Summary: In which Hatake Kakashi blames rabbits, gets reborn as a girl, and breaks the laws of time, space and dimension. Crack treated seriously. AU.

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine

Prologue: I am no more

Hatake Kakashi was having a good day.

After suffering through countless paperwork as the Rokudaime, he could finally take a break. He just transferred the hat to Naruto yesterday – kami knows the yellow-haired brat wanted it more than anything – and he's looking forward to reacquainting with his Icha-Icha again.

It had honestly been way too long since Kakashi read the series, because his brats – the lovable shits that they were – ransacked his library and threatened to burn it for the "greater good" of the village once he took up the hat.

Really, they're lucky he's fond of them or he would have done something drastic.

He was supposed to ease the boy in his new duties today, but meh - Shizune could handle it.

Besides, Kakashi wanted visit his favourite spot for old time's sake too.

He had to tell Minato-sensei, Kushina-san, Obito and Rin the good news, after all.

Walking silently towards the Memorial Stone, Kakashi idly wondered what Naruto's reaction would be after facing the bane of all Hokages' existence.

Paperwork.

Stuffy elders.

And, of course.

The Civilian Council.

Ugh. If Kakashi had a choice, he wouldn't have taken the position. Seriously, Obito and Naruto's insane to wish for that kind of fate.

To think of all the arses that he had kissed–

Kakashi shuddered and shook his head.

He tried not to dwell on it.

(Kakashi's avoidance of the issue didn't always work since there's only so much compartmentalizing one man could make. However, envisioning one of his former little genin's downcast and disillusioned face as he discover the hardships he would face as 'Hokage, dattebayo' never failed to improve Kakashi's mood. He's strangely comforted by the knowledge that he's not the only one in his team that would undergo the same torture. )

(...That probably made Kakashi a bad teacher but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care.)

A rustle interrupted his musings, making him unconsciously tense and reach for his kunai. With his instincts blaring in warning, Kakashi forced himself to stay his hand and act relaxed, all the while surveying his surroundings like a hawk. He didn't get much from it but one thing was sure though,

The chakra he sensed was strange. It's foreign – powerful.

The closest thing similar to it would be the Kyuubi's but that's not right either.

As the bushes bristled, Kakashi prepared to strike but–

"Muu~" a rabbit jumped out, suddenly popping the tension.

Kakashi faceplanted. He relaxed his stance a bit, but immediately tensed again when he observed the rabbit's eyes. It looks kind of familiar. It's red with pupils that–

"The Mangekyo." He whispered in a strangled voice, stunned.

Keeping the...mutant in sight, Kakashi absentmindedly wondered if the person who previously owned the eyes were on crack.

It would be simply ludicrous to assume that it evolved, because what would the bunny need the Sharingan for? It was more logical to think that the rabbit was experimented on for some absurd reason, although the idea that someone actually did made him want to pinch himself to check if he wasn't dreaming.

He, then, briefly remembered the trouble the clan subjected him to after getting Obito's eye and Kakashi's lips couldn't help but quirk in dark amusement when he imagined those stuffy elders turning on their graves from the current blasphemy. He felt kind of guilty thinking that since the joke's admittedly tasteless, but meh. Obito hated them anyway.

Suddenly, the rabbit hopped higher than Kakashi thought possible. As he automatically went to defend himself and slit that creepy bunny's neck, he was caught in its gaze and immediately felt the effects of what must be an S-class jutsu.

"Kami! What kind of creature is this?!" Kakashi groaned as crumpled into himself after feeling compressed bit by bit.

It felt wrong and he's feeling nauseated, repulsed–

He screamed hoarsely. "What the heck's going on?!"

Kakashi faced excruciating pain before – when his precious people died, when he failed his teammates, when he underwent through torture disguised as training, when he went on missions that tore apart his already beaten soul bit by bit. It hurt, but he survived. But this...he felt violated.

A seal that started from his eye when he gazed at that accursed rabbit, spread into Kakashi's whole body until he blacked out.

His last thought was how he – Kakashi of the Sharingan, Rokudaime, S-class Kage-level shinobi, son of the White Fang, student of the Yellow Flash – was defeated.

Not from a war.

Not from an enemy shinobi.

But from a fudging bunny.

He didn't know rabbits could be this evil but if he ever recovered from this, he's going to hunt all of them to extinction.

Believe it.