A/N: I'm sorry for the hiatus, but here's the next chapter! Prepare to board the Rebelcaptain Pain Train.

(On a side note, for those of you who follow me on the Artemis Fowl fandom, I have a new Young Root fic up; do feel free to check it out!)

Chapter Three (Duels with Loss & Victory)

Early morning on Endor was much more pleasant without a battle raging in the skies and on the ground.

There were birdcalls that trilled from different directions, drifting down from the top of tall trees, and the occasional yub yub of the planet's native inhabitants. A light chatter came from the ground below where a handful of rebels were awake and keeping themselves busy with the moving work. Crates of unused explosives and firearms were being hauled into light transports that would take them to the cruisers and freighters waiting over the planet's atmosphere. By noon they will have moved out, and they'd be fleeing the headless Empire until an opportunity to do more damage presented itself.

Bodhi thought he'd just enjoy the grainy caf in his hands and the fresh air of Endor's morning for now.

By the Force, it really was fresh and clean and it tasted like unpolluted water. The fumes of grenade smoke and blasterfire had dissolved to nothing. He couldn't quite wrap his head around any of it.

He looked back over his shoulder when he felt the floor of the small log cabin, wedged between the strong branches of a tree that touched the sky, dip slightly under his feet. Jyn emerged from inside, her hair tousled and shirt rumpled.

"Morning, sleepy-head," he said with a smile.

Jyn punched him in the shoulder but not hard enough for it to hurt.

"Why are you up so early? How?"

Bodhi considered something like I don't know, just knew it was time, but he remembered that Jyn had enough experience not to believe that. He wasn't really a heavy sleeper (although he had been, in a life before Bor Gullet) but he was without a doubt a stubborn one. He clung onto sleep like he was being paid to. On the missions they'd run together, Bodhi had never once woken up of his own accord.

"I took Cassian's jacket to sleep on," he admitted. "And he needed it in the morning, so..."

Jyn's expression shifted to a scowl. "And why did he have to get up so damn early?"

Experience had not effectively taught Bodhi that joking around with Jyn first thing in the morning was a dangerous idea. His lips turned upwards in a toothy grin. "Why, missed your early morning cuddles?"

He managed to duck fast enough to avoid the fist that came swinging his way, but spilt half of his caf over the railing in the process and bit back a wince as someone from below yelled a Huttese curse at him.

Jyn repeated the Huttese phrase with passion before passively-aggressively setting her elbows on the wooden rail beside him.

"Slept well?" she mumbled, in a uniquely Jyn way that sounded hostile and friendly at the same time.

"No, not really," Bodhi stared into the green before them. Several similar ewok huts were perched in the tall trees, a few occupied by fellow rebels who hadn't woken yet.

Jyn squeezed his hand, and the hostility from before was gone. "It never gets easier," she said, almost to herself.

"I never thought it would," he slipped his fingers between hers and held tight. His fingers still jittered, from time to time, a haunting reminder of a torture he'd been put through a lifetime ago. If Jyn found his metal digits painful, she didn't show it, firming her grip instead. "Hey," she said, with no small amount of authority in her voice, enough to make him look. "We're going to be alright. Okay?"

He smiled a tired, half-convinced smile. But half-convinced was better than nothing, because not very long ago he wouldn't have believed it at all.

"Okay," he said.

The entirety of the Alliance body involved on Endor was packed onto Home I and another, smaller Mon Cala cruiser attached to it, leaving the forest moon behind before the location became a problem. Intelligence was already picking up Imperial transmissions, urgent calls and signals from one end of the galaxy to another, and news of response by an emergency fleet. The Emperor was dead and his Empire was throwing together everything it had left in a delayed attempt to crush out the rebellion. But the numbers were still uneven, and that made it too early to claim any kind of victory.

The cruiser was following strict radio silence, cloaking its trajectory through space. Hiding, waiting for a right chance that may come sooner or later, the moment too precarious to really decide.

The pathfinders and the pilots had mixed, switching spots in their respectively assigned quarters to socialise (allowed, but not to the extent of creating disorder in the quarter system), drink (against regulations) and fraternize (most definitely against regulations). Jyn and Bodhi had found a shared quarters that mostly drank.

They were more than alright with the alcohol going around. Even when they weren't partaking in any drinking, the general atmosphere of the room kept their minds off the war, the uncertain battles ahead, and Cassian's absence.

Cassian had left with Kaytoo immediately after the morning meal with instructions to scout the perimeter for Home I. The cruiser's ongoing policy of radio silence meant he couldn't get back to them until it was safe enough to send out a line of encrypted coordinates.

Normally, a mundane task such as scouting wouldn't get anyone worked up, but the Empire was everywhere and looking for rebel ships, and there was no guarantee a single light freighter that couldn't prove its identity wouldn't be blown out of space.

It was the fifth day after the battle of Endor when Jyn and Bodhi woke up in the company of three hungover rebels who refused to report for duty, and decided they'd request an extra round doing security to keep their minds occupied at night. Worry and boredom and restlessness were clawing at their walls and too much of time had passed. It was whatever that counted for evening in the artificial environment of the cruiser when a call from Kay came through.

