For all of Severus Snape's Dark Arts prowess, all of Hermione Granger's experience fighting on the frontlines of the Second War, all of Harry Potter's fame as the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice, it only took a single moment of inattention. One second, Harry was playfully ribbing Hermione for staring at her boyfriend's ("Dammit, I'm not a boy!") very fine posterior as he walked away from her toward Borgin and Burkes. The next, Lucius Malfoy was suddenly right there – and gone with his prize. Despite his Auror training, Harry hadn't even been able to get a single hex off in his friend's defense.

Luckily, there were few men more paranoid than Severus Snape. He'd known something like this might happen sooner or later, and had applied permanent tracking enchantments to every last piece of clothing he and Hermione had. Still, it took three days – three agonizing days – before Harry, Draco Malfoy, and a half dozen other Aurors were able to break through Lucius' wards. They were some of the strongest wards around, being directly tied to Lucius' life force. When they saw the state his victim was in, the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice actually passed out. Three days of rape, degradation, and torture at the crazed hands of Lucius Malfoy had reduced one of the brainiest magicals in the entire UK to a quivering lump who could barely form coherent sentences.

But the worst was yet to come. With his son Draco firmly on the side of the Light (not to mention dating Harry Potter of all wizards), Lucius had left a parting "gift" behind as his legacy – one that, two months after the ordeal, Severus and Hermione could no longer deny existed.

"Wha – no way – but you – how is that even possible?!"

"Really, Potter," Severus sneered, back to his usual form, "hardly anything is impossible in the magical world. And this – this – isn't even..." he trailed off, not willing to put – it – into words.

"Honestly, Harry," Hermione sighed, "as you can see, it's possible. It's happened. We," she clutched Severus' hand a little tighter, "just need to decide what to do about it."

"What to do about it?" Harry parroted. Snape rolled his eyes but managed to refrain from commenting.

"Look," said Hermione, pushing a color-coded piece of parchment toward Harry. "It's all outlined there. We can – keep – it," here she shuddered; Snape drew her closer, "which we certainly aren't going to do. We can, um, carry it to term," she shuddered again, "and give it up to St. Mungo's. Or, we could obtain a termination. But we have to decide soon, or it'll be too late to terminate."

Harry looked the piece of parchment over. A red "X" had been drawn over the "Keep it" option. A number of "pros" and "cons" were listed for the two remaining options. The "pros" listed for "Terminate" included "relief – almost certain" and "fairly trivial medically." The "cons" included "guilt – possible," "regret – possible," and "societal expectations." The "pros" under "Carry & give up" were "no guilt or regret," "saves life – likely," and "can give to St. Mungo's." "Cons" were listed as "resentment – likely" and "increased health risks."

"We should add "extreme discomfort" to the cons for "Carry & give up,"" Snape complained. "I've been brewing anti-nausea potions every day for the last two weeks."

"I had no idea you had to brew every day," said Hermione, "you should have asked me to help."

"I can handle it," said Snape, "you are already dealing with the mood swings, the cravings, the bad temper..." Hermione snorted, "You don't say." Snape cuffed her lightly in response.

"Ahem," Harry interjected. He was happy for his friends, honestly, but seeing their romantic banter still grossed him out, just a little. "Explain this to me – I get the part about health, but what's this stuff about societal expectations?"

Hermione sighed. "Just that, Harry," she explained, "the Wizarding World has certain – values; it expects certain sacrifices, especially from... Can you even imagine what the Prophet would say if this got out and they revealed we'd decided to terminate instead of, well, giving it to St. Mungo's?"

Harry leaned forward. "But you've already given so much – both of you! Many of them wouldn't even be here if not for you."

Snape only raised an eyebrow. "And when has the Wizarding World ever been... reasonable?"

Harry deflated. "Still," he insisted, "you shouldn't decide based on what they want. What you've already done – " Snape waved him off, although there was a glimmer of appreciation in his eyes. "No, Potter, it won't be our main concern. But it's still a consideration."

"OK," Harry said, "but I don't understand this guilt and regret business."

This time Hermione whacked him. "Honestly," she huffed, "wouldn't you feel guilt and regret if you had a choice to save a life – a vulnerable life – and you didn't take it?"

"Of course I would!" cried Harry. "But this isn't a life. It's not even – not even a fetus! It's a bloody expanding bag of Lucius Malfoy's galleons shoved up Snape's ass! How can getting rid of it before Snape blows up like a balloon –" Harry realized he'd been silenced and Hermione was glaring bloody murder at him.

"Harry James Potter," she growled, "do you have a brain or don't you? Severus has been traumatized enough by Lucius – you don't need to be crass about it. How would you like it if I shoved my wand up your –"

"Actually," drawled Snape. Hermione's eyes shot to him instantly, softening. "Potter is... correct."

"What?!" Hermione exclaimed. Harry's mouth was also hanging open.

"It's an expanding bag of galleons shoved – ahem – up my ass, as Potter so eloquently put it," explained Snape. "The money has the potential to save a life if I – ahem – carry it for seven more months and give it to St. Mungo's, but if we break the spell now and lose all of it – that's not harming anyone."

"You're right!" Hermione exclaimed. "I didn't look at it that way. Otherwise every galleon spent on a vacation or even at the Leaky – why, just about everyone would be a murderer."

"I'll Owl Poppy right away for the termination," Snape concluded.

"Don't think this means you're off the hook, Harry Potter," Hermione warned after Snape had left to find their owl. "Shoved up his ass indeed!"