A/N: A little something for Betrayed Dreams, inspired by his fic "Almost Genuine." I hope you're doing well now my friend.
Disclaimer: I don't own Oregairu.
According to most people around me I was a rotten person, which was weird, since they never spent enough time to know me that well personally. I often did get told that my eyes were rotten and reminiscent of a dead fish's, so maybe those were the ones to blame for this reputation.
But that didn't matter, because at the end of the day I was unanimously ostracized.
Or so they thought, for I was already a loner even before then. How could they possibly cast out a person whom had never intended to be part of their society anyway? I'll tell you, you can't. Hachiman: 1; Normalfags: 0.
Whether or not they shunned me wouldn't make any difference at all. I couldn't care less for any of them. Having less friends meant less things to worry about, less trouble to get into, less drama to be involved in...
No doubt, being a loner is the greatest. Source: me.
Solitude was hands down the best way of life, so... why was I feeling a strange sense of comfort right now?
"Hmm? Is something wrong, Hikitani-kun?"
I was sitting within the shade of the building's entrance to the rooftop, and a few steps to my right sat another student of the same class who could never seem to get my name right.
She was leaning on her knees as she brought them up to her chest, her round eyes looking at me behind those half-framed glasses of hers. She cocked her head to the side in inquiry, a small smile gracing her face in wait of my response.
She was no doubt a cute girl too, being a member of Hayama's clique and Miura's right hand man, err- woman.
"Ah, it's nothing."
"Were you perhaps thinking of something lewd?"
She was usually smiling quietly and nodding politely during their conversations, rarely heard saying anything.
But now she appeared more at ease for some reason. Was it because there was no one around for her to be conscious about how she acted? Or was it because it was specifically me who was here?
"What gave you that idea? More like it's you who's doing that."
That seemed to be it, considering my opinion never counted as I was always treated as if non-existent.
"Ehe~ I wouldn't deny that."
She was Ebina Hina. Another rotten person, or a "fujoshi" to be more exact, and underneath that cute façade was a girl who loved BL with a passion.
It was after the school trip to Kyoto that she and I had begun to talk, privately of course.
Though the first encounter was, to me, merely coincidental. I had just finished lunch and was returning to the classroom when I saw her standing by the entrance to the girls' restroom. Our eyes had met from a distance so I immediately averted my gaze and went about my way, only for her to speak up before I could pass by her.
"Hello, Hikitani-kun."
Surprised, I had no choice but to stop at her greeting. Even if I didn't like befriending people, I never wanted to come off as ill-mannered. Ah, but that may be the least of their concerns...
"Yo."
I greeted her back with the usual, to which she responded by silently smiling at me. Seeing as there was nothing else to discuss then, I bowed my head to excuse myself and went on my way.
Every now and then I would find our paths converging, giving us the opportunity to talk. It was around the tenth time when we actually did take it.
"It's quite sunny today, isn't it?"
"I guess."
We started with small talk, comments about the weather, typical stuff. It was hard actually, we weren't close enough to begin with and I was a laconic person. How did Yuigahama keep her mouth running all the time, didn't she ever have to stop and think of what to say next? I may have newfound respect for that girl.
Things smoothed themselves out after a few more conversations and soon she had begun to crack a few jokes. I didn't laugh at them though, they were too bland and insipid for my taste. She never took offense anyway, so I kept it up and occasionally grunted my approval at her punch lines.
"I wonder..."
A voice brought me back to the present, her face now had a deadpan expression as she stared blankly at the floor.
"Hmm? What?"
She didn't budge and continued to space out, deep in her thoughts. It made me wonder what could be running in her mind right now.
'Was it about her friends?'
'Did she have a problem?'
'Was it just perverted yaoi fantasies?'
More importantly, why was I even giving it that much thought? Since when had I begun to feel concern for her?
The last time I saw her stoic like this was during one of our talks when she suddenly threw me that question from out of the blue.
"Between Yui and Yukinoshita-san, whom do you like more?"
I nearly blew the Max Coffee in my mouth at her query, which would have been a waste of my good lifeblood. As I gulped the drink and felt the stinging in my throat, Ebina appeared to be absorbed, unaware of my recent predicament.
Back to her question, it was clear to me that I held those two girls dearly. I couldn't choose one of either, but I also didn't want to lie just to dodge it. So I gave her the safest, honest answer I could come up with:
"Neither."
