Right here

This fic came to me while I was talking with a friend on Twitter and the idea bugged me until I had it written (my muse doesn't care I have few other stories I wanted to write first). Said friend helped with the idea for the last part of the fic, and I'm forever grateful for her help.

Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Danny looked at the now empty house except for his son in the guest bedroom and his partner in the bathroom, throwing up for the hundredth time that night.

He was worried. He had every right to be worried. Steve lied to him and he made him think, deliberately, may he add, that it was because of his liver, since it was well over a year since the transplant happened and there were no problems before. Steve was tolerating the new organ fine and there was no need to awaken the old ghosts.

And then there was the dirty bomb. Steve managed to recover the uranium before the bomb exploded. He was supposed to be safe with the car battery strapped on his chest like a baby. Danny had to laugh at that thought. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He knew they weren't indestructible. In fact they were close to death every single day. Constantly getting shot at and threatened. But, somehow they made it all along just fine and Danny was happy for living the life he chose to 7 years ago.

He snorted at the thought of his retirement and he glanced at the chef's hat resting on the counter that had his name on it. Steve had gotten that hat for him.

Danny left his thoughts drift to a dark place. What if the state Steve was in was far worse than he was telling him? What if his insistent request to name his restaurant Steve's was because of his health deteriorating and he made sure there was a part of him who will continue to live on through...?

No, Danny shook his head, that's not possible. He wouldn't do this to him. He wouldn't hide something important from him. He wouldn't!

Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He released it. He inhaled and exhaled, tried to relax, and not think about Steve and the radiation poisoning he had. He said he was okay. But, he lied to him about his health problem, who guaranteed him he was telling the truth now?

Danny looked at the table, thoughts of their earlier 'ohana dinner playing in front of his eyes. Friends sharing the food, laughing, being there for each other. And Danny cooked for them, again. He loved to cook. It may have been, because of a sad period in his life, but it was worth the while.

He heard footsteps silently approaching.

"Hey, Danny. Sorry to be gone so long. I think my stomach doesn't appreciate your food as much as I do." Steve tried to joke, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the tension coming off in waves from Danny. The way he bore holes in the dining table, arms crossed over his chest.

"Danny..."

But, his partner didn't acknowledge him.

Steve touched him on the shoulder and Danny jumped at the touch, like he'd been electrified.

"Danno?"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you are okay!" Danny yelled straight in his face. "Just be honest with me. I am not a kid and you don't need to sugarcoat it."

"Danny, I told you..."

"No, Steven, you told me nothing. You lied about the reason you visited the doctor. Maybe you lied to me about what is going on with you, like really, really."

"It's the truth, Danny. I am okay. Not a big deal."

"Not a big deal he says. Not a big deal? Radiation poisoning is not a big deal to you? Are you nuts? Have you lost your ability to think Steve? Did you hit your head or something?! Because last I checked, people die from radiation. And maybe you are trying to protect me. Make me think you are okay, so I don't worry, then fall dead in my arms one day?"

Danny was shaking by now and tried to hold himself together.

"You are constantly bugging me about naming the restaurant Steve's and all that started with that fucking bomb. And then with my retirement. If you have something to say..."

"... I don't have anything to say. You are overthinking it again."

"I'm not overthinking!" Danny shrieked. "I'm just trying not to lose my sanity to you!"

Danny was crying now and tried to hold back when Steve pulled him into a bear hug. He finally relented and held on to him like he was holding on a life line and sagged in the bear hug as Steve gently wrapped his arms around him.

Steve shushed him as Danny sobbed and was shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. Everything is as I told you. There is nothing to worry about."

Danny finally stopped crying and broke out of the hug to clean himself. He didn't say anything as he let the cool water wash over his tears. He felt the burning pain behind his closed eyes, and he knew a headache was gonna follow. But, he didn't care. He took a deep breath and turned around to face Steve, who by now looked miserable. Was it because of him?

