"It's... honestly, it's... utterly horrific..." Buffy stuttered as she stared, slack jawed.
"Well, I'm not into that kinda thing, but..." Kennedy began, Willow quickly pulling Kennedy away. Buffy continued to stare, making Andrew impatient.
"Come on! You said we could all go to the beach!" Andrew whined as he pouted his lips and shifted his weight to one side.
"Well we ARE going to the beach... but are you sure you want to... go in... that?" Buffy covered her eyes as Andrew's hands clutched to his hips and his feet began stamping on the wooden floor.
"What? It's just a speed-o! A good old-fashioned speed-o!" Andrew half turned and posed.
"Stop it!" Buffy exclaimed, covering her face and falling to the floor. Spike rushed over to help her stand, then noticed Andrew and high-tailed it back the other way muttering words such as 'poof' and 'fairy'.
Anya and Dawn wandered downstairs, Dawn's eyes widening. She stared Andrew directly in the eyes.
"Um... Andrew... wouldn't it be easier to... carry your beach towel... if you wrapped it around your waist?" Dawn asked. Andrew smiled and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks Dawn, you're such a sweetie!" Andrew wrapped the towel around his waist and tied it tightly; Andrew and Dawn loosely hugged each other.
"Well, now that we don't have to make fun of Andrew's manhood, could you PLEASE get these girls out of the house? I really want to pee!" Anya whined.
"Well, it's not that easy, first I..." Buffy started, interrupted almost immediately by Anya.
"I know! It's not that easy because there are always girls in the bathroom!"
"What?" Buffy and Dawn asked in unison.
"Pee. I have to pee. I am referring to my inability to pee because there are teenage girls in the bathroom!" Anya screamed.
"You DO have a bathroom at YOUR apartment, don't you?" Buffy asked, crossing her arms across her chest. Anya shifted from side to side, dancing slightly.
"But... I can't PEE there... I could die." Anya tried to gain sympathy, but everyone stared at her in confusion.
"Does your toilet plan on eating you?" Andrew inquired before Anya shot him a quick glare.
"No! D'Hoffryn? He's sending assassins after me? And the First! Hello! He could just walk through the wall and bore me to death!"
"Right, and don't forget the bringers." Dawn mentioned, gaining Anya instant enthusiasm.
"YES! The bringers! They'll come after me too! At the First's command!" Anya exclaimed.
"The bringers don't want you, they want the potentials." Buffy replied quickly.
"Wh... what do you mean they don't want me? If they don't want me then why am I living here? Why don't I just go back home and live in my apartment?" Anya whined, her hand scratching at the top of her head.
"Anya." Dawn gained her attention. "D'Hoffryn."
"RIGHT! D'Hoffryn! He's why I can't go back. I have to stay here. Because of D'Hoffryn." Anya smirked and walked passed them toward the kitchen. Buffy, Dawn and Andrew stood staring at each other a minute before Xander came around the corner, towel over his shoulder and wearing only swim shorts.
"Are we ready for the beach?" Xander asked, clasping his hands together. Andrew began bobbing up and down.
"YES! Please!"
Willow, reading steadily through the paper, tapped Buffy's shoulder. "Hey, Buff... um... have you read the report from this morning?"
"No, why?"
"Because something happened."
"Is it important?"
"To someone."
"To us?"
"Quite possibly."
"Is someone dead?"
"Buffy... this is Sunnydale. Of course." Willow shook her head while rolling her eyes. "Seems there's some sort of... I dunno what. It says that this woman left her children in bed at night, but when she woke them up in the morning, there was only one kid."
"So, what? There's some kidnapper in town? That doesn't really say supernatural." Xander pointed out.
"Well, I wouldn't usually think anything of it either, but the woman said that the kid that was left isn't hers."
"What do you mean it isn't hers?" Andrew and Xander asked together.
"Well, the kids were twin boys. The kids left behind looks like them, but the personality is of neither boy. The boy claims to be both twins, but neither at the same time." Confusion set across everyone's faces.
"So... someone's taking two kids and leaving one in their place?" Dawn asked, trying to figure out the situation.
"Two for the price of one!" Andrew gleefully exclaimed.
"Ooh, a thrifty villain!"
"Xander!" Willow glared.
"So... someone's merging two people into one people... er, PERSON." Buffy stated. Willow nodded.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why?"
