Intro - It's not easy being evil. Especially when you have to deal with annoying Nazgul, overbearing wizards, stupid good people always bent on defeating you, and no one to play cards with. Sauron did not have a clue what he was letting himself in for when he decided to become Lord of Middle-Earth...

Good news. :-)

Beat that sissy Balrog King in a Crazy 8's tourney. What a sore loser! All right, I admit that I only won because he kept burning the cards with his 'dark fire of Udun', or sliming them up when I doused him with water to stop him burning them. But I STILL BEAT HIM!!

Later: Stupid Balrog slimed up my swimming pool ON PURPOSE!! Stupid sore loser. Melkor mad at me for beating on the 'flame of Udun' and booting him into the dungeon. Stupid Melkor. Who does he think he is, the Lord of Arda?

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Bad news. :-(

Those stupid Valar finally decided to 'rescue' those stupid weenie weaklings of Men, Elves, and Dwarves. They're so whiny. It's stupid. Anyhow, they got Melkor and kicked him off the planet, but they missed me. :-) Oh, all right, I'll admit it. I got scared and ran off.

Varda's prettiful when she's mad, except she's too NICE and GOOD for my tastes. Yuck! I wonder where I can find someone evil like me?...

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REALLY bad news. :-(

Stupid dragons flew off. Stupid Balrogs are hiding. Stupid werewolves ran off. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Well, I'm gonna be taking over from Melkor soon anyways, so I guess those stupid creatures will just have to SUCK IT UP!! Muahahahahahaaa...

Note to self: Hire therapist. Am getting suspicion that I am letting rage get the better of me.

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Good news. :-)

Found a new way to torture prisoners for information. Annoying Japanese anime show theme songs really work! Tested it on some stupid Elf-dude I caught. Though I no longer have a dungeon, I will keep that in mind to add to N'Sync, 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, The Song that Doesn't End, old Star Trek reruns, Orcs performing Broadway musicals, the rack, and boring math classes. When I DO get another dungeon, we will be very well equipped.

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Hiding for centuries is really boring. I mean REALLY boring. So boring my eyeballs are almost rolling out of my head. That would be a very entertaining sensation - oh EW, what am I saying?!

I am getting VERY sick of Ping-Pong and bridge, but there is absolutely nothing else to do. I'm even getting sick of swimming in my secret hideout's indoor swimming pool. Stupid pool's too small.

Stupid good people. I hate being evil.

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