Blood Obsessed Naruto 4/10/16

Disclaimer; Don't own Naruto

It's scary what I smile can hide.

–unknown

"Konohamaru, rocks aren't square!" Naruto yelled shaking her head, honestly just who did the boy think he was fooling? The square cardboard box exploded with a gigantic puff of thick gray smoke.

"Guys, I think we used too much gunpowder." Konohamaru coughed trying to expel the smoke from his lungs. His mood did a quick one-eighty as he turned to Naruto "As expected of you, Lady Boss! I can't fool you!" He yelled excitedly.

Naruto sighed 'At least they didn't do that stupid introduction thing.' She thought, looking over at the trio 'Konohamaru is the grandson of the Hokage and more intelligent than he likes to act, Moegi claims to be the sexist kunoichi in the first year of the academy, and Udon smartest kid in the entire grade. They'll either kill each other or two of them will end up getting together.'

"Come on Boss Lady! You promised to play ninja with us!" Kono exclaimed cheerfully grabbing her hand, tugging her slightly.

Naruto laughed rubbing the back of her neck a sheepish expression on her face "Did I really?" She asked wondering when she had told them she would play with them. All three nodded seriously.

"A ninja playing ninja? How stupid are you?" An arrogant voice came from behind Naruto who had already heard Sakura's loud footsteps and terrible smelling perfume before she even spoke.

The blond turned around to look at her teammate "Sakura. It's actually fun and good training." Naruto said grinning at her despite her fellow Kunoichi cold attitude.

"Neh, Boss, is this your teammate?" Kono asked looking towards her before continuing before she could confirm. "I mean she can't be, right? She's so ugly and flat chested and what's up with that huge forehead?" He commented.

Naruto froze looking at Sakura and then back to the Konohamaru "Kono." She said making sure he was looking at her "Run." Naruto stated pointing to a murderous Sakura.

"You BRAT!" The pinkette screeched chasing after him "Get back here!" She shrieked running after them.

Naruto sweatdropped as she watched them turn a corner. 'Maybe I should stop Sakura before she actually hits him.'

A loud, angry voice yelled from around the corner, "What do you think you're doing brat?!"

Naruto immediately stopped laughing running towards them to see a boy about her age in a black catsuit and purple make-up lining his face lifting Kono up with one hand.

Sakura stood a few feet from them, stopping her rampage and was nervously shifting looking reluctant to intervene. The other two children watched the scene and a slightly older girl with sandy blond hair pulled into four ponytails spoke up.

"Come on Kankuro leave the kid alone." She said rolling her eyes and crossing her arms clearly annoyed at the other boy's behavior.

The-cat-man-Kankuro sneered "It's fine I'm just going to teach him a little lesson first." He said drawing his fist back.

Konohamaru struggled, yelling, "Just you wait! When Boss gets here then you'll be in trouble!" He said angrily.

Kankuro growled, "I'd like to see him try." He said. Naruto's eye twitched at the assumption of Konohamaru's Boss' gender.

Naruto cleared her throat drawing their attention away from the boy who yelled out "Boss Lady! You're here!" He shouted excitedly. The two sand ninja's heads turned to look in the direction Konohamaru was yelling at after his outburst.

Kankuro laughed "This is your Boss? This wimpy little chick?" He asked looking at the blond girl, "She couldn't beat me if she tried." He proclaimed ignoring his own blond teammate's annoyance at his attitude.

Naruto rolled her eyes opening her mouth to say something, but before she got the chance a rock came from behind them hitting Kankuro on the forehead causing him to cry out in surprise dropping Konohamaru, who ran behind Naruto as her head snapped to the direction the rock had come from.

Naruto's sky blue eyes landed on an annoyingly familiar face she said, "Oi! Sasuke-" She shouted but was soon cut off by Sakura shrieking "SASUKE-KUN! YOU'RE SO COOL!" The pinkette exclaimed.

Naruto's eyes narrowed "Who's that!" She yelled looking over at the tree trying to spot the mysterious person. Everyone else's faces showed confusion at her question wondering what the blond kunoichi meant.