"Don't know. Guess that's what we have to find out." Willow smiled. "I love research. But, you know, the kids were twins, so maybe that has something to do with it."
"Well, I guess we'll go into full research mode. Willow, Dawn, you two go and get googling." Buffy snatched the paper from Willow. "I'm going to go talk to this lady, maybe the kid if she lets me. Be back in an hour." The three nodded and went their separate ways, leaving Xander and Andrew standing together in their swimwear.
"So... are we going to the beach?" Andrew asked quietly.
"Okay, girls. What you need to learn is breathing. It is an essential part of your fighting. Think of breathing as your chi, and..." Giles began while Spike began to snicker. "What?"
"What are you teaching these girls? Chi? Didn't you try that on the Buffybot too?"
"I think the potential slayers are slightly brighter than the Buffybot, don't you?" Molly raised her hand.
"What's a Buffybot?" Giles lowered his face and scratched at his forehead for a moment.
"Buffybot was a mechanical Buffy." he replied.
"Why did you need a mechanical Buffy?" Rona asked. "Wasn't the real Buffy... Buffy enough?"
"Well, for me she was! But Spike felt the need to release some of his sexual frustration." Spike's eyes widened as all of the girls turned to face him.
"Well... I... she... at least she could pronounce my name, Guyles!" Spike snuffed out his cigarette and headed upstairs.
"Seventeen... thirty. I think this is the place." Buffy spoke to herself as she stepped up onto the porch of the home. She knocked on the door several times and waited for it to be answered. A woman came to the door, immediately noticing the newspaper.
"What? What do you want? You another one that wants to ridicule me? Laugh at me?" Buffy stood back a little.
"Uh... no." she extended her hand. "My name is Buffy. I want to speak with you about what happened to your son... s." Buffy smiled and awaited a handshake.
"So... this kind of thing has never happened to you guys before?" Kennedy asked as Willow typed away on the computer.
"Well, this one time, Xander was hit with this gun thing and was split in two!" Willow said proudly as she smiled at Kennedy.
"Ah, good times." Xander smiled from the other side of the room.
"Mhm... two Xanders." Anya became lost in thought, then noticed Andrew staring at her. "Well... they weren't really into my ideas. But it would've been nice..." Andrew smiled.
"Mhm... two Xanders." Andrew mumbled.
"How did you merge him... back into one Xander?" Kennedy asked again.
"The gun thing worked both ways." Xander replied.
"But you didn't." Anya said spitefully.
"So, nothing about any two people merging together? No... coming together? No... I'm not sure what I mean anymore." Amanda stopped asking questions and sat quietly. Anya stood.
"I have a question. If two virgins merge together, and later the uni-people masturbate... are they taking each other's virginity?" Everyone stared in silence.
"Well, Bunny... the newspaper made me sound insane, but I swear I know it happened!" the woman began to cry.
"Well... where is the boy... BOYS... where ARE the BOYS now?"
"Their father came by yesterday afternoon and took them. He thought I was insane."
"Do you have any idea HOW it happened? I mean, you don't just wake up one morning and have one less kid."
"...I did."
"It's been quite a while..." Willow mentioned as the group was sprawled through the living room. "I mean... it's two PM now, where's Buffy? She's left to see that woman HOURS ago!"
"She'll be back soon, Will." Xander began to rub her shoulders, earning an icy glare from Kennedy before she realised that Xander was indeed a boy, and Willow was indeed uninterested in said boy.
"I think it'd be fun!" Anya exclaimed.
"What would?" Dawn asked in response.
"Merging bodies with another person. I mean, not just for the sexual insinuations of it, but you would get to learn their thoughts and feelings and find out what they really thought about you... and if they FELT anything for you."
"Yes... but they would also learn your secrets and feelings. It would be a two-way thing." Dawn told her.
"Oh." Anya sat in thought for a moment. "Well, that wouldn't be so much fun then. Nevermind." Buffy came through the door with the woman closely behind her.
"Buffy!"
"Willow, this is the mother of the kid. KIDS. Anyway, you can try and get some information from her." The woman, who pulled back toward the door, stopped Buffy.
"I... I'm not so sure anymore..." she began.
"What? You just lost your sons. Son. Sons? Don't you care that you have two kids on the line?" Buffy asked, horrified.