Restless and world-weary as she was, Jyn's first instinct was to panic. Kay wouldn't call unless there was an emergency, unless his reprogrammer was being sent to medbay under a critical condition, or something unspeakable had happened, or there was an emergency- in her experience.

Jyn was already striding fast in the direction of the medical wing with Bodhi hot on her heels when she answered her comm.

"What happened?" she snapped into it, impatient, dread curling unpleasantly in her gut, hurried.

There was a moment of silence on the other end.

"There is no emergency to speak of," answered Kay crisply, which forced Jyn to stop in her tracks. "Although the reasoning is acceptable, as eighty six percent of the times I have commed you in the past were emergency situations."

Jyn was conflicted between heaving a sigh of relief and laughing it off, and disconnecting the call before the droid got any more patronising. "So what's the problem?"

"There is no problem," said Kay, sounding as exasperated as any synthetic could. "I am calling to inform you that Cassian docked in Home I and is currently attending a confidential briefing. He asked me to inform you and Bodhi Rook. I assume you will tell him, on the sixty three percent chance he is not in your company right now."

Relief, then. It didn't escape Jyn's notice that Bodhi breathed a silent thanks to the Force once it sunk in that Cassian was alive and safe.

"Good to hear. Thanks, Kay."

"You're welcome," said the droid mechanically, because of course he didn't mean it. "I am also to inform you that, because Cassian was made aware of the disorderly situation with the barracks-assignment aboard this ship, he extends his invitation for the two of you to join his quarters. Although there is only one spare bunk."

Jyn met Bodhi's eye and a trace of the shit-eating grin he was holding back.

She tried her best not to outwardly scowl, because that would give him the victory he craved. "Alright, Kay. Tell him to meet us when he can?"

The droid replied in acknowledgement before terminating the call. Jyn turned around to look at Bodhi who was still- curse him, he looked so smug.

"What?" she quipped.

The pilot shrugged, terribly feigning innocence. "You want to take the spare bunk?"

Jyn rolled her eyes. "We can make do with the same arrangement as Endor, you know. It's nothing new."

"About that," Bodhi tilted his head. "Do you guys do that often? Sleep in the same bed?"

Her cheeks were not colouring. They were not.

"We do if there's no other option. You know that."

"Cassian could've slept literally anywhere else that night."

Jyn huffed in irritation. "Like out in the open for Ewoks to step on?"

Bodhi pursed his lips in thought. She could see the cogwheels turning as he came up with something embarrassing and annoying in equal measures. Finally, his expression settled into a bright smile.

"You know, I'm okay with the barracks. Means I have people to beat at sabacc. Wouldn't have to intrude on you, either."

She treated him to a scathing glare. "Force's sake."

Bodhi was starting to back away, grin growing wider by the moment, which meant he was conjuring up the most annoying retort yet, while getting out of range for any attack that could follow.

This time round, Jyn only resigned herself to it and glowered. This she could see coming from a mile away.

Sure enough, when Bodhi's smirk couldn't grow any more pronounced, he delivered the final blow.

"You two could have a much better night if I'm not there."

Cassian didn't turn up at the cruiser's sparse common area- the one altered to vaguely resemble a mess hall- during the night meal as expected, but he did send K-2SO to inform them that there were discussions going on that he couldn't afford to skip. It wasn't worry for his safety that caused an uncomfortable silence to stretch throughout the meal. If there were discussions, urgent talks with those in Command, it definitely didn't spell anything pleasant for them. The Empire was closing in. Soon enough, they'd return to the fight, and pray their victory on Endor wouldn't be wasted.

Bodhi excused himself at one point, when called over to the table of a group of pilots. Not long ago Jyn would've felt uneasy being on her own in the company of so many rebels- but these were familiar faces by this point, and even if she didn't trust all of them, she knew there was no real danger aboard this cruiser. Nothing she couldn't handle, at least.

Bodhi hadn't returned by the time she finished her sparse meal, and she figured they'd see each other again in their shared barracks. He wouldn't worry unless she didn't turn up at night, and it wasn't like she had anywhere else to go.

Home I's corridors were white and clean and well-lit; she knew that whoever who was put on cleaning duty did their job exceptionally well because little else could keep them distracted from the terrifying reality of having a half-won war to finish off, an all-or-nothing battle looming on the horizon. While many passed around the alcohol smuggled aboard to keep themselves kicking, it wasn't everyone's preferred strategy for distraction.

She passed only a handful of sentient lifeforms on her way, and three or more droids. The corridors were at a cool but not cold temperature level, originally designed for the natives of Mon Cala but stripped of its factory setting of dampness in order to sit well with everyone else. She wasn't entirely sure where she was going. The mess hall had been full of whispers and mumbled rumours about the Empire, about what their oppressors had in store of them, and she hadn't had the patience to listen to it. To let it crawl under her skin, get into her head.

