A/N

This is basically a multi-chapter. Two parts in one. I just didn't want to break them up, because they belong together. Happy reading :)

Ed stirred the moment he felt movement. Brian, who had slept in his arms, had woken up and carefully slipped out of his embrace. For a moment Ed simply lay there. Eyes closed. Thought about going back to sleep. He had some minutes left before he had to get up. Yet, he opened his eyes and watched Brian sitting on the edge of the bed, swallowing a little wonderous pill. A moment later his lover turned around, snuggling back under the covers and against his body. Wrapping his arms around his lover, Ed sighed content. Feeling Brian's body against his own was reassuring in a way he would never admit to anyone. Probably not even to his lover. Some things were too embarrassing to speak them out loud.

"I woke you?" Brian moved in his arms, looking up at him.

"You moving is always a distraction." Ed retorted smugly, earning a snort as a response.

"You shouldn't be able to do anything at all if that would be true." Brian commented dryly.

"Who says I do anything at all?" he asked cocky, barely hiding a grin.

Brian kept his face calm for a few heartbeats, then a huge grin spread across his face and he started laughing. Hiding his face against Ed's chest he shook his head. Ed, in the meantime, smirked and held his lover, stroking him gently for a while. He felt how Brian calmed down. How his breath got calmer, steadier until he was breathing normally again. A little while of silence passed between them, until Brian rose his voice, barely above a whisper: "Can you say it again?"

Ed felt an inhuman need to laugh out loud. Even on NZT Brian was... still Brian. Some traits never left. Although the tiny voice in the back of his head reminded him of the fact that Brian could easily fake his personality. Nothing simpler than that. Despite his wants and thoughts, Ed rose an eyebrow, a challenging glimmer in his eyes.

"Say what?" He asked, all innocent.

"You know what." Brian stated, dangerously calm. That was true. He knew what his love asked of him. For a moment he considered... pulling his love closer, he moved his lips along his jaw and played with his earlobe. "I love you." He whispered. He could feel how Brian's body relaxed. Barely a change, but it was there. And again, that tiny voice in the back of his head raised the question, whether he had felt Brian's body betraying him or what Brian had wanted him to feel. "I love you too." Brian whispered into his ear. He could feel a shiver run along his skin. Those stupid three words, which meant that much to him.

"I didn't expect to wake up again." Brian stated factly.

Ed brought a little distance between them, looking at Brian, frowning. Cupping his lover's face, Ed smiled sadly. "Maybe, one day, you trust me."

A smile darted along Brian's face before he lowered his gaze. "I should trust you. I love you, I know that, but..." Looking up, a grim expression found its way into his eyes. Yes. But.

"Love doesn't mean unconditional trust." Ed stated softly.

"Shouldn't it?" Brian asked back. "I know you told me the reasons why me. Why not him. That he wouldn't understand, which I assume to be true, but..." Brian stopped talking for a moment. For a tiny second Ed could see fear rush through his eyes. Fear. Of all emotions fear. "I still think… I mean… he can simply take everything away from me, can he? Not take NZT anymore. Lock me up. What if I don't wake up in time tomorrow? What if someone steals my pills? What if –" Ed silenced his lover with a quick kiss.

"Don't think what if. Thinking through possible actions is part of NZT. Run and dance with your fearful thoughts is another. They'll drive you mad in time if you listen."

Brian smiled a sad half-smile at him. Ed knew there were so many unspoken what-ifs left. What if he betrayed him? What if he had done something with the NZT pills? Maybe, kinda, watered them down. Screwed the formula up. Changed the duration so he missed the time to take a new one.

"Can't I get rid of him? Just… I don't know. Wipe him out?" The hope in Brian's eyes was nearly daring. He was afraid.

"You shouldn't. Who you are is based on your experiences, your wishes, your stupid morals, tiny part by your genes. If you wipe him out you could wipe yourself out along the way. Or create more personalities to fill the gaps. You shouldn't tinker with something as fragile as a mind." Ed paused. "Well. Not that I haven't done that. Manipulating people can be so much fun." Blinking a memory away, he smiled absentmindedly. "However. It's your mind. You already broke free of him. Lock him away if you can, but don't destroy your own foundations."

Brian was silent for a little while. Then he moved to be able to look into Ed's eyes. "Did you ever… like… had to fight yourself?"

Ed shook his head. "I remember who I was. I think your old you would have liked me, in a way. We had much alike. No work, no perspective." Ed chuckled amused, Brian frowning.

"Didn't your old you write a book?" The dark fields or something. Ed only chuckled.

