Chapter XVII

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Until the wolf howls once more

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Solaria poured the water on the kettle and left it on the stove; Jean had brought the eggs early and she thought Monsieur Beaumont would like to have some along with crispy bacon to break his fast as soon as he finished his morning ablutions. As an Indian she´d rather drink spiced tea, but she understood white people preferred coffee.

As she opened the kitchen´s back door, a warm spring breeze came through it together with a strange noise she could not identify. The girl remained at the door as she realized that the uncomfortable increasing buzz was somehow familiar to her, she´d it heard before, somewhere, a long time ago.

Solaria peeped through the back alley and saw a gray cat running towards the main street, the shadows of the strollers hiding the morning light.

And abruptly, she remembered, having grown up in a country in constant political agitation with sprouting rebellions every moon turn; the sibilation of many voices talking and screaming at the same time, a purr as dreadful as a snake hiss was carved in her memory.

Her shoes taping on the cold pavement stones was the one sound anchoring her down on the ground. Leaving the alley and coming out to the street, Solaria felt she´d faint.

A mob walked down the avenue, they yelled and the women wooed for the small war ships navigating through the Seine, wishing farewells and flapping the State´s flag.

-So it has come to this.

She knew the war between Prussia and France was somehow a given fact; but to see it starting before her very eyes had the effect of a punch. Solaria´s entire family had succumbed in India because of revolutions and civil conflicts, it was as if their destiny had come chasing after her all the way from there. Her frown turned to a scowl, unwilling to believe how women and children were capable of celebrating their men embracing certain death, cheering the situation from the river bank.

Repulsion urged her to return back to the alley and her kitchen, there she would be safe. There she wouldn´t know.

She was just finishing placing the breakfast cutlery for Monsieur Beaumont when the front door bell rang. Almost running to the door for fear of what she might encounter coming from the street on a day like that, Solaria only saw Monsieur Louis Mérante, standing in militia clothing, a bag and a bayonet at his back.

She blushed and welcomed him into the foyer.

The young man removed his soldier cap and bowed courtly, his gentleness had struck her ever since she met him.

-Bonjour Madame, excuse me but could you please tell Monsieur Beaumont I´m here to bid farewell? I´m to leave in this instant and have not an moment to lose.

Solaria blushed once again at the sight of his handsome face under those dark locks but replied hastily

-Bonjour Monsieur, I´ll let Monsieur Beaumont you are here right away.

Once she had mana

ged to bring her master to the living room, she saw them sat there and returned to the kitchen while wondering if she should place another set on the table.

Beaumont eyed Mérante critically.

-What on earth are you thinking? Never took you for a soldier Louis. Unless you´re planning to dance for your fellow troops in the barracks, I see no purpose of you going anywhere near the German.

-I´m no fighter, I know that. But they´re recruiting every man they could find, I had barely went to sleep last night when they knocked on my door and handed me the recruitment papers.

-Did they?

-Well, I could have said no but…

Beaumont casted him a sad smile, he knew his old pupil. There was no way he could´ve said no to his bleeding country, he cursed his good sense and loyal spirit.

-Where will you be deployed?

-Northeast I believe, beyond Reims, near Mossa River.

-That´s almost stepping in Prussia!

-Yes, I think the emperor, after his self coup is trying to congregate all his troops near the border. I´ll write to you whenever I can.

There was so much to say and so little time Beaumont almost choked, the possibility of never seeing him again was too horrible to contemplate and yet it was there, hanging in the air like a poisonous fog, green and dark and frightening.

And as idiotic as it was, he just had to say it

-Does Odette know?

Mérante shook his head

-I didn´t even had the chance to say goodbye to her, it all happened so fast.

-Is there anything you want me to say to her?

-I´m not sure, I think it´d be cruel to ask for her affections given the possibility that I might not come back.

-It is even crueler not to go see her before you leave.

Louis kept silent for a moment and then he stood up.

-I told the nursemaid to let her know of my decision. I must go now, I´m late as it is. Could you please send this to my parents? – he asked while giving him a small missive and heading to a window shutter to open it.

-Are you for real? There´s none for the sweet girl you´ve dedicated weeks to make her fall in love with you and you just abandon her when she needs you the most?

-I haven´t…

-Oh, and I suppose you vising her twice a day, bringing her flowers and menacing her physician if he got too close was just charity work for the poor?

-YES, I LOVE HER BEAUMONT! – he shouted, slamming shut the window he´d just opened, its hinges trembled and cracked open sending the shutter to the floor, the noise competing with the shouting

-WELL, THEN BLOODY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!

