Immer: I shall explain in this chapter what the relationship between Erwin and Levi will be like. It's somewhat similar to how I have it in CrAzy In Love, if any of you who read this story have read that one, then you understand. If not, then this chapter will do just fine.

Chapter title straight from the ending song of season one of AOT.

Chapter Four Beautiful Cruel World

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

For a few years, things were great. Mikasa was getting better, and she loved to learn. Having Eren and Armin as friends helped her a lot. Even though the boys went to a public school they always made time to work on their homework while visiting so she had a sense of normalcy.

As for myself and Erwin, it was strange.

We were comfortable just being friends with occasional sex. Although there was a noticeable hint of us wanting to take it a step further, but we were both too scared. A part of me wanted to make the offer but once again my fear of opening up to someone stopped me. It wasn't the commitment I was afraid of, rather exposing the parts of me I hid from myself. The stress over what to do was to the point that I asked Hange for private sessions off record.

"What? You want me to be your therapist? But I'm not even licensed yet!" Hange blinked with a tilt of her head in shock.

Was she expecting me to spill myself to Erwin or something? While, yes, he understood things about me that I never told anyone else, but now that we were in some sort of complicated relationship (was it?) then emotions would be thrown into the mix. I needed a professional opinion on how to proceed, I knew this. Hence why I eventually reached out to Hange.

"Think of me as your guinea pig. To practice." I deadpanned, and she accepted.

"Does this have anything to do with the development between you and Erwin?" Hange caught on, and I glared. "I'll take that as a yes."

Since we had busy schedules, we decided not to set a pattern just yet. It all depended upon what days we had off at the same time and ensure nothing else would come up and force a reschedule. At first the sessions were awkward, since Hange always asked the most embarrassing of questions to start a session.

As time went by, Hange developed a more professional level and the sessions became easier on us. She would take notes, assuring me it's just for practice and if she ever had to present her notes to anyone, she never wrote my name or other details. I have seen the notes myself, and she only referred to me as the Captain in the notes. It was enough for me to allow the note taking to continue.

The sessions took a serious turn as I started to tell her how it was like being raised by a serial killer. For the most part things were normal, or what was perceived as normal to me. Hange's questions and observations had me realize that nothing was normal having Kenny as a parent.

He taught me how to fight and kill. I know this wasn't normal, but the random spars between us that Kenny instigated wasn't. It was something he did to keep me on my toes, to be ready for anything and prepare myself to be aware of my surroundings at all times and note where possible weapons are. This to me felt like preparation for situations that would quickly get out of hand within seconds, but to Hange it was more showing that Kenny was probably paranoid and taught me the same behaviors.

I wasn't paranoid, but it was out of habit to know exactly where the hidden knives throughout the house were located, or how long it would take for me to reach my gun in the hall closet. It wasn't like how before when in high school I had five knives hidden on my person. I wasn't at that extreme, and after the war I stopped carrying knives altogether. I knew how to be deadly without the use of weapons.

I suppose it also wasn't normal to have him teach me the basics of camping and survival, then leave me in the middle of the night and force me to find my way home. I had forgotten that he had done this quite a few times in my childhood, but he stopped this just when I first hit puberty and almost beat him coming home.

I already knew not to use the same survival tactics on Mikasa. At some point I will teach her, but not to the extreme levels Kenny did with me. I thought nothing was wrong teaching a child the means to survive in worst case scenarios. It might even put her mind at ease after witnessing a horrific event and prepare her to better handle anything else life wanted to throw at her.

Was I sick for thinking this way?

I was starting to have serious doubts I actually should continue being her guardian. However Hange always assured me I'm doing just fine, as I always put her needs before my own and questioned myself was a good thing. It meant I was thinking of any other solutions. It was natural for parents to doubt a lot, especially when the kids were young.

"It shows that you're a parent. You just need a few nudges here and there as to what is best to go about things. I think having Erwin and I as support was a good start, but we don't have any children of our own. So having the Yeager's around is probably the best thing to happen to you."

She was right. Since the Yeager's have moved I learned a lot more about being a parent just by mere example. Things became easier and smoother while I learned how to parent watching how Gresha and Carla worked. In the back of my mind I was also grateful Mikasa wasn't as loud and rambunctious as Eren, else I would have lost my mind a long time ago.

Since Eren was over a lot, we converted an old storage room to be his room when he stayed over since Armin claimed the guest bedroom. It required me going through old boxes and getting rid of stuff, but it was a good excuse for me to go crazy cleaning the room up. For years Kenny threw random crap in and forgot about it. When it was finally done, I wasn't sure how to personalize the room.

So I decided to let Eren decide on his own. I gave him a head's start by placing a bed and a dresser in the room, then let him store anything he brought over and didn't want to bring back home. The grin on his face was enough for the effort of cleaning the bedroom out was worth it.

