When It Rains

A.N. Wanted to try my hand at a little Humor/Romance shtick. This will be a crack fic, sooooooo have a laugh?

Naruto sighed, running a his bandaged hand through his hair. Why did he always get stuck doing the weirdest things?

Need a living sacrifice for a mass of malevolence? Naruto, that's all you.

Got a giant mass of sentient sand attack the city? Call Naruto.

Face off against a age old demon in the heart of a volcano? Naruto, heads up!

Got a prison doing some shady shit and need someone to infiltrate it, which out raising suspicion? Naruto, get in those cuffs!

Need someone to fight a LITERAL GODDESS? Naruto, MY MAN!

Sometimes, his life just didn't make any kind of sense. Seriously, if it weren't for him having teammates on most of those missions, he'd think the universe was against him.

Admittedly, everything turned out great and he knew he was more than willing to do it, but come on.

Dropping his arm to back to his side, he gazed into the landscape in front of him. He probably shouldn't be complaining, though this new mission was odd, it wasn't like it was expected to be extreme.

But really, a civilian academy? What was Granny thinking?

~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you serious?" The tone coming from the blond youth was incredulous.

"I'm very serious. This assignment is B-rank, and expected to carry on for anywhere from two to three years. The man hiring you will make all the arrangements for living expenses. Your boat will be departing in six hours, so get packed and get to the docks." Tsunade's voice was completely no nonsense. "Think of it as an extended vacation if you have to. After everything you and the rest of Team 7 have done, it's more than well deserved." She allowed a smile to grace her face, she knew he might complain so she had been trying to come up with the least headache inducing argument she could all day before speaking to the blond.

"I get that Granny Tsunade, but why a body guard mission? Especially for some civilian girl? Don't you think I'm a little...over kill?" Naruto responded, he really didn't mind doing it, but leaving the Elemental Nations to go guard some girl in the heart of Japan...that just didn't set right with him. What if something happened?

"I know why you are worried, but we have the reverse summons if anything crazy kicks off. As for why YOU, apparently this man use to have contracts with Jiraiya..."The mood sobered a bit. "The old pervert raved about his knuckle head of a student, and asked for you specifically. The amount of money he put up is enough for three S-rank missions over, but seeing how low risk it is..." Tsunade trailed off, and Naruto let out a sigh.

Now that he knew this man was connected to his old master, Naruto couldn't turn it down, especially with the praise the old leech had apparently used to spill in the blonds absence.

"Well, you know I won't turn it down. So run these parameters by me again." Naruto waved his hand in a dismissive fashion, he might as well be clear on what he was about to head into.

"Good man, One Tenma Kashiwazaki has hired you, Naruto Uzumaki to act as the bodyguard and council to his daughter Sena Kashiwazaki. A dossier on your charge has been provided. She is seventeen years of age, born the 19th of May. She has long blond hair, and teal eyes, standing at 164cm. Mr. Kashiwazaki has become concerned with her social life, or lack there of and wishes to have someone guide her in the ways of making friends, however he also wants to see to it that she is safe from harm." Tsunade paused to take a breathe, her eyes glancing up from the mission request to make sure Naruto was still listening, which he thankfully was.

"You, Naruto, will fulfill both roles until such a time as Miss Kashiwazaki has graduated. To that end, you are to depart immediately to the main port of Fire Nation where you will be transported to the island nation of Japan. You will meet a contact by the name of Stella Redfield and taken to Tooya City. From there you will be guided to the St. Chronica's Academy, where Mr. Kashiwazaki has seen fit to enroll you as a support staff member in order to allow you free movement of the grounds and access to your charge." Tsunade was a little worried about that bit. Naruto had only been in charge during a war effort. Trusting with a bunch of civilian children, even if they where the same age, was hoping for a lot.

"Upon completion you will be awarded a sum of One Hundred and Seventy Thousand ryo. To make up for the mission length, a monthly stipend of Two Thousand ryo, will be transferred for personal use at the beginning of each month to an account in your name. Do you accept the mission parameters as put before you?" Tsunade finished. It was a serious amount of cash that was being thrown around, and considering the amount the village would get as a cut, she was more than happy to send the young blond out.

Plus he really did deserve a break.

"Yes Hokage-sama." Naruto had really mellowed out in the last few months. War really can change a man it seemed. He wasn't always respectful, but it was there.

"Then you have six hours. I expect a report to be delivered every three weeks on mission progress. Dismissed." As Tsunade turned her chair, Naruto departed in a cloud of smoke.

Damn clones.

~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK END~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto had to admit, this was a really nice facility, and the abundance of Nature was a plus. Maybe Granny was right. Maybe this would be like a vacation.

The blond looked to his left at his fellow...blond. Stella was a silent sort, but when she did open her mouth.

Just wow. So crass. He found it kinda endearing actually.

