Ending Notes

Play List is at the end.

I wanted to begin by stating again by saying that it was a difficult decision to choose to have Fitz' father die by suicide. I had lost two friends in the past three years to suicide then was hit by the loss of another in the middle of posting this story. Suicide does not solve problems but creates huge ones, creates broken families, compounds issues, and shatters and shakes those left behind. It fractures lives in ways which can only be imperfectly mended.

If you feel you cannot go on, have lost hope, and believe suicide is an option, please don't go through with it, but please reach out to a friend, a loved one, a teacher, a clergyperson or contact one of the suicide prevention hotlines.

I just attended my friend's memorial; she was a teenager. She was bullied on social media. Can I also remind everyone why we love this story? Austen originally called it First Impressions, but we realize that maybe our first impressions are incorrect, so think twice, please, before you speak or write or comment in what may be a harmful way. Go with kindness; try to wear another's shoes.

Thank you to everyone who stayed through Volume 2 (Entropy) and all the angst and misunderstandings, and could be patient enough for Volume 3 (Healing). I fear I lost a number of readers after Liz dumped Fitz due to her misunderstanding. Many reviewers heaped a lot of blame on Liz for not seeing that scene correctly, for being dumb and stupid, having emotional baggage, or being a selfish teen, and for not just sitting down at a computer and doing some good 21st century stalking once that letter arrived to look up who this guy was who had broken her heart.

I always work on a theme, or themes. This story was one which examined differing levels of interest from the two parties in a relationship (was not Austen's Darcy in love with Elizabeth, but Elizabeth thought of him with "profound dislike?"). And looking at when there is unequal interest, when does it become stalking?

I originally had titled this story: "She's Just Not that Interested in You," until my walking buddy Guinness passed away (he, like Jack, stopped walking in the middle of our route one morning to our horror). I then conceived of making Liz a dog-walker and this became "All Dogs Go to Heaven."

Did Fitz stalk Liz to begin with? Yes, he did when he set out to find her those first few days. Did C.W. stalk Liz? Yes, he did. Did Carmen and Lenore stalk Mason? Maybe, they were interested but he was interested back. Did Jane's TA stalk her? Yes. Did Bob stalk Mary? Yes. (But Bingley and Jane are both bam! interested.)

Where does "being interested" become "stalking?" When one party pursues the other and the other isn't, at first, interested? But it's okay once the other party is interested? How far do you go to persuade someone to date you? (That proverbial guy crazy for a girl theme in so many romances that he does over-the-top things to get her attention.) On the other side: is it okay to go out with someone even if you're feel a little uncertain about how you feel about him or her?

Do you have to be all-out crazy for someone to date, to sleep or to love them? Even from the beginning, a number of people felt Liz wasn't that 'into' Fitz or should just 'get over' her hang ups and go for it. But did you say the same thing when it was C.W. pursuing her? Did you ever feel she should 'get over' Fitz and date C.W.? He was quite interested in Liz; he asked her for a date every week after lunch.

Fitz said dating is a way to get to know someone even if you're a little unsure. So Liz went forward even if she wasn't sure. She was willing to try without being head-over-tails in love. You don't have to go into a relationship with your heart on a platter for the taking. Had not the misunderstanding happened they might have bounced along, but Fitz still had his anger and his daddy issues to work through. He wasn't ready. That might have reared up and been an issue.

All of the relationships in this story were all of comparable time periods so everyone who dated anyone in the story had between two and four dates and they "saw" each other for about three weeks, but the various relationships presented all were very different. How you "date" or spend time with someone can lead to different results/feelings.

The other theme (besides how weird Silicon Valley can be) was their issues with their parents. We all have our relationships or non-relationships with our parents. Some of us are more comfortable and happy, some of us have issues. They both had issues to work through that impeded their ability to be together. Even with a parent long-gone, it can still affect the present and how we relate to others, hence Fitz needed to work through daddy issues just like Liz had to work through her own daddy issues.

