"I fell in love with you." His somber voice rung in her ears— the pain written over his features created a physical ache in her chest. What was she supposed to have said back to that? It was said so abruptly that she wasn't sure how to process it. The word felt so foreign, uncomfortable even. Sure, she loved him… she had known him for a long time. Though their age difference was apparent, she loved him dearly as a great friend. He was her best friend's Godfather and be that as it may, he was a very prominent person in her life. She was always with Harry and Harry was always with Sirius during the holidays. He was a good man and his death had affected her more than she was willing to admit. As she was in this timeline, she'd be a fool to say that the love she held for him didn't carry over. But to be in love with him? Was she even capable of allowing herself to do so knowing that he could, and if she couldn't change the future, he would, be torn away from her all over again. And that idea was one she just couldn't handle.
She allowed herself, unwillingly, to do the things that she had done with him in moments of pure weakness, and that was unfair, to both of them. She used him to hide her feelings, to forget about everything she had to do. Even though before they'd been intimate, she knew where she should have drawn the line, it was crystal clear that she couldn't cross it again. She couldn't do that to him - she couldn't make him feel things that she wasn't capable of reciprocating… and she couldn't do it to herself, especially since she hads to make her way back to 1998 when all was said and done. And if things went the way she intended, Sirius would be alive, enjoying his best life… married, having babies… and very much alive. And I could just be the big-haired, smart friend of Harry's, unrecognized, existing in the periphery. A woman of his past that he had forgotten.
Her chest was painfully tight - she hadn't realized where her feet had guided her until she looked up into the window of a home that held two people who were very much newlyweds and very much in love. That was the love Sirius deserved… Her brain twisted its thoughts back to the unanswered questions: How did we manage to marry? Had he known, when he knew her? She watched as the woman through the window turned sideways, showing off a perfectly round baby bump. The husband placed a hand over the belly and leaned down, kissing his wife on the cheek, then said something lovingly, or funny, making the pregnant woman laugh.
Her breath caught in her throat when she looked up to open windows that held a freshly painted pink room. She blinked and a single tear fell over her nose. Her eyes came back to the dining room where the sweet couple sat together, now holding hands over the table, eating spaghetti and meatballs. Taking in a shaky breath, she turned away revealing the name upon the postage box: Granger
She walked for a while until she made it back to Sirius's place. She wasn't sure if she could even call it hers anymore. She knew she had to talk to him… to clear the air, to help him trust her. But really all she wanted to do was go upstairs, take off those blasted heels and push her nose into her pillow and scream. However, that would have to wait… she knew what she needed to do.
When Hermione left Narcissa's home, the time had just struck eight. The corner clock now rang a quarter after midnight. She dropped her gaze down to her feet: No wonder they were so numb. She had been walking for hours. Opening the door of the flat, her adrenaline began pumping through her. The smell of blood hit her nose. Bringing her wand to the ready, she spoke, "Sirius?" she called out, but no answer came. "Sirius?"
As quietly as her feet could carry her, she tiptoed to his bedroom. The door was slightly ajar but she furthered its opening by the tip of her wand pushing into it. Red. Her stomach flip-flopped and her knees gave out. The sight before her made her shake. She managed to crawl over to the bloody body lying on the floor. "Remus!" She didn't sound like herself; it was as if she were speaking beneath water. "W-wake up!" she said, gathering his head into her arms, feeling his pulse (slow, but there), and staring at the gaping hole in his shoulder. She was pretty in tune with the moon cycles, but perhaps with everything she hadn't paid much mind to it. Her eyes shotran to the window to see it was only a half-moon. Trying to breathe, to steady herself, the smell of the blood made her even more queasy. "Okay, Remus… you need to stay with m-me…" She ripped his sleeve from the shoulder of his shirt, gathering it for a makeshift bandage. Her hands shook, they were beginning to stain red with his blood. The amount he had lost was dangerous… and where the hell was Sirius? Once the cloth was tied tightly around his shoulder, she said, "don't you d-die on me, Remus Lupin! I'll be right b-back!" Steadying herself to stand up, she nearly fell down. Breathe. She ran to the fireplace and went to the only place she could think of and stepped inside of James and Lily's living room.
Sirius looked up from the couch to see the woman coming through, covered in blood —blood that was very clearly not hers. He stood up, "Wha—"
"Oh thank God, you're here!" she breathed, then swallowed, "you have to come quickly… R-Remus!"
No further questions were asked, Sirius, followed by James and Lily came piling through after Hermione into the flat. The four of them ran into Sirius's room where Remus still laid on the floor unconscious.
Sirius and James dropped to the ground on either side of their friend, looking up to Hermione, their eyes full of concern and questions.
"We have to get him to the hospital!" she yelled.
"We can't!"James said, pulling at his hair stressfully.