-WHAT?

-YOU ENAMOURED HER, AND NOW YOU´RE JUST LEAVING?

-I´M LEAVING TO PROTECT HER!

-OH, I´M SURE THE GERMANS WILL ABUSE OF A BALD CONFUSED GIRL

-TO PROTECT HER FROM ME!- he roared, much like the black angry lion Beaumont was always comparing him to.

The man calmed down, realizing he really did not want to fight with him, given this might be the last time he saw him.

-What do you mean?

-I´m too into her Beaumont, but she is just confused. It is possible she might think she loves me when really, she´s just clinging to someone since she remembers no one. I love her, more than I thought I did, and this situation is ripping me inside out. Believe me.- he took a deep breath, and kneeled to grab his weapon and bag from under the coffee table. – But I must also reconcile to the idea that she might never remember anything, and if such, she should know who she is as her new self without anyone interfering, no one to influence her view of the world. And I know I´m not strong enough to just leave her alone, so…

-So you´re just deciding for her?

-She´s too sweet to say no to anyone.

-On that we agree, but please Mérante; listen to yourself, she has no one else. What will she do? Turn to the red light district?

Louis looked at him in a way Beaumont thanked the bayonet was not loaded.

-I trust you´ll help her in whatever way you can.

-I will, but she doesn´t want me- he replied with a sigh, this proud stubborn youth was plunging to a life of misery and condemning a young lost girl to the same fate, -she wants you.

"And I want her" Mérante realized remembering the night before, when he held Odette so close he could feel every inch of her body pressed against him, not Odette the wolf dancing queen with blue frosted roses around her, but the sweet burnt girl who would have given him her cloudy autumnal world had he asked. "I want her happiness yes, but I want her as well. Wolf or woman or whatever she is now. I want to comfort her. I want to hear her laugh. I want her to come to me willingly, not under any amnesic spell. To bring me her joys, and her sorrows and her lust"

-Louis?

-You know I´m not going to change my mind- he said finally, reaching for the entrance door, -I´ll lose my boat if I don´t leave now. Please…,- he asked with a hand on the knob –Look after her Beaumont, she is the one thing in the world I love.

-Boy, don´t you love me?- Beaumont replied, a fatherly smile ghosting his lips despite his frustration.

Louis smiled and waved him farewell, his hazel eyes a pool of sorrow and decision

-See you.

-Take care boy.

Mérante left the door open and Beaumont asked Solaria´s assistance in taking him to the threshold. They saw his young pupil boarding the boat on the other side of the river, losing sight of him as the small vessel floated through the waters, so lost he was he didn´t realize another young friend approaching, grabbing her cane in such a frantic state, she might have scourged him with it.

Solaria saw her and wondered if she could be the young woman her master and Monsieur Mérante were discussing about in the house, despite her limp she certainly walked like a raging wild animal, not at all in the way a lady would´ve carried herself.

-Monsieur Beaumont…-she whispered cautionary.

-Ye—he said but the girl interrupted him as soon as she was within earshot

-WHERE IS HE?

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Armand Beaumont had never really seen Odette angry, actually, after seeing her, he thought he´d never seen anyone really angry before.

-He..he just left.

-WHAT?

She had a look about her that told him she had…she had…

-Odette, is your memory..?

-Yes, I have regained it… after Bess told me he was leaving to fight this God damned war—

-A lady shouldn´t-

-YOU THINK I CARE? I´ve just suffered another trauma and my mind feels like a blighted mess, and he just, he just-her wrath was overwhelming, she grasped her necklace, the howling wolf Hugo had given her and glanced at the mob by the river, their heads hiding the boats from plain sight.

-Which one is his boat?

-I don´t know, he can´t be that far, it was just minutes ago that he boarded his boat.

Gathering her remaining strength, Odette reached for her cane once more and headed for the river bank, Beaumont signaled Solaria to follow her.

-Assist her if she needs it, but don´t get too close. She might bite you.

Odette used her cane in advantage to push away and part the mob so she could reach the first row. The pain of her leg was getting beyond her ability to ignore and the wound on her side kept stabbing her, but she made the effort to study the faces on the different boats. He had to know, he had to know how much he´d hurt her, how much his attentions had harmed her to the point of not being able of imagining a world where he wasn´t in, how much she loved him.