Sakura was the one to break the silence with her shrill voice "Naruto-Baka the only one that's there is Sasuke-kun!" She said looking at her female teammate as if she was out of her mind.

Naruto rolled her eyes "Not him." She said pointing at Sasuke "Him." She told them pointing at a now seen boy around their age. The group's head snapped towards where she was pointing.

"G-Gaara!" Kankuro yelped out in surprise clearly recognizing the red-headed boy "What are you doing here?" He asked nervously. Naruto raised an eyebrow at his behavior.

"Kankuro. Shut up or I'll kill you." Gaara said his tone cold and emotionless doing a quick shunshin over to them, "Losing your temper like that disgraceful. We're leaving." He told them already starting to walk away.

"Wait. What's your name?" Sasuke demanded, looking at the sand ninja.

Temari turned around pointing to herself, a barely visible blush on her face, "Me?" She asked.

Sasuke shook his head "No your red-headed teammate." He stated impatiently.

Gaara turned around but before he could introduce himself Naruto cut in "Forgive my teammate. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and these people are Sakura, Moegi, Udon, Konohamaru, he's the grandson of our Hokage by the way-" At this moment Kankuro drained of all color, "-and the obviously gay but hiding it emo is Sasuke Uchiha and if I'm correct you are Kankuro and Gaara!" She chirped happily before turning to the girl, "I'm sorry I never caught your name."

The other blonde grinned, "Temari, nice to meet you."

Sasuke glared at the golden blond-haired girl, "I. AM. NOT. GAY." He seethed getting Sakura's screech of agreement.

Temari tilted her head to the side looking Sasuke up and down muttering "I don't know..." She trailed off ignoring the fact that the Uchiha had heard it.

Kankuro at this point decided to add in his two cents "Dude, if you're gay then stay away from me, 'cause I don't swing that way." He told the Uchiha.

Meanwhile, Sasuke looked as if he wanted to strangle them all. They soon erupted into an argument with the two sand nins and the Konohamaru Corps. saying Sasuke was gay while The accused genin and Sakura denied it.

After around five minutes Naruto shouted "Guys! Is no one going to comment?!" She asked randomly looking at them all incredulously only to be answered by blank faces.

"Comment about what?" Temari asked looking at her fellow blond curiously. Naruto shook her head in bewilderment.

"Him," Naruto stated pointing at Gaara "I can understand you two since you're around him all the time-" she vaguely gestured to the sand nins "–but no one else has noticed?" She asked looking at her village members.

Gaara looked at her blankly tilting his head to the side ever so slightly curious as to what she was going to say. Shukaku crackled in his head "Maybe the tattoo? The gourd? The scent of blood? Or will it be the bags under your eyes? What shall it be?"

Kankuro blinked, "What about Gaara?" He asked clearly not understanding what she was talking about.

Naruto pointed at Gaara again "His hair is red." She stated like it was the most obvious thing ever, which it was.

The whole group face faulted. Even Shukaku had fallen strangely quiet. While Sakura asked "So?" Clearly not understanding the seriousness of the situation.

Naruto looked at them all incredulously "Dude. I don't know about Suna but I have never seen red hair in this village before." She started turning to Gaara and walking toward him, stopping a few feet from him.

Then Naruto did the most un-Naruto her teammates had ever seen her do. She moved closer to him barely a foot away, a serious look on her face. Gaara moved back slightly startled at the close proximity, not completely sure as to what he should do.

Naruto face broke into a grin launching herself at Gaara, pulling him into a hug, while unknowingly shoving his face into her breasts. The redhead tensed his arms in the air unsure as to where they should go, he heard his mother roar out a rather pleased exclamation of "Score!".

Gaara shifted slightly trying to get out of her grip unsuccessfully his eyes slowly closing, 'She... She can... Why is she...? How is she?' He stopped struggling, 'W-warm...'

Naruto turned towards them Gaara still in her arms, taking in their reactions. Kankuro and Temari looked like they were about to faint, Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon were all just looking at her strangely, Sakura looked surprised and Sasuke just stared blankly at the two.