She stopped abruptly before a lit-up panel pointing in the direction of a few quarters, recognising one of the addresses.

Well. There was probably no point, and it would create work for the maintenence staff if she picked a lock, but she was seeking distraction just as badly as the rest of them.

Jyn turned into the corridor with the casual stride of someone who had every right to be there, giving the doors on either side cursory glances long enough to note their numbers. She'd turned around another passageway when she caught it, a shining colour of black against the star white background, and some small, irrational part of her screamed with relief.

She chided herself. There was absolutely no reason to celebrate. She'd already known he was alive and on-board.

"I see you're standing guard," she greeted the droid, who swivelled his head from his immense height to look down at her. "The meeting's over?"

"Jyn Erso," intoned Kay, in a tone of voice that somehow greeted her and regretted her presence at the same time. "I was instructed just ten minute ago to locate you, and inform you that the meeting was called to a stop." He made a deep, wiry sound akin to a sigh. "Cassian seems to have relegated me to the role of messenger droid. An utter waste of my capabilities. I don't see why he doesn't just send you a message, now that the communication ban has been lifted."

Jyn tilted her head, and tried her damnest not to smile. It hadn't been a long time, but she'd missed this. He wasn't about to hear that from her, though. "Is he in?"

"He is," Kay paused, "getting dressed, I believe."

Jyn's traitorous mind supplied images that she immediately repressed. "And you didn't inform me about the meeting because you felt it was...beneath you?"

If Kay could've snorted, that's what he would've done then. "No. There would be no point, because Cassian is planning on joining you at the mess hall. I suppose the logical thing to do would be to inform him right now that you're here."

Jyn stepped back. "Go ahead, messenger droid."

Kay treated her to what could be interpreted as a glare before keying in the code to the door and standing in the small space it left when it clicked open.

"Jyn Erso is here to see you," she heard him say. "Not that she specified the purpose of her visit, but there is an eighty nine percent chance she is here to see you, or rather she intended to see you on the chance that you were present in the first place. It might be wise to reconsider your decision to visit her at the mess hall."

There was no verbal response for a moment, and Jyn actually considered the possibility of Kay toying with her, before she heard Cassian's voice say, "Let her in, Kay."

Kay sounded disapproving. "I have not yet scanned the mess hall or Jyn's barracks for contamination. She could be carrying an infection."

Jyn scowled and started to tell him to go fry his circuitry, but the door was pulled open forcibly from the inside as she saw Cassian pointedly motion his droid to step aside.

Kay groused something along the lines of don't come running to me when this backfires, but she didn't hear and didn't care, because Cassian was looking at her with a warm smile and like he'd been waiting a long, long time to see her again.

She smiled toothily, though with none of the bite she had given Kay. "Hi."

He opened the door wider in invitation.

"Let me scan her, at least," said Kay, ripping a hole through the tender moment.

Jyn gritted her teeth and stepped around him to allow herself entrance. "Scan this," she said, treating him to an offensive Rylothian gesture, before Cassian rolled his eyes- at her or at the droid, or both, she couldn't tell- before closing the door behind them.

She turned around in the dim lighting to take him in.

Had he lost a few pounds or was that her imagination? Cassian looked unbearably worn out- and the crease that dug into the space between his brows had flattened, a little, but she could tell it had lingered a while before now, perhaps since the meeting, or his mission. His scruff had grown more pronounced, and only now she noticed the light to his fresher was on- he might have been about to clean up. His frame was thin, as usual, but none of the lean muscle underneath showed through the shirt he was wearing, and the hollows of his cheeks looked deeper than usual.

An important, probably confidential discussion had just happened, and he had seen enough during his perimeter sweep. Again she found herself trying hard not to think of the Empire, of the shadow falling over them, the war this cruiser couldn't drift away from forever. She wanted to ask...but she didn't want to know, and didn't think it was the kind of conversation he was keen for either.

"You okay?" she asked instead. Are you injured? Have you recovered from the things you witnessed?

"I'm alright," Cassian leaned back against the door. "You? I heard there's been...disorder on-board." His lips twitched a fraction.

She made a helpless but unapologetic gesture. "Quartermaster is the most pissed I've ever seen him. Nobody's sleeping in their right place, and too many confiscated bottles have disappeared. Bodhi's having tremendous fun with a sabacc deck."

Cassian's eyes softened. "So you're both fine. Good. I thought things would just be chaotic, and funny if you're on the right side, but..that's good."

She watched him again as a comfortable silence settled.

Kay would have made sure that he got something to eat, but it didn't look like he'd had much. There were dark circles around his eyes, the result of several sleepless nights. Again her eyes drifted down to this beard, to the blaster burn that had started to fade under his chin.

Cassian shifted slightly, and it occurred to her that she'd been staring. She forced her eyes back up, refusing to look embarrassed.

They hadn't talked about their kiss on Endor. Force, she had been the one to kiss him, and it had felt so right and safe in that moment, and it probably still would if she tried again, but...

