This fic is rated M because of dark themes that may be triggering to some. I absolutely love mental hospital AU's, so I thought I would write my own. Leave a review if you liked the first chapter!
Emma Swan stared at the white walls surrounding her and the metal bars covering the windows. A gnarled sign reading Mills Psychiatric Facility stared back at her above a plexi glass covered check-in desk. "Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit," Emma muttered in under her breath.
"You got that right," the familiar voice inside her head commented. The blonde pushed the voice away. She wasn't going to deal with this right now. Luckily, the echoes gradually faded until she was left with mainly the company of her own thoughts.
"Miss Swan." Emma looked up to see Regina walking towards her, clipboard in hand and thick black glasses perched at the edge of her nose. The blonde didn't fail to notice she was wearing a tight black pantsuit with a plum-colored blouse that accented her curves just so.
"Welcome." The brunette stuck a hand out for Emma to shake. The young woman didn't move from her spot. The voice started to fight its way back to the front of her mind again. It was most powerful when her emotions were running high and she was distracted.
Regina stiffly pulled her hand back, smiling awkwardly. "I'm Dr. Mills, but you can call me Regina. I hope you'll feel quite at home here while you are recovering," she spoke. Emma rolled her eyes. "I'm going to be your main doctor. If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to talk to me."
"Yeah, why don't you start by asking how the hell we get out of here?"
"Shut up, Lily," Emma mumbled, keeping her eyes trained on who used to be her friend.
That was the name she had given to the voice that resided in her brain. Why the hell not? It obviously wasn't going away anytime soon. And quite frankly, she didn't want it to. She needed the extra help to get out of this hell-hole.
"What was that?" Regina asked, her eyebrows raised. "Nothing," the blonde answered quickly.
Something was very wrong here. They had to be under some spell or curse or something. The last thing she remembered, Gold had been… what exactly had he been doing?
Emma wracked her brain, trying to remember. She had been wandering around in a hospital, trying to find someone to help her. A woman. Regina. That's who she was trying to find. Regina and Gold were the only two people she seemed to remember.
And then the voice had interrupted her, like one might bump into an old friend. Emma suddenly knew everything there was to know about the voice, like it was a separate person almost. Like she had heard it before, a long time ago. Like it used to be a part of her.
Now she was here. But she wasn't meant to be here. She was supposed to be stopping something. She just didn't know what. Why was she here? She had overheard the not-so-quiet chatter of the orderlies as they transported her to this place, and she could barely make out the words psychopath and homicide. What had she done?
All she knew was her name was Emma Swan, she somehow knew this Dr. Mills, she had a voice in her head that may or may not have been there before, and there was something about Gold. She had lost memories, lost time.
"Shall we start the tour?" Regina asked. "Lead the way," Emma answered.
It wouldn't do her any good to resist just yet. Maybe she could work from the inside and reverse this. Whatever this was. Emma only half-listened as the doctor showed her around. The kitchen, day room, individual rooms. The 'special' rooms for those that got a little too riled up.
"We are congregated with men on one side and women on the other. No physical contact of any kind is permitted between patients," Regina was saying. "Lights out by 10 p.m. Medications are taken when administered. If you resist you will be sent to the isolation room."
Emma blinked as the woman snapped her fingers in front of her face. "What was that?" She asked. "I asked if you understood the rules so far. Pay attention, dear," the brunette said before briskly continuing on through the rooms.
"I say we just skip this joint and jump," the voice chimed in. Emma glanced over at the nearest window. It was free of the strong metal bars. It wasn't the worse idea. As if sensing her hesitation, Regina turned around.
"All of our windows are made of plexi glass. Bullet proof, anger proof, suicide proof. Try anything and you'll be restrained to your bed with a feeding tube for the next week," the older woman said.
"Okay, plan b. We strangle this bitch with our bare hands and escape," Lily offered.
Emma quickly shook her head. She didn't want to hurt Regina. Sure, the woman was annoying and professionally cold, but that was probably part of her job description. But she used to be her friend. At least she thought so. Besides, she was part of the key to remembering what happened.
The more Emma tried to remember her life before all of this, the more she forgot. The edges of a memory would start to take shape in her brain and then, before she could even try to decipher it, it was gone.
"You'll have therapy with me every other day. We have group therapy three times a week," Regina explained.
Loud yells from down the hall interrupted them. "Swim! Tick tock it's coming for me!" A man screamed. With those words, he jumped face first onto the ground and started to make swimming motions. All he succeeded in doing was flailing and looking like an idiot. "Bloody crocodile!" He yelled.
Emma stared at him, eyebrows raised and lips fighting to hide a smile. "And they think we're crazy," Lily commented. That made Emma giggle. Regina didn't seem fazed, however, and she waved a few orderlies over. "Mr. Jones, these men are going to help you back to your room," she said calmly.