"Well... to tell you the truth... I realise now how much quieter it will be around the house." the Scoobies stared in awe and disgust. "Well, rather than having two rambunctious boys in the house, I'll have only one. And it's not like I've lost either of them, because they're both in that body, and..." she started.
"That's horrible! What kind of mother are you?" the woman glared at Buffy, but Willow stood and came toward them.
"You must just be frazzled. You don't know what you're saying. Come on. Sit down with us and..." Willow began.
"Stop it! I don't want your help! All I wanted was to worry my husband and force him to come back to me!" the woman transformed from mild-mannered housewife into a large, horned, purple demon. Scaled, claws, slime - the whole nine yards. Buffy stood in shock a moment before the demon placed a hand on both Buffy and Willow's chests. A flash of light went through the three of them, and in a flash, only one body was left.
"Holy crap!" Xander screamed. "What was... what happened to..." The girl stood and turned. Everyone sat in shock.
"What? Why are you looking at us like that?" she asked. She turned, looking into a mirror. Willow's height, Buffy's body, Willow's hair.
"So... are you Buffy, or Willow?" Dawn stood and looked at the new girl standing before her.
"We're... both."
"So... you're both Buffy and Willow?" Giles asked again.
"YES!" she replied.
"What shall we call you then? Billow? Wuffy?"
"You're not a very creative Englishman. For now... we dunno... just call us... Joan or something."
"Well... Joan... you make a very nice redhead." Xander began.
"You know who's a good redhead? Tasuki. He's red-hot." Andrew started.
"So... you have both Buffy and Willow's memories?" Xander asked. Joan nodded.
"So... do you like girls or boys?" Anya asked.
"WHAT?" Joan became defensive.
"Well, your Willow half wants to get all smoochie-like with a certain FEMALE potential slayer, while your Buffy half probably wouldn't mind getting all groigney with a certain souled vampire... that ISN'T Angel... actually. Okay, how about this: Your Buffy half would like to get a taste of TWO certain souled vampires!" Anya smirked.
"That could get hot." Andrew commented.
"Are you with slayer powers or witch powers?" Dawn quickly asked before anything else could be commented on.
"We... I don't know... I think... both..." Joan replied hesitantly. "I just want to find the creepy demon lady that did this to us and... undo it."
"Where are you gonna sleep?" Anya laughed to herself.
"Why do you keep asking us these questions?" Joan snapped.
"Well... are you going to get all cozy with Kennedy or sleep solitarily in the Buffy bed?"
"Buffy bed. Kennedy can manage a night alone. We don't wanna get into a three-some situation."
"Technically, it's still only a two-some." Kennedy pointed out. Joan stood.
"Listen... we're just gonna go and patrol for this demon thing. Dawn, can you get on the net and try to find out the father of the boys?" Dawn nodded. Joan looked down at her watch. "Alright, it's about two-thirty right now... so we guess we'll go it alone. Spike, when the sun goes down we'll come back for ya. Xand, can you drive us around town?" Xander nodded and followed Joan to the door. Andrew stood.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.
"Um... make dinner? The potentials are gonna get hungry soon."
"So... Joan... uh..." Xander began.
"What?" Joan replied.
"Well... what's it like? Being merged together like that?"
"It's... kind of amazing. We feel closer to each other than we ever have before... its a little weird, but it's a good thing! Together we could do amazing things! We can teach each other all of these fantastic abilities and... is that principal Wood?" Joan stared out the car window. "I think it is!"
"Do you want to stop?" Xander asked, Joan shook her head.
"No. Probably not a good idea. I mean, he saw me yesterday, and I don't wanna have to explain the hair."
"Yeah. The hair is the problem."
"Ooh! I found it! I think. It says here that our demon can take the form of people, but when it's using it powers to MERGE two people into one person it takes the form of a big, toothy, scaly, slimy, horny... um... scratch that one. You know what I meant." Dawn read from the Internet.
"What's its name?"
"It... doesn't have one. They are so rare that they have not bothered to... think of a name for themselves." Dawn replied.
"Then how do you know it's our demon?" Giles asked inquisitively.
"The part where it said 'merge two people into one person', and also the 'big, toothy, scaly, slimy...' part."
"Very thorough. Just like your sister." Giles sunk into his book.
"Hey! No need to be rude."
"I think you're amazing."
"Thank you, Andrew." Spike wandered into the room, his leather duster on. He began to pace around the room, glaring down at his watch.