At last she saw his features, his eyes, his hair…it was just like last night, when he´d held her in his arms and whispered moonsongs in her ear. Odette grabbed her necklace and pulled the chain, thinking of throwing it to his bloody attractive face, maybe that would make him realize she was herself and reconsider his choice but…

"It´s just a stupid necklace" she said, aloud this time. But it wasn´t. The wolf was Hugo and Apolline, her mother and her father, Beaumont and Kerloff. The wolf was Britain´s Bride brick walls, and the laughter of its people. The wolf was Philippe´s violin and Orlena´s dancing; the warm earthy smell of the glassgardens where her blue roses bloomed in winter, the Opera House marbled entrance with its golden waxy candlelight, the sound of the silken ballet pointes as she jumped on wooden boards. The wolf was Louis Mérante´s smile and the chaining embrace he´d wrapped her in that night.

She threw the necklace, with all her feelings, her grief and delight.

But Louis didn´t look back, did not realize.

And the wolf necklace splashed in the river waves, sinking into oblivion.

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-Madame Odette, Madame Odette- she realized Beaumont´s maid was calling her, a pretty olive skinned girl with big dark eyes.

"As dark as his hair"

It was all too awful for her tired mind to process it just yet, she let herself being led to Beaumont´s house because it was easier, it was easier being led that to lead one´s life and because she was curious what it was like being cared after.

-Odette my dear, come. Let us break our fast together, there´s much to talk about.

Her limp made Armand Beaumont think about his wheelchair, fitting… one is broken and the other is crippled.

As they sat in his dining room and Solaria brought the service, he caressed her cheek and could see she was still too much in a state of shock to even cry, her skin pale as wax and her eyes gray like wolf´s skin, clear and shiny.

-Odette.

She looked at him without really seeing him.

-Much is coming, my sweet little wolf. We must prepare, you can stay here as long as you want

-I already have a job Monsieur- the tone was steely, like a chink of ice cracking through a glacier.

-I mean, yes. You do have a job, but you can live here, with me. We both have our ghosts and are more than a little traumatized from what just happened.

-How come you´re traumatized?

-I just found out he was leaving today, just as you. Just as you, it didn´t end well for me after that fire, and just as you, I also loved him. In a different way, mind you, but it also hurt me to see him leave not knowing if he´ll come back.

Odette´s look turned watery.

-He might come back for sure, but we cannot rely on anything, you taught me that- he said sincerely.

-Did I?

-Sure, you´ve taught us both a lot of things, even if you did not realize, but that´s what makes you so precious you know?

-I just…I thought he loved me.

"Oh he does, you don´t know to what extend"

-Why don´t you ask him? Letters do exist you know

Odette showed a small smile.

-I just, I just remembered everything

-Well darling, I´m glad you realized- he didn´t look surprised at all, -Let´s eat, they say grief is better with a full belly.

-Who says it?

-No one, everyone- he smiled, -could you please pass the jam?

Odette gave it to him together with a sigh and the ghost of a smile… and he knew she hadn´t crumbled. Not yet.

After their meal, she thanked him and said she´d think about living with him, even if society might think it improper. After all, she used to be a ballerina and he a ballet master, rumors would spread.

But with war knocking on their door and Louis far gone, they didn´t think they´d care.

Days passed, Régine LeHautt, the young widow that accepted Odette as her maid closed her restaurant temporarily and said they were times to save money, therefore she wouldn´t be paying her much but offered her the maid´s quarters instead.

-I hate to see you crackling with your stupid cane like an old woman, this should at least abilitate you in arriving to my house on time- she caressed her stomach, -my late husband left me with child, thanks be to God and I cannot be disturbed more than necessary. Understood?

Odette simply nodded without bothering to point to the fact the baby´s father could not be her husband, math did not lie. But if that was the story she wanted the world to believe, so be it.

"We all like to believe our own lies" she thought bitterly, "like Louis Mérante loving me, for instance"

The thought poisoned and embittered her temper, making her cynical and harsh, cold and even more reserved than before.

With ballet gone out of her life, the world for her had no more colors. It was all in black and white and gray, all the shades of the truth. So much so Odette couldn´t help but laugh on the memory of Apolline telling her once that she´d love in blue, but her love had abandoned her as well, if he had once loved her he didn´t anymore and if he did, he was just selfish and cruel. All she was left with were the first pair of ballet pointes she ever bought, a wooden cane and a broken soul.

In her visits, Beaumont kept telling her she was strong, she was the strongest woman he knew, and with smiles and music tried to make her eyes shine purple once more. But she knew that even a man that has fought a hundred battles can lose the hundredth and one.

-You´re terrible- Beaumont told her, she hadn´t heard a word from Mérante in weeks and in his letters to his old master, never once did he mention her.