Soon after Eren would often run away from home and show up at my front door. At first Gresha or Carla would show up to take him home, but as the boy continued doing it so often they let him stay so long as I or Erwin called them to inform he was over. This was when I had to sit him down for the first time to have a talk with him one night when I came home at two in the morning to find him asleep on my doorstep.

"Eren, why is it you always run away from home to here? It's two in the morning, you can't keep doing this. Do your parents even know you're over?" I sighed in irritation, making him a cup of hot chocolate and myself some coffee. I felt it might wake him up, but it was a weekend so I figured why not, he wasn't exactly heading straight to his room anyway.

"I just want to know why you don't like me." He confessed, and I stared, dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about? I like you just fine, brat. I mean, I'm sorry if calling you brat so often is hurtful, you could have said something." I really wasn't sure where this was coming from.

"When you first saw me, you were sad. Then you pretended not to be and since then you're annoyed with me. I don't understand why you would give me a bedroom of my own here when it's obvious you don't like me." Eren pouted, crossing his arms.

Oh so that's what he's basing all of his assumptions from.

"Eren, follow me." I say as I made my way to the shrine. He timidly followed, it was mostly dark and I was still in security uniform. I could understand if he was scared, but his curiosity won him over.

I turned on a lamp so the shrine was lit up. I picked up the frame that had myself, Farlan, and Isabel and presented it to him. He rubbed his eyes before taking it, studying the faces with confusion.

"These were my old friends, before the war took their lives. That girl with the red hair? She was just like you. Wild and didn't care about what people saw in her. She would sometimes be too hyper and ready to punch someone in the face, but she had a gentle heart. When I first saw you, I saw her. And I was overcome with emotions to properly process how to interact with you." I knelt down to his level, careful of my prosthetic leg.

"Over time I find myself falling into old habits of treating you how I used to treat her. I don't mean to be so hard on you sometimes, but after several attempts to get you to calm down or stop you from doing something stupid, the only way to get your attention is to be hard on you. And for that I am sorry."

The soon to be eight year old continued to stare at the photograph. After a long moment his eyes met my gaze, and it was so hard for me not to break down then and there. His eyes were so much like hers that they would catch me unawares. And in my moment of weakness the startling resemblance hit me hard.

"So you don't hate me?"

"Of course not. You're a good kid. You helped Mikasa out of her shell, and she's doing so much better because of you and Armin that I couldn't do alone. And for that I was grateful enough to give you your own bedroom here. Plus you're over so often and I kind of like having my bed to myself. Just work on your temper, please." I suggested with a smile, one which he returned.

"Okay. I'll do my best to do better from now on."

And he tried his best to tone himself down a little. He also stopped running away from home at the most random of times, which eased a lot of our worries. Especially when my first initial thought was that something was going on inside the Yeager household that Eren wasn't telling us. I was relieved it wasn't anything of the sort before I had the courage to inquire Gresha or Carla about it. That was a conversation I did not want to partake in at all.

After this talk with Eren, things finally started to feel like the pieces were finally coming together. I felt more at ease with my decisions, and I didn't even feel as terribly anxious as I thought I would when Mikasa was given the green light to start school with Eren and Armin. I was glad the three of them would be in the same class, too.

I started to feel comfortable with my life. That I was doing all right, and we were pulling through just fine. Even though things were still unsure between Erwin and I, we were content with how things were for the moment. He knew I put Mikasa above everything else, and never asked for more than I could give.

It was then, perhaps, I was too blind to foresee any warning signs of a serious event that ripped the moment of peace on all of us. I had been too blind to believe life wouldn't throw anything worse than it already did. I had fallen into the spell that everything was too good to have our world torn away from under our feet.

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

As Mikasa started school, people became curious. It was hardly known that I took her in, and so the town was in quite a shock when parents learned their children was in the same school as an Ackerman. Around this time I started taking her with me to the store or any errands that required me out of the house that wasn't work.

Mikasa hadn't fully seen the town, and so to ease her from becoming a hermit I brought her out of the house a lot more often. What I didn't count on were the stares. People even pointed fingers or whispered as we passed by, and I grew irritated at their boldness.

She's a kid, she shouldn't be caught up in the aftermath of Kenny.

Speaking of him, he never once called or sent a letter. I wasn't bothered, but he was the type to always check up on me. Or perhaps he thought I was still in service? I would call or visit, but whenever it crossed my mind the hours to call him weren't available and it was difficult to plan a day for me to drive to Sina and have someone babysit Mikasa.

But of course people would never forget Kenny Ackerman and his reputation of being one of the worst serial killers in the century. I didn't care what these people thought of me, I was an adult with my own problems to deal with. Mikasa, however, took notice of the odd behaviors. She clung to me with a hand on my shirt, as she felt embarrassed, ashamed and confused.