Did he blame it on the alcohol she'd had? He had known, of course, that she wasn't drunk. He would've never pressed her if he thought as much. Still, he always seemed to have a hard time believing that something wasn't his fault, and after she'd excused herself to grab another drink from the ongoing celebrations, he would've thought it a clear message that she didn't want their...whatever it was to continue. And proceeded to blame himself.

She refused to be embarrassed about her concern, for her need to look him over and see if he was alright. However, memories of that night kept floating back, and her ears grew hot as she remembered the kisses they'd shared after the first one, with her practically sitting in his lap at one point and his hands roaming wherever they could reach.

Cassian was apparently thinking of the same thing.

"We don't have to," he managed to meet her eyes. Sincere, honest. "Talk about it, that is. We can...leave it behind. Forget it ever happened, if that's what you want."

If that's what you want.

The words were out before she knew it.

"And you?"

He shifted again, although his face betrayed no discomfort. How could he do that? Spies and their kriffing tricks.

"I think you have a pretty good idea of what I want, Jyn."

She pressed her lips tightly together, allowing only a bit of a humourless smile to show. "Democracy?" she joked.

Cassian mercifully let it slide, and changed the topic entirely. "We're entering another hyperspace lane tomorrow. There's a rendezvous, an unnamed moon, where there are backup fighters waiting for us."

Her world tilted on its axis before she registered the words. "So soon?"

He shook his head. "It's in the furthest reaches of the Outer Rim, territory the Empire hasn't charted yet. By my estimate it should take about two weeks to get there, and we're only going to launch an offensive once we've signed up more allies."

More allies. There was unsaid good news here and it wasn't going to be very soon, but the course would be set for a future without the Empire- or the Rebellion- soon enough.

Everything they'd been fighting for. A decisive moment that would either make every sacrifice worthwhile, or render countless rebel deaths ultimately useless.

Her gut twisted in a knot.

Chirrut. Baze. Serchill.

Very soon, she'd be fighting the decisive battle for them.

She was buzzing with nervous energy and vengeful anger and doubt and fear all at once.

One last stand, were the words nobody said out loud.

She needed to hit something. Spar. Yell at someone. Too much of energy and anticipation screamed in her veins and her bones, demanding to be let out.

"Jyn," said Cassian softly, sensing it, a gentle warning.

He didn't have time to react before her lips crashed into his, her fingers gripping roughly at the hollows of his cheeks, her body pinning him against the door. Her heartbeat was raw and untamed in her chest, and doubt...crushing doubt, a terrible what if weighed down her shoulders.

What if they lost? What if the sacrifices weren't worth it?

She translated every question and every terrible answer into the kiss, pushing roughly, biting his lips, and deepening it when fueled by his muffled groan. She tasted teeth and tongue before she caught the faint metallic tang of blood, and then that as well. He tried hard to keep up- or to hold back, submit to her control, but she found she didn't care which it was.

Cassian managed to break the kiss despite the lack of space given to him. He was pacing his own breaths as he moved her hands from his cheeks- shifting them to his shoulders- and adjusted to hold her own face. She must have looked feral- panting heavily, her emotions strewn everywhere- but he rested his forehead to hers gently and closed his eyes.

"We have a chance," he breathed. She listened, because she knew he didn't sugarcoat or make false promises. If Cassian was making an assurance, she had to listen. "We have a chance, Jyn."

Force knew how she managed to find her voice, or hear his words over the sound of her pulse in her ears.

"Small chance?"

He carefully brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Not so bad."

She dropped her head to his shoulder and took in a shuddering breath. Breathed in and out. In and out. Felt her spiked heartrate come down to normal levels.

Screwed her eyes shut and swore.

"Jyn?"

She pushed away, taking a stumbling step back from him. Pinched the bridge of her nose and swore viciously.

What have I done?

She opened her eyes without meaning to, caught a glimpse of him when it was everything she was trying to prevent.

Cassian was looking concerned, like he was about reach out and say something to put her nerves at ease, but his appearance served as a painful reminder of the new reason for those nerves.

His hair was a mess from her fingers clawing through it. There was a fresh smear of blood on his lower lip, and his...Force, she'd even crumpled his collar, pulled apart the velcro straps keeping it in place.

She took several halting steps back.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, unable to tear her gaze away now. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

He reached out. "You don't have to-"

"Kriff." She stared at him even as she darted to a side, her back hitting the door solidly. "I-I kriffed up, Cassian, I didn't mean to-"

He shook his head too fast. "You didn't. You don't have to apologise, I...I really don't mind."

She reached behind her back, found the door release. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. I'm here if you need something-"

"No. No, that's not okay," she shook her head, hurriedly feeling for the...the lock clicked open, and she was out before she could open the door fully. She ignored Kay's calculating look, brushing past him in a hurry, and breaking into a run to turn around the corridor before the door opened again.

Bodhi woke up grumbling about a pebble that had somehow found its way into his sock, and once she had bemusedly pulled the offending sock off (he hadn't been willing to budge, and in turn run the risk of waking up fully), he'd switched to grumbling about how cold it had been in the night.