He brushed past him and sat on the couch. He buried his head in his hands, and sighed as fresh tears welled up in his eyes, again. He hated himself for that. He let the emotions rule with him, when he was supposed to collect himself. But this was his best friend, his brother that they were talking about, and the pain he felt in his heart along with the fear rendered him helpless.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as the couch dipped from the added weight of that goof that was his partner.

"You okay, Danno?"

"No, I'm not."

"Tell me what's really bothering you, buddy."

"What's bothering me? Can't you see it already?!"

"To see what?"

"I don't want to lose you, too. Not again."

There, he said it.

Suddenly, it dawned on Steve. Matthew, Danny's brother. How devastated and broken he was with his death. And Danny more than once told him he felt him as his brother while Steve reassured him he felt the same way. That was it. Danny thought that he'd lose him just like Matthew and that hurt him more than him lying about the doctor's visit. And last year he was so close to death, but Danny didn't say anything to him. Steve just kept going like nothing ever happened when Danny clearly was walking around with an emotional hole in his chest for what he wasn't given credit for. He almost lost Steve to that shooting. Steve was stabbed just months after the transplant and in the same day he almost drowned while Danny wasn't there, he was in NJ. Steve knew he'd listen to a juicy rant about not being careful, but the only thing he got was a hug and brotherly love.

What if Danny blamed himself for it? What if he thought he wasn't good enough for letting him get stabbed while he was so far away? The guy had the ability to blame himself for everything and if that sent him on a guilt trip, Steve knew it won't be easy for him to convince Danny otherwise.

Then few months ago there was the dirty bomb. But Danny kept quiet. Nothing. And Steve kept going at him for his decision to retire, disregarding his feelings. Because, damn it to hell, his brother was worried for him.

"Danny, look at me."

But he refused to listen.

"I said look at me, Daniel!"

That got Danny's attention. He turned on the left to stare at his partner that had such a fierce determination written in his eyes, he backed a little.

"I want you to know that if there is something serious happening with me or my body, you will be the first to know about that. Trust me. You are my partner, my best friend, my brother, and I wouldn't hide anything from you, no matter how hard a pill to swallow it is."

Danny saw the sincerity of all that and Steve's determination to prove him it wasn't his fault. "It's not your fault I have the radiation poisoning. Neither is mine. We were extra careful in the given circumstances and it just sorta happened."

It was the wrong thing to say, Steve realized as Danny averted his gaze to a very interesting bowl on the table.

"Danny..."

"Zip it."

Steve let go of Danny's shoulder and retreated to the other end of the couch. He could feel the tension coming back again, and he wondered if Danny was going to explode, the simmering flames from earlier that night still present on the surface.

He sighed as Danny didn't move, still staring at the same spot, not even blinking. Steve ran one of his hands over his face and tried to think of anything he could say to Danny and pull him out of his reverie.

"I'm going upstairs to catch some sleep. You?"

Danny looked at him again and just nodded. He wasn't gonna sleep anytime soon. Not with his heart beating in his ears so loud.

Steve sighed again. It was pointless to argue with Danny right now, when he was so out of it.

Steve headed upstairs, stealing a glance to the couch for one last time.

…

Danny let a sigh of frustration the minute Steve went to sleep. How could that Neanderthal think it 'sorta happened' when he was dealing with radiation poisoning? How the fuck he could think his life wasn't important to him or the ones that love him? It definitely looked like he didn't care. Because he certainly acted like a senseless son of a bitch when he dropped the news on Danny earlier. Like he was just chit-chatting with him and it wasn't an important matter to discuss, when it was life or death situation.

Danny raked his mind with the million possibilities of the direction where this thing could go. And neither made much sense. He growled and wanted to punch something, but settled for a Longboard and watching TV. After a while he clicked the TV off and went in a search for his laptop that he was sure he left somewhere in the house.

...

Steve woke with the sound of Charlie's voice over his ear. He slowly peeled his eyes open and noticed the little man's smile that instantly warmed his heart. That little bundle of joy was full of excess energy and fun personality, just like his father.

"Good morning, buddy."

"Good morning, Uncle Steve."

"To what do I owe the honor of my favorite nephew waking me up?" Steve teased Charlie as he giggled.