-Me?- she said disbelievingly,- It is the world that surrounds us the one who´s terrible. I´m just being sincere.

Days turned to weeks and weeks to months, newspaper stopped bringing deadlists and turned to merry affairs, the completion of the Opera´s repair and the upcoming prince´s wedding…and all of it told Odette France was losing the war.

News from the Battle of Sedan came when tree leaves where orange and yellow, and no letter from Louis Mérante had arrived ever since, Odette knew it was all over. She´d forever love him, and she´d forever keep the wrath she felt when he left.

Beaumont also felt it, they didn´t discuss it, for the thought of Louis dying was still too much to bear, they both tried to cope with it as the news of the emperor´s capture arrived together with the mid-autumn winds and the appalling German army marching, unchallenged, towards Paris.

Her master, Madame LeHautt declared she´d go to Toulousse before the German arrived, therefore she had to leave, worrying little about the fact Odette had no roof on her head.

-If I ever come back, you may work for me again. If winter or the German don´t kill you first.

Beaumont offered her asylum once more and she could do little else but accept, people where leaving the city, markets and shops where empty, Notre Dame´s bells echoing through gray mist, the river quiet with nothing else floating on its waters but the phantom of the cityfolk´s cheers when bidding farewell to their men.

So much for national pride.

Beaumont asked Jean and Solaria if they wished to leave as well, he´d be no impediment.

-This city is the most dangerous place in France right now, if you can make it to the country side within this week, consider yourselves lucky- he´d heard German troops were pillaging and burning small towns on their way to Paris, it was only sensible to flee the opposite way.

Jean accepted his offer, sweet Solaria however declared she had nowhere else to go, she´d remain there to help him in whatever she could.

"God Almighty, what will I do with a girl, a woman and me, a crippled in a city about to be flooded with enemies?" but he said nothing.

-Cry, most likely- said Odette´s voice, coming from behind him.

-Excuse me?

-I saw your face, Monsieur. If Jean leaves, it´d just be you, young Solaria and myself. Do not fret, we´ll try to do our best- she said jokingly but not entirely free of sarcasm and Beaumont took it that way.

He showed an apologetic smile.

-While it is true we are unprotected, it may be better this way. What could German soldiers want to do to either of us that could remotely report any benefit to them?

-On a first glance, nothing- she said, leaving her small bag on the floor and grabbing the back of his wheelchair towards the veranda. A sweet and sour feeling nesting in their stomachs seeing the empty street while some doves walked on the shadows the lampposts casted

-Don´t you want to go to your brother´s?

-Dennis? They left already little wolf, they´re too close to this wretched city, and I´m happy for them

-Did he ask you if you may join them?

-Of course he did, but he already has to care after his family and his wife´s mother and sister, if I had legs, maybe I would´ve gone with him.

-Maybe?

-I had to honor a pledge to a dead friend.

Odette tried the words didn´t sting so much, but nevertheless she felt a treacherous tear sliding down her cold cheek.

-Pledges mean little these days

-I agree, but nonetheless men do them, and I am one of the few who intends to keep mine.

-Which was it?

-I think you know

-I do, I was just hoping it to be a different one.

-How come?

-The one that would make yours worth it.

Beaumont remained silent as she carried on, her husky tone always a frozen puddle under the wheels of his chair.

-I don´t think he ever said something to me that implied he felt the same. Perhaps it was all a big misunderstanding, but now I can never set it clear.

Her voice broke and Beaumont knew she was silently crying, but he made no effort to look back at her.

-I don´t think you misunderstood anything little wolf.

-How could you know? You weren´t there

-He told me.

She stopped breathing so suddenly, she sobbed.

-He did?

-He loved you, as intensely as any man could love a woman. I cannot vow for his intentions, what he planned to do if he ever came back. But I do vow for his feelings Odette. He loved you.

That phrase soothed her heart, she had cried herself to sleep many nights. But as soon as it comforted her, it began to torment her. If he loved her, why did he leave? France? Fear for her? Both?

-It matters not anymore.

Beaumont nodded slowly.

-No, it matters not. But he would´ve wanted you to move forward, you know he would.

She sighed and using the chair´s handles, she tried not to limp too much on their way back to the house.

The following weeks where like reliving the time before the war started.

Solaria was washing the dishes while Odette helped her in drying and putting them away, her chocolate hair braided behind her head.

Beaumont sitting next to the kitchen door reading the newspaper, reading it aloud.

-…I don´t think it´s safe to leave the house for now.

-What will we eat then?- asked Odette.

