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It wasn't supposed to happen like this. No matter what it was supposed to be, it wasn't supposed to be this.

STEF'S POV

I have watched her deteriorate over the last month. My baby was wilting away and there was nothing I could do to stop it. When it first happened, I'd been so stunned at that woman saying she wouldn't let us adopt, that I couldn't even formulate my thoughts.

Later that night, I saw the way she looked around her room. Like it was the last time. That was the beginning of the end for her. That was the night that I first noticed the hope in her eyes die just a little. The first time I noticed the light fade.

I say the first time, because I lay eyes on her beautiful face every chance I get, and that hope flares just a bit. I see it. But every time I have to say goodbye, it dies a little more. Lena said the other night that her grades were starting to slip and I swear when I saw her yesterday, she's lost fifteen pounds.

I saw this coming. I didn't want to admit it. And now I'm out here, driving around empty streets, trying to find my eldest daughter, because of a text that Lena and I both received from an unrecognized number. I'm close to the phone she used. I only hope that whoever has it, will know something.

CALLIE'S POV

Before I even think twice, my thumbs run over the digital keyboard. The guy told me I could use his phone and I didn't hesitate.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. I can't tell you what it means to me, simply knowing Jude is loved and will be taken care of. Thank you for giving him a place to call home. I love you."

I stare at the words for at least a minute before I hit send, delete it so he doesn't have their phone numbers and give the guy his phone back. Reaching out, I hand him a little money, put the pills he hands me in my pocket next to the pint, and turn for the water. I am never going to be adopted, and it is my own fault. I know I am going to make it worse for myself tonight, but I can't muster the want, to even care at this point.

Every time I find happiness, I screw it up. At least this time, Jude is safe. He won't be stuck in the middle. He is already adopted. He belongs to someone. Unlike me.

"Hey!"

I turn, looking at the dealer.

"What if someone calls my number back, looking for you?"

I shrug. "Doesn't matter what you tell them. You don't even have to answer the call."

The guy nods his head and I turn back around. Sand always makes me feel better. Sand means ocean, and ocean means freedom. Something about the waves lapping against the shore, always carries me away. And tonight, away is what I need.

The woman told me to let it go. I would never be adopted. It was over and there was no one to blame but myself. Hell, God only knows how much trouble I'm going to be in when I finally do make my way back to that place they call a home tonight, but it's as good as over for me anyway, and I know that now. Maybe I was never meant to be happy.

Squeezing the small packet, I'm almost disgusted with myself, but I mean, screw it. If I'm going to be accused of being damaged goods, I might as well go all the way. I've never done drugs in my life, I had Jude to look out for. But now, there is no need. He doesn't need me any more. And honestly, my entire existence is spiraling out of control. I might as well have a reason for it.

Sitting in my tiny hiding place, between a couple of huge rocks on the water's edge, I disappear from the world. Pulling the two pills out as well as my bottle, I take a long drink and down it at once, coughing at the liquid making it's way down my throat, laying back on one of the rocks and letting the waves of the blessed Pacific take me away. There's no point any more.

STEF'S POV

I've got the kid cornered and he still won't talk. "Cool customer, huh?"

He laughs and it takes everything I have, not to deck him.

"She used your phone!" I say, clearly irritated.

"Oh that girl! I don't know where she went."

I put pressure on his solar plexus. "What did she say?" I get out forcefully.

The kid groans. "Geez, chill out, lady! She bought some Ex, used my phone, then I asked her what to say if anyone called. She said it didn't matter then took off walking down the beach."

That admittedly took me back a bit. Dammit, no! She can't be doing drugs. Not my little girl. "How much?"

"Huh?"

"Ex!" I shout back in his face. "How much did she buy?"

He hesitates. Admitting to an amount puts him in legal trouble, but he can see in my face I am not going to accept any answer but the truth. "Two pills. That's all she got, but she had a bottle too."

"What kind of bottle?"

"I don't know! Vodka? Something clear."

Mike shows up from nowhere. "Stef?"

Throwing the kid toward him, I turn for the beach. "Book him for distributing and aiding and abetting a minor." and I take off running. I hear his voice behind me ask me where I'm going. To find my daughter, obviously.

Standing on the endless sand, I have no idea which way to go. She could be anywhere and there is literally miles of coastline. Not to mention, there's no telling how far that kid had come from when she sent the original text, it had been over two hours now, all because it took so long to get the damn warrant. He could have been miles away. Come on, Callie. Where are you, baby? I'm sorry all this has happened. I'm sorry I couldn't stop any of this.

Lena asked me earlier if she thought she'd run away. Not this time. I think she just needs a little time to herself. But learning that drugs and alcohol have now been thrown into the mix, I know she's heading down a dangerous road.

A part of me doesn't even want to admit, that a low part of her could even exist, but the truth is, she's losing herself, and I don't know how much fight she has left in her. She's been fighting since she was ten. Every time she gets close to any semblance of a stable life, the carpet is ripped out from under her, and she's once again down. I hope and pray I can somehow give her the will to keep fighting. Lord knows, even though she can't see it, she is needed. She's become such an integral part of our family, there's no way we could ever quit trying.