A/N: OMG
I just have to say that I'm so sorry. This is somehow one of the weirdest things I've ever written and oh god did I laugh.
I love puns and movie references and this has both so I think I've achieved something great here (smell the sarcasm).
And the conversation they have before the flashback ends is inspired by real life.( You know these just-plain-weird-conversations specifically between couples and best friends.) I don't know if it's a thing but it's certainly something I engage in regularly (the conversations I mean).
I'm not a native speaker, so sorry about the mistakes.
Thank you so much for reading this and again cheers to not taking life too seriously! xoxo
Don't hate me.
Comments always make my day!

"How did you say you got your injury?" the doctor asks nonchalantly from behind her computer after having bandaged Isak's aching hand. Isak gazes at Even who bites his lip to refrain from smiling and the doctor raises her eyebrows looking at their silent conversation.

A couple of hours earlier …

Isak closed the bathroom door behind him and the wonderful smell of bacon filled his nostrils. Without bothering to put on any clothes he navigated to the kitchen to find Even cooking whilst singing to Red Hot Chili Peppers' Dark necessities. It was a good song but the radio station Even liked to listen to played it so often it had been ruined for him. The sight made Isak smile all the same.
He closed the distance wrapping his hands around Evens waist and put his head on his shoulder.

"Are you cooking for me?"

Even instantly abandoned his cooking turning around in Isak's arms and started peppering kisses on his lips.
"Yes. We are celebrating your entrance examinations."

Isak laughed against the other's lips slipping his hands under Even's white shirt to stroke the warm skin of his back. "But we don't know how they went yet."

"Irrelevant," Even proclaimed smooching Isak one more time before turning back to attend the loudly stirring bacons on the pan.

"Isn't that kind of the whole point of the exams? Getting in?" Isak asked pushing himself to sit on the kitchen counter next to Even.

"Sure, but you've been stressing about these exams for so long that you deserve a treat for your hard work," the older said moving the hot pan on an unused hot-plate to cool.

"I do? You have any other treats for me?" Isak asked grinning.

"I might," Even answered placing his hand on Isak's thigh apparently only then noticing how Isak wasn't wearing anything besides a towel around his waist. He slipped his had under the towel massaging the skin right next to Isak's dick.

"Need some de-stressing?" he asked reaching to press his lips against Isak's.

"Do I?" Isak mumbled into the kiss moaning softly as Even's warm hand shamelessly gripped his hardening member. He tried to lean closer to Even who was standing a little to his side having to lean to his hand for support. He almost bit in to his tongue when he felt his skin meet the burning hot hot-plate that Even hadn't turned off yet.

"Fuck," he gasped as he tried to catch his balance so that he'd be able to remove his hand from the cooking plate and the seconds he struggled felt like forever. He could faintly smell his own skin burn and it wasn't a pleasant experience. Even jumped further away obviously thinking the gasp was because of him.

"Fuck my life, ahhh," Isak groaned shaking his burning hand in air to ease the pain but it didn't help at all. The utter horror in Even's eyes made him want to laugh but he was in so much physical pain that only managed to wince and closed his eyes to hold in tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh my god, baby, I'm so sorry," Even fussed hurrying to the freezer to find ice but returned holding a bag of frozen french-fries.

"It wasn't your fault," Isak said taking the bag offered to him and pressed it against the throbbing skin of his hand.

Even turned off the cooking-plate with a guilty look on his face and somehow, he looked equally in pain as Isak.
"Is it bad? Does it hurt?" Even asked making a weird face.

"Yes, it fucking hurts, dumbass. I just leaned on a hot stove," Isak cried out managing to let out a small laughter to go with it.

"Do we need to go see a doctor?" Even asked as Isak hopped off from the counter and as his feet hit the floor the towel from around his waist slipped off. Even was somewhat surprised to see that Isak hadn't lost wood.

Isak on the other hand* was focused on looking at his hand that was red and starting to swell.
"I don't think it's that bad," he said wincing as he covered the damaged skin with the cold bag.

"How can you still be hard?" Even asked unable to hide his amusement as Isak glanced at his own erection letting out a bubbly laughter.

"I'm more aroused than hurt," Isak answered, however, unsure if it was true. His hand hurt so badly he had a hard time** acting brave. But it was a good sign because he had heard that bad burns didn't hurt right away.

"I can't fuck you when you are injured," Even argued stepping closer and grabbed Isak's hand inspecting the injury closely, "besides I really think we should go see a doctor."

"What?" Isak groaned tearing his hand away from Even, "blow me."

"What?" Even parroted him furrowing his eyebrows, hands awkwardly still in the space between them now holding air instead of Isak's hand.

"You heard me," the younger said raising his eyebrows in a challenging manner.

"Baby, you are hurt," Even said chuckling dryly and Isak sighed lowering his healthy hand to grab his own dick. He released a low growl as he started to jerk himself off while Even was just staring at him dumbfounded.

"Fine, fuck," Even said finally after a while of looking at Isak taking care of himself. "But afterwards we'll go see a doctor."