"I want pancakes for breakfast."

"Well, you could have asked Danno to make you ones. You know he makes them the best."

"I know." Charlie drawled. "But he is asleep downstairs and I don't want to wake him up."

A smile crept up Steve's face at the thought of Danny sleeping on the couch and Charlie waking him up instead of Danny.

"Yeah, you are right. He would grumble like that bear we saw in the zoo the other day." Charlie giggled. "Besides, he is cute when he sleeps."

Charlie's giggles grew louder as Steve tickled him in the bed.

As he made his way in the kitchen, Steve noticed a trace of worry on Danny's face, even in his sleep. Considering him being the biggest worrywart he ever had a chance to know in his life, combined with the talk they had last night, Steve realized that Danny was probably awake for a large portion of time after he went to bed. Judging by the laptop on the table... Steve smiled inwardly. Leave it to Danny to write all the paperwork.

Charlie joined him shortly afterwards eyeing the pan, giving him a pouty puppy dog look while simultaneously licking his lips. Steve wanted to laugh at how much this kid was Danny's, but he knew he'd get questioned for his hysterical outburst.

"First dibs on the pancakes." Danny's slightly gruff voice called as he entered the kitchen and kissed Charlie on the top of his head. He was totally opposite to what Steve thought he would be that morning.

"Sorry buddy, but little man over there beat you to it."

"No honor among law enforcement, huh?"

"Nope." Steve tried to hide that trademark goofy grin of his behind a cough, which hadn't had the effect he wanted.

Danny was immediately at his side worried, with a glass of water at the ready. All under 30 seconds.

"You okay, Steve?" And here it was. The fear, the hesitation, that worry filled tone.

"I'm fine Danno, thanks."

It seemed to be enough at the moment, because Danny settled next to Charlie on the table, giving him the same pouty look Charlie had minutes before.

Definitely Danny's boy.

…

With the weekend almost over, Danny had to drop Charlie off to Rachel's place Sunday night. They had a lots of fun at McGarrett house. They watched the dolphins in the morning, Steve cooked them equally delicious food as Danny did the other day. Charlie got to build sand castles with Steve. He even convinced them to light a fire and have s'mores party.

The topic of Steve's radiation poisoning wasn't brought up again.

As Steve watched Danny drove away in his Camaro, he wished he handled that conversation differently. He hurt him with no intention of doing so.

He closed the door and went to clean the mess all three of them left with the s'mores.

...

Danny brought a semi asleep Charlie to Rachel's house. She asked him to get inside and have a tea (always the Brit), but he politely refused. Last thing he needed right now was to talk with Rachel. Grace was out with her friends, which was regular these days. He barely got to spend time with his daughter in the last few weeks.

He entered in the Camaro, but didn't start the car. He stared into the distance, trying not to let the dark thoughts come to him once again, but he couldn't and it drove him crazy.

It was enough back and forth banter between him and Steve. He was going for the root of the problem and he was doing that right away.

...

Steve was surprised to see Danny on his doorstep. One look at him and he knew the reason. It was now or never.

"We are going to pretend that we are two neighbors asking for sugar or flour and chat on the door for two hours straight, or you'll let me in McGarrett?"

Steve face palmed himself internally. "Yeah, sure, come on in."

Danny went straight to the couch as Steve took a six pack of Longboards and unloaded two, giving one to Danny.

Danny downed half the bottle on one go and that left Steve stunned. There must have been something in his partner's head.

"You know, I'm not sure you are aware, babe, but you are a trouble magnet."

Steve chuckled. "Yeah, I got that the first million times you told me that."

Danny smiled. "It's not like you want to, it's in your blood. And from the cases and what Chin has shared so far, you are just like your old man. Runs in the family." He took another swig and put the bottle on the table. "Can I ask you something, Steve?"