There were no visible flinching on her part, she just nodded at my response and muttered "I see." I half-expected her to nag a name out of me, but I guess that just showed how little I knew about her.
She surely was a strange girl.
"Say," Ebina spoke up again, bringing me back to my senses. "Have you ever liked someone?"
Of course I have. It wasn't a pleasant memory nor experience though, and while I wanted to completely forget about it I couldn't. I had to remember it, remember every single detail, every painful moment, every writhe and struggle I did.
'Those who can't remember the past are doomed to repeat it.'
She and I were the same, she once had a... "relationship" before that, though hesitant at first, she decided to share her tale of sorrow with me.
It happened way back during her middle school years.
He was already a high school student then while she was a third year. They had met through one of those sites where they wrote and shared stories, when he had commented a good job on one of her works.
They exchanged private messages, until the day came when he had asked her the much-awaited question:
"Do you want to meet up?"
Of course she said yes. She was a fan of his work too, and it meant a lot to her to finally meet in person the one who had the same hobby as her.
The weekend arrived with a young Ebina fidgeting nervously as she waited for her partner at the mall entrance. Not knowing how his face looked like, she was left to find a person dressed in the clothes he had told her in advance.
Through her glasses she squinted her eyes to find a boy from afar whom matched the description she was given. She waved her hand and successfully got his attention, drawing him near to her location.
"Did you wait long?"
"N-not really..."
"Thank goodness then."
He was handsome, she had told me, quite tall too. He didn't give off the delinquent vibe either, and his gentle smile was warm and reassuring.
And that was where she made her mistake...
"Well, I did like someone before," I replied, staring at the sky. The sun was now nowhere to be seen as thick, dark clouds littered everywhere. "But it didn't work out well."
And sadly, the same went for Ebina.
After their trip to the mall, her senpai offered to "unwind" at a nearby karaoke. Ebina feared not being alone with him for she was at ease with him, rather her singing voice.
The room was spacious enough for five people but it felt oddly cramped. He was keeping himself pressed to her side, not letting space to exist between their bodies. Half an hour passed of this scenario, she noticed that he had slinked his arm behind her head and held her by the shoulder.
At this point she could no longer focus on singing, and so did he. Her eyes were locked to his as his face drew closer to her, moments away from their lips touching.
"U-umm-!"
She finally regained control of her body and pushed him away nicely, he said nothing and silence filled the room.
"Senpai, I-I'm sorry but I'm not... ready for this yet."
He would understand her, he was kind after all. Or at least, that was what she thought.
"Don't play dumb with me."
Everything happened too fast she couldn't react, she was pinned down on the sofa as he stared at her with a frightening expression and felt his grip on her shoulders tighten.
"Not ready? Have you even read the things you've written?" His words were seething with anger and disgust. "Do you know why I wanted to meet up with you? Because I wanted to beat the shit out of you for writing those revolting stories. But it turns out you're quite the looker so, would be a shame if I don't take a taste."
"W-wha... B-b-but y-you said that-"
"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled, fear gripped her heart as tears begun to pour out from her eyes. "Those were all lies, you idiot! Who would even like those kinds of things in the first place?! Only freaks like yourself!"
"N-no..."
She tried to resist but was easily overpowered, and since he was straddling her she couldn't move much of her body. Once he let did go of her arms to unbutton her top, she managed to grab hold of the microphone nearby and swing it at him, hitting him on the head.
Grunts of pain and curses emanated from his mouth as he fell off and toppled on the floor. Finally free from his grasp she grabbed her things and made a beeline for the door, exiting the establishment and leaving the area.
Ever since then she had never trusted men, and in order to drive them away she would start talking about her fetish nonstop.
...though there were still a few exceptions to her rule.
"I see." Her lips curved into a small, sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't worry, it's a thing of the past. Besides, if I let it weigh me down too much, I wouldn't be able to move forward."
"Wow! Hikitani-kun, that was deep. I never knew you were that wise." Ebina giggled softly, and honestly I was glad she did. The image of her sad face from back then bothered me. "You're like an old hermit."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You know, it's weird." She had stood up and made her way towards me, settling her down to my right for a seat. "You're rough with your words yet deep down you're very kind. You may not stand out in a crowd but you definitely have what it takes to do so. You're an all-around great person, yet others seem to not see it."
"It must be my eyes." I gestured to my face. "They're kinda bad."
"For your information, my eyes are bad too." She took off her glasses and faced me. "And with what you said, isn't that supposed to be the other way around?"