"Shut up," Isak huffed out a laughter pushing Even to his knees. Even complied replacing Isak's hand with his own but didn't do much else besides pursing his lips as he looked up at Isak.

"Fine, whatever. Just suck it," Isak groaned drawing a pleased grin from Even, whose blue eyes were staring straight into his soul as he leaned in to lick some pearly pre-cum from the tip of Isak's dick. The bag of frozen fries dropped to the floor as Isak's hand had went a bit numb from the cold. He leaned against the same counter he had previously sat on.

His healthy hand fisted a tuft of Even's hair when Even swallowed the glans of his dick sucking at it almost painfully hard while sliding his tongue across the small hole leaking new pre-cum. Even's hot hand was – in contrast – jerking the shaft very gently. Even withdrew his lips spreading the spit all over Isak's erection before painfully slowly taking in as much of it as he could without gagging.

"Fuck me," Isak muttered letting his eyes flutter shut. After that Even's technique was placed aside as he was too impatient to care if it was a bit sloppy – and frankly Isak didn't care either. Even sucked his cheeks dented while looking up at Isak's flustered face. Involuntary tears formed in his eyes as Isak pushed his hips forward making the tip hit the back of Even's throat uncomfortably.
He could hear Isak was close so he fastened his pace using his hand to jerk off where his lips didn't reach and soon enough Isak pushed Even's head closer as he came, dick throbbing, into Even's mouth.

"Fuck me!" Isak yelled moving so suddenly that Even had to pull off to cough. He saw through his squinted eyes that Isak was fiercely shaking his damaged hand in the air again.

"I can't fucking believe this," Isak said laughing, apparently at first not even noticing Even trying to clear his throat to be able to breath correctly.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," the younger gasped kneeling in front of Even and picked up the bag of frozen fries he had dropped. Isak placed a kiss on Even's lips after the other had finally caught his breath.

"Did you burn it again?" Even asked wiping his lips with the back of his hand and Isak nodded laughing and grimacing simultaneously. He felt his embarrassment build up now that he wasn't thinking with his dick any longer and the way his hand felt both hot and cold, made him feel sick.

"Can I just fucking die, like right here and now?" Isak said after nodding and Even couldn't help but laugh even though he was worried sick.

"No. But to be fair I think the kitchen is plotting against us. Trying to burn you and choke me."

Isak lifted his gaze from the floor sporting a small smile and Even was relieved he had managed to ease some of his boyfriend's embarrassment.

"Like in that movie? Space odyssey?" Isak asked obviously pleased to get something else than his pain to think about.

"Can you imagine if our oven was to suddenly talk to us? Like, 'I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you get laid'," Even rambled while getting up pulling Isak with him.

"I don't think I can look at it the same anymore. I don't trust it," he stated glaring at the oven.

"Or maybe it's just deeply in love with me and wants you gone. Poor oven," Even said sighing dramatically.

"I used to think you were so weird but I think some of it has rubbed off on me," Isak said sounding more concerned than he had originally planned to but it only made Even laugh. Isak had a hard time wrapping his head around of what had just happened and the weird conversation about their oven having feelings for Even sure as hell didn't help in the process.

"Let's just go already."

now

"I mean, I just leaned my hand on the stove, twice," Isak says feeling a bit red on the cheeks. "Accidentally, "he adds just to be sure and the doctor nods typing something.

"You'll live," she says after some more typing and offers a small smile, "although I don't fully understand how you managed to keep contact long enough to get burns like this. Usually reflexes save you from this type of damage."

Isak looks at his hand grimacing as it still ached like hell.
"It is a second degree burn and will probably develop blisters in the following couple of days. I'll write a prescription for some gel that will help with the healing process but other than that I'm afraid there's not much else we can do. I advise you not to puncture the blisters because that can lead to an infection causing you to need antibiotics as treatment and that would prolong the healing considerably."
The doctor pauses to look at Isak who just stares back not realizing he was expected to show that he had understood. Even pokes him in the ribs with his elbow and Isak clears his throat nodding.

"Sure, thanks."

"If there is nothing else I wish you quick healing and strongly advice you not to make this a habit," the doctor says offering her words with another friendly smile.

Even laughs making Isak a bit annoyed as Even had been the one panicking over this and now he was acting all chill in front of this doctor.

"What are you laughing at? You cried so much everyone in the lobby had to have thought we were here for you," Isak says making Even squint and now it was the doctor's turn to bite her lip to hold in a smile.

"We are never talking about his, you hear me?" Isak says sharply as they exit the hospital.

"I already told Eskild," Even admits making Isak's jaw fall.

"You did what now?" Isak gasps in utter horror seizing at the spot. Even takes a few steps before realizing the other had come to a halt.

"Kidding," Even says making Isak deflate and continue walking.

"Thank fuck," he says forgetting to feel suspicious about Even's weird face and the fact that the Even's phone beeps almost at the second.

Eskild:
OMG, my baby jesus
he'll never hear the end of this
Even, you make me feel pride

A/N 2:
*pun intended
** so intended pun jesus christ how I love life.
And the quote is actually from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey (not the getting laid part though) and it's said by HAL.
(hence the title)