Need a Solution to Play
By San Antonio Rose

Chapter 1
If Only People Could Talk

March 22, 2001
Beetleburg, Nebraska

"... unexpected warm front that's just blown up from the Ozarks," the weatherman said as Judy Clay switched the radio over to Beetleburg's oldies station. "Spring is definitely in the air! The National Weather Service has no predictions yet as to how long this warm spell will last, so enjoy it while you can, folks!"

Judy exchanged confused frowns with her husband Adam. Unexpected weather events were par for the course in the American Midwest, but what could cause a front to be so strange even the NWS couldn't predict its movements?

Judy was glad for the warning, however, because the roads had been pretty nasty most of the way from Omaha but suddenly thawed out about the time the Clays reached the outskirts of Beetleburg. The sky was clear, if a bit misty from the melting snow and ice evaporating off sidewalks and streets, and the sun was bright and warm enough that Adam actually turned off the heater. Some of the trees were budding out, and they passed a couple of houses where the Bradford pears were in full bloom.

Need food? he asked when they stopped at a stoplight.

"Probably," she replied. "I forgot to ask Agatha to go shopping, and she sounded pretty upset when she called anyway. Gil might have thought to, but I don't think we should count on it."

He nodded, and when the light changed, he turned to go to Walmart.

"I hope they're all right," she sighed. "There was something... I don't know... odd about the way she said Gil was with her. And it sounded like they were driving somewhere. I don't—I hope—"

Good kids, he signed with only his right hand. Not worry.

"I know, I know. It's just... mom's prerogative."

He smiled.

Walmart's parking lot was surprisingly full when the Clays arrived, and most of the customers running in and out were young women and mothers. "I wonder if there's a sale," Judy thought aloud while Adam parked under a suspiciously leafy tree at the far end of the lot.

There weren't any signs to that effect visible as they entered the store. But Adam had just accepted a cart from the elderly greeter when Judy heard a feminine wail of "Sold out?!"

"I know," said another female voice. "So is Walgreen's, and I heard CVS is, too. It's crazy."

The first woman groaned. "Well, I dunno about you, but I'm taking my chances as soon as Brad gets home."

"Seriously. If Tom has to work late, I might have to file for divorce."

Something in water? Adam wondered as the Clays moved on to avoid eavesdropping.

Judy shrugged and grimaced. In air, maybe. Now that she thought about it, he was looking particularly handsome all of a sudden—but she was already past menopause, which might account for her milder reaction to whatever was going on.

Her attention was diverted moments later, however, when a particularly gossipy church friend accosted them in the bread aisle. "Oh, Judy, there you are!" Carla began. "Have you heard the terrible news about Cody Senear?"

Adam feigned both deafness and intense interest in the bread selection.

Judy frowned. "You mean the fact that he's been harassing Agatha all week?"

Carla recoiled and blinked. "Oh. No, I... I hadn't heard that part. Poor boy's in the hospital—his phone exploded in his hand while he was talking on it."

"Most likely while he was threatening Agatha on it. She said he's been calling upwards of twenty times a day, trying to get her to go to prom with him."

Carla's eyes widened as her mouth drew into a silent 'oh.' "I don't suppose she'll be going with him now."

"She wasn't going with him in the first place. She's taking Gil Wulfenbach. He's home on break from Stanford."

"Oh, reeeeally?"

Adam coughed pointedly and put his selections in the cart.

"Yes, and Agatha's probably stuck trying to feed him with an empty pantry," Judy said hurriedly, "so we'd better get going. See you Sunday!" And she let Adam herd her away before Carla could say anything else.

What you think? Adam asked when they were safely two aisles away.

Judy shook her head. "I don't know."

They finished their shopping as quickly as possible and headed home, the sudden spring effect growing more noticeable as they drove, as did the heady feeling that was almost as bad as being a teenager again. The thaw was markedly further advanced on their street, and more of the trees had buds on them. Judy could see Gil's car in their driveway well before they arrived, but it wasn't until they pulled into the driveway themselves that she could see the state of the house... and it looked like the epicenter of a springtime explosion.