I was surprised at a few commenters who felt he should still be angry once he'd come to realize how much his father's passing had affected him. Perhaps he still has vestiges of anger in him, but I've seen people, men, who carried long-held anger around but once it was worked through they seemed to be the gentlest people I've ever seen. The type who never yell, are never bothered by their kid's antics (no matter how trying)—the most emotion you see is getting excited about a sports game. I see Fitz like this, sparked by his interest in Liz; he was able to work through being angry and hurt about his dad leaving him and Georgia. Maybe he had to get really angry and make stupid mistakes in order to let it all burn out.

In some ways, I see them both as having been emotionally limited as far as relationships. You mature as you age, but you mature with dating and with even just hanging out with friends, but neither did that. Perhaps the difference in age wasn't such a factor because Fitz hadn't interacted, interfaced, with people besides at work for seven years (which isn't quite the same as dating or going out with friends). In the most extreme cases you see this in men who've been incarcerated at 18 and spent 15 years in prison. When they come out their ability to have a relationship like other 33 year olds is minimal; emotionally they're 18. Fitz' seven years of hard work didn't leave him with much chance to practice being in relationships so he sort of had to speed date to figure a lot of stuff out. Liz, at least, had friendships to bring her along a bit.

Some people had questions as to why Liz did nothing more to pursue Darcy or look him up after her misunderstanding, some thought that it was out of character for canon Liz. But was not Austen's Liz opinionated in her own right? She took an instant dislike to Mr. Darcy because he insulted her, took Wickham's word as verity and never questioned herself, but carried on in her own world view? Wasn't she a bit opinionated, even bull-headed in Austen's world? 'I'm right and I don't need to do anything to correct my opinion' seemed entirely in character. So once convinced that Fitz was married she was sure she was correct and didn't need to do anything to confirm that opinion (or refute it).

People are not rational about feelings. Sometimes we just want to feel sorry for ourselves with our head in the sand and be assured that we were in the right and that everyone else is in the wrong. And we don't want to talk about it, because if we do, someone might point out that we might possibly be wrong, or have done something wrong.

It is always nice to have that good friend who will take your side, no matter what and tell you you've messed up. But Liz didn't necessarily have that. That wasn't the relationship she had with her sisters, so she did not share as much as she might have with either Jane or Mary. To call either one and talk about Fitz did not necessarily mean they would pat her on the hand and say 'poor, poor thing,' without maybe pointing out where something might have been her fault. So she didn't really share much with Jane or Mary about the break-up with Fitz. Certainly her relationship with Charlotte was not like that. She was rather a one-woman show in terms of dealing with the breakup. So she, like Fitz, lost herself in being in the moment, in the present, and losing herself in schoolwork like he lost himself in work.

There seemed very few readers who found her a sympathetic character which I found interesting. I thought her a very realistic character based on my own experiences and those of dozens of female friends on how they have coped with relationships. We do not have the strength of character, like Gryffindors, to be confrontational and demand to know why or demand our due. I think society has taught us women to put our tail between our legs, lick our wounds, and steal off into the night to recover whatever sense of dignity we can. I wish it was not, but in truth, most women I know walk quietly off into the night with whatever they can call dignity after a relationship. I even had a single friend post on Facebook recently about how after two dates (and neither of them calling the other for a few weeks), that when she saw the guy again on a street, she quietly crossed to the other side so they wouldn't be obliged to talk.

As an interesting aside I had pointed out that all of Liz' courses are ones offered by the Stanford English department, and one of them really was a seminar on sympathy, and in particular to relating to unlikeable characters. The syllabus discusses a point about getting beyond viewing a character with sympathy as an emotion, but as a way of thinking.

Alex was never the villain of the piece. Liz and Fitz were, in a way, their own worst enemies. And California employment laws are just really strict so it is tough to fire someone. Pemberley, like all Silicon Valley companies, is small, so say 30-34 employees, so there was not really another place to put her. I figured there were only 2 other admins there, and specialized ones to boot. Like one in sales and one in HR.

Bob was fun. He loved to talk and give advice. Sometimes he was really wrong about the advice he gave. Sometimes he was against Liz and sometimes for her, but he always had something to say. I think the point of Bob in the story was to point out we can only ask for so much advice before WE decide what works for us.
No, I do not live in Atherton (I work for my money; my money doesn't work for me). Neither do I walk through Atherton in the mornings. I do know how to cut through, despite the confusing arrangement of its streets. It is a great place to teach teens how to drive though.

