Story name: A father's reflection

Author: NB313

Background: What does it mean to be a father? This is the first of a four part series. Each one-shot will showcase one of our favourite male characters from VA as they spend some time reflecting on what it means to be a father. Set at various moments in time, starting from Last Sacrifice and going beyond. Posting Part I for the compilation – the rest will be posted over the course of the next 3 months on NB313 – with the final 'part' posted on Father's Day (Aus calendar – 3rd Sept).

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PART I = ABE

Money and Power.

With these I've been able to grow my empire and become an influential person. But no amount of money or power can help me now, as I sit here and watch my little girl undertake her greatest fight that will determine whether she lives or dies!

I may not come from a royal family but I'm the most feared Moroi in our world. Gaining such a reputation wasn't an easy task – I had to do a lot of terrible things…

The worst of which was pushing aside fatherhood and my beautiful daughter – Rosemarie.

I can still remember the day she was born.

Janine had woken up in a panic – shaking me amidst her screeching that her side of the bed was wet. She'd gone into labour and it wasn't long before the contractions kicked in. Luckily we were prepared for such an occurrence and having roused two of my most trusted Guardians, Pavel and Boris, we sped towards Memorial Ankara Hastanesi. Janine wasn't happy about giving birth in Turkey – she would have preferred Scotland or the US – but I had too many enemies and Turkey was one of the few countries where I was 'king' and practically untouchable, so was convinced this would be the safest place. Since I had the local authorities in my pocket, I knew Pavel could break every traffic law known to mankind to get Janine to the hospital and not worry about getting pulled over.

What would have normally taken an hour took us twenty mins and I burst through the emergency doors, looking foreboding and powerful, while Boris carried a screaming Janine through the door, his normally stoic expression replaced with one of concern and discomfort – give him a Strigoi and he knew what to do, but a screeching, pregnant Dhampir and he was way out of his element!

It didn't take long for the nurses and doctors to dance to my tune and in less than 10 minutes we were set up in a private room and the head of obstetrics performing Janine's examination. The verdict was in – we were about to meet our daughter in less than 3 hours!

I knew Janine was not a stranger to pain – she'd been training to be a Guardian since she was 5 – but seeing her baulk and scream in throes of labour made me wonder if this was a whole other level of pain she was experiencing for the first time. It had killed me to watch her suffer and not be able to do anything.

At 2am on 21st March, our princess entered the world – Rosemarie Aileen Hathaway-Mazur. I would have preferred to have not hyphenated her name but we had discussed this and I knew it was a necessary evil. But none of that mattered – the world faded away as I held my precious daughter. I can count on one hand the number of times I've cried and this was one of those rare times. She was perfect and I couldn't believe she was half of me. Her hair and eyes were my colouring but the nose, ears and chin were just like her mothers. Even though she was only a few hours old I knew straight away she would be the best parts of us. We held her in our arms knowing there wasn't anything else we would love more in this world.

Unfortunately, having a family, regardless of the endless love and joy they bring, is still a weakness, which my enemies were more than happy to exploit. It started at the hospital, when a few days later someone tried to kidnap Rose. Luckily Pavel and Boris were doing a sweep of the ward and noticed an 'unidentified nurse' trying to covertly walk away with the baby. She didn't stick around to be interrogated but the message was clear – my family was not safe.

So I made plans to take us off the grid and we went to the one town where I was certain we could raise Rose and live in obscurity – Baia, Russia. We were blessed with four glorious years, where we watched our beautiful girl grow up into an inquisitive, stubborn, wild child. She had her mother's temper but my penchant for mischief. But unfortunately my enemies found us and our dream of a happy family had to end.

It was with a heavy heart we decided to split up and place Rose in an academy that was based in the US. I released Janine from my service so she could get her own allocation, knowing it was best to keep my distance from her as well. Janine was heartbroken but understood, though her way of coping our separation was to throw herself into Guardian work, needing it to forget the 'family fantasy' she had to leave behind.

And so my life was turned upside down – my daughter in the US, my wife somewhere in Nepal with her new charge and me in Russia. I threw myself into the 'business' with a new vengeance – if my enemies wanted to shut me down by threatening to destroy the two good things I had in my life, they were in for a rude awakening.

I knew Janine was maintaining her distance from Rose – for Rose's protection and also for her own sanity – but that didn't stop me from keeping an eye on our baby girl. My eyes and ears was Alberta, a dear friend and confidant who knew about me and my 'business'. I was confident in her ability to be discreet and careful in the way she kept me informed about Rose and her progress at school.