The pavement was dry. The snow was gone, even from the crevices of the roof. The grass was lush and green. The trees were in full leaf. And the flowerbeds were a riot of color. Perennials that had died back, annuals that hadn't even sprouted yet on Monday—everything was blooming. Even the sunlight seemed brighter; if Judy hadn't known better, she might have thought it was May.

Both Adam and Judy stared in slack-jawed shock while the garage door opened. Then they exchanged a look and took deep, bracing breaths before Adam pulled the car into the garage and parked. But the moment Judy opened her door to get out, her head cleared completely. She didn't figure out why until she approached the door into the kitchen while Adam hurriedly shoved the frozen foods into the chest freezer. There was a hum, a familiar heterodyne hum...

... a two-voiced hum, one soprano that she recognized as Agatha, one baritone.

"Barry!" Judy breathed, startling Adam, and unlocked the kitchen door as quickly as possible. They both rushed in...

... to find Agatha and Gil sitting at the breakfast table, holding hands, staring glumly into their coffee, and humming absently. Judy was at a loss—she'd never heard anyone but Bill, Barry, and Agatha hum like that before. Why was Gil doing it all of a sudden? And why wasn't Agatha wearing her glasses?

Adam recovered first and set the groceries on the counter with more of a clatter than usual. That startled the kids out of their reverie... and as soon as they stopped humming, Judy's head swam again. Fortunately, she had braced herself for the possibility that it might and was thus able not to sway from the impact.

"Mom! Dad!" Agatha said, signing Hello as she turned toward the kitchen. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in!"

Judy smiled and set her purse on the counter. "That's all right, honey. Hello, Gil."

Gil turned around and smiled back, more hesitantly. "Hi."

"How's Max?" Agatha asked quickly as Judy came over for a hug and Adam shook hands with Gil.

"She's fine," Judy replied. "Her gall bladder was badly infected, but they got it out just in time. Didn't even have to open her up, just did it laparoscopically. We took her home after you called yesterday. She's on sick leave through the end of the month and light duty for some time after that, but she's already up and walking some."

"Oh, good. That's a relief."

"And Steve and Jeff send their love."

Gil blinked. "Steve and Jeff?"

Agatha laughed. "Leave it to Max to name her sons after Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin."

"Oh." Gil managed a chuckle.

After an uncomfortable pause, Judy said, "All right, you two. Out with it. What's going on?"

Agatha and Gil looked at each other, took deep breaths, looked at Adam and Judy, and chorused, "We need to talk to you about something."

Adam glanced uneasily at Judy.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened to Cody?" Judy asked.

Gil grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, yeah. That was me. Um, it... kind of does, but not really, sort of... um... well..."

We go living room? Adam suggested.

Both kids nodded and stood, giving Judy a closer look at their eyes, which... seemed to have traded color in certain small patches. Before she could puzzle over it too much, however, Agatha snagged her purse from the back of her chair, and they followed Adam down the hall to the living room. Judy brought up the rear, catching a glimpse of the gold-and-emerald band on Agatha's left ring finger, covering a black stain on her skin, as she clutched Gil's right hand like a lifeline. That answered at least one question... but several others replaced it as they walked into the living room. A faded spider lily on the coffee table, which Judy had been trying to coax back to health, suddenly turned green and sent up several bloom stalks as the kids passed, and a wilted Christmas cactus on an end table in the corner likewise greened up and grew its branches by several segments as the kids sat down on the couch in front of the window.

Gil fidgeted a little while Adam and Judy settled into their recliners, then cleared his throat and looked at Adam. "I was originally planning to ask you about this privately, sir. And I'm sorry we—I—er—" He faltered to a stop and looked at Agatha.

Agatha took a deep breath. "Mom, Dad... yesterday, Gil and I... we kind of... um, here." She opened her purse, took out a half-sheet of paper, and handed it to Judy.

It was a marriage certificate.

"I'm sorry we didn't wait for you to come home," Agatha continued in a rush as Judy handed the certificate to Adam and looked at her again. "But with... with Cody and everything... I-I-I really don't have a good reason. We just couldn't."

Gil put his right arm around her shoulders. "We've been thinking we'd keep it a secret for now," he said quietly. "Not from you, obviously, but not... not announce it or anything until after graduation. Do some premarital counseling before we move Agatha in with me. Maybe have a church wedding this summer, or... if we can't get the church, maybe Pastor Murphy can come down from Blue Earth, and we can do it at the park or something."