"I mean, can you imagine?" Bodhi had mumbled into his pillow. "That kriffing pebble and the cold? It was such a crappy night."

"Physical evaluation at 0600," reminded Jyn, knowing it wasn't a good enough reason.

Bodhi pulled the thin sheet all the way over his head. "Go away."

"Bodhi."

"I'll come later."

Jyn sighed. "You'll miss breakfast as well."

The pilot grumbled something unintelligible, the sound barely reaching her ears. He curled in tighter around himself and started trying hard to fall back asleep. Jyn decided to leave him at it.

The common area being used as a mess hall was on a low light setting, giving it the feel of early morning hours in sparingly lit indoors. It was starting to crowd up. Ground officers fought over the only three caf machines and pilots flocked together in large groups, giddy and noisy before the day even began. It was like this in the mornings; the common areas swarmed with life and spirit, people had work to do and duties to report for, everyone had a plan in mind. But once a day-cycle was reaching its end, when people started gathering for a less-than-grandiose dinner and bed, the noise and the friendly greetings faded into an endless background chatter of rumours, whispers and fears, about the war, and the enemy closing in on them.

She swallowed a lump in her throat. They were all affected. It was, after all, the reason she'd gone and done what she'd done.

The rhodian standing in line beside her treated her to a puzzled look when she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Kriffing great.

She didn't even register the colour of the mush she served, grabbing her tray and looking around the hall for an empty corner.

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

The corner she usually shared with Bodhi had been filled in, and she wasn't about to go sit at the pilots' table without him. Han Solo was entertaining Kes Dameron's Pathfinders, and the mess was loud. There were only a few free spots that she could make out. An empty seat next to a Gammorean. A row that sat before a senior officer. An empty corner, save for...

Was the Force playing some sort of joke on her? This had to happen, and on the day Bodhi was unavailable, too?

Jyn forced herself to take steadying breaths, bracing herself for a confrontation that she deserved. She could keep avoiding him for as long as they were aboard this cruiser with few hiding places, or she could apologise right now, soon enough to count, and swear it would never happen again.

And if he didn't want to see her now, she would get the message.

Cassian didn't look up until she dropped her tray before him.

"Got a minute?" she asked in an unfortunately strained voice.

He blinked, as if surprised from blank thoughts or absent thinking- which wasn't possible, he didn't do absent thinking- before his expression schooled itself and he said, as professionally as though this was going to be an everyday conversation between two peers, "Go ahead."

She sat down and didn't look at him. Not for all of sixty seconds.

And then because Jyn wasn't used to circling around an issue or softening a blow first, she followed habit and barreled straight through the bantha in the room.

"I wasn't thinking clearly last night."

Cassian looked from his tray, but his expression revealed nothing. She tried not to wince, and continued regardless in the most matter-of-fact voice she could muster.

"Everything that's happening right now, it's a lot to take in. I was just...annoyed with all of it. I shouldn't have projected that on to you. It was stupid and selfish of me. So." She straightened in her seat. "I'm sorry. Can we forget it ever happened?"

Cassian didn't say anything or change his expression for the longest while, during which time she slowly started to regret this course of action, and come up with excuses to talk her way out of...this. Come back later better prepared. Start the apology all over again.

And then he shrugged his shoulders.

"If that's what you want."

She frowned, minutely. Hadn't he said the same thing earlier? And a neutral reaction was not a good reaction. She didn't want...she didn't want them to be on bad terms, she wanted him to readily forget it even if he couldn't forgive her, but she had to do much better than a neutral reaction.

"And that isn't what you want?"

Cassian looked a dangerous kind of calm, non-threatening yet somehow ominous in a way that did not spell good news. "What do you think?"

If she was caught completely off guard by the question, she refused to show it.

"I damn hear hurt you."

"I wonder why you think that I mind."

Jyn shook her head. "No. No, this doesn't- look, that's not what I- Cassian. I did something stupid, a mistake, and I don't want it making things hostile between us. It was stupid and I'm sorry. What would it take...what do I have to do?"

The mess hall was loud enough to drown out their voices so the nearest table wouldn't hear, but their private space seemed to have gone eerily quiet.

"Was that all it was?" asked Cassian plainly. "A stupid mistake?"

She sputtered. "Yeah, well- obviously. I wouldn't just...I wouldn't just assault you on purpose, I wasn't thinking right."

He straightened conclusively. "I see."

Something in his voice hinted that this was about as far as he was willing to discuss, and the floor was closed for anything else. But she didn't like it. The I see sounded too final, and not in the way she'd hoped.

"Is there something bothering you?" she blurted. "I mean. Other than...other than that, of course."

He looked up at her and then back down at his food without comment. She got the message.

They didn't talk while they each finished the food in front of them. The silence felt uncomfortable, enough to make her restless and fidgety, but Cassian didn't give anything away. The quiet coming from him would seem friendly were it not for the circumstances.

He was going to say something- and when he held her gaze, she could see that there was no anger in his eyes, only...resignation, although she couldn't tell why, and it looked like he'd already forgiven her and was about to say so, but another tray plunked down beside hers and the moment was gone.

