Disclaimer: That's right! I'm Joss' love slave... And in return he gives me
rights to BtVS.. Yup... And he even let's me borrow Spike once in a
while.. Really... stop laughing... 's not funny...
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in forever. School and friends got in the way.. Damn them. But summer is approaching and I won't be in school for a few months, which gives me time to focus on my writing. I'm going to try to update as often as possible... as long as I'm motivated I suppose. Drop me a review to let me know how I'm doing.. even if its yelling at me for never updating..
Read on...
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August 7th
Day 94
Dear Buffy,
I refuse to ever go shopping again. EVER. I had no idea that women could make a sound that high pitched. I swear that if I wasn't a vampire I wouldn't have been able to hear them. Only dogs could. But it made Dawn happy and I think that is important. Doing things seems to keep her mind off of everything, and its good for her. She needs some happiness in her life.
I wish I could say that I was getting better...That I sleep and that I don't cry anymore....I really wish I could but I can't. I've become good at hiding it, they don't seem to notice that I'm not getting any sleep because I am good at pretending to be getting sleep. And with the crying? Well, I do that when I am pretending to sleep so it all works out ok.
You see, now I just feel like a poofter telling you all this. It was easier when we were all grieving in the open, everyone was expected to cry and be sad. Now we all hold it in and we don't talk about it. Dawn and I don't even anymore, I just go up there each night and sleep on the floor. Maybe that brings her some comfort, knowing that I'm there.
I still miss you, I think I probably always will..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 12th
Day 99
Dear Buffy,
Dawn's actually made a few friends over the summer, annoying 'lil chits but you get used to them. I can only remember one of their names, I think it is something like Janice. And the only reason I remember that is because she always manages to find a way to flirt with me. I guess as long as Dawn's happy.
Xander and I shoot pool on a regular basis now. He's better than I thought he'd be but I still kick his ass every time. Gives me something to look forward to each week. More often than not we end up piss drunk at the end of the night and then we have Anya to deal with. I usually get into more trouble than Harris. But I think that's because he sleeps with her and I don't.
I'm starting to worry about Willow. I haven't mentioned this to anyone, especially her, but I worry that she is using too much magic.. For little things. I won't go into detail, but I've had my trouble with magic. I know Tara worries too, I can see it on her face when Willow attempts to do something new. But I think I'll just stay out of it. I've always been the Scooby on the outside... Well, I guess you can call me a Scooby now.. Whatever I am I'm on the outside. Most times its just easier to be an observer... and maybe you'd scoff at that... that I could be less judgmental and just observe... well, I do that better than anyone will ever know.
I'll always love you pet... I hope you're not where they think you are...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 17th
Day 104
Dear Buffy,
These last couple of days have been hard. The rise in vampires have steadily gone up and we can't figure out why. The Bot has become even more obnoxious, and Dawn is a moody teenager. Only two of those things I can complain about openly.... the only thing more scary than a Slayer with a stake is a moody teenager.
I don't sleep anymore. I'm out all night slaying with your mates and then being haunted by your face when I sleep. The dreams have gotten more intense.. more vivid and realistic. I usually wake up gasping.. Reaching out for you. On more than one occasion one of the witches or the Bit hears me and comes running down the stairs to check up on me..They say I scream before I gasp and that's what brings them down... I don't remember the screaming. You haunted me when you lived. and you still do it from your death. You're a remarkable woman Summers.. only you. I'll live forever.. and you'll always be there, haunting me... making wish I had done everything smarter.. faster..... better... than maybe I could've watched you longer. That's all I could ever do.. Watch you.. But I think that is all that I really needed...
Now I'm going to make an attempt at sleeping. Maybe today the dreams won't be as harsh..
Love you always.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: That's all that I have for you know. Look for a new chapter within the next week... while I go work on my other two stories.. Thanks for your patience.... Hopefully I still have readers..
Be happy... Give Spike a hug...
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in forever. School and friends got in the way.. Damn them. But summer is approaching and I won't be in school for a few months, which gives me time to focus on my writing. I'm going to try to update as often as possible... as long as I'm motivated I suppose. Drop me a review to let me know how I'm doing.. even if its yelling at me for never updating..
Read on...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 7th
Day 94
Dear Buffy,
I refuse to ever go shopping again. EVER. I had no idea that women could make a sound that high pitched. I swear that if I wasn't a vampire I wouldn't have been able to hear them. Only dogs could. But it made Dawn happy and I think that is important. Doing things seems to keep her mind off of everything, and its good for her. She needs some happiness in her life.
I wish I could say that I was getting better...That I sleep and that I don't cry anymore....I really wish I could but I can't. I've become good at hiding it, they don't seem to notice that I'm not getting any sleep because I am good at pretending to be getting sleep. And with the crying? Well, I do that when I am pretending to sleep so it all works out ok.
You see, now I just feel like a poofter telling you all this. It was easier when we were all grieving in the open, everyone was expected to cry and be sad. Now we all hold it in and we don't talk about it. Dawn and I don't even anymore, I just go up there each night and sleep on the floor. Maybe that brings her some comfort, knowing that I'm there.
I still miss you, I think I probably always will..
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 12th
Day 99
Dear Buffy,
Dawn's actually made a few friends over the summer, annoying 'lil chits but you get used to them. I can only remember one of their names, I think it is something like Janice. And the only reason I remember that is because she always manages to find a way to flirt with me. I guess as long as Dawn's happy.
Xander and I shoot pool on a regular basis now. He's better than I thought he'd be but I still kick his ass every time. Gives me something to look forward to each week. More often than not we end up piss drunk at the end of the night and then we have Anya to deal with. I usually get into more trouble than Harris. But I think that's because he sleeps with her and I don't.
I'm starting to worry about Willow. I haven't mentioned this to anyone, especially her, but I worry that she is using too much magic.. For little things. I won't go into detail, but I've had my trouble with magic. I know Tara worries too, I can see it on her face when Willow attempts to do something new. But I think I'll just stay out of it. I've always been the Scooby on the outside... Well, I guess you can call me a Scooby now.. Whatever I am I'm on the outside. Most times its just easier to be an observer... and maybe you'd scoff at that... that I could be less judgmental and just observe... well, I do that better than anyone will ever know.
I'll always love you pet... I hope you're not where they think you are...
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
August 17th
Day 104
Dear Buffy,
These last couple of days have been hard. The rise in vampires have steadily gone up and we can't figure out why. The Bot has become even more obnoxious, and Dawn is a moody teenager. Only two of those things I can complain about openly.... the only thing more scary than a Slayer with a stake is a moody teenager.
I don't sleep anymore. I'm out all night slaying with your mates and then being haunted by your face when I sleep. The dreams have gotten more intense.. more vivid and realistic. I usually wake up gasping.. Reaching out for you. On more than one occasion one of the witches or the Bit hears me and comes running down the stairs to check up on me..They say I scream before I gasp and that's what brings them down... I don't remember the screaming. You haunted me when you lived. and you still do it from your death. You're a remarkable woman Summers.. only you. I'll live forever.. and you'll always be there, haunting me... making wish I had done everything smarter.. faster..... better... than maybe I could've watched you longer. That's all I could ever do.. Watch you.. But I think that is all that I really needed...
Now I'm going to make an attempt at sleeping. Maybe today the dreams won't be as harsh..
Love you always.
~ Spike
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: That's all that I have for you know. Look for a new chapter within the next week... while I go work on my other two stories.. Thanks for your patience.... Hopefully I still have readers..
Be happy... Give Spike a hug...