Awhile ago handthigh on tumblr requested a small sequelish thing to How to Win A Tsundere's Heart so here it is!

They're the last entry to the Tsundere's Diaries that explains their past a bit and how they came to be how they are. Warning:There's talk of homophobia (not towards them) and this is def not my best work but then again when do I ever write anything good oops. There's also not a ton of shipping stuff so.

Also, these sort of deal with a bit darker of topics. I am so sorry if I ever overstep bounds, I am getting all of my information off of either other stories that I have read or experiences from my own life or people I know. If I ever over step somewhere, please tell me so I may fix it.

Dearest Diary,

Life hasn't always been easy. It never really is for anyone, but it's just a bit tougher on some people.

When I was younger I had three older brothers and another younger one on the way. And well… it wasn't easy. My oldest brother had issues of his own that seemed to hurt me almost as much as it hurt my parents. Older brothers were supposed to be the ones who took care of the younger ones. Or at least that's the way society and books always depicted the normal family household as. But I learned at an early age that books are an escape from reality, not reality itself.

My brother wasn't abusive or anything, he just had demons I suppose. They haunted him, and made him do bad things like smoke and drink and have a shit ton of sex with random hussies. My parents had to watch him carefully.

The twins, my other older brothers, got into trouble in a different way. They seeked attention in ways that included breaking random things and blaming it on me or each other. Which demanded another good portion of my parents attention.

And of course, dear Peter. I despised him for a while. The only way I had gotten any real care from my parents was from being the baby. My parents of course were the best parents that they could have been. Wish they would've learned how to properly use a condom, or stop trying for a girl when they already had a few problem children. But they were parents I still wouldn't trade. Peter did nothing to deserve my years of detestation, and I realized that somewhere in my late junior high years. I wish that I had come to that conclusion faster, then maybe we could have banned together. He was the one who truly had it bad.

Yes, I had to take care of Allistor for a number of years. Grow up faster than I should have had to. But I was never alone.

My neighbor, Alfred and his younger twin brother Matthew were always there to play with me. To hang out with me whenever Allistor was acting up or the twins were being reprimanded. I always had a place to call safe and I was always surrounded by people who cared about me truly.

I wish I could have realized that I didn't need my parents undying attention or love because I had someone else's. I just never took the time to notice.

But poor Peter was always alone. Coddled like there was no tomorrow, but born so many years after the rest of us that he was alone in ways that didn't necessarily mean not being surrounded by people. I should visit more often.

My childhood conclusion was that love was something to be desired, but never obtained. Because people can say that they love you, maybe even show it on certain occasions, but it's something that was always taken back. Fleeting.

Allistor had come back heartbroken and fucked up too many times for me to not believe it. And my parents had broken too many promises for me to be skeptical of a ten year olds conclusion about one of the most powerful forces in the world. Universe.

And that was my belief on the matter for a great number of years. I saw no flaws with it.

But remember that childhood friend? My neighbor? Alfred, not Matthew (though I do care about him too). He's weird. An anomaly in my otherwise perfect data. I thought of him as nothing but a friend for a long time, maybe because I've never thought that I should be liking people as something else. I was like my parents, never good with promises, so how could I promise my love to another person? I never allowed myself to think that way, maybe a passing thought if someone was particularly attractive, but I never thought that I should be someone who would be in a committed relationship.

It was just obvious to me, it was something that only truly great people were worthy of.

It's not that I thought lowly of myself. It was more just a matter of fact for me. People who were in love or relationships we're not people like me. Nothing in common. Simple as that.

Alfred had always been someone special to me though. My junior high self would have called it what best friends felt towards other best friends. My last year self would have called it stupid, and just an Alfred thing. But my now self knows it's much more than that.

As you have heard, my dear diary, there have been a number of events that have happened. Each one different and unique and leaving me feeling stranger than the last. This year was something of an adventure.

Alfred always had a way of making reality seem like a storybook.

He's my everything now. He could have possibly been like this for me since forever ago considering the layers of denial i've been buried under. It's weird for me to even say something like this in my head. It's such a foreign concept, and I haven't quite gotten used to it. Me, Arthur Kirkland, in a loving relationship with a wonderful person. It sounds like a lie.

He holds my hand now like he used to hold my hand back when we were kids. I was always a bit of a klutz and he would have to help me walk along the rocks whenever we played by the river. It makes me wonder if he's always felt this way about me. And if he has, I wonder how many times he thought of just stopping.

I remember how hard junior high would've been without him. He can make the rest of the world disappear without even thinking about it, and I'd only be able to focus on how much better he was than I at simple card games or drawing trees. It distracted me from Allistor's growing suspension record. The twins havok. Peter's relentless crying. For the hours we were together it was just us two. He always distracted me from anything else going on, it was like he was magical. He is magical. The number of times I came to him crying only to leave smiling less than an hour later is too high to count. He was always there, and I took it for granted for many years without even truly knowing that I was. I wonder if he knew. I wonder if he ever was ever sick of me coming to him for help.

These past few months were something out of a hellish dream. Alfred pulled stunts that I wouldn't have ever believed if I hadn't lived through them. He's brash and loud, but patient and willing to do anything for me. Which I think is the most wonderful thing in the entire universe. He never snapped at me, and I think he knew that I wasn't going to believe that he loved me more than a friend the first time. Or the second. Or third. Or fourth. I must have been stressful and frustrating to deal with a number of times, but he never showed it. If I were to trust my heart to anyone, it would be him. I can say that now with confidence. I hate myself for making him have to prove it to me so many times. It wasn't my intention to be this difficult. I wonder if he ever thought that I wasn't worth all of this trouble.

I wish I could repay Alfred for not giving up on me, god knows it must have been pretty damn hard.

My life isn't as sad as this entry makes it out to be. Reading this over, I sound like a rather depressing person with a lot of self-worth and emotional issues (not that I don't have any). I'm actually a fairly happy person if you know me. Grumpy and annoyed sometimes, but I'm happy with how my life has turned out and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Especially now.

Alfred is going to call me from America in twenty minutes. And he's going to make it seem as if the time and distance that has separated us is nothing more than a dream by telling me he loves me. And I'm going to say it back. And well, that's more than I ever thought I was going to get.

Sincerely,

Arthur Kirkland