Danny now turned sideways to look at Steve. Steve was taken aback from the sheer emotions that were written in those baby blues. Danny was always the wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve type of a guy, while Steve was shoot-first-ask-questions-later. They complemented each other and funny thing, more times than not Danny was able to read Steve like an open book, even with all the walls he built around him. Steve wasn't so lucky with Danny, because in the last few years, he could count the moments on the fingers of his hand, when he actually figured what Danny was thinking. They drifted apart, and it took them a long time to get back on the right track, preferably not crossing the imaginary line.

"Yes, you can, Danny. You know that."

"Are you really okay?"

"Yes, yes, I'm really okay. It's the truth. Everything I told you so far, it's true. I'm not trying to lie to you here, I know better than that. And I also know of your fears of losing the ones you love and I'm sorry I'll do the same to you one day."

Danny covered his face with his hands. He took a shuddering breath, tears pricking at his eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Steve. I understand, we were in a lose-lose situation and you took precautions and everything, it's just that thought of having to see you suffer that gets to me."

"I'm not..."

"Let me finish."

Steve put a comforting hand on Danny's shoulder.

"Everyone I know walks away. I know most of the people hadn't had the choice, but I can't help it. Maybe it's me. Maybe I have something inside that alienates them from me. My best friend died because of me, my brother too. Rachel left me, flied my daughter to this island and here's you. You stubborn son of a bitch that hijacked my life seven years ago. You are probably the first person that I have by my side to stay so long after my parents. It's ridiculous, because it looks like I'm complaining to all the bad things that happened to me, but believe me it's not that. I'm afraid to lose you, because if I lose you, I'll lose my anchor and I'll be lost to this world. Because you, after my kids, are the most important thing that happened to me and I'm not prepared to let you go."

Danny took a deep breath, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"That's why I'm asking you if you are okay. Because I need to be sure. I need to know that you are not going to go poof on me while I'm too busy trying to blink through the haze of where I'm standing now."

Steve held Danny's gaze as he finished his rant and tried to tell him everything through his eyes. Steve was never big on words, but he trusted Danny would see through him and understand what he was trying to communicate.

"Thank you, Steve."

Steve reached for Danny and touched his forehead against Danny's, hoping Danny would understand he meant all that was left unsaid. Danny nodded after a while.

Steve left his beer next to Danny's on the table and briefly disappeared.

"Leave it to that goof to pull Copperfield on you..." Danny muttered.

Steve reappeared with a cushion and a blanket. He sat on the couch, draped the pillow in his lap and tugged at Danny. Danny looked bewildered at what was his partner doing.

"Come on, Danny, just relax."

Still surprised Danny let his head hit the pillow and stretched his legs on the full length of the couch. The blanket was draped over him and he felt one of Steve's hands going through his hair in a soothing manner. He almost felt like it was his mother doing that.

"Say what you will, but nothing, absolutely nothing can refute my knowledge of you being a giant goof that's a half-baked cookie at the same time. I'm people's Exhibit A in the case People vs. Steven J. McGarrett."

"Let's see if you live long enough to get to testify, Williams." Steve teased back and then tickled Danny, just like he had Charlie the day before.

Danny giggled and tried to stop Steve, secretly enjoying that they were 40, but kept their inner child alive.

"I cannot promise you I'll be right by your side forever Danny, but I can promise you that I'm right here now, and that I'll make everything possible to stay that way."

"Fair enough, babe."

"And to show my good will, I suggest you start getting used to your old buddy here." To emphasize, Steve draped his arm on the couch. "Because you, mon ami, will be staying at Casa McGarrett, for a few months, to see I'm good with your own eyes. Just to make sure."

"Animal."

"Does that mean that you are staying?"

"It wasn't exactly a suggestion, babe. You are more effective in giving orders."

"That's true. But you love me as I am, so it's pointless to argue about that."

"That's true, too." Danny smiled. All of his previous tension and anger towards this situation faded away, as he relaxed more into the comfortable pillow that was Steve McGarrett.

He hadn't realized how tired he was until he felt sleep tugging at him.

He heard a faint whisper of "I love you, Danno, I got you", before Steve placed a kiss on his temple and he had to smile. Even in a situation like this when he was the one hurting, Steve made sure everyone else was feeling well and safe.

A giant goof with a heart of gold.