"The sun went down, you know."
"We know." Anya replied.
"The sun went down almost two hours ago, you know." Spike began again.
"We know." Anya replied.
"Where's Buffy... Willow... where's the slayer-witch?"
"Maybe she and Xander got caught up somewhere." Giles said. Anya immediately began to freak out.
"You don't think that... that Buffy's boy liking half is stronger than Willow's girl liking half and that since Willow and Xander used to have a thing together and that Xander had a thing for Buffy and Buffy boy likingness... you don't think they're off having some kinky two-some with three people, do you?" Anya babbled. Everyone stared in awe and confusion.
"I can't even begin to understand what you're talking about. I mean, first of all... Xander's pudgy! I know Willow's been off the men for a while, but I think she knows to do better than pudge."
"Hey!" Anya snapped. "He used to be MY pudge."
Xander watched as Joan fought a group of vampires in the cemetery. She flipped over one, kicking the one behind it. Then, her arms flew to her sides and a glowing energy surrounded the vampires. They all floated up into the air.
"The slayer's a witch?" one of the vampires exclaimed. Joan clenched her fists and in a cloud of dust, the vampires were all slain. Joan turned to Xander.
"Didja see me? I did it! I'm the uber slayer!" Joan screamed.
"Um... Buff... Will... whatever, you guys need to get back into your own bodies..." Xander started.
"Yeah, we know... I'm just saying, you know... it's cool. I'M cool!"
"Guys... did you come to think that maybe... maybe this is permanent? What if you're stuck like this forever?"
"Then it's a good thing that I've learned to like me for me."
"You're not liking you for YOU, you're liking you for you AND you!"
"Then it's double the like! Like the double-mint twins! I remember you liking the double..."
"JOAN! If you can't get back to normal, you might not be able to save us from the First."
"Pff-have you seen my powers now? I'm stronger than ever! I'm stronger than witchy Willow; I'm stronger than slayer Buffy. I am JOAN!" she smiled, her eyes engulfed in dark black. She raised herself into the air and laughed maniacally.
Xander burst through the front door. Spike immediately rushed over, worry on his face.
"Where's Buffy?" he asked.
"And Willow?" Kennedy was wrought with worry.
"Guys... Joan's gone AWOL..."
"Well, I'm not into that kinda thing, but..." Kennedy began, Willow quickly pulling Kennedy away. Buffy continued to stare, making Andrew impatient.
"Come on! You said we could all go to the beach!" Andrew whined as he pouted his lips and shifted his weight to one side.
"Well we ARE going to the beach... but are you sure you want to... go in... that?" Buffy covered her eyes as Andrew's hands clutched to his hips and his feet began stamping on the wooden floor.
"What? It's just a speed-o! A good old-fashioned speed-o!" Andrew half turned and posed.
"Stop it!" Buffy exclaimed, covering her face and falling to the floor. Spike rushed over to help her stand, then noticed Andrew and high-tailed it back the other way muttering words such as 'poof' and 'fairy'.
Anya and Dawn wandered downstairs, Dawn's eyes widening. She stared Andrew directly in the eyes.
"Um... Andrew... wouldn't it be easier to... carry your beach towel... if you wrapped it around your waist?" Dawn asked. Andrew smiled and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks Dawn, you're such a sweetie!" Andrew wrapped the towel around his waist and tied it tightly; Andrew and Dawn loosely hugged each other.
"Well, now that we don't have to make fun of Andrew's manhood, could you PLEASE get these girls out of the house? I really want to pee!" Anya whined.
"Well, it's not that easy, first I..." Buffy started, interrupted almost immediately by Anya.
"I know! It's not that easy because there are always girls in the bathroom!"
"What?" Buffy and Dawn asked in unison.
"Pee. I have to pee. I am referring to my inability to pee because there are teenage girls in the bathroom!" Anya screamed.
"You DO have a bathroom at YOUR apartment, don't you?" Buffy asked, crossing her arms across her chest. Anya shifted from side to side, dancing slightly.
"But... I can't PEE there... I could die." Anya tried to gain sympathy, but everyone stared at her in confusion.
"Does your toilet plan on eating you?" Andrew inquired before Anya shot him a quick glare.
"No! D'Hoffryn? He's sending assassins after me? And the First! Hello! He could just walk through the wall and bore me to death!"
"Right, and don't forget the bringers." Dawn mentioned, gaining Anya instant enthusiasm.