Judy looked at Adam, who nodded, and nodded herself. "Well, that sounds fine," she said, surprising herself with how calm she sounded. "Did you have a date in mind?"

"June 21," both kids blurted out, then blinked and looked at each other in surprise.

"Um," said Gil. "We hadn't—but—yeah."

"Yeah," Agatha agreed. "I don't—it's—right. Yeah."

Adam and Judy exchanged another glance, and Adam sighed a little, nodded, and set the certificate on the coffee table.

Gil looked him in the eye. "We got married first, sir. I don't want you to think—"

Adam smiled at that and signed, Understand. Thank you.

"I think we all knew this was coming eventually," Judy added. "Could have been better timing, I admit, but... well, I think we would have forgiven you even if you had put the cart before the horse. But you didn't, and I'm proud of you both for that."

The tension in the room eased significantly... but not, Judy noted, completely.

"It won't be possible to keep it a secret from everyone," she went on. "We'll need to find out how long Agatha has to change her name on her driver's license and school records, for one thing, and we'll need to inform Agatha's trustees. You should probably each make a will, too, if not now, then at least by the time Agatha turns 21."

Gil blinked and looked at Agatha. "Trust..."

Agatha nodded. "My father was—"

"Ohh, Sanders Brothers Defense. Right. Forgot about that. I'm not used to thinking of you as an heiress," he added with a teasing smile.

Agatha blushed and giggled.

Gil returned his attention to Judy. "I'll take care of things on the Stanford end, as much as I can, but I hadn't thought about banking and such. Thanks—shoot. Don't know what to call you guys anymore."

Judy smiled in spite of herself. "You're welcome to call us 'Mom and Dad' if you like. Or if you'd rather for now, 'Uncle Adam and Aunt Judy' is still fine."

That eased a little more tension, and Gil smiled more easily. "Thanks, Aunt Judy." Then his smile faded, and the tension increased again. "But that's... that's not all that's happened," he admitted and put his left hand on the arm of the couch, giving both Adam and Judy a clear view of the black mark on his left ring finger.

Wings like his father bore. A trilobite like Agatha's grandmother bore.

Judy's heart raced. "You got a—"

"We didn't, Mom," Agatha insisted.

"It happened this morning," Gil explained. "We kissed precisely at sunrise. Before, there was nothing, and now... we're like this." And as he looked at Agatha again, Judy got the sense that he wasn't just talking about the marriage mark.

You mean this? Adam asked and pointed to the spider lily.

"Among other things." Gil hesitated and sighed. "Maybe I should just show you. Uncle Adam, would you..." He held out his left hand.

Adam glanced at Judy in surprise and took Gil's hand. Gil took a deep breath and let it out again... and then both his eyes and his hand pulsed with green light, which shot up Adam's arm, over his shoulder, and across his throat. It hovered there for a moment before sinking in, glowing through the skin and brightening briefly before fading.

"What did you do?" asked a bass voice—and Judy and Agatha jumped, because it had come out of Adam's mouth. Adam looked just as startled as anyone.

"Dad?" Agatha gasped.

"I can... speak?" Adam felt of his throat, and his eyes widened. "I can... I can speak!"

"Adam!" Judy cried joyfully as Agatha planted a big kiss on Gil's cheek, making him blush and three blossoms open on the spider lily. "Gil, thank you!"

"Wish everything were that useful," Gil murmured, releasing Adam's hand in favor of rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, you can fly," Agatha teased. "I call that pretty useful."

"Maybe. I don't know how far. Not exactly a reason to drop my pilot's license."

"And you're pyrokinetic."

"In a limited way, sure."

"Best be careful you don't burn down the house," Adam joked.

But Gil grimaced. "That was one reason we left town last night. I was afraid I might. I think I've got better control over it now, though, but... I-I don't know why it's happening, where it's all coming from. And then... then there's Agatha."

Adam and Judy looked at each other and chorused, "What about Agatha?"

Gil swallowed hard and looked at Agatha, and tiny, barely perceptible flashes of light danced in both of their eyes for a moment before he reached up with his right hand and began massaging the back of her scalp while rubbing the tender skin on the inside of her left wrist with his left thumb. She squirmed a little, and a bud popped open on the spider lily.