"Why are they staring at us?" Mikasa whispered as I checked the prices for chicken wings. It was close to her birthday, so I was thinking of cooking up chicken wings and other easy to grab foods for her and the boys.

"Well, remember the uncle I mentioned to you when you first moved in?" I wasn't sure if she remembered, but I had to ask anyway and she nodded.

"He did some really bad things. Because of his crimes he is now serving time in prison. And for whatever reason I am suspected to help him, which is ridiculous. All he ever did was raise me and left me out of everything he had done. But everyone doesn't believe me." I summarized to the best of my ability, all the while leaving out the one important detail that could ruin us.

All I ever did was help hide the bodies.

That was a detail I was going to take to my grave. Not even Hange knew of this detail, although she might suspect it. If she did, then she had the sense not to ask about it. She understood the complications of what would happen if I were honest and told her the truth. Even though she was in school to be a therapist for veteran's and their families, she would still have to report me.

"So they judge us for the actions of someone else? I don't even know this uncle." Mikasa frowned, and I felt the same frustration she had.

"I know, it's stupid. But the best we can do is ignore their antics. Let them think whatever they want so long as they don't try to hurt you. If anyone tries, let me or Erwin know, okay?"

"Why not Eren?" She tilted her head.

"That boy would be ready to stab someone for you. So, no. Don't involve him unless he's already there. If so, then you and Armin do your best to calm him down." I advised the best I could. I knew how that brat would react to such instances, and I don't want him being dragged through the mud with our family problems, especially when his father was a well respected doctor in Rozen. Apparently he had built himself a good reputation here already.

A few days later I was shopping with Hange and Mikasa. The girl was going through another growth spurt and had outgrown most of her clothes. So Hange came with us to help pick out clothes since I had no idea what I was doing with girls clothes, despite raising Mikasa for almost two years already. It didn't help Mikasa didn't really have a preference in a style so long as it wasn't overly bright or over the top.

"Oh, look, it's the murderer's spawn. So you're raising the next generation of serial killer, Ackerman?" A man taunted, and Hange quickly placed herself between us while Mikasa watched on in fear.

"Okay, can we just continue our shopping peacefully and head opposite directions? We're not here to cause trouble." Hange was quick to deflect the situation.

While I was glad she was here, I was starting to wish Erwin was here instead. This man towered over Hange, and he seemed like he didn't care what the brunette said. If it was Erwin, this man would probably be singing a different tune. And once more I was feeling insecure with my height, since no one would take me seriously until I literally threw someone down to the floor.

"You better be watching your back, Ackerman." The man warned before heading off, taking his daughter I hadn't realized was there watching, with him.

He thought Hange was a girl and walked off.

So he wouldn't start shit against a woman, yet he had no problem targeting a one legged veteran and not give a shit that his young cousin was watching? It was days like this I wondered why I bothered with the prosthetic, it was usually hidden underneath my pants so it was easy for people to forget I lost a leg. But having the prosthetic gave me a sense of normalcy, as there were days I still felt my leg was still there.

I was so pissed I told Hange we were switching to a different store. It didn't matter it was further away from home, I wasn't going to shop somewhere where a prick frequented. And I didn't feel safe at that store, to boot. If I didn't feel safe I couldn't imagine how Mikasa felt.

Tensions were high to the point no one would shop at the corner store that I worked at. And so because of this I resigned so that the place wouldn't go out of business. I didn't want to leave. My coworkers and manager were great, and we all helped each other out. Everyone hated seeing me go but I had to take one for the team and leave. I was glad the manager applied me to my other job now, otherwise I wouldn't have anything to fall back on.

However that job was also affected. But since my coworkers respected me they refused to let me go despite how many protested at the idea of a suspected killer work security at the mall. So instead they put me behind the scenes and watch cameras all day so no one would have to see my face. This eased the tensions enough that no one made such a big fuss anymore, so I was allowed to clock in during my shifts.

Just when things calmed down, someone called CPS on me. Ms. Ral came by one day with a coworker, she seemed like she didn't want to be here and obviously thought it was an overreaction, but the other one seemed smug that I was guilty. I let them inside, and couldn't help but feel a smug smile of my own upon seeing the man's dumb look on his face upon seeing Mikasa, Eren and Armin look up from their homework on the table.

"So what do I owe this visit?" I knew I sounded taunting, but I couldn't help it.

"Someone called us saying you abuse Mikasa. Said something about a hand print bruise on her leg that was noticed at school." The man said, not sounding too confident now as his eyes were on Eren.

Oh yes, everyone knows the good doctor's son. Gresha has no problem speaking his mind when people have gone too far.

And judging by the look in his eyes, Gresha was definitely going to hear about this visit. I could almost visibly see the man's confidence crumble before me. I would have made a comment, but something else had my full attention.

"Bruise? What bruise?" I wasn't aware of a bruise.