"YES! The bringers! They'll come after me too! At the First's command!" Anya exclaimed.
"The bringers don't want you, they want the potentials." Buffy replied quickly.
"Wh... what do you mean they don't want me? If they don't want me then why am I living here? Why don't I just go back home and live in my apartment?" Anya whined, her hand scratching at the top of her head.
"Anya." Dawn gained her attention. "D'Hoffryn."
"RIGHT! D'Hoffryn! He's why I can't go back. I have to stay here. Because of D'Hoffryn." Anya smirked and walked passed them toward the kitchen. Buffy, Dawn and Andrew stood staring at each other a minute before Xander came around the corner, towel over his shoulder and wearing only swim shorts.
"Are we ready for the beach?" Xander asked, clasping his hands together. Andrew began bobbing up and down.
"YES! Please!"
Willow, reading steadily through the paper, tapped Buffy's shoulder. "Hey, Buff... um... have you read the report from this morning?"
"No, why?"
"Because something happened."
"Is it important?"
"To someone."
"To us?"
"Quite possibly."
"Is someone dead?"
"Buffy... this is Sunnydale. Of course." Willow shook her head while rolling her eyes. "Seems there's some sort of... I dunno what. It says that this woman left her children in bed at night, but when she woke them up in the morning, there was only one kid."
"So, what? There's some kidnapper in town? That doesn't really say supernatural." Xander pointed out.
"Well, I wouldn't usually think anything of it either, but the woman said that the kid that was left isn't hers."
"What do you mean it isn't hers?" Andrew and Xander asked together.
"Well, the kids were twin boys. The kids left behind looks like them, but the personality is of neither boy. The boy claims to be both twins, but neither at the same time." Confusion set across everyone's faces.
"So... someone's taking two kids and leaving one in their place?" Dawn asked, trying to figure out the situation.
"Two for the price of one!" Andrew gleefully exclaimed.
"Ooh, a thrifty villain!"
"Xander!" Willow glared.
"So... someone's merging two people into one people... er, PERSON." Buffy stated. Willow nodded.
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why?"
"Don't know. Guess that's what we have to find out." Willow smiled. "I love research. But, you know, the kids were twins, so maybe that has something to do with it."
"Well, I guess we'll go into full research mode. Willow, Dawn, you two go and get googling." Buffy snatched the paper from Willow. "I'm going to go talk to this lady, maybe the kid if she lets me. Be back in an hour." The three nodded and went their separate ways, leaving Xander and Andrew standing together in their swimwear.
"So... are we going to the beach?" Andrew asked quietly.
"Okay, girls. What you need to learn is breathing. It is an essential part of your fighting. Think of breathing as your chi, and..." Giles began while Spike began to snicker. "What?"
"What are you teaching these girls? Chi? Didn't you try that on the Buffybot too?"
"I think the potential slayers are slightly brighter than the Buffybot, don't you?" Molly raised her hand.
"What's a Buffybot?" Giles lowered his face and scratched at his forehead for a moment.
"Buffybot was a mechanical Buffy." he replied.
"Why did you need a mechanical Buffy?" Rona asked. "Wasn't the real Buffy... Buffy enough?"
"Well, for me she was! But Spike felt the need to release some of his sexual frustration." Spike's eyes widened as all of the girls turned to face him.
"Well... I... she... at least she could pronounce my name, Guyles!" Spike snuffed out his cigarette and headed upstairs.
"Seventeen... thirty. I think this is the place." Buffy spoke to herself as she stepped up onto the porch of the home. She knocked on the door several times and waited for it to be answered. A woman came to the door, immediately noticing the newspaper.
"What? What do you want? You another one that wants to ridicule me? Laugh at me?" Buffy stood back a little.
"Uh... no." she extended her hand. "My name is Buffy. I want to speak with you about what happened to your son... s." Buffy smiled and awaited a handshake.
"So... this kind of thing has never happened to you guys before?" Kennedy asked as Willow typed away on the computer.
"Well, this one time, Xander was hit with this gun thing and was split in two!" Willow said proudly as she smiled at Kennedy.
"Ah, good times." Xander smiled from the other side of the room.
"Mhm... two Xanders." Anya became lost in thought, then noticed Andrew staring at her. "Well... they weren't really into my ideas. But it would've been nice..." Andrew smiled.
