canonish

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"which one's this from?"

"a skirmish, with the inuzuka, or hagoromo. i don't remember."

"this one?"

"hunting incident. the doe had a fawn."

brown eyes flicked back at him. "did you kill it?"

"mm."

hashirama examined each of madara's scars as if he's a scroll of long-forgotten tales. madara prided himself for being able to remember how and when and where he got the scars, and apparently, hashirama regarded his ability like a storyteller.

"did you kill the fawn too?" she shifted, fingers tracing the right side of his body, her breath warm on his skin.

"...yes."

her fingers dug, and the kiss was sharp and prickly.

"it wouldn't survive alone in the woods. rather than giving it a long, slow death, we killed it as a mercy." madara paused, turning on his side to face his wife. "the fawn's meat fed mothers and children. fed my family."

hashirama didn't respond. she rose, lifting the blanket to land slow, warmer kisses along the ridges and slopes of his muscles. he found it strange at first, how fascinated she was upon seeing him without armor and layers of clothing.

(he wondered about that too; of all the proposals came to the senju asking for her hand, she didn't bother to read them, didn't bother to let the interested men introduce themselves. some had taken offense at that, but she's the goddess of shinobi, and her words were absolute.)

"you're thinking about it again." she had a palm on his abdomen, slowly slid upwards to caress his jaw. "it's so unlike you, being bothered by the presence of... lesser men, in your own words."

"you never told me why," madara said, his voice low and husky.

"i only want you." she straightened her back, sounding a little hurt. "isn't it enough an answer?"

"everyone else brought something you don't have to the arrangement. connection, funds, secret arts that would strengthen konoha further." madara looked away. "things my clan... things myself don't have, things i can't bring into our agreement."

"you brought yourself. i need your counsel." she took his arm, examining his hand and forearm with her fingers.

"your brother and other clanheads are capable counsels."

"i want to hear from you too."

"why does it matter?"

"you give different insight. you see far into the future. you're not afraid to say the opposite against my thought."

"then putting me in the village council is enough."

"madara..." she kissed his palm, massaging each of his fingers. "you know i love you..." she lowered their hands. "what do you want me to say... to convince you, to erase your doubts?"

of all the knowledge he had absorbed and copied, none could answer her question.

"you said yes to this, madara."

"...i did."

"are you having second thoughts?" she took their blanket to cover herself. "am i mistaken to think it's mutual?"

"hashirama-" madara pushed himself up, pulling her into his embrace. "it's not that."

"i wish for your happiness, so please don't keep secrets from me..."

the words were heavier than his armor. "i don't know... what you see in myself," he lowered his voice, "what makes you... wish to be with me."

"anata," her voice was raspy. "look at me."

her eyes were glittering with tears, and guilt clung onto his heart.

"you've been in my heart for as long as i could remember." she held his face. "i am the hokage, the goddess, and i'm myself. my brother, others... they see the first two but often not the latter." a single tear ran down her cheek. "my love, you always see me as myself."

his breath hitched.

"we started this together. you're fiercely protective of your family, and you're more than capable to do so." she wiped her eye. "you're the only person i have in mind when i think to have a family of my own. i want you to protect our children. to protect me."

"you can protect yourself..." and more, she could protect the entire village if she so wished...

"i can... but i can't always protect myself. having you watching my back makes me feel safe." she paused, taking a half-sobbing breath. "you make me feel safe enough that i want to grow a family with you. if you still have doubts, please remember i see you more than other people could."

"forgive me." he didn't mean to voice his insecurities, that just came out on its own, but seeing her crying like this...

"i chose you. i'll choose you a thousand times more-"

madara hugged her, letting his own tears fell on her hair.

he's home.