The man kicked and thrashed about as the men hauled him up. Then he caught sight of Emma standing nearby. "Well hello there," he said with a wink and a dopey grin. "The name's Hook."
"Emma, this is Killian," Regina introduced them. "Captain Hook," the man corrected her before the men led him away.
The blonde followed Regina back to the day room. A couple women sat on the couch watching TV. A brunette woman sat in a chair by the window reading a book. A man played chess in the corner with another woman. A young boy had his nose in a Marvel comic book.
"Attention, everyone. We have a new patient coming to stay with us. This is Emma," Regina said. The only one that even responded was the dark-haired woman playing chess. She hastily stood up to greet them, and Emma noticed with dismay that she was a doctor as well.
"Emma! So great to meet you. I'm Mary Margaret. I am one of the doctors at this facility." The woman said. "She looks a little pale. I know what'll fix that right up. One slash across the throat and she'll be redder than Regina's lipstick." Lily said.
"I'm not a murderer, idiot. Besides, even if I was, what do you expect me to do it with? This is a mental hospital. They're not stupid enough to have that kinda stuff lying around. Unless you planned on giving her a big papercut with one of those books," Emma silently argued with the voice.
"I'll take it from here, Dr. Mills," the enthusiastic doctor said, giving Emma a cheery smile. Regina nodded and left them, her high heels clack clacking against the floor as she exited.
"Wonder what she'd look like with just those heels on and nothing else," Lily said perversely. If she were a real person, Emma was sure she would have licked her lips as she said it. "You're disgusting," the blonde silently answered. "Hey, I'm just saying what we're both thinking. I'm like a free advice therapist."
"More like a sociopathic slut," Emma mumbled. "That's the spirit!" Lily agreed.
Luckily, Mary Margaret was too engrossed in the other patients to notice Emma talking to herself. "Emma, this is Ruby and Dorothy," the doctor pointed to the women on the couch. The raven-haired woman never looked up from the television.
"My friends call me Red," the brunette looked up and winked at her. "That's Belle," Mary Margaret pointed to the woman by the window. The young woman smiled at her. Emma couldn't help but notice the white bandages on her wrists and scratches on her eyes. She looked so innocent.
The man who was playing chess stood up to greet her. "I'm David. At least that's what they tell me," he chuckled. Emma offered him a warm smile. He looked just like her. They even had the same bright, green eyes.
"David has severe memory loss. He's also my husband," the doctor explained, showing off her diamond ring. "He's just staying here until he heals a little more."
The young boy from the corner got up and roughly shoved his way past them. "Henry, why don't you greet our new patient?" Mary Margaret said cheerily. The boy responded by moving his dark brown bangs from his eyes and flipping Emma off. "I like him," the voice spoke up.
'You'll meet everyone else soon. Why don't you make yourself comfortable and I'll let you know when it's time for your meeting with Regina," Mary Margaret said. Emma nodded and took a seat on a leather recliner.
The friendly brunette that called herself Red casually got up from her seat and stalked over toward Emma. Emma kept her eyes trained on the television and tried her hardest to ignore her. "I'll bet you $50 she was a stripper before she got sent to this nut house," The voice piped up. Emma rolled her eyes.
However, she couldn't help but notice the young woman was bending over and stretching her muscles in such a way that it did look a little slutty. Every now and then, the brunette would look her way and bat her long lashes at her, a small smile on her lips.
Emma finally decided to swivel the recliner around so she was facing the window. She reached over for a magazine and pretended to be interested in an article about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's breakup. Whoever they were.
A chill ran down the blonde's spine as she felt a presence behind her. Emma sharply turned her head to see the woman nicknamed Red leaning towards her, inhaling deeply. "Can I help you?" Emma snapped. Red's eyes fluttered open and she parted her lips to reveal pearl white teeth as she smiled.
"You smell amazing," the brunette spoke.
Emma involuntarily flinched as Red leaned over her. It was too much; she couldn't breathe. She was cornered.
Before she even knew what she was doing, her fist was connecting with Red's face. The woman flew back, hitting her head on the corner of the coffee table behind her.
Mary Margaret jumped to her feet, waving over a few of the orderlies. Emma moved to the floor below the window, hugging her knees to her chest and hiding behind her waterfall of golden hair.
"Why the hell did you do that, Lily?" Emma hissed as she flexed her sore hand.
It was very rare that the voice took over her whole body, but when it did happen, nothing good followed. Lily was an impulsive psycho; she loved getting in fights and had a hobby of stealing expensive jewelry, claiming she loved the way it shined.
"I'm making sure these nut jobs know their place around us. That bitch was about to try to pull some Orange is the New Black type shit on us I'm sure," the voice answered.
Emma was the one to lash out, however, when the orderlies tried to force her up. Couldn't they understand she was panicking? That she didn't have a choice? That she needed out?