"I guess so. Maybe it's because I'm not cute at all."
"Hmm?"
"A-ah, no, never mind what I said."
"Does Hikitani-kun possibly think I'm cute?" She teased, leaning closer to me. "Or does he want me to say he's cute?"
Dammit, don't do that. I may completely fall for you, y'know.
"I meant exactly what I said, I'm not cute. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Hehe~ you're blushing!"
We then shared a good laugh together, not the rambunctious type of laughing fit but the refreshing one that makes you sigh with a smile afterwards.
It wasn't long before the bell rang, informing us that our beloved lunch break had ended. I stood up first and extended my hand to help her up.
"Thank you." She had turned around and was headed for the door when I called out to her.
"Ebina." She stopped at the sound of her name and faced me again.
"Yes?"
I never felt this nervous since "that day", and even after all my mental preparations they proved to be useless at this moment.
But I had to do it, it was now or never. There was nothing wrong in asking, right?
"Do you... have someone you like right now?"
A gust of wind blew between us, her hair danced along with it and fell back in place as it passed us by.
I gulped, the sound echoing in my ears as we both remained silent. It felt like an eternity had elapsed when she finally spoke.
"...maybe." She scratched her head at the indecisiveness of her answer. "But I'm sorry, I'm still not ready for a relationship."
"Don't be. And for the record, I wasn't asking you out."
"I know." She nodded, "Well, I'll go on ahead of you, as always. See you in class, Hikigaya-kun."
With a wave of her hand she then went through the door and shut it behind her, leaving me back to my lonesome.
It was a condition we had agreed upon, since she didn't want Miura to start asking questions or worse, stop her from disappearing from her sights to possibly talk to me. Kind of the same thing with Yuigahama.
After a good minute had passed, I decided it was about time for me to make my way back to class as well.
Sigh.
Thinking of what to possibly talk about, I had asked her before whether she would ever consider dating Tobe in the future, only for her to look uneasy at the topic. She only stared at the can of tea in her hands, so I told her to disregard it.
"No, I honestly can't see myself being with him."
The way she said that sentence was filled with melancholy, whether it be for his unrequited love or her inability to trust men, I didn't pry any further.
"They say before you love someone, first you have to love yourself."
She was weak and vulnerable that day, considering it was the same day she had nearly been raped in the past. Our skinship also anted up as she sat beside me, leaning her weight while her head rested on my shoulder and our arms were linked together.
"If that's the case..."
I wanted to break free from her, but part of me wouldn't let go. I was afraid she might hear my loud heartbeat. I was afraid we might lose this, whatever in the world this was.
"Then, it's already clear that it's impossible, right?"
But she needed comfort badly, and so I had to stay strong and be there for her.
"Because I hate myself..."
Before I could even say anything else in return, she had made her move. She pressed her lips onto mine while pulling me closer to her by my arm.
She was warm and soft, and her scent was intoxicating. Had she not broken off from me, I may have never found it in me to do so.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take advantage of you."
Did it count as an offense if I didn't feel any regrets afterwards?
"Umm... Sure."
She returned to rest her head on me, not a single word was said until the bell rang. Before she left, she hugged me for a brief moment.
"Thank you, Hikitani-kun."
The sadness that marred her face earlier was now gone, replaced with a small smile.
"Because of you, I can at least override that painful memory with today's events. But I don't think either Yumiko or Yui would be happy if they found out about this."
As I entered the classroom I saw Ebina among her friends, quietly listening to their conversation though most of the talking came from Tobe.
Upon taking my seat she caught me looking at her, she smiled at me before quickly returning her attention to her peers.
She truly treasured her group, not wanting to worry them she was prepared to do everything for their sake.
She was always good with her act, hiding away her pain and suffering behind a mask of lies for all to be convinced that she was fine.
But not this one, not me. I am Hikigaya Hachiman. I may have the rotten eyes, but with these I could see through the falsehoods in this world.
And perhaps it was also because we're both rotten that we were attuned so well, able to read each other better despite the walls we've built around us.
Today, I could tell the smile Ebina had was a genuine one.
A/N: Something I've begun some time ago, but never bothered to finish back then. Stumbled on it and decided to work on it.
Hachiman and Hina may be/are OOC.
Also, if the reason why Hina isn't ready for a relationship was ever mentioned in the LN... Then crap. I haven't finished it yet, so I improvised on this one.
Again, this one is dedicated to you Betrayed Dreams! Even if you went and killed a certain heroine I love. :)