"I had that contract since ages. Had to finally hand in some pages. I swear, I didn't even write a sentence until I swallowed that tiny transparent pill."

"I have to admit, that the idea stuck with me and I was able to finish the book." Ed was silent for a moment, thinking about something long gone. "I never resisted the change. Just went along with it. I like who I am now."

Brian chuckled lowly. A moment later, Ed felt warm lips on his own, not resisting when Brian deepened the kiss.

Afterward, Brian snuggled against his chest again. "I like who you are too." He stated amused. Ed only snorted. "What can't you like about me?" He felt how Brian tensed in silent laughter and smiled softly. He actually could get used to this. Waking up with that man by his side.

Brian started to stroke along his chest, gently caressing his skin with his fingertips. After some minutes his lover settled on playing with his nipple. His finger gently circling that tiny piece of flesh. "Should I go to work today?" Brian asked after a while.

"If you want to. I assume you didn't tell anyone that you want to quit."

Brian chuckled softly. "Hell no. I kind of like to work for them."

"Well, then that's settled." Ed pulled Brian up, catching his lips in a passionate kiss. His lover never stopped to tease his nipple. How he… "Now excuse me, I'll take a shower."

Brian chuckled lowly. "I could join you."

"We would need too long if you do." Ed stated calmly, disentangling himself from Brian. His lover only smirked, a glimmer in his eyes. "I can be really fast." He stated, giving his chest a suggestive lick. Ed only snorted, succeeding in getting away from his lover and out of bed.

"Go screw yourself, Brian."

He heard Brian chuckle. "Have you done that? Screw yourself I mean. Should be possible on NZT. Your imagination tends to run wild after all."

Ed, having reached the bathroom of the hotel, stopped at the door and looked at his lover, a tiny smirk on his lips. "I would strongly advise you to talk with a doctor, sweetie. I mean, I know I am narcissistic, but I haven't imagined to fuck myself."

While his lover burst into laughter, Ed entered the bathroom. A tiny smile on his lips.

Some hours later, after a quite annoying meeting, Ed entered his apartment. Walking into his living room he met the gaze of two NZT-selves of his own. Both sitting in different armchairs of his, obviously not wanting to get close to one another. One of them was how he looked now. More or less, just wearing more comfortable clothing. The other one, to his own horror, was his ex-wife. Most likely expectable – after all she had been the voice of reason in his life for a very long time of his life. Funny, how things changed, yet terrible that his mind still used her image.

"So, what's the plan?" asked Ed number 2.

"He doesn't have a plan. He never has a plan." Stated his ex-wife nonchalant. Why had he loved her again?

"You know that's wrong." said Ed, pulling off his jacket while he sat down on his couch, eyeing both his... well... imaginations of his head.

His ex-wife simply rolled her eyes, watching him calmly. Ed number 2 tilted his head, watching him carefully too. To say he felt stared at seemed to be an understatement.

Ed took a deep breath, facing both of them. "We stick to the plan." He looked at himself. "You do research." His gaze went towards his ex-wife and rested on her. "And you go back to where ever you came from."

She smirked amused, returning his challenging gaze. "You know why I am here. Don't fool yourself. I am an aspect of your worries, after all." Wasn't NZT wonderful? Giving faces to things you really didn't want to think about. Yet, it was hard to ignore them. "You should keep him." His ex-wife stated. "It would be stupid to let him go. Makes things so much worse. Creates hassle when we don't need any."

She got up, walking towards him and stopped in front of him, forcing him to look up at her. "He wouldn't understand and you know that. We cannot endanger the plan. NZT-Brian could help us. No. He will help us if we tell him. In time, as soon as he trusts us, he will do everything we ask of him. Normal-Brian... you can't even tell him. He is..." She narrowed her eyes, looking down at him darkly. No. He couldn't tell normal Brian, that much was obvious. He would freak out, at best. At worst, he would go and tell his lovely FBI friends. And he couldn't let that happen. Never. Which meant he had to...

"In the end" Ed number 2 had gotten up, interrupting his thoughts, saving him from things he really didn't want to think about. "the only question that matters is 'What do you want?'"

Closing his eyes, he banned the two manifestations of his mind away. When he opened his eyes again, he was alone. Getting up, he walked through the empty room, stopping in front of his panorama window. Staring out at the city, he frowned. What did he want?

xxx

Ed snapped out of his thoughts the moment his phone vibrated. For a moment he felt startled, like being woken from a dream he really didn't want to wake up from. Picking up his phone, he saw a new message from Brian, asking if he wanted to pick him up after work.