Then she was being restrained to a bed in a separate room. Amongst the staff dressed in white she saw a flash of purple. It was Regina, she realized.
Upon seeing her ally, she struggled even harder against the snug leather straps. If she could just make Regina understand, everything would be okay.
"Fight, you weak bitch! Don't let them tie you up like some pet!" Lily screamed at her.
"I can't!" Emma screamed back. She didn't care if they heard her now.
And then she heard Regina's voice. "Emma. Emma, I'm going to- "
Regina's voice was then drowned out by the voice furiously screaming inside her head. It was threatening to kill Emma, threatening to kill Regina, trying to claw its way out.
Then, Emma felt a stinging sensation in her arm at the crook of her elbow. Her body relaxed, the voice faded away, and her heart stopped pounding. Regina's face came into focus in front of her.
"There you are," Regina said gently as she set a syringe down on the table next to her. "Now, do you want to talk about what happened in the day room with Ruby?"
Emma silently stared up at the ceiling. There was no way she could explain all of this without Regina thinking she was absolutely crazy (well, crazier than she already did.) -They were under a curse. That was the only explanation. She wasn't insane. She may not remember things clearly, but she knew one thing; she was going to find who did this, and she was going to kick some ass.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Regina said with a small smile.
Emma simply blinked sleepily at her. Regina sighed, and her lips twitched in the way they did when she was frustrated. It seemed the longer Regina was near her, the more she would remember. Not full memories of her, just little facts that her subconscious seemed to know about the woman.
Regina's favorite color was purple. She had an obsessive need to have unwrinkled clothing, and when she became nervous she would begin smoothing out the clothes she had on by hand. She cooked a mean lasagna, a dish that Emma used to love.
In order for Regina to truly believe and help Emma, Emma would have to behave and not draw attention to herself. There were no guarantees of that working, especially with the voice as aggressive as it was, but she would try. So she stuck with something safe to say.
"I hate needles."
"Well, Miss Swan, I didn't have a choice in the matter. You attacked a patient within not even an hour of being here. And judging by the look on your face after I gave you that shot, you knew you needed it. You're lucky I didn't send you to isolation," Regina said. "I'm sorry," the blonde said in a quiet voice.
"I know, dear. We'll get things straightened out, you just need to trust me. Can you do that?"
Emma stared up at the ceiling again, trying to count the bumps that covered it. She couldn't remember the last time she had her mind to herself without Lily butting in. Mainly because she didn't remember anything before Lily. A small smile appeared on her face at the woman's gentle tone. Emma knew that was a tone reserved only for her.
Regina must have taken that as a sign of compliance, for she smiled warmly. "Alright, Emma. I'm going to leave you here to rest for a few hours and then when I come back we'll have our therapy session," she informed her before leaving her alone.
Emma was at 753 bumps by the time Regina came back. The voice was at the back of her brain now. It wasn't strong enough to fully invade her mind thanks to the medication, but it made itself known, like an itch that was unable to be scratched. Hushed whispers reached out, clinging to her like Velcro.
"How are you feeling now, Emma?" Regina asked. "Like I'm ready to get out of these restraints," Emma answered.
Regina nodded, though the look on her face indicated Emma was going to be stuck for a while. "Ruby is in the infirmary. She has a broken nose and a bruised head. I thought you would like to know."
"Not really," Emma said with an awkward shrug that looked more like a twitch.
Regina sat down next to her. She made Emma nervous, like a bug in under a microscope. She looked unfamiliar now, somehow. And that thought scared her.
"You have apple trees in your backyard, am I right?" Emma asked.
Regina looked equally confused and concerned at her question. "No. I'm allergic to apples."
The voice was getting stronger now. "Ask her what color underwear she's wearing."
"You're lying."
Regina shifted in her seat. "Miss Swan, you have lashed out and fallen back onto your destructive path in less than a day of being here. As head administrator at this facility, you do realize I was hesitant to agree to have you transferred here due to your background."
"Bullshit. I wasn't transferred from anywhere. We are under a curse, and you're too blind to see," Emma snapped.
"You were transferred here from Boston's main facility. You have been there for the past 4 years. And although you might not realize this, I have been your doctor for those years you were admitted. You don't remember me as your doctor because of the medication you were given," Regina explained.
"I remember you," Emma spoke. "And Gold."
A flash of what looked like anger crossed Regina's face, but when Emma blinked, the woman was as calm and composed as ever. "Dr. Gold has been suspended from his work and stripped of his title. In fact, he is currently residing in a prison far away from here as we speak due to the conditions he forced his patients into."
Judging by Regina's cold tone, Emma was one of those many patients. "I'm sensing jealousy…" Lily sing-songed. Emma rolled her eyes. She didn't believe for a second that Regina had feelings for her. In fact, she hated her the first time they met.
