FACEPALM SPRINGS

CHAPTER 5

AN: Here it is. The finished product. I hope you enjoyed the ride!

In spite of a residual dull ache in his forehead and nose a dose of an anti-inflammatory agent mostly remedied, Walter felt pretty good about his circumstances going into Saturday. Equilibrium was restored.

It was undoubtedly due to the fact he didn't leave the villa until almost noon.

He and Paige enjoyed room service for breakfast, then they spent another pleasant half hour judging to see if each other's various body parts were anatomically similar to everyone else's. It was unanimously decided between the two of them theirs were actually far superior in every way.

After their exhaustive, conclusive and extremely thorough as well as biased body part comparison study, she decided to go with Amber to take advantage of some of the spa services and he happily stayed behind in their villa answering email and reading an article he'd found by a renowned physicist he admired.

He was so absorbed in the new and fascinating theory he didn't hear Paige come back until she was standing right by him and leaned in for a kiss.

"Earth to Walter," she teased with a smile before brushing his lips with hers. "Are you ready to rejoin the human race for a bit? Lunch is being served by the pool in about forty minutes."

For the sake of domestic tranquility, he really did try to quell his irritation at having to put his reading aside to go socialize with a bunch of idiots by telling himself the article wasn't going anywhere. But Paige being Paige, she read his facial expression quite accurately like he was an article about truculent geniuses with low EQ. "I'll be right there with you this time. And I really don't mind if you take your computer. It might just keep you out of trouble for a little while."

Her assurances made him feel somewhat less reluctant. Or maybe it was the personal burlesque show she put on for him when she was changing into her swimsuit that helped. Or the activities that inevitably followed the show. No doubt about it, her body parts were still far superior in his opinion, but he was always glad for further examination to make sure his earlier observations were absolutely correct. Science was all in the details.

They were late for lunch.

At any rate, some sixty-five minutes later Walter found himself in hastily tugged on swim shorts and a T-shirt lured outside to sit self-consciously by the pool in the shade of one of the umbrellas. Even partially hidden behind sunglasses, he was well aware his face closely resembled a raccoon's with his two black eyes while his legs looked more like a flamingo's, long and thin and pale from lack of sun exposure. At least his knees didn't bend backward like a wading bird's. One had to seek the positives where ever they could be found.

Gratefully Walter noticed Paige chose a spot as far away from both Tuck and Hammer as she could possibly get, but even with the whole length of the pool between them, it still wasn't nearly enough distance. Bangladesh wouldn't be far enough away as far as Walter was concerned.

His tablet was perched on his lap and he was trying in vain to concentrate on the physics article while constantly being distracted. By waiters bringing drinks as if anyone needed to consume alcohol so early in the afternoon. By the teakettle whistling anytime anyone she recognized came outside to join the group. By the way Paige looked in her red swimsuit he now knew he could successfully untie with his teeth while his hands were otherwise occupied. By the other men looking at Paige like they wanted to give untying her suit a try themselves. By Babycakes rattling loudly on and on about something so illogical it was impossible for any sane person to follow. By the other males around the pool laughing and shoving and snapping towels at each other. By the other females surrounding them giggling and gossiping about one another, taking sharp verbal jabs at anyone out of earshot.

But the biggest distraction of all came in the form of Tuck taking a running leap into the pool, pulling off a successful cannonball right in front of them. Walter and Paige were completely doused along with their towels, food and shoes. Walter looked down and watched as his hair dripped steadily onto the screen of his tablet right before it fritzed-out, restarted and then died right in his hand. Logic was drowned out not only by the rush of freezing water, but by the wave of fury that swamped him. He would have thrown the now useless object at the brute's head if Paige hadn't laid her hand on his arm, drops from her saturated cover up's sleeve plopping at intervals onto his thigh.

It wasn't long before Allison and Tuck started screaming at each other dramatically, giving everyone else at the pool ring side seats to everything wrong in their relationship.

Irate and soaked, Paige and Walter slowly squished and slid back to their villa to change.

OXOXOXOXOXO

Walter noticed right away something was wrong with Paige.

She was uncharacteristically quiet when they were changing into dry clothes. She said she was fine, but Walter could tell she wasn't.

"Are you sure you aren't annoyed with me? Did you want me to confront Tuck about the cannonball incident?" He asked worriedly.

"No. I'm not annoyed with you. But I might be if you keep asking me the same question over and over. And I definitely don't want you confronting Tuck. He wouldn't understand if you tried talking to him and he'd only get more physically abusive. Then I'd have to kill him and you would have to raise my son alone because I'd be in prison. Believe me, Tuck's not worth the bother."