"Wh- why not?" then the answer dawned on her when the two men exchanged glances.
Remus was a werewolf.
Her attention went back to Sirius, "I know you're incredibly pissed at me, but can I speak with you in the hall?"
Without a word, Sirius stood, Lily taking his place beside the man on the floor, beginning to work out whatever healing spells she could without the medical equipment that St. Mungo's offered.
Once in the hallway, Hermione turned around, facing the man, "I know."
He rubbed his hands down his face temperamentally, "Don't really have time to speak in riddles with you right now, Hermione."
Hermione rolled her eyes condescendingly, "I'm not speaking in riddles, Sirius. I mean, I know about Remus. His condition."
Sirius deadpanned, "How do you know that?"
"Story for another time, promise. But right now, we need to focus on saving him. St Mungo's has everything we need, stop —I know that he can't go there, but they have what we need and Lily is really our only hope at the moment. Would she be willing to break the law?"
"Depends, I guess… What is it that you need?"
She sighed, "Wwhoever attacked Remus knows he's a werewolf. His lycanthropy is fighting his healing because of what he was hit with. Whoever hit him knew what they were doing. They weren't aiming to kill, Sirius. This was a warning."
Sirius felt his heart crawl into the tiny space in the back of his throat, he crossed his arms, "What do you mean?"
"The curse they used is called Silver Fire. It is deadly to werewolves, it will literally burn his insides—" she began to explain but Sirius stopped her, "Then why isn't he dead?"
"Would you please stop interrupting me so I can explain to you?"
He held up his hands, "sorry."
She blew out her cheeks, then ran her hair behind her ears, "As I was saying, they weren't aiming to kill. They didn't strike him in the heart. If they wanted him dead, he'd be dead right now. But we need to make the antidote, because this warning, it's just the beginning of something terribly gruesome."
Sirius nodded, "Okay, we can go explain this to Lily."
"Just ask her to get the things we need… we can explain it all later. If she cares about Remus, she will do whatever to keep her friend safe," Hermione said defensively.
"She will be willing, Hermione,." Sirius countered.
"Good, because the longer we sit here, the longer it will take for him to heal."
"How do you know this potion will work?"
"Because, I was there when we used this on Remus where I am from in the Order. It was actually y—" you that came up with the potion. She was interrupted by Sirius's outburst at her sudden revelation.
Sirius's eyes widened, "Tthe Order?! You are a part of the Order?" What was this girl not hiding?
Hermione held up her hands, "Yes! I will explain later, Sirius! Our friend really needs this medicine! Please," she pointed to the door to go and ask Lily.
Almost an hour had passed before Lily had arrived with the ingredients from the list Hermione had written up. Hermione already had a cauldron heating. She mixed all the ingredients, Lily watching closely, of course, full of her own questions for how Hermione had come up with such a concoction and however did she know that it would help with cases such as Remus's?
Remus still hadn't woken at this point, which was lucky, because the pain Hermione had seen him in in 1998 because of this stupid curse had been excruciating. The woman distributed the potion into a syringe then handed it off to Sirius. "Just apply this to his shoulder, start inside the hole." she said. He nodded and began to fill the bloody mass with the liquid and watched in amazement as it began to heal.
Remus began to breathe rapidly; his pulse pounded in his neck. Sweat beaded across his lip and his browline. Then his eyes opened, large pupils slowly surrounded by golden hues. "Pad... Sirius…" he spoke, his voice dry.
"Shh…" Lily cooed, pushing his wet hair aside. "We are all here, Remus… You're okay now."
The man nodded the best he could, his eyes widening once they landed on Hermione, "Hey, y-you."
Her heart swelled, "Hello, Remus."
"Stay with me, Mi," he said quietly. Of course, she'd stay with him. She'd do whatever she could to help him feel better.
All eyes fell on her now, though. She felt her cheeks warming and the thoughts were abundantly clear that they were thinking there was something more going on between the two. She saw jealousy in Sirius's eyes… questions in James… and she couldn't place what was in Lily's, but it wasn't friendly.
She did her best to ignore everyone and turned her attention back to Remus, "Do you think you can stand so we can go to my room?"
He nodded weakly but Sirius spoke up, "No, don't move. You can stay in here."
Remus shook his head, "No, I want to go to her room."
Sirius wasn't sure how to react to this… Remus knew how Sirus felt about Hermione, so what the hell was he playing at?
Once out of the room, Lily turned to Sirius, "what the hell was that? What is all of this about? How the hell did Hermione know about an antidote to something even I have never seen before? And what did she say to you in the hall earlier?"
"Lily, calm the fuck down!"James raised his voice.
She crossed her arms and faced him angrily.
It definitely didn't go unnoticed by Sirius, the anger that boiled between the couple. "Are the two of you okay?" he asked.