"'Mornin'," mumbled Bodhi, who barely avoided dropping his face into the mush when he sat. "I don't want to be here. Lence kicked me out of the room. Hi, Cass."

And then Cassian looked as if he'd completely forgotten their conversation just now.

"Bad night?"

Bodhi dragged his palm across his face and groaned as though hungover. "The worst. There was this kriffing pebble in my sock, and it was so cold."

"That must've been a nuisance."

"You have no idea." Bodhi looked at him through bleary eyes. "What about you? Heard you've been busy since you got back."

Cassian shrugged. "It's routine, really. The summons weren't special, they just needed a report."

Bodhi, like Jyn, knew him well enough to figure that that was probably a cover story, but in his sleep-deprived state took it at face value.

"Good to hear." He considered the food before him. "I'm going to go get a cup of caf. Make sure my food doesn't get stolen."

Jyn expected Cassian to say whatever he'd been about to say just as soon as Bodhi was out of earshot, but Cassian graciously slid a full cup of caf across the table instead.

"Save your time. It's a big crowd over there."

Despite his semi-conscious state Bodhi grinned broadly and grabbed it up. "Force, you're a lifesaver! Thanks!"

Cassian smiled wryly. "Don't mention it."

Jyn closed her eyes and held back a frustrated sigh. She had to know, preferably soon, but they could hardly talk about it with Bodhi present. It would bother her peace of mind for the rest of the day, and when she eventually did get Cassian alone...then what? Would his patience have run out? Would he still be willing to listen?

"Barracks are a mess," Bodhi was talking animatedly now that he'd had his first two shots of caf. "I mean, ours are okay, but sometimes they switch with other people without any warning and those people are always drunk or good at snoring."

"How rotten."

"It sucked," agreed Bodhi, after another gulp. "But we have a solution now, yeah?"

Jyn had to split her attention between Cassian's expression, looking for a sign that would give him away- and Bodhi's wide shit-eating grin.

"I call dibs on the spare bunk," he declared, and she had to fight back the urge to hit him.

But if Cassian found the obvious implication distasteful, he didn't show it. "Okay."

Bodhi tried and failed to hide his smirk behind the rim of his cup. Cassian raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. Jyn wanted to bury her face in the table, but it would be undignified, and so she only sat straight refusing to give the pilot the satisfaction of her irritation.

Bodhi seemed to do most of the talking for the rest of the meal, though.

"Whatcha standin' around looking prissy for? Are you soldiers or prissy princesses?"

If the recruits in the room strived to continue their exercises, it was because of Kes Dameron's yelling and not their own iron wills to prove themselves. Jyn watched the jab-straights and twisting push-ups with an impassive, assessive eye. She only broke her neutral facade to glare at anyone who fell short in the routine.

She paired recruits up with opponents that would render more disadvantage in terms of height and build, stonily explaining to anyone who dared to ask that in the real world, you didn't get to pick your opponent. Humans and nonhumans who wouldn't understand the others' anatomy. Older recruits with rookies. There were nine matches happening in the room, even if the space provided wasn't sufficient and there were often blunders and mishaps. Anybody with a year's worth of sparring practice would know how to manage, but most of the people in training today hadn't been around before Hoth. New additions carefully screened and picked off various worlds, because the rebellion needed to raise its numbers in preparation for a decisive point in the war.

When that point came, Jyn- with a little help from Dameron, who didn't have a lot going on with his wife being on a supply-run- had to ensure they'd last on the field. At least long enough to make a worthwhile sacrifice.

So today she was merciless, rewarded insubordination with more exercise, told recruits to step away from their assigned partners so she could take them instead. The Alliance was running on limited resources, so she refrained from sending anyone to medbay, but still hurt them enough for the bruises to last days. Even Kes showed sympathy after some point; Jyn only promised to stop once three punches had been landed on her.

The session paused at what passed for midday, giving the recruits an hour to breathe, before starting again to last until night. Eventually the room cleared out, and Kes found out his wife had returned, leaving Jyn with her own thoughts and a punching bag.

She didn't think as she laid blow after blow on the leathery sack, worn by years of use and Hoth's weather. Threw tight-fisted punches. Aimed for the sides and kicked. She was tired after the day's labour, but time alone to punch something was a privilege that she was going to make use of.

She objectively did not think of the Empire. She did not think about the war, or wielding a blaster and running out onto the field. She didn't think of Hoth or Endor, and most certainly did not think of Cassian.

Several loud thuds, thumps. The sound of rushing air as her foot connected with the bag. Her own rapid breaths.

Sweat beaded on her brow and didn't stick for long, rolling down drenched skin at a rate. Every part of her body hurt, but she'd never felt as alive as in these moments, using her fists and feet to fight. She'd be terribly sore by the end of the night. It would feel brilliant.

