Sam had her back turned to the others when she heard the colonel let out a yelp then a string of curses that would have made a sailor blush. She whirled around to find him crouched down, his hands trapped between his legs and she honestly couldn't tell if he'd hurt his hand or if he'd hurt his, well, she wasn't going to think too hard about it.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Daniel said at the same time the colonel moaned, "Nothing."

"I believe O'Neill injured himself," Teal'c said.

"I see that, Teal'c. What hurts, sir?"

The colonel sucked in a breath like it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. "I'll be fine, Carter."

So. Not his hand. But... she was the one with the field medical training. "Are you sure, sir? Because you look... bad."

"...Fine," he gasped.

She really didn't think he was. She crouched down next to him and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "What happened?"

"Bush. Thorn. Big. Snagged."

Oh, ouch. "We should really get you some triple A ointment," she said softly.

"Just let me die in peace, Carter," he groaned through clenched teeth.

She couldn't help but chuckle a little at the dramatics. "Maybe a topical analgesic?"

He shot her a look.

"Sir, if the pain is debilitating-"

"Right now, you're debilitating."

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe you should take a look at it."

"I don't want to see it!"

"You want me to look at it?" she asked with a smirk.

He shot her a glare.

"Well, sir, somebody needs to look at it. Something should be done."

"I'm certainly not going to look at it while you're sitting right there!"

She stifled a laugh and spun around on her toes so she was now facing her pack instead of him. But she was so close she could feel the warmth of him at her back. Daniel and Teal'c, both having realized what happened, had wandered over to a set of ruins that Daniel had abandoned before he'd gotten to see everything he wanted to see.

But then she heard the soft sound of his buttons and that sobered her up instantly. To know he was sitting behind her, examining the damage done to his... she really didn't want to think about it too much.

"Shit," he hissed.

"Well, sir?"

"I'm bleeding."

She instantly felt bad for him. She rifled through her pack until she found the first aid kit and located the gauze. She stretched her hand out behind her to hand it to him. The back of her hand brushed against warm, silky skin. He cursed, she dropped the gauze and jerked her hand back. There was a smear of blood that verified exactly what she'd touched.

It wasn't the first time she'd had his blood on her. It probably wouldn't be the last. So it wasn't that. Not at all. It was the source of the blood that made her stomach flop over. In part because she knew how much that had to hurt. But also because it was his... again, she didn't want to think about it too much.

"Sorry! Sorry..."

He huffed, but he didn't sound mad. After a long moment she heard him suck in a breath and then a shuddery exhale. He must have touched the gauze pad to the bleeding skin.

"You want the triple A?" she asked him.

A long moment, then, "I think I actually want the topical."

She couldn't say as she blamed him. A pain killer would seem to be in order under the circumstances. As she rummaged through the first aid kit she asked, "How bad is it?"

"Carter-"

"Sir, I'm not asking you to describe your penis in great detail," she said as quickly and professionally as she could muster, "I'm just asking about the wound."

He chucked a little. She hoped that put him at ease a little. And she wished she could see his face, but she didn't dare even turn her head to catch a glimpse of him from the shoulders up, lest he think she was trying to peek.

"The scratch is a little less than an inch long, but there's a puncture wound right where the thorn went in," he finally said.

She instantly felt sorry for him. "How bad is the puncture? Do you need a stitch?"

"I don't care how bad it is, I'm not letting anyone put stitches in the head of my dick!" A beat of silence, then a contrite, "Sorry."

"It's okay." She didn't blame him. Because he'd either have to place the stitch himself or get her to do it and she couldn't imagine that either situation was ideal, nor that such a thing would be even remotely tolerable. She passed him the topical analgesic and managed not to touch him.

"Oh shit."

"What?"

"Part of the thorn is still in there."

She sucked in a breath through her teeth. Damn. Damn it all. "Well, you've got three choices, sir. You can leave it in there until we get back to the infirmary where you can get Janet or one of the nurses to try to get it out, you can try yourself, or..."