"Gil," she squeaked quietly, "not in front..."

"Just give me a—" he murmured before giving her a tiny peck on the shell of her ear.

"Not in front of Mom and Daaa—"

She inhaled sharply as he cut her off with a firmer kiss just below her jaw, her eyes widening and flaring corner to corner with blue-white light, whereupon the spider lily opened three more buds and sent up five new bloom stalks and the Christmas cactus exploded into blossom like a firecracker. And Judy's heart leapt into her throat.

"Stopping now," Gil said and put his hands back where they had been. "Sorry, darling."

Agatha blushed and scrubbed at her neck, her eyes fading back to normal. "You could have picked a better... Mom? What's wrong?"

"It's true," Judy breathed, tears stinging her eyes. "Oh, dear Lord... it's all true. Agatha, I—I'm so sorry, I should have—I-I didn't want to believe—" She grabbed a tissue from the box Adam handed her and struggled for a moment to regain her composure.

Agatha frowned and leaned forward. "Mom?"

Judy drew a deep, ragged breath, dabbed at her eyes, and looked at Gil first. "I'm afraid I don't know much about your family, Gil. Particularly your mother. Klaus met her in Vietnam; I don't know anything beyond that. Whatever secrets he has... you'll have to ask him."

Gil nodded, looking worried. "Okay. But?"

"But I do know something about what might be happening to Agatha. And dear, I'm... I'm terribly sorry I've never said anything about this before. Maybe if I had... things would have been different."

Adam frowned in concern. "Now you've got me worried."

"Is... this about my mother?" Agatha ventured. "'Cause we already know she was a witch."

Judy shook her head. "No. I mean, yes, Lucrezia was a witch—a born witch, if the stories are true. That might... account for some things, if her affinity for magic was inheritable. No, I, uh... I mean your father's family."

Agatha blinked. "The Sanderses?"

"Not... exactly." Judy took a deep breath. "The day she died, your Grandma Teodora told me some things. She didn't want Bill or Barry to know, but she said her grandchildren might need the knowledge. I didn't quite believe it all at the time. But now..." She burst into tears in spite of herself. "I should have told Bill! Maybe I could have saved his life!"

"Shhh," Adam said gently, rubbing Judy's arm. "You couldn't know. Just tell us now."

Judy struggled for composure again and nodded jerkily when she thought she could speak again. "Peter Sanders... Agatha, he... he wasn't your grandfather. Not... not by blood."

Agatha's eyes widened. "What?"

Judy held up a hand. "No, he—he adopted... Bill and Barry, and he loved them, but he... they were born before... before he married Teodora. Sh-sh-she wasn't unfaithful. Ever." She took another shuddering breath. "After World War I... Teodora was... I guess the word is blackmailed into marrying the son of a man who'd held her father captive. She was German; her father's family, I think, must have come from Russia. Anyway. Her first husband was Romanian, from a little town in Transylvania called Mekkhan." She paused for breath again, deeper and steadier this time. "His name was Saturn Heterodyne. She was pregnant with Barry when she left him. And she left because... oh, I'm so sorry, Agatha... she left because she had evidence he was a Gestapo collaborator and had volunteered to oversee the extermination of the Jews in Cluj."

Agatha gasped.

Judy held up a hand again. "That was the part I believed. And it was easy to verify because after the war, Saturn Heterodyne was convicted of war crimes and executed. It wasn't until after his execution that your grandmother married Mr. Sanders and moved to Mechanicsburg."

Gil hugged Agatha closer, and she threaded the fingers of her left hand through the fingers of his left hand. "What was the part you didn't believe?" she asked quietly.

Judy took another deep breath. "The reason Saturn Heterodyne was willing to do such things was that Mekkhan is—or was then—one of the last strongholds of old-school paganism. The village is built around a spring that's sacred to a battle goddess sometimes known as Dynamis. Her temple is a site of human sacrifice. And Agatha..." Her voice broke again, and she closed her eyes and sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"What, Mom?" Agatha prompted.

"She's your great-grandmother."

Three, two, one—"WHAT?!" three voices chorused.