Jyn was slowing and coming to the warm-down stage of her exercise when she felt more than noticed a presence by the door. The doors on Home I could open soundlessly, and she hadn't locked it. She kept right at her activity. If it was Kes, he'd collect whatever he'd left behind and leave without disturbing. If it was one of the recruits, they'd scurry off soon. If it was Bodhi, he would wait it out.

She was panting more heavily than she ever remembered by the time her body couldn't take any more, and she let her arms loosen by her sides when she caught the flailing bag and turned.

Cassian looked up to meet her eyes, only to immediately look away and clear his throat.

"Do you have a moment?"

She couldn't get her chest to stop heaving with each laboured breath, so she simply nodded once. Let go of the bag and walked to the other corner of the room, where there was a bar.

"Take your time," said Cassian casually, switching on a datapad in his hands. He leaned back more accomodatingly on the wall, keeping his eyes trained on the screen and not in her direction.

She took her time.

Her muscles ached and protested with each stretch, but she was nothing if not flexible, so she could work through the exhaustion to get it done. She couldn't help slipping a glance or two at her visitor, though.

It was entirely possible he'd been standing there long before she'd seen him. Even now she could tell that whatever he was reading in his hands didn't have his undivided attention, and he was being polite enough not to stare at the expanse of skin her stretches revealed.

She grabbed a towel off the bar and wiped her face with it, making her way forward.

He turned the datapad over, looking at her instead. She could tell that, for a single second, he made an observation.

Her skin would've been flushed red, or at least a very dark pink, sweat making it slick and glistening. Her breathing had become less erratic, but her chest still rose and fell a little with the effort. Her muscles were sore and prominent.

If the image was too much for Cassian Andor to handle, it didn't show.

"Have you eaten?" he asked, throwing her off slightly.

Jyn blinked, but it was more about the sweat still in her eyes than surprise, and shook her head. "No."

He shifted his weight onto his other leg, but his expression remained casual. Not friendly, not how it usually was- but- good enough.

"Do you want to?"

She considered regarding him with a raised eyebrow, but he can't have approached her after all this time today to ask if she was hungry.

"Yes."

Cassian nodded, and turned on his heel, but looked over his shoulder and for several awkward moments seemed to be contemplating his next move.

"Walk with me?" he asked finally.

She did, without speaking a word.

He led them through the sterile white corridors of Home I, a Major with his second-in-command following stoically at his heels. Or was it partner? On the field, they were equals. But the records listed him as her superior, and that was what everyone who didn't know them probably thought, it was how they looked to the unobservant eye- although not to anyone who'd been in the rebellion long enough, either.

There were throngs of rebels headed in the opposite direction, to the night meal- and it took Jyn a few seconds ro register that they weren't headed the same way. She almost asked- but tamped down the urge just in time and decided to simply see where this was going. Let the puzzle figure itself out.

Cassian took two or three turns, the last one down a corridor she'd never gone through before, until they stopped at a stark white door that would've blended with the walls were it not for a sign that read AUTHORISED PERSONNEL ONLY. There was a lock with- you've got to be kidding me- white keys that had thin grey numbers.

Cassian reached for the lock, but hesitated.

Now she really did raise an eyebrow at him. He turned around to face her.

"Are you okay with this?"

Her eyebrow went up a notch. "With what?"

Cassian gestured at the locked door. "I thought we should talk. I mean, we don't have to. You don't have to say yes. I just want to fix whatever...I want to explain myself."

She felt her stance unconsciously relax, felt her face soften. He wanted to fix this. It shouldn't have surprised her, but she was still relieved that he wanted to salvage their friendship.

"I think I'm the one who needs to explain myself," she said quietly. He only looked at her, for a second, before shaking his head and entering in a code to open the door.

He let her in before him, and her breath caught.

Stars. Not the same expressionless picture of white dots on black that they'd caught glimpses of from the small viewports of Home I, but stars, real and bright and big. The viewport that greeted her covered the entirety of a wall, immersing her in the picture, drawing her in...and there was more, too, in the form of a distant nebula that bled a brilliant shade of red into the star-stained darkness, and she had never been so awed by the galaxy's free space as she was now.

When she finally did blink and assess the rest of the surroundings, she realized that the room was a lounge of sorts, and a tastefully decorated one at that. There were five different sets of in-built tables with plush, beige-coloured seats that either stood by themselves, cube-shaped, or connected to another, framing the tables, crescent-shaped. The other three walls were the usual sterile white of the rest of the ship, except each supported a painting of various blue hues.

Mon Cala, she realized belatedly.

The table closest to the viewport held two trays, the only thing about this room that struck her as familiar. Food from the mess.

"It's a lounge for those in the higher ranks," explained Cassian, while they walked to the table that had been set. She didn't know what to say. "But it doesn't get used so often these days. You can put in a request to sort of...book it."

Jyn nodded dumbly. Her gaze kept drifting to the viewport and back again to his face.

She sat behind the table with the glass to her right, and he took the opposite end. There was a moment of quiet.

Cassian was looking at her like he was waiting for her to say something, and she realized she hadn't said at word since they walked in.

"It's...nice."