"I think they're talking about the bruise Mikasa got when a boy in our class pushed her down a couple days ago. Her leg got caught in the rafters and it bruised pretty bad." Armin informed as the other two stared at him in horror.

"Armin! We said not to tell him!" Eren whispered too loudly.

"But now he's being blamed for something he didn't do! That's not fair, it's discrimination and wrongful profiling." The blond countered.

This kid is going places. He has the same mind as Erwin.

"Is it all right if we see the bruise if it's still there?" Ms. Ral eased the tension, and Mikasa stood up and walked closer to them. She leaned down and pulled her long sock off, then held up part of her dress to reveal her leg.

As Armin said, it was a big and nasty bruise. It was already green on the edges as it had a few days healing. But it had taken the shape of the gap of rafters and not a hand print. It would have been too big for my hand as a comparison, anyway. And Erwin was hardly home to be considered.

"Can you please tell us what happened?" The man was still trying to find any reason to take her away from me and send me to jail.

"It's as what Armin said. A classmate pushed me down while we were sitting on the rafters. I got stuck and I had to be pulled out by Armin and Eren after Eren beat the other classmate's face in."

"And do you know the name of this boy who did this?" Ms. Ral asked as she took pictures.

"I think his name was Jean."

"Do you know his last name?"

"I don't know how to pronounce or spell it. But he's in our class. Eren gave him a black eye." Mikasa had too many details in her story to be any simple lies.

"Okay, then. It's not a hand print. It looks like a simple case of mistaken identity and overreaction. We're sorry to disturb your day." Ms. Ral wanted out and be over this.

"Hold on, I just have a few more questions for Mikasa." The other worker was being stubborn. "Has your guardian, Levi Ackerman, ever struck you?"

"No."

"Has he ever punished you cruelly? Example, forbid you to have dinner or anything that drastic?"

"No."

"Has he ever touched you inappropriately?"

The audacity this man had was astounding. Ms. Ral sensed my rising fury, and she quickly pulled the man by his arm in an attempt to leave. The problem, was the fact this man was taller than her. And it was with startling realization it was the same man who threatened me in the clothes store not too long ago.

"No."

"But has he ever - "

"I think that is enough. Should you continue, I will press charges, including threatening my life last week when we were minding our own business shopping for more clothes for Mikasa." I crossed my arms as I glared at him.

There was no mistaking his dark hair and voice, even though his clothes almost fooled me. When he threatened me at the store he wore a simple shirt and shorts, and his hair wasn't done. Now he was in a suit and hair styled as if he spent hours working on it before heading to work. Dark eyes glared my way, and I was for sure knew he would have swung if Ms. Ral wasn't a witness.

"...Fine. I will take my leave, for now."

They silently left and I locked the door behind them. After I had calmed myself, I found my cell phone and called Erwin. I was still too rattled to text and ask if he was on break before calling. He picked up after a few rings.

"What's wrong? You usually text before you call."

"I think it's time to invest in security cameras and find a lawyer ready to defend me."

"Against what?"

"I don't know yet. But I was just accused of physically abusing Mikasa and proved otherwise. And lately everyone has become hostile towards me." In my head it was better to be safe than sorry.

"I'll look into the lawyer thing. I'm not that knowledgeable with security, however."

"I was thinking calling in a favor from a coworker."

"Okay. And Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Be careful."

There was an odd tone in his voice, like he was scared. He must really care about me to be this concerned. I found it endearing, but at the same time I felt confident that I will be just fine. I knew how to handle myself, I mean I was raised by Kenny the Ripper. It was Mikasa I was most concerned about.

"I'll be fine. Dinner will be ready when you come home." I assured him before we hung up.

A few days later I called in the favor of my coworker. He scouted the house and found good spots for cameras, and even a few places within the living room and where the backdoor was. He gave me a discount and we set it all up. It was decent equipment to have the cameras motion censored and night vision optional. I could even check live feed if I wasn't home to check on everything.

The timing was just perfect when that Friday I had just returned from grabbing last minute things for her birthday, and Gresha had also just pulled in after picking the three kids up from school. I was the first one to enter as I brought in groceries. The kids ran inside after me, excited to see the cake. Gresha made it to the door when I sensed something was off.

I opened the fridge to notice the power was out. I stared, confused. This was odd, as there was no reason for the power to be out. Casually I glanced out the window to the neighbors house to see their power was still on. That was when I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Gresha, grab the kids and run."

"What? What's wrong?" The doctor frowned with confusion.

Before I could insist anymore approximately five people emerged from the back of the house carrying knives or baseball bats. One of them had a gun. They headed straight for me without hesitation. I slowly reached for a knife in the nearest hiding spot. I gripped it behind my back as I stood between the men and the kids.

They want me to bare my fangs, then so be it. If it means she is safe, I'll become the monster they want.