"Mhm... two Xanders." Andrew mumbled.
"How did you merge him... back into one Xander?" Kennedy asked again.
"The gun thing worked both ways." Xander replied.
"But you didn't." Anya said spitefully.
"So, nothing about any two people merging together? No... coming together? No... I'm not sure what I mean anymore." Amanda stopped asking questions and sat quietly. Anya stood.
"I have a question. If two virgins merge together, and later the uni-people masturbate... are they taking each other's virginity?" Everyone stared in silence.
"Well, Bunny... the newspaper made me sound insane, but I swear I know it happened!" the woman began to cry.
"Well... where is the boy... BOYS... where ARE the BOYS now?"
"Their father came by yesterday afternoon and took them. He thought I was insane."
"Do you have any idea HOW it happened? I mean, you don't just wake up one morning and have one less kid."
"...I did."
"It's been quite a while..." Willow mentioned as the group was sprawled through the living room. "I mean... it's two PM now, where's Buffy? She's left to see that woman HOURS ago!"
"She'll be back soon, Will." Xander began to rub her shoulders, earning an icy glare from Kennedy before she realised that Xander was indeed a boy, and Willow was indeed uninterested in said boy.
"I think it'd be fun!" Anya exclaimed.
"What would?" Dawn asked in response.
"Merging bodies with another person. I mean, not just for the sexual insinuations of it, but you would get to learn their thoughts and feelings and find out what they really thought about you... and if they FELT anything for you."
"Yes... but they would also learn your secrets and feelings. It would be a two-way thing." Dawn told her.
"Oh." Anya sat in thought for a moment. "Well, that wouldn't be so much fun then. Nevermind." Buffy came through the door with the woman closely behind her.
"Buffy!"
"Willow, this is the mother of the kid. KIDS. Anyway, you can try and get some information from her." The woman, who pulled back toward the door, stopped Buffy.
"I... I'm not so sure anymore..." she began.
"What? You just lost your sons. Son. Sons? Don't you care that you have two kids on the line?" Buffy asked, horrified.
"Well... to tell you the truth... I realise now how much quieter it will be around the house." the Scoobies stared in awe and disgust. "Well, rather than having two rambunctious boys in the house, I'll have only one. And it's not like I've lost either of them, because they're both in that body, and..." she started.
"That's horrible! What kind of mother are you?" the woman glared at Buffy, but Willow stood and came toward them.
"You must just be frazzled. You don't know what you're saying. Come on. Sit down with us and..." Willow began.
"Stop it! I don't want your help! All I wanted was to worry my husband and force him to come back to me!" the woman transformed from mild-mannered housewife into a large, horned, purple demon. Scaled, claws, slime - the whole nine yards. Buffy stood in shock a moment before the demon placed a hand on both Buffy and Willow's chests. A flash of light went through the three of them, and in a flash, only one body was left.
"Holy crap!" Xander screamed. "What was... what happened to..." The girl stood and turned. Everyone sat in shock.
"What? Why are you looking at us like that?" she asked. She turned, looking into a mirror. Willow's height, Buffy's body, Willow's hair.
"So... are you Buffy, or Willow?" Dawn stood and looked at the new girl standing before her.
"We're... both."
"So... you're both Buffy and Willow?" Giles asked again.
"YES!" she replied.
"What shall we call you then? Billow? Wuffy?"
"You're not a very creative Englishman. For now... we dunno... just call us... Joan or something."
"Well... Joan... you make a very nice redhead." Xander began.
"You know who's a good redhead? Tasuki. He's red-hot." Andrew started.
"So... you have both Buffy and Willow's memories?" Xander asked. Joan nodded.
"So... do you like girls or boys?" Anya asked.
"WHAT?" Joan became defensive.
"Well, your Willow half wants to get all smoochie-like with a certain FEMALE potential slayer, while your Buffy half probably wouldn't mind getting all groigney with a certain souled vampire... that ISN'T Angel... actually. Okay, how about this: Your Buffy half would like to get a taste of TWO certain souled vampires!" Anya smirked.
"That could get hot." Andrew commented.
"Are you with slayer powers or witch powers?" Dawn quickly asked before anything else could be commented on.
"We... I don't know... I think... both..." Joan replied hesitantly. "I just want to find the creepy demon lady that did this to us and... undo it."
"Where are you gonna sleep?" Anya laughed to herself.