"You're Henry's birth mother?"
"Hi."
"So, Miss Swan. Should I be worried?"
"Not at all."
"Miss Swan." Regina's tone broke Emma of her thoughts. She must have looked freaked though, because Regina slowly reached into her pocket.
"Wait!" Emma pleaded, terrified of being drugged again. "I remember you! Storybrooke! My- our son! Snow White and Prince Charming and the curse and the storybook and I didn't believe and- "
Emma cut off as she noticed the look of pity on the brunette's face. It was the look she used to give Henry when he rambled on about the same thing she was now. This wasn't helping her case.
"How long have you been believing in this curse, Emma? These fairytale characters?" Regina asked. "Because the last time I saw you, the medication was working. You came to terms with what has happened, and you learned self-forgiveness. You're not hearing Lily again, are you?"
The fact that Regina had mentioned something so personal made Emma shut down. She spoke of Lily as if she were a vile, disgusting creature that needed to be extracted from her brain and executed. Lily was her safe-haven. She was always there for her when Emma needed it. She helped her survive.
"Yes or no. A simple yes or no, Emma. Are you hearing her?" Regina asked gently.
"If you tell her, you'll lose me. She'll drug you so much you won't even know your name. And without me, what are you? You're nothing. NOTHING. It's because of me that you're not in a prison somewhere getting gang raped by a bunch of sex-hungry vultures," Lily said.
"What do you know?" Emma demanded silently. "Answer me!"
Regina pushed past the rule book and broke the rule of conduct as she stroked Emma's hair. "Emma, you're safe here," she murmured, trying to bring the young woman back to her. "Focus on me. Not her. Remember Emma, she can't hurt you. She's in your head."
Emma snapped back to clarity the moment she heard those words 'She can't hurt you.'
"You don't think Lily can hurt me?" Emma asked quietly, jerking away from Regina's touch. "Then you obviously aren't a very good doctor if you've known me for years. Lily is the one who punched Ruby. If she can find a way, she will."
Regina hummed as she contemplated what to say. Although Emma had no recollection, back in Boston, she had tried (and almost succeeded) to end her life on multiple occasions. She claimed Lily took over her body in those brief moments of weakness where Emma would get lost in her head. If Emma only knew what had really happened the night her supposed son came to take her back to a place called Storybrooke… she was too sensitive to learn the truth right now.
"I think that's enough of our session today," Regina concluded as she glanced at the watch on her wrist.
"So you'll let me out of these restraints?" asked Emma with a hopeful look in her eyes.
Regina wanted to give in; Emma was her favorite patient by far, and back in Boston, Regina was absolutely enamored as she listened to story after story of these detailed descriptions of who she was and how Emma knew her. Although none of those facts were true, it made Regina closer to Emma. But she knew that Emma needed to get used to the medication for at least the rest of the day so she wouldn't become so agitated.
Regina stood and pursed her lips in a show of sympathy. "I'm sorry, Miss Swan. I need to keep you in here for the rest of the day. However, I will send someone in with your dinner."
Emma watched with wide, frightened eyes as Regina pulled out another syringe and tapped the glass tube to release any air bubbles within. "Please, Dr. Mills. I'll be good, I won't hurt anyone else I promise!"
Regina paused as she prepared to stick the needle in. The poor woman thought this was her way of reprimanding her for her actions.
"Emma, this isn't a punishment. I want to see you become well and happy again."
Emma whimpered as the needle went in. She managed to choke back a sob, but couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her face. Soon, sleep came to carry her away. Just before she blacked out, she could have sworn she heard Lily laughing with delight.
Regina sighed as Emma drifted into unconsciousness. She covered the woman with a blanket, watching the rise and fall of her chest as her breathing slowed and became even. The co-coordinator of the hospital as well as the main psychiatrist, Ruel (better known as Blue) was waiting for her out in the hall.
"Did she recognize you?"
Regina shook her head. "Not even a little. Not real memories, anyway. It's like her whole past is gone, thanks to that sorry bastard. He gets to live out the rest of his life with three meals a day and wool blankets, while Emma will most likely be institutionalized and sedated every day for the rest of hers."
The composed doctor allowed a few tears to fall in the presence of a trusted friend. "It's like I'm a ghost. She doesn't remember me at all. I'm a stranger to the person I- " Regina cut herself off quickly, refusing to break down at her place of employment.
Blue laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know this is hard, Regina. But you need to give this time."
"It's been 4 years, Blue. If she doesn't remember me now, she most likely never will. You know the statistics better than anyone," Regina said bitterly.
"Yes. And I also know you better than anyone. You won't give up."
Regina absorbed her words for a minute. Then she straightened her shoulders, stood up straight, and put on her professional 'work' face. Blue was right; it would take time. But she couldn't give up.