off. "You and I have an agreement and if you are even half the gentleman that you seemed to be when I first met you – then you will honor that pact! Don't forget who's the victim here! My only sin was believing you when you called me your Aphrodite and told me we were meant for each other… forever. Remember? Well, I do! And so do you. I'm sure you are still using those same lines on your little English slut… and she's probably believing them, just like I did once – once, before you turned your back on me."

Aphrodite?

Meant for each other?

The sound of Niles' voice saying those very words to me echoed in my head.

I suddenly found myself struggling to breathe.

Was this a pattern of behaviour for Niles?

My mind started to fill with a flood of panicky thoughts.

Maris was once his flawless soul mate… Mel was once his beloved Aphrodite… and I… I am his current perfect Goddess of Love… for now. Would I just be another thorny twig found to be wanting when the blush of a budding romance comes off my rose? How long will it be before I become the imperfect person that Maris and Mel are – when Niles realizes that I'm not the flawless woman he might have built me up to be in his imagination.

I closed my eyes and took a deep gulp of air.

"Are you all right Miss?"

Slowly opening my eyes, I discovered the face of an anxious waiter staring back at me.

Feebly I nodded yes.

"Would you like a glass of water… or something?" he asked.

Mel's screechy voice faded into the din of the restaurant noise as I did my best to regain some composure.

Warily, I cleared my throat and put on my best American accent, "A slice of the chocolate cheesecake and a double English Toffee cappuccino, please."

Perhaps some food would take away this wooziness and help me think a bit more clearly.

As the waiter scurried away on his mission of mercy, I strained forward in my seat just in time to hear Mel wrapping up her conversation with Niles.

"That's better! Now I want you to remember to insult Margie about her weight gain. We all know she looks like a cow lately, but of course I'll leap to her defense – that way only you will appear to be uncouth."

"Here you go miss. I hope it helps you feel better."

The waiter set my order down in front of me and smiled sympathetically.

"Huh, what?" I stammered and then recovering, I quickly asked if he could make the food to go.

"I just realized that I have an appointment to get to." I lied with only a hint of color rising in my cheeks in embarrassment.

He retreated quickly as I continued to try and come to terms with what I had just heard.

I'm not perfect. I'm not a goddess, nor Aphrodite or anything close to being flawless. I know that. And although I am a romantic at heart, I am also a realist. I know that when you are first starting out it is easy to play up the good things about another person in your mind and overlook the things that are less positive. But that doesn't mean that you don't know that they have faults – that they aren't actually perfect. Everyone knows that you love someone despite his or her shortcomings.

Don't they?

But does Niles?

Looking at his track record it seems that he has a tendency to put blinders on when he falls in love. The question is – what will happen when those blinders come off?

Is he capable of loving someone who isn't perfect in his mind?

Or will he find that any blemish is one fault too many.

My thoughts were interrupted as the waiter brought my take away and I paid the bill. Slipping out as quietly as possible, I headed back to Frasier's apartment and managed to work myself into a tizzy during what remained of the day.

So here I am still, wondering - Niles says he loves me, but what does he really love about me?

What do we really have in common? We don't like the same music, books or telly. I'm not as smart as Mel, or as accomplished as her. I haven't got particularly sophisticated tastes in movies or art, like he does. I'm not well traveled. I haven't the community connections that Maris, or Mel, have in high society, which Niles enjoys so much.

So what does he find so attractive about me?

When you cut to the chase there seems it to be only one thing… my looks.

That's the one area that I think I can say that I might have a chance to outdo Mel and definitely can outclass Maris in.

But what if… what if my good looks were gone?

Will he love me when the passing years make them disappear?

Does he love me for who I really am, underneath the pouty lips and silky hair that he sees now, or will he eventually find me just another one of his goddess with clay feet – just like the other "Aphrodites" in his past?

That is the question that scares me… because I'm not sure of the answer.

I know what Niles would say to me now – "Don't be silly, my love. I adore you and always will."

But he's looking at me through the lustful eyes of a man who sees only the sexy woman of his current dreams.

What if… what if he wakes up one day and sees his "dream angel" is just an ordinary woman with whom he has little if nothing in common?

Will he – how did Mel put it? Oh yes, turn his back on me and find a new goddess, until she too shows a fault of some kind?

Oh God! I don't think I could take that!

If I don't have Niles' love and support behind me, then what happened back at the Wayside Inn makes me no more than a brazen tart who left one man at the alter on a whim and stole another away from his recent bride.

I'll be the kind of woman that mothers all over warn their sons about – a home wrecker!

Oh… oh…ohhhh!

O.K. – now I've gone and done it - made myself all depressed with me imagination running wild again!

I am just being paranoid.

I've got to stop doing this!

I know everything will work out!

I know Niles loves me and won't dump me!

I know it!

I really do!

Now I think I'll nip out to the kitchen and get a bite to eat, but then I'd better get to bed.

Tomorrow I have to meet a fellow Brit named Ferguson.

He's Frasier's new butler and the "Lord of the Manor" wants me to show him around the apartment. I kind of like that I won't have to do housework any longer – makes me feel more like part of the family and less like the hired help around here.

On the other hand, I also feel a bit nervous – I'm not used to sharing the Cranes with anyone. Frasier tells me he was some old rich twit's butler, so I do hope he isn't too much of a stuffed shirt. Bad enough living with one Frasier – with all that's on my plate right now I don't know if I could handle living with two of them.

Good Night diary.

Stay tuned for Part 23 (to be continued)