"Give me the tweezers," he demanded. Dutifully, she passed them back. And then she listened while he apparently caused himself great pain and did not remove the thorn.

"Sir?"

"I can't seem to get a good grip on it."

"Well, we can wait until we get back, or…" she trailed off knowing that the last option was implied heavily.

"I can let you do it."

"Yes, sir."

He sighed.

She waited for what had to have been a full minute. "Sir?"

"I'm thinking!"

"Look, I realize this is a delicate situation and a part of you you'd rather I didn't see, but-"

He mumbled something.

"What's that?"

"Nothing," he said, a little too quickly. Another beat of silence and then, "Okay, Carter, do your worst."

She took a steadying breath and prepared herself. This wasn't a sexual penis, she reminded herself. This was an injured one. Her CO's. Never mind that his was the one that got the most screen time in her fantasies and now she'd have an image to fill the blanks...

And saw little more than his hand and a gauze pad. He was covering himself protectively. "I'm going to need to see it, sir."

He looked away from her and then uncovered it. Sure enough, it was easy to see his penis as the patient rather than something titillating. Unthinkingly, she reached for him and he jerked himself out of her reach.

She could tell by the blush staining his cheeks that it was more reflex than anything else. "Sir?"

"Just tell me you're not gonna try to splint it."

She chuckled. "No, sir. But I am going to need to touch you. Is that okay?"

After a moment, he nodded. "Do your worst."

She wrapped her left hand around him and tried not to be insulted that he didn't show any... interest. She knew the pain had to be bad enough to halt any arousal he might feel under other circumstances. Not that he would necessarily feel arousal if she were to wrap her hand around him under better circumstances, she tried to tell herself. She ran the pad of her thumb over the puncture wound very gently and felt, as he must have, the thorn.

Without thinking about how it might look, she bent over him to get a better look.

"Uh..."

She turned her head and looked up at him. "Yes, sir?"

"Nothing," he said quickly.

She turned back to the puncture wound and very carefully prodded the area.

He yelped. "Geez, Carter!"

"Sorry!"

"At this point, I'd rather you splinted it."

She chuckled, "I'm afraid that wouldn't help. Just... let me..." With her thumb and forefinger she pulled the skin taut and exposed a tiny portion of the splinter. She swooped in with the tweezers and, after a couple of attempts that had him squirming, managed to grasp the thorn and pull it from his flesh.

He let out a loud breath. "Okay. We're done."

But she had already reached for the analgesic cream and squirted some out onto her finger. She gently rubbed the cream onto the affected area and then she realized she was still handling her CO's penis. Doing a job he could very easily and should be doing. She dropped him. Which gave her a view of him in all his glory. And yeah, that would definitely feature in future fantasies. Because, it seemed, the colonel was a shower not a grower. Because if he grew from there, well, good lord.

She felt a blush stain her cheeks and then it occurred to her that while she'd turned him loose she hadn't stopped looking. She looked up and saw a smirk playing around his mouth.

"There are so many things I could say right now," he said, "and almost all of them are inappropriate."

Her eyes widened. Could he possibly have been thinking along the same lines she'd been thinking? Well, she'd never know because there was no way in hell she was asking!

"Instead," he continued, "I'll just say thanks."

She studiously did not look down. "You're welcome, sir. I'll, uh, let you get finished up here and go see if I can help Daniel."

"I'll only be a few minutes. See if you can drag him away from the ruins."

"Yes, sir."

"And, Carter?"

"Yes?"

"Not a word of this to anybody."

"Wouldn't dream of it, sir."

She left him sitting there on the ground, tending to his poor penis. And tried, really tried not to giggle as she walked away. She didn't succeed.

"No giggling, Carter! It's bad for a guy's ego!"

After what she'd seen, she was pretty sure his ego could handle it.