Sakura broke out of her shock "Naruto! What are you doing?! Stop being such a slut!" She yelled her face turning as red as her outfit.

Temari continued to stare "She's touching Gaara..." She said staring at Naruto in wonder. Kankuro nodding not taking his eyes off the scene in front of them. Naruto shot them a brief questioning glance before turning to Sakura.

Naruto grinned hugging him tighter "He has red hair. Not boring dull red or an ugly bright red but beautiful, blood red hair. Sakura. What do you expect?" She asked looking at the pink haired girl questioningly.

Sakura opened her mouth to screech something but before she had the chance she was cut off by Konohamaru

"Um... Boss Lady?" Konohamaru asked looking at Naruto uncertainly trying to catch her attention.

"Yes, Kono? What is it? Is something wrong?" She asked staring down at the younger boy curiously.

"I think you're suffocating that guy, Boss, he stopped moving a while ago," Konohamaru stated pointing down to the motionless redhead, drawing the others attention.

Naruto blinked looking down before loosening her grasp. Gaara pulled back and sucked in a deep breath, relieved to have oxygen again. The blond looked down at him apologetically "Sorry 'bout that." She said sheepishly scratching her whiskered cheek, "I just couldn't help myself."

Gaara stared at her silently, while his brother and sister shifted wondering what they were supposed to do.

Naruto turned to Konohamaru and the others "Kono, Moegi, Udon do you guys still want to play ninja?" She stated releasing Gaara a walking over to the three children signaling for them to go.

Konohamaru seemed to ponder something glancing between her and Gaara for a moment before shaking his head, "Nah, we've had enough excitement for today, Boss."

The three academy students dashed off, waving goodbye as they went. Sasuke began to walk away while Sakura trailed after him asking him out on dates and complimenting on how cool he was.

Shukaku spoke up in the silence "Keep an eye on her. She's interesting and familiar." The raccoon stated.

Naruto turned around to the Sand team, giving them a foxy grin, "So do you guys need help finding where you're staying?" She smiled.

From within her head, Kurama let out a low growl, "What are you planning now, kit?"

'One of them has red hair.' Naruto thought, practically feeling the Kyuubi rolling his eyes.

Kurama released a snort, "You're blood obsessed."

'Just a tad.'

"Temari, Kankuro! There you guys are." An older, very tall man with two distinctive, red markings on the right side of his face, the only visible part of his head, with the rest being covered by his turban-like headgear and by a sheet hanging from it on the left side of his face.

"Baki-sensei." Temari greeted, "I thought you were supposed to be informing the Lord Hokage that we had arrived."

The Jounin nodded his head in agreement, "I should be but the secretary refused to let me by saying that I didn't have an appointment." A frown marring the visible side of his face.

"Do you want me to help with that?" Naruto jumped in.

Baki blinked as if only now noticing her presence, "My apologies, I didn't mean to be rude. Who might you be?" He asked.

"Naruto Uzumaki, you guys are here for the chunin exams right?" She asked.

"Indeed we are." He said examining the blonde in front of him. She was of average height with sunshine yellow blonde hair pulled into a messy bun wearing a red long-sleeved shirt covered by a black kimono with an orange fox on the bottom that hid her figure rather well, along with standard shinobi pants and sandals.

"Nice to meet you. You were saying something about an appointment?"

Baki nodded slightly curious, "Ah, yes it seems as if the secretary forgot to schedule my arrival so I haven't been able to inform him of the teams here."

Naruto's sunny grin never left her face, "Yah, Jiji's secretary sucks. I keep telling him to fire her and get a new one but he never does."

Several eyebrows shot up, the jounin frowned, about to ask her what she meant but Naruto grabbed his arm. "Don't worry! I'll help you!" She roared, "Follow me!~" She sang.

Naruto dragged them towards the Hokage Tower the rest of sand team trailing behind them, upon arriving there she finally released Baki's arm and cheerfully bolted past the Hokage's protesting secretary.

