A/N: Hello!

Okay, so! I've decided to build a Linstead playlist and write a whole load of prompts/drabbles based on them because there's a heck of a lot of feels there. So, this first one is based on Golden - Travie McCoy ft Sia. I have about 57 more...however if you have a song or even just a prompt, feel fre to leave it in the review or drop it to me in a PM.

Enjoy!

Golden

You got that look in your eyes, eyes
I can tell you had bad dreams last night
Let me take you in my arms; you can cry, cry
Let me love you 'til you feel alright
Cause I am yours; you are mine, you are mine, mine (yeah)
Not going anywhere, oh, I am standing by your side (uh-uh)
I will love you 'til the end of time, time
I will love you 'til the day we die

Cases like this, like the ones they'd faced today, always hit Jay hard. Erin had noticed from the first case involving kids they'd caught after he joined the unit that he always seemed to connect and take them hard. He wasn't one to show how much they'd affected him, not really, but he'd had subtle tells and Erin had picked up on most – if not all of them. Today had been particularly tough; three tender-age victims, arson and two extremely uncooperative suspects had Voight sending the Unit home in spells for a couple of hours R&R to keep them fresh enough to find something to nail the guys.

Adam and Kevin had headed out first, bringing back pizza and coffee for those staying when they had returned, Erin had been content to let any of the others go before she and Jay, and the fact Jay didn't move when Voight had said next two only showed that he wanted to keep at it. It was the pointed look from Voight that had Erin all but gathering Jay's things for him, around him as he continued to sort through paper work. She had stood beside his desk while he actively ignored her as he read and reread the files right until the moment she put her hand on his shoulder and whispered his name before he stopped and begrudgingly got to his feet, sulking down the hallway to the 300. Antonio had sent her a sad smile and she'd nodded, walking quickly to catch up with him.

He'd wordlessly stood beside the car until she got there, climbing in and belting up before she'd even crossed the garage. Erin always enjoyed the silence, especially when she was with Jay – she'd always felt safe with him, if they were speaking or just sitting there in the silence, she knew he had her back just like she knew the colour of her eyes and the fact that it was 42 steps from her front door to her bed if she included her nightly routine. Tonight, however, the silence was heavy and filled with something and Erin couldn't really put her finger on what it was.

She tried the usual questions surrounding food, who would shower first, were they going to forego food in the name of sleep, or were they going to just chill on the sofa. Jay's responses had been non-verbal and non-committal. Erin was close to calling him on his shit, right until the moment his hand rested on her knee as she drove and gave a small squeeze, but didn't move. She'd glanced at him, a sidewards look that had her breath catching as she nodded once, accepting the silence immediately at the pained expression on his face. The mask he always wore to keep himself in check, but those eyes of his never lied, couldn't lie to her anyway, and they were burning a hole into the side of her face and red rimmed and they didn't have the mischievous sparkle they usually did. When they'd stopped at a spotlight, she eventually rested her hand on his and squeezed, bringing his hand to her lips and pressing a kiss against his fingers as she turned to look at him, swallowing hard at the sheer volume of relief that was coming off him in that moment that she almost missed the lights changing. Again.

With a four-hour break, they'd decided that they could pick something up on the way back to the district and just lounge around on the sofa for a bit, maybe catch a nap. Usually after cases like this, Jay would be too wired to sleep and he'd go work out before joining her beneath the covers and pulling her close. Tonight, however, he was the one to go into the bedroom and retrieve three of Erin's pillows and the two blankets, setting up a nook on the sofa for them while Erin showered. His freckles stood out in stark contrast tonight, he was unusually pale and looked entirely too small sitting on the edge of the bed as he waited for her to come out of the ensuite. She had moved over to him before he'd been able to get to his feet, leaning down to press a soft kiss against his forehead, earning herself a slight smile for her efforts. Jay had stood, then, kissed her cheek and stepped around her into the bathroom, Erin's heart sinking a little when she heard the lock click shut. They had come such a long way, but still had quite a way to go to get around the locked doors in the apartment. It was space, however, and considering she'd done it the night that Justin had- Erin cleared her throat and stood, moving over to the dresser to find one of his shirts to curl up in while he did whatever it was he had to do to get himself focused again.