His lips pulled back only a fraction, not even a half smile, before it was gone again. But he didn't look hostile, just...casual. Polite. Like this was a normal discussion and with a person he didn't know too well, but was neverthless willing to associate loosely.

"Quiet, too," he agreed.

And then she got it. Her assessment was wrong- he was not viewing this situation with cool nothingness. He wasn't just being tokenly polite, or treating this conversation as a professional affair.

If Cassian had wanted to talk to her on a professional level, he would've done it at the training room, or sought her out in one of the corridors. If he'd wanted to talk on a personal level, he would've just done it at the night meal, with Bodhi present or not. This was not normal. Not something that had happened before. Chances are he wanted to have a conversation the likes of which they hadn't ever had before.

But why not her quarters, or his, or the empty training room? Why go this length?

"Are you okay with this?"

Jyn snapped back to the present with the note of doubt and concern in his voice.

He was looking at her with his eyes. Really looking, with those warm, ernest brown eyes of his.

She managed a smile that may have looked off-kilter.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. Um. Why is...what do you want to talk about?"

Cassian sighed, his shoulders dropping a little. His mask of indifference- of pretense- was gone now, and he looked...tired. Tired and apologetic. Guilty, even.

She felt a frown coming on. He wasn't supposed to feel guilty or apologetic.

"This," said Cassian. He paused. "Us."

"Us," Jyn echoed, not fully registering the words.

He averted his eyes. "If you want...if you want there to be an us. If you don't, you don't have to- we don't have to talk about it."

Jyn felt her heartbeat pick up. Kriff.

It was too soon. They were going somewhere she didn't want to name, and it was...he was...

How could she answer a question like that?

Cassian seemed to understand. "It's okay," he said, so casually that if she hadn't known him she would've really believed he'd grown unconcerned. He gestured at her untouched tray. "You said you were hungry."

She shook her head too fast.

"Cassian, wait."

He regarded her with what looked like mild curiosity, but she could tell his nerves were scrambled.

She struggled for words. "We need to talk. About Endor. And last night."

"I don't want to make things strange between us," said Cassian, and she could tell it was honesty. "If you don't feel the same way, we can just...go back to how it was. Before. If you'll forgive me and forget this ever happened?"

Jyn blinked. Her heart was thumping even more rapidly in her chest now, somehow, set off by a combination of a very few words. "How do you...feel?"

She didn't want to hear it. But she had to. Somehow she felt she had to.

Cassian took in a breath, with almost utmost subtlety. He had expected the question.

"Jyn, last night when you...when it happened, you said it was because you were angry. Not thinking straight, just wanted an outlet to express it."

She listened to his words and her own heartbeat in her ears.

"I didn't like that explanation. It was just...not what I was hoping to hear, and if I acted like a karking nerfherder in the morning today, that was why," he laughed self-deprecatingly. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

Jyn didn't know how she managed to find her voice. "What were you hoping to hear?"

Again, he smiled in a self-deprecating manner, and she didn't miss the embarrassed flush to his cheeks. But it was mostly apology and guilt that came from him. "That you did it because it was me. That...when there was bad news, you wanted me there with you. I wanted it to be because you come to me if you ever needed comfort, or reassurance, or..." He broke off, shaking his head. "It was stupid. I'm sorry, Jyn. It was selfish and stupid of me to want that."

She could only stare, several conflicting emotions in her head, her thought processes a mess. It was hurting him to say this. Breaking him, really. Cassian Andor didn't let people have parts of him. Yet for her he had lowered every in-built defense and spoken a devastatingly honest, unbridled truth.

If you don't feel the same way.

He was in deep. Very deep.

She couldn't run away from this. Even if she summoned up her stength and did, it would always weigh heavily on her conscience. That she'd left the one person who'd welcomed her home. That she'd broken Cassian.

There was no way she could answer him without saying the wrong thing, and fucking it up entirely.

When her voice finally did come, it sounded choked.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't look like he hadn't anticipated it.

She reached across the table, from around her untouched tray, to lightly take his wrist. His expression was calm, but she could feel his pulse thrumming under the pads of her fingers.

"Don't be," he said, with so much of resigned understanding that she felt tears prick at her eyes.

She leaned across the table and closed the gap between them, and it was nothing like the previous night.

Cassian kissed her like it would be the last time he did it, with acceptance and understanding and reverence that made her digits shake and her lips tremble. In turn she kissed him like she wanted to keep this memory with her forever, and she did, she really did. But it would be a painful memory.

She sighed into his mouth and he bit into her bottom lip, taking care to be gentle. She tilted her head so he could deepen the kiss.

But Cassian didn't probe her mouth with his tongue, and instead pulled away, holding the sides of her face. He had a sad half-smile on his lips.

"Thank you," he breathed. "For telling me."

Her throat felt parched. "Yeah. I...this doesn't change anything, Cassian. We're still a team, you know. Partners."

He drew back, but their hands were still joined.

"Partners," he agreed.

A/N: Ah, angst. Cliffhanger? That's a favourite too.

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