A/N - Yeah, I know. I'm late to the fandom, late to fan fiction, late to everything. This is my first story, anywhere, ever. I haven't even finished watching Bleach let alone reading it, and my mind already got stuck on the possibilities, the hundreds of stories that could start with Hueco Mundo. I already know this will be a pretty long tale, and basically it's a love story. Nothing too deep here. Why? Because the world could always use more IchiHitsu.

So here is another Toshiro gets kidnapped and tortured story, ho-hum. But hopefully someone will find it entertaining.

WARNINGS - M/M, Yaoi, noncon, torture, character death. OOC, particularly Ichigo but I rewrote his history so of course he's different. Soooo not canon.

If these things matter - I don't own Bleach. I don't get any $$. And my thanks to the late, great Leonard Cohen for the song that gave me the title.

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"Who the hell is that?"

"Man, don't stare. That's Hitsugaya-taicho. You do not want him noticing you."

It was hard to look away from the small Shinigami walking across the courtyard. But I turned to check Renji's face for a smirk or other sign that he was just fucking with me. Not only did he look serious, he looked nervous, almost scared.

"Captain? You're kidding."

"Shut the hell up, dipshit. If he hears you say something like that, you're done for."

I looked back across the courtyard and was afraid I'd missed his exit. No, there he was, on the shaded walkway just opposite of us. He had stopped to talk to a tall woman, well, anyone would seem tall next to him. A brief glance at the woman and I registered the fact that she was beautiful, stunning really, with long hair close to mine in color, a classic face, and a figure out of a lingerie magazine. Any other day and I'd be drooling. But thanks to him, that glance was all I gave her.

He was breathtaking, even in the unflattering uniform which, sure enough, included a captain's haori. It was more than the eye-catching snow white hair which stood in spikes that would look ridiculous on most people but on him looked natural. It wasn't just the flawless golden skin, the small, upturned nose, the soft looking pink lips over a sharp chin. And it wasn't even the awe-inspiring large eyes, an indescribable shade of blue-green framed by thick black lashes. God, one could stare into those eyes for a lifetime.

All of that together drew the eye, but what kept my attention was the air of command, confidence, power . . . of course he was a captain. I'd been a fool to doubt it. I had met a few captains and a few lieutenants. All of them had an aura of authority, but there was something more, something almost ethereal about the white-haired captain. I couldn't say what made me think of it, but it was as if only part of him was here, though that part was vital and in control of everything around him. Still, part of him was absent, unreachable, and oh how that tempted me.

"Owww. What the hell was that for?" I shouted at the tattooed lieutenant lounging beside me on the walkway.

"I told you not to stare. What the fuck is wrong with you?" His voice was a growling whisper. Man, the short captain really had Renji intimidated. I grinned at him and looked back.

My grin dropped and so did my heart as my eyes locked with his across the open space. I was wrong, one lifetime was not enough. It was there, in his eyes, the mystery of who and what he was. I needed to know him. I needed him in my life somehow. It was beyond a simple desire, more like a command. This had happened to me a couple of times before, I met someone and just knew they belonged near me with no idea why. The feeling had never been this strong, and I fought back the desire, the pressing need to simply jump up and go to him.

His look was intense, like he was stripping through layers of my mind and soul, pulling out and examining every thought and feeling. In an instant, I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself, and in return I learned nothing. There was a wall behind his eyes, not letting a single clue through about who he was.

It had been seconds only, far too short and far too long to try to meet that piercing gaze. I gave him my best smile, honestly feeling nothing but joy at this first contact, the thrill of witnessing the glorious enigma before me. For the briefest moment I thought I saw his eyes widen, his scowl soften, his head tilt ever so slightly upward. It was gone before I could be sure, and the scowl returned with a little huff as he turned away, walking briskly out of my sight.

I watched the space where he had vanished for a few seconds more, then noticed the lovely redhead staring at me. She had a speculative, serious look on her face, like she was sizing me up. Before I could respond, her expression melted into a childish grin and she waved cheerfully, then disappeared, following the gorgeous captain.

"Hitsugaya . . . what's his given name?"

Renji was staring at me, mouth hanging open.

"No. Just no, Ichigo. Anyone but him."

"What are you talking about? I just asked his name."

"You flirted with him! It's a miracle you are still alive. Just drop it. That guy is beyond cold. He's sent people to the infirmary for less than what you just did."

"I only smiled, I didn't flirt. Why would I? I don't even know him. Surely you can smile at someone without getting killed, or is that not allowed around here?"

"You got a lot to learn. You don't draw your sword around Zaraki-taicho. You don't insult Kuchiki-taicho. You don't even talk to Kurotsuchi-taicho. And you do all of those things before you make a move on Hitsugaya-taicho."

I snorted. This place was like a high school, but everyone was on steroids or uppers or both.