"If you are done attempting to make me pregnant with your eyes Fishcake-san, Lord Kashiwazaki is expecting us in his office." The tone was so flat. So deadpanned, and with that sentence delivered she moved forward onto the academy ground, heading for the large building in the center.

If Naruto wasn't so insulted by the return of that HORRIBLE nickname, he would have sweat dropped.

"It means Maelstrom dammit!" Naruto screamed as he chased after the annoying woman, seriously! It had two meanings and she had to pick the worst one to comment on!

~~~~~LINE BREAK~~~~~

Tenma Kashiwazaki sat in a large leather chair, finely crafted. His oak desk askew with paper work and little nicknacks. The man was in his early forties, with delicate features and nary a sign of his advancing age. His long brown hair, and matching brown eyes gave off an air of dignity and high society. As fitting a chairman of a prestigious Academy like St. Chronica's.

The wine glass in his hand, and dark blush on his face however...

Naruto had to keep himself from falling on his face. Seriously. This was the guy that hired him.

Fuck.

"Lord Kashiwazaki, I have returned with the bodyguard you requested. Will there be anything else?" Stella called from the door, after ushering Naruto to stand in front of the expensive looking desk.

"No~ No~ Stell...I -hick- gots it from here." The man waved his wine glass, lazily dismissing the female blond from the room. "Soooooo you're the -hick- brat ol' mop he-hick-ad was always rantin about?" The older man leaned on one hand as he gazed at the teenage boy.

"Uh...Yes Sir. My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I have come as requested to accept the mission you sent my Hokage." Why did all the adults he know have to be alcoholics? Naruto really wanted to berate the man, how was this proper procedure for having a business meeting?

"None of thats now. Look, mah lil girl has been havin troubles lately. I know is not really standard or whatever, but I was hopin you could give her a hand. Rai-Rai-san was always goin on and on about the way you are with people, something about hope -hick- and junk." The man took a heavy swig of his bottle, causing Naruto to grow slightly agitated. Maybe he should have gone with Stella.

Would have been better than dealing with this drunk idiot.

"Thank you Kashiwazaki-sama." The tone was one of forced politeness. "Is there anyone in particular I should keep an eye on, that may have intentions of harming Miss Kashiwazaki?" It was hard dealing with drunk people, but Naruto was a bit of an old hand at it, thanks in part to his own role models.

Oh god. What did that say about him?

"Nothin like dat. See Sena-chan just has a hard time makin friends. Never invites anyone over, never goes out with no one. I'm worried about her social...goeth? Groweth? Gr-hick-uth?" Tenma trailed off, a look of confusion on his face.

"Her social growth, sir?" Naruto really wanted to get out of here. This man was obviously touched in the head.

"YEAH THA ONE!" A cackle left the older man's lips as the bottle returned to his face, a satisfied sigh as he slammed it back to the table. "Oh man thas good. Stella sure knows how ta pick 'em."

Ah, so it was the woman's fault he was in this uncomfortable situation. Shikamaru was right, women are troublesome.

"Sir...would you like to pick this up some other time? Preferably when you've had a chance to sober up?" Naruto didn't want to be rude, but this was getting sad.

"Huh? Oh sure~, her-hick-es a key to your room." A key was chucked hap-haphazardly at Naruto's form, which he caught with ease. "I'll have Stell getcha tomorrow and we'll pick up here." The older man leaned back in his chair, bottle once more to his lips, as Stella re-entered the office, as if beckoned by a specter.

"If you'll follow me Fishcake-san, I'll take you to where Tenma-sama has arranged for you to stay." That blank tone again. She had to find this all hilarious as hell. "Ya know, I'm really starting to not like you." Naruto resounded as he passed the blond woman and entered the hall. He could already tell she was gonna use that dumb nickname relentlessly.

"For whatever for Fishcake-san, is it not proper for friends to have nicknames for one another?" Naruto could HEAR the grin on her face, even with her back turned.

"Whatever you say...Stel." Naruto smirked as the woman in front of him stopped momentarily, her form shaking once, before she carried on forward.

Never try to get one over on the King Prankster from Hell.

~~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~~

Naruto gazed out of the large window that took up residence behind the school Chairman, it was a beautiful way to see the sun rise.

"So then Naruto, I assume you have been informed f your mission?" The now deeper and much more easily understood voice of Tenma Kashiwazaki cut through the Blond's day dreaming.

"Ah, yes Sir. I am to provide protection and guidance for your daughter. Though I also read something about acting as a staff member of your academy?" That still tossed him for a loop. Naruto was seventeen. What made the Chairmen think students would listen to him?

"That is correct, in order to make your allocation here, and the subsequent tailing of my daughter you will be doing, as low profile as possible, I thought it best to make you a 'Life Councilor' for the student body. You won't have any real duties outside talking to the children that request appointments and perhaps acting as adviser to a club or two if they ask for you to take up that role." Tenma nodded as he spoke. It made perfect sense to him. No one would question why Naruto was interacting with Sena so much, and this would give Naruto free range on the academy grounds.

"Huh...Does that mean I'll have an office?" Naruto meant that question mostly for himself, but the Brunette infront of him caught the mumbled question.

"Of course. I have a room set up in the Chapel to serve as your office, Sister Maria will be by in a few to guide you over there. Herself and Sister Kate will be your closest staff members, as they work mainly in the chapel and the academy is a couple dozen yards away." The airy way the Chairman waved his hand kinda made Naruto uneasy. Something seemed...off about the way he said that.

All well, he'd deal with what ever problem it presented later.

Suddenly, a knock resounded off the large doors to Naruto's back.

"Ah, that must be Maria now. Come in!" The Chairman stood, prompting Naruto to do the same.

'It must be that Sister Maria he was talking about.' Great another Old Hag to deal with. As if Granny wasn't bad enough.

What appeared in the door way...wasn't what he expected.

Naruto cast his eyes to the school director.

Then back to the door.

Once more to the Chairman.

"Ah Sister Maria, thank you for arriving so promptly, I know it's still early, but I need you to guide our new staff member here to his office in the chapel. Naruto Uzumaki, this is Maria Takayama, A member of the Catholic Church, and one of the Steward on staff for the local chapel. Maria, this is Naruto Uzumaki, our new Life Councilor." Tenma thought the introductions were going swimmingly. Naruto could see that much. Like there was nothing wrong with introducing a ten year old as a staff member of a school.

Standing in the door was a short girl, white hair with blue eyes. Standing at a dismal 146 cm. Naruto had to admit, the purple and white Nun uniform was kind of adorable, and the big red heart pinned to the left side of her Coif just hammered that point.

But still.

"Uh...Chairman...Sir...That's a child." Naruto pointed to the white haired girl. Which apparently had the effect of upsetting the kid.

"I'm not a child ya big dumb poop head!" The extremely mature and wizened reply from the young girl reinforced Naruto's observation. Yup, its a brat.

"While Sister Maria is quite young, I assure you she is a fully educated member of the church and has even been back by the Cardinal. We even allow her to preside over a special lecture each year. Miss Takayama is a genius, so have please be at ease in her care." Was Naruto's answer. Great. Just...just great.

The last thing Naruto wanted to deal with was more geniuses.

"Uh...sorry about that Maria-san...I...guess we'll be working together from now on?" Naruto was really out of his comfort zone now. He remembered Kakashi-sensai's words about letting age fool you, but this was a bit much.

The little girl just huffed, turned her head and crossed her arms. "What ever you say ya big poopy head. Come on, I wanna take a nap." and with that the girl was out of the room.

Naruto just stared at the door for a moment. Did...did she just leave him?

A sigh.

Freaking brat.

Bidding the Chairman a good day, Naruto jogged off to catch up to the short girl. Best not to get lost on his first day as a Life Councilor.