Through anonymous donations, I was able to cover her and some of the orphaned Dhampirs tuitions – I had to be careful to not be seen giving money directly to the academy in case my enemies were watching. Alberta had instructions to use some of that money to ensure Rose had the necessary essentials for school and that she received a decent present on her birthday and Christmas. It wasn't perfect and I knew as the years went on, and Rose started acting out, Janine and I would have our work cut out for us if and when we tried to re-enter her life. Alberta explained how Rose had started seeing herself like the other orphans, even though she wasn't, and it killed me to put her through so much pain and sorrow but it was a small price to pay to keep her safe.

I found out about her involvement in the crash when I attended the state funeral held at Court for the deceased Dragomirs. I had been livid and had wanted to rip into Alberta but Janine – who was also there due to her charge's attendance – pulled me aside and calmed me down. It physically hurt us to not be able to comfort our daughter. We silently watched from the shadows as Rose sat next to the last Dragomir and lent the poor girl her strength and support while she internalised her grief for losing a family she had loved as her own. It was a sobering moment for us and the guilt we felt on our continued absence seemed to endlessly expand within our souls.

The next big moment in Rose's life was when she disappeared from the academy with the same Dragomir girl. I had been about ready to drop everything and use all of my resources to hunt her down, but Alberta stopped me with the warning that such a move would finally let my enemies know who Rose was and put her in even more danger in the 'human world' than she already was. The academy were going to use their own resources to find them, plus they had permission from Hans and the Queen to do whatever was necessary to bring the girls home.

I decided to cash in a favour with an old acquaintance from Baia and send Alberta a Guardian who had graduated top of his class and I knew could be trusted.

It still took them 2 years but Belikov finally delivered, like I knew he would. I couldn't help but be proud of Rose – she really was my daughter, being able to stay under the radar for that long without any incident. Little did I know at the time the important role Belikov was to play in Rose's life.

I'd had dealings with Victor Dashkov in the past and had found him to be an overzealous fanatic hell-bent on some mythical revolution, but due to his chronic and aggressive sickness had never considered him to be a real threat. When I was made aware of the kidnapping and the subsequent jail break that had almost cost Rose her life, I had wanted to drop everything and go down to the Court cells at that moment and kill Victor with my bare hands. Luckily, Pavel kept me in check and made sure I remained in Russia to complete the business I was there for. My compromise on the matter was to fly straight to Court once I had concluded with my dealings in Russia and I worked my contacts to ensure the members of the Council would be 'encouraged' into sending Victor to the worst of our prisons – Tarasov. If I hadn't intervened they'd been considering either house arrest or one of the more 'Moroi friendly' prisons due to his 'medical condition' which classified him as a 'low flight risk' candidate.

When I saw Rose face to face in Russia, it was a bittersweet experience. She looked so much like me though her height and body was all her mothers. She had turned 18 and I remembered the promise I had made to myself after the car crash – where I would finally come out of the shadows and reveal myself to her when she reached adulthood. But before we could have that 'revelation', she had arrived in Russia on a mission to hunt down her mentor who had turned Strigoi. But as I watched my princess interact with the Belikovas the night of Belikov's memorial, I realised with a sad heart she wasn't here to set a mentor free but to give eternal peace to a lover. I'd never wanted this kind of life for Rose and seeing her in so much pain was heartbreaking!

But that little girl of mine! She has given me more near heart-attacks than I thought possible – getting caught by Strigoi Belikov and somehow barely escaping alive, dating the notorious Ivashkov manwhore, enquiring about Victor & Tarasov which I suspect lead to his break out. Then there was the whole changing her lover back into a Dhampir, being framed for the Queen's murder, her own little jailbreak – with some 'explosive' help from me – and finally getting shot in front of me by the Ozera bitch!

Words cannot describe how I'd felt watching Rose take the bullet and crumble on the floor before Lissa and Dimitri. I wasn't close enough to push them aside and take her into my arms. In fact, Pavel and another Court Guardian had pushed me further away from the scene, worried that I could be next – after all I was Abe Mazur and a Moroi!

In my mind the doctors had taken too long and if only I had been able to shove everyone aside and taken hold of the situation, I'm certain I would have gotten her to surgery much quicker.

As I watch her struggling to come back to us, Janine quietly explained to me how this would be the second time Rose had nearly died – the first time occurring in the car accident that had killed the Dragomirs.

I thought I'd endured pain and anguish before but nothing could compare to my current helplessness as I watch my princess on the surgery table, fighting for her life. All I can do is pray, beg and threaten every deity and high power I could think of. She had to live, there was no doubt about it. I didn't even want to think what I would do if she were to die in the hospital – all I can say is no one would be safe. I'd even burn the hospital down without a second thought.

But my little girl, my princess, has always been a fighter – she got that from both of us and I was certain she would pull through now.

After all, she really was the best parts of us and I wouldn't have it any other way!