Lily dodged her eyes from Sirius, but James gave a quick nod.
Okay… obviously not,. Sirius thought. "Right well, I need to clean this mess." he pointed to the bloody stain on his carpet. "I'll update you tomorrow."
James moved over to where Sirius stood, "Do you want some help?"
Sirius shook his head, "No… I got it. Thanks, though."
James squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Don't think too much about Remus and Hermione… I am sure it's nothing."
Sirius felt his heart tumble down to the deep depths of his stomach, "Yeah."
Finally finished with the cleanup, Sirius sat on his bed staring down at the fresh carpet. He began to think about the order of the events that happened within the last twelve hours and he never imagined that he'd be where he was now. After everything between his brother, cousin, and Hermione… Sirius had found himself with a bottle of whisky, whining on James's couch. Of course, he didn't go into complete detail of everything… but, shit, had he wanted to. He needed advice, but for some awful reason, he just couldn't trust that information with them… and that really did something terrible to his mind. The thought of betraying Hermione's trust like that did him in, as well. Fuck. But he'd sat there on their couch, drinking in the bronze liquid and not saying much. They didn't ask about the cut above his brow and he didn't ask why the hell there was such tension between them. The three of them sat in silence up until Hermione came tumbling through the Floo with blood on her hands.
Ugh, Hermione. He was thankful that she was there to help save Remus but why'd she have to go run off with him into her room? "Puhh." He blew out his lips. More and more continued to unravel around that damn woman, from the fact that she was from the future, her being his wife, she was a part of the Order of the Phoenix, and knows that Remus is a werewolf. And to top it all off, she was best friends with two of his enemies… What the actual fu-
A knock on his door stole his attention. He almost didn't answer, but decided against it. "Come in…"
The woman opened the door, then quietly closed it behind her. She placed her hands into the pockets of her sleeping pants. "He finally fell asleep," she said, voice just above a whisper.
"And what did you have in your room that you couldn't give him in here?" Sirius asked.
Hermione shrugged, "I couldn't tell you. He barely spoke proper sentences… but he kept saying thank you. Perhaps he just didn't want to look weak in front of you," she guessed.
"Rubbish. I have seen that man in some of his most vulnerable states, Hermione."
Hermione shrugged again, "I don't know what to tell ya." In reality, she knew exactly why Remus had asked for her. He did indeed want to say thank you… He also told her that he knew about Regulus and had questions… He also told her that he was attacked by someone that was close to him, but who he was unsure of. His senses had been wiped out as soon as the silver penetrated his skin.
When Sirius didn't say anything to that she turned on her foot, "Well, I'll take the couch, so Remus can get the rest he needs."
Sirius shook his head. No matter how angry he was at the woman before him, he was still a gentleman. "Don't be silly, you can sleep in here. I'll take the couch."
Hermione looked down at her feet, "Honestly, it's okay. I am a big girl."
Without really thinking about the words that left his mouth, he asked. Curiosity won. "Is there something going on between you and Remus? Here — there?"
Hermione began coughing at the hard inhalation of air she just took. "No! No, no, no, no. Absolutely not! No way!" The woman shook her head.
Sirius merged his brows together, "I didn't realize you thought so low of him…." He'd never admit to the sudden relief.
Hermione gave him a stunned look. "I would never ever think low of Remus. I love him very much. He's a wonderful friend to me. I'd be a very lucky woman to be his person… Age aside, he and I never clicked in that way. Not here and not there. He was my mentor and my friend, Sirius."
The man showed a smile for the first time, "Okay."
Silence engulfed their surroundings, Hermione wasn't sure if she should sit, stand, or leave. Sirius, however, stood from his bed and walked over to the balcony. When he realized the woman hadn't followed him, he asked, "You comin'?"
They sat down at the table outside. Sirius lit up a cigarette. Neither said anything, both trying to focus on something, but failed.
Hermione pulled her knees against her chest and let out a shaky breath as she rested her chin on her knees. She jumped when Sirius spoke.
"So…" then he chuckled at her startle. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."
Rubbing her eyes, "It's all right. What were you saying?" She was incredibly tired.
The tip of his cigarette burned red as he inhaled, "You're from the future, Hermione Granger."
"I am…" she licked her bottom lip nervously. Where was he going with this?
"And you know me…" he said.
"I do," she answered quietly, hoping that he didn't ask her to elaborate too much. She knew if he knew the truth about his death, he'd probably freak out, or he could surprise her and find that he would accept it… but that was not a chance she was willing to take at the moment while things were… calm? She almost laughed. When were things ever calm?
"Are Remus and I still friends?"