Judy nodded but didn't open her eyes. "Multiple times, actually, going back a thousand years. Teodora said the goddess marries back into the family every time she thinks the line's getting weak. And it's worse than that. Saturn was involved with some occult society that pushed him to strengthen his divine side and actually worshipped him. He even started drinking more and more of the water from his mother's spring, which has strange properties and is supposed to kill anyone outside the family who drinks it. And it took multiple rituals, including sacrifices and baths in the spring, for them to even conceive Bill and Barry."

Gil sounded horrified when he began, "What that must have done to their DNA..."

"Lord, have mercy," Adam whispered. "That's what Barry was afraid of."

Judy squeaked an affirmative and started crying all over again.

After a long moment's silence, Gil said, "Well, that explains some things."

"It does," Agatha agreed. "It was so weird how—I mean, I'd never felt any charge or anything from water before, but... but the rain, the waterfall, the pool... I just felt drawn to it, and when I was in it, it was... such a rush."

"Maybe because they were natural sources and we were so far from people. Plus that side of things being so much closer to the surface now."

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe so. And then... with the cave, the rocks..."

"Yeah, earth might be another of your elements, since a spring..."

"Comes from underground, right."

"So... I guess mine are fire and air. What with flying and... all that."

"Yeah, that fits. Doesn't explain Zoing, though."

"No, but it does explain why he's always liked you."

"No, I'm fresh water. He's salt water."

Judy laughed at that in spite of herself. Wiping her face, she finally dared to open her eyes to find Agatha leaning more heavily against Gil. "I'm so sorry, pumpkin," Judy whispered.

Agatha shook her head. "Mom, you didn't know. All you had was Grandma Teodora's word, and... well, I don't know if I'd believe it if we hadn't..." She trailed off, glancing up at Gil and blushing slightly, then cleared her throat. "And! And you gave me that hex bag, which—oh, no."

Gil started. "You haven't lost it?"

"No, no, it's in my purse. It's just—with all this..." Agatha gestured toward the spider lily. "The way it's followed us back from Missouri, if somebody's looking..."

Gil extricated himself from the cuddle, pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket, speed-dialed a number, put it on speakerphone, and set the phone on the coffee table while it rang.

"Y'know, that thing must have great EM shielding," Agatha observed.

Gil snorted in amusement, but before he could reply, a male voice answered the phone with a drawl of "Harvelle's Roadhouse."

"Ash," Gil began. "Gil Wulfenbach."

"Hey, compadre! How was date night?" Judy imagined this Ash character waggling his eyebrows after that question.

"It... went," Gil replied, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. "FYI, you're on speaker."

"Oh. Looo siento, amigo. So what's up?"

"Got a research question for you."

"Shoot."

"Need you to check some Romanian birth records for me."

"Awright." There was a sound like someone typing on a computer. "Whatcha need?"

"Looking for anyone with the last name of Heterodyne born after 1945. Place of birth is either Cluj or Mekkhan."

"How you spell that last'n?"

"Wild guess: Mike-Echo-Kilo-Kilo-Hotel-Alpha-November." Gil looked questioningly at Judy, who shrugged; she'd never seen it written down, either.

Another pause for typing and several audible mouse clicks followed before Ash stated, "Wild guess is on the money, Wolfman. I got a Neptune Heterodyne, son o'—izzat Ominox an' Dynamis?! 'Swhat it looks like—born in Mekkhan, Transylvania, December 5, 1946. An' his son Klaus Heterodyne, same hometown, born September 8, 1981... an' his son—oh, now, that is messed up."

"What is?" Gil and Agatha asked at the same time.

"This kid's name is Adolf Josef Heinrich."

Agatha shuddered.

"Yeah, well, there was at least one full-fledged Nazi in the family history," Gil noted. "So when was he born?"

"Last August," Ash reported. "'S'at whatcha need?"

"That's what I need. Thanks, man."

"Hey, no problemo, compadre. You gonna be back today?"

"I dunno yet. May have to go to Sioux Falls, do some research."

"Awright. I'll let Ellen know, then. Hasta potato." And Ash hung up.

"Hasta potato?!" Judy echoed.

Gil rolled his eyes. "He's a redneck."

"So," Agatha said, settling back, "the goddess has re-established the family line. So no one should be looking for me for that reason."