A half hour later and she'd wanted nothing more than to be curled up on the sofa drinking a cold beer, but technically they were still on the clock and they only had a couple of hours to really relax, so that was out of the equation. Instead, Erin had settled on making them both some hot chocolate, trying to remember the way Jay made it – trying to work out the correct ratio of chocolate power, to milk, to marshmallows. Jay had left the TV on, some old movie playing in the background of the softly lit apartment, enough to ward off the silence. She was so focused on measuring things exactly right into the two mugs that she hadn't heard him approach and almost spilled the entire contents of the saucepan when he wrapped his arms around her from behind. Had it not been for his lightening quick reflexes they would have been paying a visit to med for burns; luckily, there was only a small spillage between the two mugs that Jay had cleaned up before Erin had even managed to put the pan back down on the hob.

"Warn a girl," Erin told him sternly as she turned around to punch him lightly on the arm, the soft smile tugging at his lips had her grinning back at him and pushing up onto her tiptoes to kiss him soundly on the lips, her grin widening when he kissed her back and wrapped an arm around her; her partner was working back to being himself again.

"No fun in warning you." Jay replied, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on her lips, soft and sweet. "Thank you," he stated after a beat, his eyes locking on hers.

"That's why you have backup." Erin grinned, smoothing her hands up and down his arms, laughing when he reached around her for the spoon to stir the mugs, keeping her close and peppering a couple of kisses into her hair. She let him hold on, let him press her against his chest as he moved the cups around and reached into the cupboard above her head, bringing his hand up and pressing her face against his chest, a chuckle escaping from both of their lips, his rumbling through his chest against her cheek.

"Uh-uh, it's my secret ingredient, can't be a secret if you find out what it is." Jay told her, his voice filled with the sassy teasing he usually reserved for her when she made him feel like a househusband at work.

She didn't answer him verbally, instead, Erin chose to wrap her arms around him and nuzzle against his chest through his shirt, pressing a kiss right over the place her head sat when they were curled up together as she allowed for him to clatter around behind her as he used his body to pin her against the counter, to free his hands.

When she heard the cupboard close she looked up at his face and tiptoed to kiss him, earning herself that look. The one he gave her, all soft eyes and vulnerable. The look that made her want to protect him at all costs. Jay stepped back and holding both mugs in his hand as he backed up and headed into the living-room, to the faux pillow fort he'd set up on the sofa.

Erin paused to watch him; waited to see what he was going to do. Jay had apparently had the same idea, waiting for her to make the first move and Erin then sat down against one of the pillows, settling down and holding her hand out for the mug. With a smile, he passed it off and joined her at the opposite end of the sofa, taking a sip and nodding.

"You're learning," Jay nodded, earning himself a laugh from the woman before she took a sip and agreed.

"I think it's time you tell me your secret ingredient." She told him with a raised eyebrow, watching as he shook his head vehemently.

"Absolutely not. Then I'll be redundant when it comes to hot chocolate making and you'll own my ass there, too. I'm already a househusband at work, I'm owning it here, too." He stated firmly, and if it wasn't for the small little sheen of humour in his eyes, Erin might have believed that her man was being serious as well as sassy.

They had finished their drinks in silence, a comfortable one this time, as they watched Scarlett O'Hara on screen and Erin's obvious disdain from certain scenes had had Jay chuckling, earning himself a swat at his knee which in turn earned Erin a raised eyebrow and a pointed Hypocrite look. It was after Jay had taken the mugs to the kitchen and washed them and the saucepan, that he'd made a move that had shocked Erin, frozen her momentarily. When Jay returned to the sofa, Erin had expected him to settle on the sofa and open his arms for her to crawl over so they could cuddle for an hour or so. However, he had sat in the space that she'd usually crawl over and then moved one of the pillows so he was laying on the sofa, his head on her lap, her hand curled around her leg.

When the shock had worn off, her hand immediately moved to his hair, stroking through the soft strands as he grinned up at her. She grabbed the blanket Jay had tossed over the back of the sofa and covered him with it, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Is this okay?" his voice was so soft Erin thought that she'd imagined it, but the vulnerability in his eyes let her know that she'd heard him right and she grinned down at him, nodding.

"More than." She told him, kissing him again before adjusting the pillow at her back, smiling when he reached down to place his phone on the floor, having set the alarm. Afterwards, he curled smaller and let his eyes close, enjoying the way she was stroking his hair; allowing himself the small comfort.