"Yeah. Where?" was his answer while he got up from his desk, locking the files he had looked at away.

"Like last time? I'll get something to eat along the way. What do you want?" Ed tilted his head while leaving his home office. Takeaway food? That would be cold by the time they got here. Friday afternoon the traffic jam in this city was even worse than any other day. Not that you could get fast to anywhere on other days. It just got even worse.

He texted his lover his thoughts about the takeaway food – traffic jam situation while entering his bath. He had planned to take a shower somewhen later, but if he wanted to pick up Brian in time he had to go soon.

Once again, his phone vibrated: "We'll heat it up. Wanna have some food from this Asian. Really delicious… what do you want?"

Asian food? Groaning lowly, he shook his head. They had sushi, Indian and something with octopus this week already. He had actually looked forward to something 'normal'. Like a pizza. Or a salad in his case. Looking down at the message he sighed lowly. Why not, nonetheless.

"Miso soup and something of your choice. You know what I eat." Was his answer.

The response came nearly instant: "Lazy …"

Seeing the dots Ed smirked. Yeah. He was a lazy ass, wasn't he? Part of him wondered why he continuously exchanged insults with his lover. In a way, it was their way to mock each other. And then again it was nothing else than a bitch-fight. Test out, who of them was the stronger one in their relationship. Prior, that had been obvious. With NZT-Brian the odds were a little bit different. His lover had to see how far he could go. Putting his phone away, Ed stripped from his clothes and entered his shower.

Feeling the warm water hit his skin, Ed relaxed, starting to hum lowly to a music only he could hear.

He got lost in his thoughts while shampooing his hair. Foam running into his eyes. And in that second, the moment he just stood there, humming to non-existent music, his eyes closed, not able to see something because of the foam if he had to open them, he felt how he was watched. The feeling of being watched was so strong, so unexpected, that his heart skipped a beat. He could feel how a cold chill ran along his spine, goosebumps following suit. He ducked below the water stream, not feeling its warmth anymore. All his senses were on alert. Ready to fight whoever... succeeding in rinsing his eyes, his hand touched the glass wall separating the shower from the remaining bath, wiping the steam away.

What he saw startled him even more. He felt his goosebumps, his thrumming heart, his body ready to defend itself. And all he saw was an empty room. For a moment he stood there, watching his own hand on the glass, the room he could see. He turned around, turning off the shower and opened the sliding door, peering into his own bathroom. There was no one. He was alone. And yet his body told him, with absolute certainty, that he had been watched. He remained standing there for a few moments, fighting down the feeling of... well, it wasn't anxiety. He was more worried. And confused. Shaking his head, he took a step back into the shower, closing the door and resumed to clean himself.

A few minutes later he entered his wardrobe, throwing a gaze over his shoulder. Only his bed, the images from his family and his friend. An empty room. Still… Ed sighed silently, forcing his gaze onto clothes. He was alone. No one was there. (Then, why was he sure he had been watched?) Sighing once again, he picked a shirt. Stress. Probably stress. Even though he knew that was a lie.

Brian checked his watch for the hundredth time in the last few minutes. That stupid meeting just went on for ages. It had been meant as a short briefing on a case they were possibly going to look into. Now they were going to investigate the case and got the entire boring back-story of the murder victim. What did he care for... he blinked when he realized all faces in the room looked at him. Was he meant to say something? He relived his memory of the last few minutes within a few seconds, actually paying attention to what the guy told them. Staring back at all those faces he finally answered the question: "I would look into his ex-girlfriend."

Becca frowned. "She has an alibi, Brian." she wore that funny little frown on her face. Nope, he hadn't paid attention and yes, she was annoyed by that fact, but that wasn't a problem really. Both of these things.

"The poor guy was stabbed around thirty times, the second of those deadly. That much rage usually points to relationship-killers." Was that a pun? "The alibi she has is gracefully supplied by her best friend. Smells a bit fishy to me. And last but not least, that same ex-girlfriend had loaned quite an amount of money from him, which he wanted to have back. Being threatened to lose your way of life... people have murdered for less."

Silence gripped the room after he finished. Great. Were they going to stare him into boredom now? After a few moments, the guy who had talked for most of the time started to do just that again. With half an ear Brian paid attention, thinking about how he should get their takeaway dinner and still be in time at their meeting place. Stupid meeting.

Some eternal five minutes later, he could finally leave the room. Hurrying down into his office, he grabbed his backpack, planning to immediately disappear into thin air. Until Becca entered his room, locking the door while doing so. He faced her calmly, waiting to be scolded for not paying attention. She didn't do that though. Just stood there and looked at him.