"So what if I don't want to make a move, what if I just want to get to know him?"

"You aren't listening. There's no getting to know Hitsugaya-taicho. He doesn't have friends. The guy's a machine – work, fight, work. I don't think he even sleeps, and he sure as shit doesn't do anything social."

"What else? What do you know about him?"

"Fine, your funeral. He's a prodigy, one year in the Academy and straight into the highest ranks. He made captain while his zanpakuto was still taller than he was. And in the 20 some years he's been captain he has never had a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a casual date, nothing. Lots have tried. He's got a sister, she's actually very friendly. Doesn't seem like they talk much."

"What about the woman who was with him just now, they seemed rather friendly."

"That's his lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku. She probably knows him better than anyone, but she can make anyone warm up to her. Still, she'll show up crying about how mean he is, how he yells at her all the time, how he loses his temper over nothing. And she loves talking about it when some poor sap tries to ask him out. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman, he has no mercy. Man, I could tell you some stories."

"Yeah, tell me some stories. But first, what's his name?"

Renji gave a resigned sigh.

"Hitsugaya Toshiro."

I leaned back on my palms with a wide smile and looked at the clear sky. Close, but the heavens weren't quite as beautiful, as deep, or as bright as those eyes.

"Toshiro . . ."

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There was really no way to deny it anymore. I was intrigued, tantalized, flat out obsessed with him. And he hated me. No two ways about it, Hitsugaya Toshiro couldn't stand the sight of me. I had been doomed from the beginning. The promising start of a smile and a moment of eye contact was ruined the first time I opened my damned fool mouth.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Renji had told me how touchy he was about his title. What's the first thing I do? Blurt out 'Toshiro!' We've never even been introduced, and that's how I greet him. If we hadn't been in public, surrounded by humans, he would have happily snapped my neck.

But I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to be Hitsugaya-taicho to me. I didn't w ant our relationship to be substitute Shinigami and captain. No, I wanted to know Toshiro. Damage done, I would just have to make it clear that he is Toshiro to me. It wasn't not like he can hate me any more than he already did.

Lost in self-pity, I staggered forward with a yelp when Renji smacked me on the back of the head.

"What the fuck, strawberry? Did you have to go and piss off the ice prince? This was supposed to be a relaxing, fun trip to kill some Hollows. Now we're all trying to avoid getting our balls frozen off."

I punched him in the gut as I turned and in a matter of seconds we were rolling on the ground kicking and yelling. It wasn't my fault, he started it, and so on. But I was the one that froze after he managed to slam a fist into my cheek. My head snapped to the side and I saw two small shoes and gulped. My eyes drifted up to gray trousers, a white button down, short sleeves revealing thin but toned arms crossed in irritation.

Renji scrambled off me and bowed low as he clumsily apologized, attracting gawks and pointed fingers from the students filtering out of the school gates. But I just lay there staring hopelessly at his disapproving scowl, the look of disgust and condemnation in his narrowed eyes as he turned his glare from Renji to me. He actually gave a low growl, which sent a delightful shiver down my spine, and god I hoped that he didn't see my reaction.

With a toss of his head, he turned and stalked away, muttering something about being a captain, not a fucking babysitter. I dropped my head hard against the ground and winced. Maybe I was wrong, he could hate me more.

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They were no threat at all, but there were so many of them. Every one that I cut down seemed to spawn three more, it was just damned annoying. And with so many, it was inevitable that one would eventually succeed it hitting me. It was just a small scratch along my right leg, but it stung and pissed me off. I worked on keeping my temper under control, knowing that the Hollow inside of me would take any advantage it could find.

Suddenly I was not alone in this fight. I'd never been any good at sensing reiatsu, but a slight turn of my head and I saw just who had come to my rescue, in more ways than one as his presence vanquished my anger.

"Pay attention, Kurosaki!"

Shit! Bad impression yet again. I turned in time, cutting right through both Hollows that had lunged while I was distracted. What I could only describe as a wave of ice cut through 10 or more Hollow and then a surprisingly warm presence was close behind me, a steady thrum of power supporting and enhancing my own.

Back to back, feet moving in unison like two partners in a familiar dance. My grin grew into a joyful smile as the enemies were cut down by waves of blue ice and waves of black reiatsu as we turned smoothly, moving together as if we had been comrades for decades. Beautiful. Perfect synchronicity.

I was chuckling as the last of the Hollow died. The first time I ever felt the power of a Shinigami, the first time I unleashed Bankai, that is how it felt to dance in battle with Toshiro. It was natural, like something I had always known and somehow placed right beyond the edges of remembrance. It was like coming home. We turned to face each other and his usual scowl sobered me a bit.

"I'm glad you think this is amusing, Kurosaki, but others need assistance."