-The kitchen garden Solaria here planted a few months ago should be good to be put to use, besides, the riots are getting worse and you two lovely girls have no one to protect you if something happens while you´re on the streets.

Solaria looked through the window towards the kitchen garden.

-We can harvest some of it Monsieur, but winter is coming and I´m not sure my abilities as a garden girl are enough…

-By then, let´s hope our wonderful new government have their act together.

With the emperor and remaining troops captured, the empress exiled and others members of the "royal family" nowhere to be found, the government in Paris was getting chaotic, everyone trying to get a piece of the power cake. Other functionaries declared together with popular representatives a Third Republic which in turn set up a National Defense Government and of course, many people did not agree with it; riots and public rallies roaming in the street, with people getting injured and sent to jail.

And while the Parisians fought each other the German set up a siege outside the city and started to build a dam to block the river waters.

-But I agree we shouldn´t go out for now.

-Thank you, shall we read in the living room? Solaria, could you bring us some tea?

The girl nodded and Odette took Beaumont to his usual spot near the hearth. He loved watching her, her limp hadn´t taken away her gracefulness, she picked up the book she´d been reading recently and sat down on the white couch.

-Maybe you should start doing your hair in a bun.

-Hmm? –she hummed turning her blue eyes towards him. No dreamy purple or depressing gray, a clear crystal blue that saw reality and looked at it back to the face.

-You´re a woman Odette, you should wear your hair up.

-Oh, right. I will, starting tomorrow.

Solaria brought the tea and retired to clean the vestibule, her black taffeta dress clean and neat.

-Have you ever been in love Monsieur?

Beaumont almost dropped the cup.

-Sorry my dear, you startled me….-she was still looking at him, waiting for an answer, -Yes, I have.

-Many times?

-I thought so every time but now, when I look back I think I only really loved one of them.

-What happened to her?

-She died, long ago.

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The remnants of the old Revolution sparked once again in the newspapers Solaria used to fuel the iron stove. She was no Frenchwoman but she could understand the nationalism that drove these people, fed by the wish to prove the German army they would not surrender.

-What is it Solaria? - she heard mademoiselle Odette´s voice from behind her, she had a bucket in one hand and her cane on the other, her hard blue eyes looking over to the paper Solaria held in her hands.

-I just wonder, Madame…

-Really? Let´s wonder together, it´ll distract me from this excruciating backpain- she replied leaving the bucket on the floor and sitting on a chair to peel some potatoes. Food was starting to become scarce and Solaria thought about the time it would take for them to feel hunger´s bite.

-If the government accepts the Káiser´s surrender conditions, it would cut out this siege, many deaths could be prevented and the war would end. Are the territories they´re asking for really that important?

-Maybe, maybe not. I admit I know little about politics. But what I do know is that this city will go to its knees before surrendering, smallfolk like us don´t matter much in the grand scale of things. With the siege, food and water will be rationed soon and hunger turns any man into a criminal.

-I´m not afraid of hunger, I´ve experienced it many times in my life.

Odette raised an eyebrow

-Where I come from, hot spiced air blows in ancient temples and noisy markets. We are marked forever by the place where we were born, the color of our skin and the politic ideals of our parents. I..I couldn´t stay there after mine were killed. So I left as soon as possible.

-Did you…

Her questions drowned in alarming trumpet sounds.

-Quick!

They both hurried to close up the curtains, Odette hobbled to the kitchen back door to bar it. Just the other day Solaria had been in danger of being taken by the angry starving mob.

-How much longer?- she thought looking at Solaria who was completely terrorized, "How much longer will I stand living like this?

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Far away from there, inside an old and rickety house with shot holes covering its walls and just a few miles away from Prussian lands was a young man. The smudges on his face weren´t enough to hide his appealing features, the hazel warm light in his eyes shined aggressively towards the small Prussian detachment pointing their swords and bayonets towards him.

-Do it! - he spat in perfect German, -I can´t stay brave forever

-Wait! –interrupted an officer standing in the back, his clothes indicating a higher rank. –He was the sole survivor who did not soil himself- his blatant mockery towards his fallen comrades enraged Louis

-You should fire a look like that towards someone who just saved you, you ungrateful swine!- Mérante did not see it coming, his vision blurred as he sank into sweet nothing and, after thinking in his slayed friends, his countryside on fire and the river full of corpses, he welcomed the shadow embracing him.

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A/N You guuuuys! Promise I´ll finish this, doesn´t matter how long it takes. Together we´ll make it!

What do you think of this chapter? Made it longer on purpose ;), hope it hasn´t been too much