"What?" He finally asked annoyed.

"Brian, I..." he watched fascinated, how insecurity flashed over her face, hidden in an instant. "That was disrespectful." Ah, there it was, the scolding. Tuning her out, he watched her lips move.

"You act weird, Brian." He suppressed a blink, while he regarded her with some attention. He? Weird?

"What do you mean?" He asked back gently.

"You are..." She hesitated. "Like... I don't know..."

Brian tilted his head ever so gently. "Maybe we should talk if you know." A moment passed between them. "Well, I'll go. See you on Monday?" With that, he went past her, unlocked the door and left.

Becca looked after him, a worried frown on her face. He had been like that all week. Aggressive somehow. And disrespectful. To the later, she was used to some extent. Brian on NZT was always a bit edgy but never like that.

Brian thoughtfully nibbled on his sushi, watching Ed eating his miso soup. He had picked him up, mocked him a bit for being late. Nothing out of the ordinary. They had, like always, fooled around on the elevator. The moment Ed had opened his apartment door, he had hesitated though. For a split second, he hadn't moved at all, just stared into his living room. Then he had simply resumed. Like a play-button pressed. He had taken Brians jacket off of him, pecked him gently and disappeared to change out of his motorbike clothes into something more comfortable.

Currently, they were focused on eating, dismissing conversation all the way. Good food had to be valued. (And damn, that sushi was awesome.) Yet, Brian kept an eye on his lover. His gaze flickered every now and then. As if he looked at something... but there was nothing. They were alone. After his lover's eyes moved to look at something where nothing was, Brian finally raised his voice.

"Is everything okay?" He asked with a worried voice.

Ed's eyes flickered to him, watching him for a moment. "Yeah. Just stressed out I guess."

His lover reached for the veggie ramen Brian had gotten him and resumed eating, dismissing the question. Brian suppressed the urge to blink. That had been a straight-out lie. Not even Ed believed what he had said. Obviously, though, he wouldn't say anything else on that topic. For a moment he watched Ed, then he took a dive into thought-ville, while at least acting as if he was here and paid attention.

He knew Ed hid things from him. Even his old stupid self had known that. Currently, though, he wasn't sure he could trust him. He wanted to, but he couldn't. His senses ruled out that possibility. Ed had been... odd, ever since he ate that NZT-chocolate to get rid of normal Brian. He had been too sweet, too lovely and too dodgy. Hell, they hadn't had sex ever since. Normally, one thing would lead to another, but Ed had always presented a reasonable excuse. No time here, whatever there, he had to be at that meeting, he was too tired. All of those had been reasonable, but they were still what they were. Excuses. That weird behavior now. Something was wrong and he didn't like it.

He snapped back to full attention the moment Ed stole the sushi from him he had just planned to eat. Brian stared at him for a few seconds, before he growled darkly.

"You sushi thief!" he exclaimed in a low voice, while his lover just smiled mischievously.

"It actually is quite good." Quite good? Quite Good?! That had to be – he watched stunned how Ed stole the second piece of his food.

"Stop that." He growled. Never fool with his food! Never!

Ed only smirked. "Make me."

Well, he wouldn't let that guy tell him twice. He was on his feet an instant later, surrounding the table, while Ed got up and moved in the opposite direction, keeping the table between them.

"Coward." Brian stated while circling around, never getting closer to his lover, who did the same.

"Oh, really? Would a coward do" with that Ed snapped another piece of his sushi, earning a low growl from Brian, who took the few seconds Ed spent on eating to move around and catch him. He ended cornering Ed against his panorama window, finally closing in on him and pressing him against the glass, trapping him between his arms, pinning his wrists over his head. He... he...

For a moment he remained angry at his lover. That that insufferable idiot had stolen his food. Then he actually looked at his lover. In his eyes glimmered amusement and love and... joy. Seeing those emotions that clear, that open... his anger evaporated. Playful banter. Nothing else. Closing the distance between them, he pressed his lips against Ed's, sighing content when his lover deepened the kiss. Letting go of Ed's wrists, his hands slipped to his lover's sides, caressing him. Ed's hands found their place on his ass, pressing their groins together. While Brian lost himself in a second kiss, actually intending to make out with his lover pressed against a window, a tiny voice popped into the back of his head, making him aware of what had just happened.

Ed had ripped him away from thinking. He had ripped him away from paying attention. He had him, completely and utterly, wrapped around his little finger.