Pissed him off again. There was just no winning. Then I barely stopped a gasp as he stepped in so very close to me, and a fine-boned hand gently touched my thigh. His scowl disappeared, a calm and almost kind look softening his features as his hand glowed and the cut on my leg mended.

"Ah, thanks, Toshiro."

Just like that the scowl was back, his top lip twitching almost in a snarl. I flinched as his sword flashed up, barely missing my arm as he pointed it.

"That's Hitsugaya-taicho to you. And since you are incompetent at sensing reiatsu, go that way and help Abarai if you can manage it."

He vanished and I headed for Renji, trying to ignore the tingling of my skin where his hand had rested.

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"Where's Toshiro?"

"You mean Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"Not you, too, Rukia."

"Issues with authority much?"

"That's not it at all. So where is he?"

"Patrol with Matsumoto-fukutaicho. Why do you want to know?"

"Huh? No reason. Where's Renji?"

"What am I, your personal secretary?"

I flopped down on the bed, three nights with barely any sleep catching up with me.

"Aren't you going to do your homework?"

"It's all easy stuff, won't take 30 minutes. I need a nap."

"Fine. I've got night patrol so don't expect me to wake you."

I closed my eyes. With the sighing of pencil on paper and the occasional rustle of turning pages I did not feel alone. Kon had been justifiably banished to Yuzu's room, and everything was blessedly peaceful. Finally I was able to snatch a few hours of sleep.

I woke in a cold sweat, the echo of screeching laughter and the scent of blood, so much blood. Savagely I rubbed at my eyes, forcing myself fully awake. The clock read 3:42 AM and I knew that would be the end of rest tonight. A trip to the bathroom and some cold water splashed on my face, I settled at the desk and did the homework I had avoided. I was right, it took no time at all and I sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling knowing I would not be able to sleep again.

Pointless. Homework, school, sleep, all of it pointless. I would be dead before graduation. If I survived, what kind of future was I preparing for? Based on my experiences so far, there would always be another enemy, another war. And that was only if the Hollow didn't take over or drive me mad.

I hung my head. That line of thinking did me no good. I would come through these challenges. I would do my part to protect my family and my town. I would lend my power to the fight against Aizen and we would win. And at the end of it all I would simply do what needed to be done to keep those I loved safe, and make whatever life I could around that.

If I did well, if I fought well perhaps I would even earn Toshiro's respect, possibly even his friendship. Winning his heart might be a bit too ambitious, but what better goal did I have? I laughed a little at myself. Toshiro was beautiful, brilliant and powerful. He had his pick of any partner in Soul Society, surely. I was going to have to bring a lot more to the table than I had to offer. But I had time, and I couldn't imagine even looking at anyone else. Hell, I'd never really been attracted to anyone beyond physical appreciation, male, female, or anywhere in between. Just him.

Renji was right, I should have picked anyone but Toshiro. Why couldn't I fall in love with a living human, for starters? I already knew the answer to that. My life was too dangerous now. Unless I somehow lost all of my power, a human partner would be in constant danger thanks to me. That meant no normal life. No wife, no kids, no PTA meetings and soccer practice, no divorce lawyers and second mortgages.

My love life would be a series of one-night stands, or short relationships at best. Only a few months ago I had lost my virginity. A girl two years ahead of me in school who thought I was cute, a few drinks at a party I never should have gone to, and an awkward night I barely remembered. If that's what I had to look forward to for human relationships, I'd rather stay home with porn and a tissue box.

But what if? If by some miracle and a lot of effort I could win Toshiro's affection, what kind of life would that be? Did it matter that he was dead? That he would 'live' forever and I would not? What would happen when I died?

And none of those questions mattered at all when I pictured his face as it had been when he reached out to heal my wound. If possible, he grew even more beautiful every time I saw him. And the very thought of what he might look like when his body caught up with his age was almost an unbearable torment. To have the privilege of touching that exquisite face, being touched by those delicate hands, what could I possibly do to earn that right?

For one chance, one kiss, I would give anything I had, everything I had, not that it was enough. The way he read me like an open book, the reaction of my skin to that one brief touch, the ecstasy of fighting with his power sealed tight to mine, what would I not give for that?

Dammit. I glared down, my hormonal teenage body reacting to the pleasant turn in my thoughts. Several hours until dawn. I could go out and pretend to patrol, lie here and avoid thoughts of you-know-who, or keep thinking of stunning eyes half-lidded in pleasure, pink lips sucking on my skin, narrow hips cradled to mine. I groaned and reached down, slipping my hand into my boxers. Perhaps some relief would bring a couple hours of sleep.

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Not being able to trust yourself is exhausting. I was so tired and once again I couldn't sleep. Every time I started to drift off I heard the voice, taunting, threatening. So I'd left my body behind again, giving myself the excuse that patrols were necessary. But after hours of wandering I found myself back on the riverbank watching the cool dark ripples which reminded me of elusive slumber.