Hermione jolted her head back at the question. "Of course. The best of." She didn't dare tell him that Remus thought Sirius had been behind the murders of his best friends and the lives of twelve other people…
"How about… er… James and Lily? I know they are going through stuff right now…"
Oh boy… How was she to change the subject? She knew that broken man… she couldn't handle seeing him like that again. "You have a wildly large heart, you know that? You ask about everyone else but not yourself, why?"
Sirius shrugged as he lit up another cigarette, "Don't know, guess I am not all that interested in my life? I go with the flow… always have. Hope to always will. I imagine my life will be just as i envision it. Working at the Auror's office, possibly working in Moody's position or pissing someone else off…" he snorted, " Married… a kid or two," he noticed the way Hermione tensed. "Are we… married in your time?"
"Um… no. That was all news to me as well. When you came barging into Narcissa's bedroom, that is when I found out. Like I said before, I know you… but you're twenty years older than I am." She felt guilty for not telling him that he was actually dead, but he made it clear that he didn't want to know.
"What, not into older men, I take it?" he teased and she rolled her eyes as he continued, "we must've gotten married in this timeline, but not this one… but this one, but before you go back. Or if you go back." Hermione's heart pounded at that thought. If. "You must've come back before now."
"I came to that conclusion as well, but I don't know. I have read book after book and nothing has given me any indication on how it works given the position I am in. Also, if I had come back before, why send me back again? Have you and I had this discussion before? Did I not pass the test? Does anything change? I am full of the same questions." She looked over at him; he was staring up at the sky. "There are things that you did then that indicate that you knew me before... "
Sirius perked up, "Yeah? Like what?"
"Just certain things that you do or say…" Like calling me Ace.
"Am I a pervy old man?" he wiggled his brows suggestively.
Hermione let out a flutter of light laughter. Well, after being in lock up for as long as you had, I don't blame you, I guess. "No… I wouldn't say that. I am probably overreacting, I was younger."
His eyes had a strange flicker, had she said too much? "You are full of so many secrets and everything before now, I feel was a lie. I want to know you, Hermione, I want to know the real you. I want there to be trust between us. And right now, I don't think I can give you my trust. I need time...but I am willing to work this out, if you are."
Hermione nodded, "I understand, Sirius. I am willing to know you… I am willing to help you learn whatever you want to know. But I need you to know this, not everything was a lie… I have been me this entire time… the way I treat you, the way I act, it's not a show. The stories might have different timelines, but it's all real."
His heart pounded with anxiety, "I am sorry for telling you that I love you. I don't want you to feel threatened by that or feel like you need to pull away because of it. I, " he blew out his cheeks as he scratched his chin, stubble was growing out. "I find myself wondering if it's you that I am in love with, or the idea of you."
Ouch. That stung a little more than she felt it should. It was obvious that it was apparent on her face.
He shrugged, "I'm sorry, it's a lot to think about."
"I don't blame you. I guess I should have been expecting it," she said solemnly.
Silence lingered between them until Hermione stood, "I'm going to bed."
"Okay, let me finish this cigarette—" Sirius began.
"No, Sirius, it's okay. I am going to take the couch."
"Why? I told you you could take the bed—"
Hermione held out a hand and gave him a small smile, "Really, it's fine. I don't want to put you out more than I already have." Barefoot, she padded through the bedroom and to the living room. She gathered the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her body as she fell into the sofa, sleep took her almost immediately.
Sirius didn't like this —not being in control. Not knowing the full story. He honestly would have felt more understanding toward Hermione if she wasn't best friends with Regulus and Narcissa —he could not wrap his head around that one whatsoever. These were all questions he just couldn't force himself to ask, as when he was around Hermione, his mind went blank. He wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid to know. But he knew that Hermione was deliberately keeping something from him.
He left his room, taking a peek into Hermione's to check on his friend who was snoring quietly, cuddled up to one of the pillows. His heart felt overwhelmed after the earlier events, and no matter the circumstances between himself and Hermione, he was full of gratitude for the woman because she saved Remus's life. He owed her a debt, though it wasn't his life, it was as good as, because without Remus… or James, he felt his life wasn't worth living.
Almost heading back to his room, he decided he needed to tell Hermione thank you first. Surely she was still awake. When he walked into the room, he found the woman sleeping soundly with the blanket wrapped up around her chin and her hair spread across the couch pillow.
His stomach dropped and his feet carried him over to her. He climbed onto the couch behind her and instinctively her body gravitated toward his, her back pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arm around her waist and inhaled her flowery scent. Gods, she was beautiful. He needed this moment with the woman, no words, but just his thoughts and his heart making all the decisions. "You're going to be the death of me," he whispered against her earlobe. "And for the first time, I've never been so afraid." She let out a soft sigh as she nuzzled her head deeper into the cushion. Sirius held onto her just a little bit tighter, "Because I don't want to live without you, baby."