Breaking their kiss, Brian brought a little distance between them.

"Netflix?"

He saw something like disappointment flash through his lover's eyes. "Damn. No sex because of Netflix." Ed muttered darkly, not moving his hands from Brian's ass.

Brian only chuckled. "I want to eat what is left of my sushi. We'll need a pause after that anyway." He had to think, actually. He had to consider what he knew. And what he thought he knew. Playfully getting rid of Ed's hands (even though he really liked their current location), he turned, grabbed his sushi plate and let himself drop onto Ed's couch.

Ed leaned against Brian's shoulder, staring at the TV screen while not paying attention to it.

His ex-wife leaned against the wall beside the TV, watching them calmly.

"He doesn't trust you. I wouldn't too if I were him." She stated calmly. No, really. That much was obvious.

"If you want his trust." Which he needed, if only for "then you have to tell him something." He knew that too. Yet... yet...

His ex groaned darkly, getting closer to them. "For gods sake! Just -" he closed his eyes, making her be gone. He didn't want to hear the rest of that sentence.

"Back then, when I killed all those people." He was still leaning against Brian's shoulder, not entirely sure if his lover really wanted to see whatever was on screen. If he wanted to listen to him. "They were scientists of mine. There was an accident with one of the experimental runs of a new NZT version. The test-mice went nuts." And on he went, telling Brian what had happened on that fateful day.

After he was done talking, silence embraced them. Brian still stared at the TV, obviously not watching. After a few minutes, he moved. Getting up from the couch and straddling Ed. He placed his arms on either side of him, looking at him.

"Whatever it takes." He stated, calm and certain.

He trusted him. Brian trusted him. She had been right. Like always. It broke his heart.

"Whatever it takes." He responded, hugging his lover and pulling him against his chest. He wanted to... he wanted...

Snapping out of his dream, Ed looked around. Brian rested beside him, his naked body curled around his own. Carefully, he slipped away and out of bed. Walking into his bathroom, he locked the door, turned on the light. Ed number 2 was leaning against the wall, watching him curiously. Ed ignored him for a moment, opening his cabinet and pulling a small vial from within.

"You sure that it'll work?" He asked his alter-ego. Ed number 2 only shrugged. Was he sure? Well... 99 percent was a good start, but he wasn't sure, no.

Five minutes later he re-entered his bedroom, watching his sleeping lover for a long moment. God, how much he loved him. He hadn't lied after all. Never. Not to him. Normal-Brian wouldn't understand. He could never understand. He and his stupid morals. He would always remain a liability. To him. To the plan. To everything worth something in his life. He had told NZT-Brian about the mice. Those stupid tiny long-dead mice. His worst secret, so to speak. The reason he had killed all those people a year ago. The reason...

Shaking his head, he sighed. He could still toss the vial away. Let it never have been. He felt, how tears ran along his cheeks. Yeah. He should do that. Throw the vial away. Go back to bed. Act like nothing ever happened. Don't break his own heart. It was the sane thing, wasn't it? The logical thing. The thing he should do. The thing he had to do. The thing he couldn't do. More tears fell from his eyes. When was the last time he had cried? He knew, who he loved. He knew he loved that man. His snarky comments, his wit, his ignorance. His challenging mind. His will to turn down walls for him, burn down cities. But what could he do against his heart?

He loved the gentle, funny, naive, small-minded, moral-bound, oblivious man more. The man who kept him human. The man he couldn't tell and show who he was. Who he really was. He would run, he knew that. He feared that. But Brian didn't need to know who he really was. He could go with the version of himself this Brian knew. He could live with never telling him about the mice.

While his heart broke, he snuggled back into bed, embracing his lover. He held him for a long while, still fighting his thoughts. His worries. He felt the vial, clutched in his hand. It was time. Else Brian would wake up for his NZT pill. If he didn't do it today, he would never. Moving slowly, he looked at the peaceful face of Brian. Yes. It was time. Moving a little, he opened the vial, slowly bending down to kiss his lover (this version of his lover) one last time. In the meantime, he tilted the vial a little. Just... just... breaking their kiss, he let the liquid drip onto Brian's lips, watching how it disappeared between them.

- The End -

A/N

Of this part of the story.

Never planned it that way, it simply occurred to me. The way I set everything up. This is it. It's the end.

Originally, there were two more chapters. Well... they'll be the beginning of the next work.

I hope you enjoyed my story! Thanks for your favorites and follows!

I would love to get some feedback, hear if you liked the surprise ending. I know, I am addicted to reviews ;)

With love, your bear