"The high road sucks," Walter grumbled to himself before saying to Paige, "It would be deemed justifiable homicide, I'm sure. You would probably be lauded a hero by many." She only gave him a weak smile, so he decided to change the subject by inquiring, "What's next on the agenda?"

It was her turn to make a face this time. He didn't know quite how to interpret it, but she looked frustrated and her tone sounded disgruntled to him when she answered, "We're supposed to play 'get-to-know-you' games in the parlor."

Walter's first thought was he'd rather be tarred and feathered, but he put on his best brave face when she took his hand and led him out the door. Only twenty-four hours in genius hell left to go. Prison might just be worth it if he could get out of playing ignorant conversation starter games with this group.

OXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Times up! Pens down. Now exchange papers with your partner."

What?! Oh, hell.

Paige held out a hand for Walter's paper just as he turned it over and slapped his palm on top before raising anguished eyes to hers.

She shook her hand at him and beckoned with her fingers in an impatient gesture as she slid her own paper toward him.

"We really don't have to exchange, you know. No one will know if we just read our own," he leaned toward her and whispered.

Paige sighed and whispered back, "Just hand it to me. Let's get this over with."

He unwillingly slid his paper over to her and accepted hers. She'd already threatened one person with murder that day. Surely she wouldn't kill him. That would leave Ralph to be raised by wolves. Or Drew, which would be worse. She had to know that. Right?

Not even looking at what she wrote, he cringed as he watched closely for her reaction to his uncensored thoughts about her friends. Because she was beside him and looking down, her hair was obscuring her face, but he saw her hand go to her mouth like she was shocked. Then her shoulders started shaking.

All of the sudden, her chair screeched back from the card table and she was on her feet rushing for the door.

He'd really done it now.

Dread flooded the pit of his stomach as he followed her out into the hall.

He found her with her back pressed to the wall, face still hidden by her hair. She was making choking sounds. Walter felt so bad. He hadn't meant to cause her emotional distress. Stupid low EQ!

He approached Paige cautiously. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

But she wasn't crying. She was completely overcome...

With amusement. Her laughter burst forth as soon as their eyes met.

"R-read mine. Read it! Oh..." she gasped trying to catch her breath and looked at him with expectation.

Walter glanced down at the paper in his hand.

'This is SO stupid.

That is the only thing on my mind this minute.

What a waste of time this whole weekend has turned out to be.

I have nothing in common with any of these people any more. Do I?

Did I ever?

Was I ever so petty or ignorant or dull constantly talking about nothing but shopping and hairstyles and tearing other people down behind their backs to make myself feel better?

Do I even want to revisit the person I used to be?

I love Walter.

They don't.

Who the hell cares what they think?

I escaped. I learned. I grew.

I miss Ralph. And my genius family. I even miss the garage.

Walter and I need to plan our escape.

He's a genius.

I know he'll come up with something great.

I'm as good as gone!

Walter didn't even try to stifle his ear-to-ear grin as they grabbed hands and rushed outside into the sunshine.

Twenty minutes later they were on the highway headed back home, both almost giddy with relief.

Walter turned to Paige and said, "You should probably text Amber and let her know we had to go. She worked hard planning everything."

"That's a dangerous amount of EQ you're showing there, mister." Paige was giving him a melting look that made his insides go all gooey. Maybe it wasn't a scientific analysis, but she often affected him in ways rational thought couldn't explain. "And you're right. I will. Amber really isn't a bad person. And Abby is nice too. I've just... I don't know. Outgrown them, I guess. That sounds superior. I don't mean it like that..."

"No. I know what you meant. It's probably an extreme example, but I outgrew Mark Collins too. In a different way. But I would never want to go back to the person I was when I was friends with him. Paige, when you had Ralph and started struggling to relate to him and to provide for him as well as having other hardships, you started to see what had real significance in your life. You have grown beyond where you were in college when hurt feelings and boyfriends and other peoples' opinions felt so important." He covered her hand with his and squeezed lightly. "Sometimes people who face hardships are better off in the long run."

"You're absolutely right. We are the lucky ones. The whole mood of my weekends used to be based on whether or not Drew's team won their game on Friday nights. Or whether I was invited to the right party. Or what someone said about me. I'm just not that person anymore. And it wasn't only having Ralph or being a broke single mom that changed me. Working at Scorpion? Saving people? That changed my whole perspective on petty problems too. I don't say it nearly often enough, but thank you for everything you've done for me and my son."

"It's me that should be grateful, Paige. I gave you a job and a fresh perspective. You gave me love."