~~~~~LINE BREAK~~~~~

Naruto looked around his new office. It wasn't as large as the Hokage's office, nor extravagant as as the chairman's either, but still. He, Naruto Uzumaki, dead last of his graduating class, had an office and station as a...teacher.

Some where, in a far off land, Iruka Umino had a sudden seizure that would baffle both him and his doctor on as to why it happened.

"I'm not gonna lie, this place is really nice." Naruto walked around HIS desk and took a seat in the posh leather chair. Oh yeah, he could get use to this.

"Whatever, look Blondie, I'll be across the hall taking a nap, so be quite!" Naruto's diminutive guide spoke loudly, just before she slammed the door as she left the room.

Freaking brat.

Naruto bit back a groan, no use complaining about it now, the mission was well under way. So what should he do first?

Naruto glanced around the room. One desk, three chairs, a couch by the door, a set of book cases to the left wall with a large window replacing the right. Hmmm, a paint job maybe?

Suddenly, the phone on his desk rang.

"Hello, Uzumaki speaking." Might as well ACT like he knew what he was doing.

"Ah, yes Naruto-kun. It's Tenma, I forgot to tell you, I need you to sign a few forms I had delivered to your office late last night, and then you'll need to design a flier to go on the school bulletin board and news letter, telling people who you are and what your duties entail. Good luck and have a nice day." Before Naruto could get a word in, the line went dead.

This time, he let the groan escape.

It would be a long few years, and he hadn't even met his charge yet!

A.N. YO guys, got stuck with a few scenes in NGD, so I started this to get some ideas flowing. I still plan on updating again sometime this week, but for now, I'll leave you with this. This is gonna be a crack fic, so not much seriousness or any fighting. Laughs and fan service abound.