"That doesn't mean no one's looking for you at all," Adam noted. "Your grandmother drowned on dry land. And we still don't know what's happened to Barry."

"But by the same token," Judy cautioned, "we don't know that anyone is looking for you. The goddess did threaten to kill Teodora if she ever betrayed Saturn, but that's no reason to assume she would want kill off the rest of you. And in fact, Bill was killed by Lucrezia—although... huh."

"What?" Gil and Agatha asked.

"Barry said Lucrezia's coven was invoking some sort of goddess, and they were very excited that she'd had a daughter by Bill. If Lucrezia somehow found out about Bill's background..."

"She might have killed Mrs. Sanders in hopes of gaining the goddess' favor," Gil suggested. "If Mrs. Sanders had a hex bag like Agatha's, nothing supernatural should have been able to find her, but that doesn't mean a human couldn't."

"But we don't even know if that worked," Agatha pointed out.

"No, we don't, but I bet that's part of what your uncle was investigating. And now I'm wondering how much of that Dad knows. He's said a few times recently that he thought he might have a lead on where Barry is."

"Well, we need to ask him about your side of things anyway."

"Yeah, but... he said absolute radio silence until Saturday. I don't even know where he is."

"He's your father," Agatha said quietly, putting a hand on Gil's shoulder. "Can't you..." She broke off as the tiny flashes in both their eyes began again, and Judy wondered whether they'd become mind-linked somehow.

After a moment, Gil took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and Agatha put the marriage certificate back in her purse and slid the purse strap over her shoulder. His brow furrowed deeper and deeper in concentration until it became a full-fledged scowl, his breath coming in shorter, harsher pants, and then he shook his head jerkily and grimaced.

"... wards," he gritted out. "Can't..."

Agatha took his hand again, and the lines on his face eased somewhat, as did his breathing.

"Got him," he murmured after another moment and stood, eyes still closed.

Agatha stood with him and stepped into his arms... and in a blue-green flash, they were gone, only the state of the plants remaining to indicate that they'd ever been there.

"Well," Adam sighed.

—okay, not only the state of the plants.

"That was... that was..." Judy honestly didn't know what she was trying to say.

Coffee? he signed.

She nodded. Please.

He started to get up, but paused. Something I want tell you. Want tell you long time.

She looked at him, worried. "What?"

He knelt in front of her chair, took both her hands in his left, caressed her cheek with his right, and smiled gently. "I love you, Judy."

Sobbing, she fell forward into his arms and hugged him with all her might.

A sudden knock at the motel room door startled Klaus Wulfenbach awake. He had his Desert Eagle aimed at the door before he recognized the pattern as Gil's code. "How the hell..." he murmured and got up to check through the peephole.

"C'mon, Dad," Gil's voice said through the door. "It's me. Open up."

Warily, Klaus opened the door partway to find Gil and Agatha standing outside and no car besides his own in the parking lot beyond them. The lack of car was explicable, probably; his son's presence, particularly with girlfriend in tow, was not. "What part of—"

"Dad," Gil interrupted, holding up his left hand just long enough for Klaus to see the marriage mark—wings and trilobite—before said hand was entirely engulfed in flames. Startled, Klaus looked at his son's face, which sported glowing green eyes, just as Gil stated, "We need to talk."

Klaus took a deep breath. "Yes. We certainly do. Come in."

Gil extinguished his hand as Klaus undid the burglar chain, but it was Agatha who stepped cautiously over the salt line first and accepted a drink of holy water from Klaus' silver flask. Yet the second Gil followed her, the 'fresh-cut' flowers on the table that Housekeeping hadn't replaced since Klaus' arrival the week before suddenly not only looked extremely fresh but also sent out new buds that opened within seconds. And Klaus knew he was not prepared for this conversation in the slightest.

"So," he began as soon as Gil had passed the holy-water-and-silver test as well. "I take it you two have something to tell me."

"Considering that yesterday I married a demigoddess and today we can teleport," Gil retorted, crossing his arms, "I take it you have something to tell me."

Klaus blinked and looked at Agatha. "Demi..."

She nodded. "I'm a Heterodyne. But we're actually here about Gil. Did you know he has wings?"

Nope. Not prepared at all. "I... think we'd better sit down."