But my last theme was just how weird life in Silicon Valley can be. Some of the little bits and pieces I included are from real-life working situations.

I've been in a couple houses in Atherton. Having money just makes people weird and unrealistic. There are people who can remember making money and the days before they had it and were "reasonable" people and those who have always had it and just don't know what to do next.

I had a kid have a playdate once in a house in Atherton and when driving home asked (like all moms ask) 'did you help pick up?' and they answered "no the maid did it."

I had a lady chew my ear off about how she was only using "sustainably harvested marble" in her house. Think that phrase over very carefully. Sustainably-harvested marble. Like she's going to go plant marble trees somewhere to make up for all the million year-old marble she's using in her house!

A parent at school said he decided to cash in his stocks and retire so he could jog more. "It was only 30 million, but you know…" (I wish.)

I came to a stop sign and a car drove through the other way without stopping. My husband pointed out that the car was a McLaren which I'd never heard of. A high-end one too, he assured me. Turns out that it's a car with a base price of about $250,000. They go up from there. A house on wheels: I know some people who spend that amount of money on a house. My husband figured the McLaren we saw was probably closer to a half million.

There are people around here who regularly take home 10-20 million a year. 20 million a year in salary means $54K a day. Weird, right?

There were little details I wove in that people do to show off their wealth. Like C.W.: buying two houses next to each other, tearing them down and building a super big house. Or like one of Liz' dog families who had oodles of children. One of the signs of wealth is to now have big families as a sign that you can afford them, afford to have a nanny and afford to send them to private schools and afford to fund their college savings accounts.

On the other hand, living in Silicon Valley means I've met people from probably one hundred countries. There are dozens of languages spoken all over the place and if you want to learn a new and exotic one you can easily find a tutor. At my usual Wednesday night Starbucks there's a lady who tutors in fifteen different languages.

And I could go on and on about the restaurant choices, but I won't.

Thanks for Reading.

SixThings

Play List

1. "My Monday Date" Louis Armstrong

2. "Cry Me a River" Julie London

3. "Greenbacks" Ray Charles

4. "That Lucky Old Sun (Rolls Around Heaven All Day)" Louis Armstrong

5. "Misty" Sarah Vaughan

6. "Lover Man (Oh, where Can You Be?)" Billie Holiday

7. "Feeling Good" Nina Simone

8. "Them There Eyes" Billie Holiday

9. "Fever" Peggy Lee

10. "Tell The Truth" Ray Charles

11. "La Vie en Rose" Billie Holiday

12. "How High the Moon" Ella Fitzgerald

13. "Trust in Me" Etta James

14. "You Go To My Head" Louis Armstrong

15. "Night Time is The Right Time" Ray Charles

16. "My One and Only Love" Johnny Hartman and John Coltrane

17. "Good Morning, Heartache" Billie Holiday

18. "That Ole Devil Called Love" Billie Holiday

19. "Mack the Knife" Ella Fitzgerald

20. "Fine and Mellow" Billie Holiday

21. "Stardust" Nat King Cole

22. "Lonely Avenue" Ray Charles

23. "Lush Life" Johnny Hartman

24. "The Waters of March" Susannah McCorkle

25. "Someday You'll Be Sorry" Louis Armstrong

26. "It Should've Been Me" Ray Charles

27. "One For My Baby (And One More for The Road)" Frank Sinatra

28. "Some Other Spring" Billie Holiday

29. "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" Ella Fitzgerald

30. "It's Alright" Ray Charles

31. "Something Cool" June Christy

32. "Somethin' Stupid" Frank Sinatra

33. "They Can't Take That Away From Me" Ella Fitzgerald

34. "Until the Real Thing Comes Along" Billie Holiday

35. "Dream a Little Dream of Me" Louis Armstrong

36. "Cheek to Cheek" Ella Fitzgerald

37. "C'est si Bon" Louis Armstrong