Temari, Kankuro and Baki watched in horror as the blonde girl kicked the most powerful man in the village's office door open, "JIJI!~~" She roared at the top of her lungs, "I brought guests!~"

Instead of reprimanding her the old Hokage merely smiled in fond exasperation, "Oh, and who would they be?" Hiruzen asked.

Baki hesitantly entered the room, eyes darting between the Hokage and Naruto, "Sir, I'm the Head Jounin in charge of the genin taking the chunin exams."

The Hokage blinked, "I see, I was wondering why no one had checked in with me from the Suna."

The jounin bowed his head respectfully, "I'm afraid your secretary refused to let me through without an appointment and I didn't want to cause an incident."

Naruto chose this time to speak up, "I told you that you should have fired that bitch, Old man."

"Yes, Naruto you have and I would, but firing Haruno would mean more paperwork and that is something I don't have time for."

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara entered the office Kankuro and Temari looked shocked while Gaara was a blank slate even as the Shukaku laughed his tail off inside of his mind.

Naruto blinked tilting her head to the side, "If I gave you the secret to paperwork would you fire her and get a proper shinobi secretary instead of that civilian?"

The old Hokage looked up at her, "The secret to this thrice-damned paperwork?" Hiruzen asked trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Naruto nodded, "Yep." She grinned.

"Well?"

"Kage Bunshin." Naruto deadpanned looking amused.

Hiruzen stilled for a moment, before slamming his palm onto his forehead, creating three kage bunshin he set them to work making sure they would each dispel at a different time before roaring, "HA! Take that you accursed bane of all kages!"

Kankuro, Baki, and Temari traded glances 'This is the most powerful man in the village? Seriously?'

The Hokage triumphantly marched over to his desk and pulled out a breakable glass that read 'Break when the greatest evil has been defeated. –Shodaime Hokage, Hashirama Senju' Bringing out a small hammer he smashed the glass.

All of the Hokage's ANBU guard lept out from their hiding place child's party hats atop of their heads despite their masks still being on as disco music played in the background and flashing multicolored lights shone from the corners of the room.

As one, the Anbu pulled the strings for the party poppers sending confetti everywhere and the Hokage pulled out the special case and revealed a bottle of sake. Removing the seal he poured it into two cups handing one to Naruto before they both drank.

Hiruzen settled back in his chair sipping the sake happily, "Now since that's out of the way." He continued on as if the ANBU weren't cleaning up confetti, "–since Naruto was kind enough to bring you here she can also show you around the village and give you an official Konoha warn–welcome."

The Sand-nin stared, dumbfounded while the blonde smiled giving the Hokage a mock salute.

Naruto spun around grinning wide enough to show sharp canines, "Welcome to the Village Hidden in the Leaves, please ignore all explosions,–"

A small house on the edge of the village spontaneously combusted.

"–cries from distressed civilians,–"

In the distance, an old vender fell to his knees sobbing while clutching his precious cabbages.

"–And pieces of furniture falling from the sky although it is recommended that you dodge."

Twelve towns away Tsunade glared at a pathetic mess of a man who had tried to grope her. Standing up she took the chair he was sitting on and launched it into the sky.

"Please be warned that we of Konoha are in no way responsible for any mental trauma you may experience while staying here. Please do not disturb the female ninja while they're in the hot springs, do so at your own risk."

In the direction of the onsen, a high pitched shriek erupted from a man as several kunoichis descended on him.

"–and please for the sake of everyone, if you hear two men shouting about 'The Power of Youth' turn away before they hug."

A loud cry of "YOUTH!" erupted from a training ground some distance away.

"Welcome to Konoha." Naruto finished, as she and the Hokage gave sharp sadistic grins, "Welcome to the fold." They finished together as a chair came crashing through the ceiling the man once attached to it nowhere in sight.

Temari, Kankuro, and Baki shivered, partly because of the situation they had found themselves in but mostly because for the first time in his life Gaara's teal eyes stared with an unconcealed interest written across his face at the fascinating foxy blonde in front of him.

Monsters don't sleep under your bed.

They sleep inside your head

–unknown