Likely he had politely announced his approach with a subtle increase in reiatsu. At least, I'd been told that was what you were supposed to do. But I didn't sense him until I heard the whisper of light steps through the grass. A thrill ran through me. God, he was only two steps away.

"Trouble sleeping, Kurosaki?" His voice was quiet and calm, not friendly but not angry or hostile like I was used to.

"Yeah. You, too?"

"Usually."

He sat, not close but my heart still sped up in excitement. I was as nervous as . . . well, as a teenager sitting next to his crush. Sit in quiet? Try to have a conversation? Every time I spoke to him I just fucked things up.

"This is a very relaxing place. I hope you don't mind the intrusion."

"Of course not, I like your company." What an understatement.

He hummed quietly and I sneaked a glance. He was looking toward the water with a faraway expression, his face more peaceful than I had ever seen.

"Kurosaki, I may not be the easiest person to talk to. But something has been bothering you a great deal, and it seems to be getting worse. If there is anything I can do to help, even if it's just to listen, I am willing."

My breath caught in my throat and I had to concentrate to keep from sobbing or blurting out every secret in my soul. He might actually be the perfect person to talk to. He already hated me, so it wasn't like I was going to ruin a friendship by confessing that I'm either going insane or turning into a monster.

Then again, he was a captain of the Gotei 13, and a loyal, dutiful one as far as I could tell. If he didn't kill me, surely he'd report that the substitute Shinigami was unstable and needed to be executed. That seemed to be the fallback solution for every problem in Seireitei.

No, as much as my heart was screaming at me to trust him, I had no reason to.

"Thanks, Toshiro, I really appreciate that. It's just your usual teenage human shit, nothing that can be fixed."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his head turn toward me and he was silent for a minute. I didn't dare look. If I met his eyes now there was no one I'd be able to keep even one secret from him.

"Okay. Well, the offer stands. And I have a title. Use it."

I couldn't help a little grin. We sat in silence for a while. I heard him sigh and looked over to see that he had laid back, hands laced under his head and knees drawn up. His eyes sparkled reflections of the stars and I imagined what it would be like to lean over and kiss that ghost of a smile. Not quite desperate enough to commit suicide for one smooch, I relaxed back onto the grass.

"I never really looked, are the constellations the same in Soul Society?"

"They are, only reversed, like you're looking at this sky in a mirror."

"I'll have to pay more attention next time. Not that I'm an astronomy buff or anything, but how many people get to see Orion from both sides?"

"What you really need to see is a meteor shower. Without the particle and light pollution, it can be absolutely breathtaking."

No need to travel that far to have my breath stolen, Toshiro.

We talked a little about stars and constellations, he knew all of their names and stories. He stayed to watch the dawn with me, while I tried not to stare at the way the changing light lit his eyes. Perhaps he was just doing his duty, sensing a member of the ranks with failing morale. But I would treasure the night and the dawn. We parted ways with no harsh words, for the first time.

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"Where's Toshiro?"

I peered around the room yet again, like it was possible to miss his presence.

"For the hundredth time, I don't know," Rukia growled through clenched teeth.

"Jeez, midget, it was just a question."

She spun, knees on her chair, and pulled me down by the collar. I winced in anticipation of a punch, a kick, or worse.

"Call me that one more time and I'll make you a permanent Shinigami, understand? And stop asking me about Hitsugaya!"

"Who's asking about my captain?" Rangiku's sing-song voice interrupted us and Rukia immediately let go. The bombshell redhead walked up and leaned on Keigo's desk as he had a heart attack.

"Ah, well, I was just wondering if he was okay. He's usually so punctual." Punctual? Lame.

"He was called back to the, um . . . office. Don't worry, Ichigo, he'll be back soon. I know how you miss him."

Snickering all around from the peanut gallery. Had I been so obvious? Damn, if these idiots had figured it out, Toshiro had to know how I felt about him. Maybe I should just get it over with, throw myself at his feet and get my head chopped off. At least I wouldn't have to worry about the Hollow anymore.

"Ichigo, did you finish the math homework? Can I see it?" I gave Renji a look of gratitude for the rescue, and went back to my desk.

Throughout class my eyes kept drifting to the empty seat. Before I knew it the war would be over. If I survived, Toshiro would go back to Soul Society and I would be left with that vacant chair. What could I do? Just one day not being able to see the back of his head was too painful.

I avoided Renji and the others, trudging home alone lost in a cloud of increasingly absurd ideas for how to get Toshiro to notice me as more than just the stupid human he had to look after. One would think I had better things to worry about.

So lost in my own little world, I jumped when the air in front of me tore itself open with a screech. It took only a heartbeat for me to take in the horrific sight of my sisters in the arms of a monster. With the second heartbeat I reached for my badge. It was already far, far too late.