"Why do you keep asking us these questions?" Joan snapped.
"Well... are you going to get all cozy with Kennedy or sleep solitarily in the Buffy bed?"
"Buffy bed. Kennedy can manage a night alone. We don't wanna get into a three-some situation."
"Technically, it's still only a two-some." Kennedy pointed out. Joan stood.
"Listen... we're just gonna go and patrol for this demon thing. Dawn, can you get on the net and try to find out the father of the boys?" Dawn nodded. Joan looked down at her watch. "Alright, it's about two-thirty right now... so we guess we'll go it alone. Spike, when the sun goes down we'll come back for ya. Xand, can you drive us around town?" Xander nodded and followed Joan to the door. Andrew stood.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.
"Um... make dinner? The potentials are gonna get hungry soon."
"So... Joan... uh..." Xander began.
"What?" Joan replied.
"Well... what's it like? Being merged together like that?"
"It's... kind of amazing. We feel closer to each other than we ever have before... its a little weird, but it's a good thing! Together we could do amazing things! We can teach each other all of these fantastic abilities and... is that principal Wood?" Joan stared out the car window. "I think it is!"
"Do you want to stop?" Xander asked, Joan shook her head.
"No. Probably not a good idea. I mean, he saw me yesterday, and I don't wanna have to explain the hair."
"Yeah. The hair is the problem."
"Ooh! I found it! I think. It says here that our demon can take the form of people, but when it's using it powers to MERGE two people into one person it takes the form of a big, toothy, scaly, slimy, horny... um... scratch that one. You know what I meant." Dawn read from the Internet.
"What's its name?"
"It... doesn't have one. They are so rare that they have not bothered to... think of a name for themselves." Dawn replied.
"Then how do you know it's our demon?" Giles asked inquisitively.
"The part where it said 'merge two people into one person', and also the 'big, toothy, scaly, slimy...' part."
"Very thorough. Just like your sister." Giles sunk into his book.
"Hey! No need to be rude."
"I think you're amazing."
"Thank you, Andrew." Spike wandered into the room, his leather duster on. He began to pace around the room, glaring down at his watch.
"The sun went down, you know."
"We know." Anya replied.
"The sun went down almost two hours ago, you know." Spike began again.
"We know." Anya replied.
"Where's Buffy... Willow... where's the slayer-witch?"
"Maybe she and Xander got caught up somewhere." Giles said. Anya immediately began to freak out.
"You don't think that... that Buffy's boy liking half is stronger than Willow's girl liking half and that since Willow and Xander used to have a thing together and that Xander had a thing for Buffy and Buffy boy likingness... you don't think they're off having some kinky two-some with three people, do you?" Anya babbled. Everyone stared in awe and confusion.
"I can't even begin to understand what you're talking about. I mean, first of all... Xander's pudgy! I know Willow's been off the men for a while, but I think she knows to do better than pudge."
"Hey!" Anya snapped. "He used to be MY pudge."
Xander watched as Joan fought a group of vampires in the cemetery. She flipped over one, kicking the one behind it. Then, her arms flew to her sides and a glowing energy surrounded the vampires. They all floated up into the air.
"The slayer's a witch?" one of the vampires exclaimed. Joan clenched her fists and in a cloud of dust, the vampires were all slain. Joan turned to Xander.
"Didja see me? I did it! I'm the uber slayer!" Joan screamed.
"Um... Buff... Will... whatever, you guys need to get back into your own bodies..." Xander started.
"Yeah, we know... I'm just saying, you know... it's cool. I'M cool!"
"Guys... did you come to think that maybe... maybe this is permanent? What if you're stuck like this forever?"
"Then it's a good thing that I've learned to like me for me."
"You're not liking you for YOU, you're liking you for you AND you!"
"Then it's double the like! Like the double-mint twins! I remember you liking the double..."
"JOAN! If you can't get back to normal, you might not be able to save us from the First."
"Pff-have you seen my powers now? I'm stronger than ever! I'm stronger than witchy Willow; I'm stronger than slayer Buffy. I am JOAN!" she smiled, her eyes engulfed in dark black. She raised herself into the air and laughed maniacally.
Xander burst through the front door. Spike immediately rushed over, worry on his face.
"Where's Buffy?" he asked.
"And Willow?" Kennedy was wrought with worry.
"Guys... Joan's gone AWOL..."