Erin wasn't sure when she fell asleep; or what had woken her, but the quiet pained groans that were filling the apartment had her alert. She began to move but the weight on her legs had her glancing down; frowning at the expression on Jay's face and the soft sheen of sweat that was covering him. It took her sleep addled brain a second or two to work out that the noises were coming from him and a second or two longer to realize what was actually happening. Jay was having a nightmare. The man she loved was curled in the foetal position, a death grip on her leg as he muttered and pleaded about something; his body reacting to whatever was happening in his head.

She wasn't sure what it was about, but her hand moved to Jay's hair again, finding it matted with sweat, deepening her concern. Should she wake him? She didn't know. Different people had different opinions on that; but Erin knew she had to do something, because Jay was becoming increasingly more distressed, increasingly more agitated, murmurs getting louder until she made out one word. Ben.

"Hey, hey, shh." Erin cooed softly, moving her hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat hammering under her palm. "Jay, hey, come on, you're dreaming." She couldn't keep the worry from her voice, hated the way her voice shook when he needed her to be the strong one. She shifted slightly to lean down, kissing his forehead. "Jay, babe, wake up. Wake up for me." She said a little louder, stronger, hand still stroking through his hair as she tried to pull him from the dream. "Jay."

He woke with a start: a sharp intake of breath, eyes flying open and body jerking towards the sound of her voice. He was alert in the time it took her to lean back slightly, to give him room. He was breathless, however, eyes panicked and wide, heart hammering faster and Erin began to wonder if it had been the right thing to wake him up.

"Erin." Her name was raspy on his dry lips, his mouth clearly dry as he swallowed hard and a soft pink coloured his cheeks. It was only then the penny dropped. He was embarrassed to be having the nightmare curled up like this, with her. He was embarrassed that she'd seen him like this. Seen him vulnerable.

"You're okay, it's just me." Erin told him, continuing to stroke his hair, her thumb now stroking his chest as she kept him firmly on the sofa. "It's okay." She reassured him, a small smile on her face as she tried to regulate his breathing, clearly fighting for control. "This?" she stated, pointedly looking at him. "Is more than okay." It was almost a battle, she could see he wanted to move, probably lock himself in the bathroom again in the guise of having another shower, but Erin needed him to know that it was okay for him to trust her, to lean on her should he need to. She leaned down to kiss his forehead again, continuing the soothing motions of her hands until he was calm enough for her to let him sit up.

He moved, but only slightly, and his fingers curled around here in the space he was just lying on the sofa. "You wanna talk about it?" She asked, when he wouldn't meet her eyes, almost afraid they were returning to the silence of the car. This time, however, he shook his head in the negative and eyed her bedroom door and she knew he wanted to bolt, that much was now obvious. Erin squeezed his hand and eventually he looked at her, the same lost look on his face that made him look so much younger than he was; the same look that she hated seeing on his face. Jay eventually cleared his throat, opening and closing his mouth a few times before the alarm went off, causing both to jump, chuckling when he reached down to turn it off, hands still wrapped in hers.

"I think I should shower again," he said quietly, "dunno when I'm going to get another shot." Jay leaned over and pressed a kiss to Erin's lips, taking her slightly by surprise but bringing both of her hands up to cup his cheeks, rubbing her thumbs over the slight scruff before pulling back and raising a brow.

"Fine, and a quick shave." He grumbled, the shadows dissipating from his eyes as he stood.

"If you would have let me buy you that electric shaver in the sale—" Erin tried to reason with him, laughing when he cut her off.

"—excuse me. Those things don't work." He pointed his finger at her, "I like my razor, it takes me five minutes. We're good."

"Then take your five minutes, I need to get dressed." The reminder of Erin's sentence was met with a scoff as Jay made his way to the bathroom, Erin waited to hear the click of the lock, grinning when she didn't even hear the door close properly.

Jay was a long way from coming forward about his issues; childhood, army or pre-intelligence days and she got that. Understood it. Accepted it. She'd already set herself up for the long haul with him and he'd been patient enough with her; it was the least she could do to return the favour. As she made her way into the bedroom, she couldn't help but laugh at the sight that greeted her; Jay in the bathroom, making faces as he shaved. When his laughter and sassy remark about her distracting him made her laugh harder and suddenly they were bantering back and forth about breakfast foods and what to take back to the unit and what his secret ingredient for the hot chocolate really was.

They weren't perfect, but it was real. It was hard work and it was painful at times but they had each other's six both on and off the job and that's what was important.