This is my first fanfiction so please bear with me. Should also point out I'm not an English native speaker, however writing in English tend to be a part of my day-job so there shouldn't be too many misstakes, though they might occur.

I started this story awhile back so I already have about 8 chapters ready to upload, and will do so rather often. I hope you enjoy it, as mentioned in the description it's an AU story, sort of in a parallel universe. Timeframe: I'd say it starts more or less around when the original Chicago PD starts, so Jay and Erin does not know each-other and Jay do not know any of the others in the Intelligence Unit at this point - otherwise all the other relationships should be more or less the same. Let me know what you guys think, any criticism good or bad is highly appreciated! Also let me know what you think of the chapter length as i've been a bit unsure of how long to make them. I will stop rambling now. ENJOY!

ERIN POV.

Emptiness. That's all she could see as she took in his appearance for the first time. His eyes were empty, so was his facial expression. The man in front of her seemed to have lost the sensation of feelings. Or maybe he'd never had any to start with.

At first she hadn't seen his eyes, he'd been staring down on his hands. It was first as she had knocked gently on the plastic glass, that separated the two, that he'd looked up and she'd been met with a glazing empty stare.

She hadn't known what to expect when she stepped into the small room to meet Jay Halstead. The Army hero, cop, detective that turned cop-killer. She had visited many prisoners over the years, it was a part of her job but she had never met anyone who'd done anything as horrific as this man. But even though she hadn't know what to really expect, she knew that this had definitely not been it.

He didn't seem like any of the other convicts, there was no smirk grin of accomplishment on his face, no proudness in his eyes. There were no sorrow either nor guilt, just emptiness.

Erin Lindsey had learnt that it was in people's eyes you could spot the truth, that eyes never lied. But as she looked into Jay's eyes she could only see one thing: emptiness. They didn't tell her anything but she was hit with the gut feeling that there was something here that wasn't quite right, she couldn't pin-point what, but she knew that something didn't add up.

She picked up the black phone on the side and singled him to do the same. So he did.

"Hey…", he said and there in his voice it was again: emptiness. His facial expression was still non-existent, his eyes still empty.

Could a person really have no emotions? she wondered as she looked at him. It would explain how he'd been able to do such a thing. How he'd been able to kill not only several cops and detectives but cops and detectives that he'd worked with, that had called him their friend.

She hadn't wanted to come here. She hadn't wanted to meet him. She hadn't had any interest in meeting a person, if he could even be called that, who could do something like this. Though she knew she had to, because he was the only one that could help her.

She spoke up, just wanting to get it all over with. "Hi… I'm Erin Lindsay and I am a detective in the intelligence unit, I was hoping you could help clear up some things with a case I am working…"

"Okey, sure..", he answered before she had even presented what it was about, and his answer surprised her.

It surprised her that it came that quick, that he was so willing to help. That was something else she'd never experienced with any other inmate before. Normally the only way to get them to assist was to either offer a deal, something that could benefit them or to simply threaten them. With Jay she didn't even have to ask twice, she barely had to ask once he had obliged directly. Without a blink of an eye.

She was confused, why was he so eager to help? What would he get out of it? He didn't even knew what it was about. Did he have a plan, did he think he could trick her in anyway? Should she maybe just walk away now? There had to be something she didn't see here, because it couldn't just be that he wanted to help her no strings attached. It couldn't… could it?

No, she dismissed that thought directly, but decided to go on. She did need his help after all, she would just have to be extra careful.

JAY POV.

Jay Halstead had been on death row for almost seven years. Before he'd got here he had been a stand up guy. He had served for his country. He had enrolled in the police academy and he had in record time made it to detective already at 23. Sure he had as any cop made enemies along the way but he was liked in the district. He was good police, there had been no doubt about that. Well not until THAT day.

His time in the army had been tough and it had been even tougher when he returned to Chicago. But he had made it through it and he had created a good life for himself. He was likeable, social and had good friends. More than anything he had a great job, one that he loved. Sometimes it was hard, especially emotionally, but it suited him perfectly and he was good at it, really good. He put bad guys behind bars for a living. He protected his city as he had protected his country before. Life was good.

But now that time didn't only feel like a lifetime ago, it felt like another life, someone elses life. The first three years inside had been difficult, no… not difficult, that was an understatement. He had been an wreck of emotions. First he had been angry, furious that they had accused him of something so unthinkable, furious at who ever was responsible for killing his co-workers, his friends. Then he'd been disappointed, disappointed that they could believe that he was capable of something like this.

Then the sadness had hit him and it had hit him hard. Sad because people he loved had died, sad because he hadn't, sad because people thought he was a monster, sad because he wasn't maybe it had been easier if he'd actually been one, sad because no-one except his brother believed in his innocence, sad because his brother did, sad because he knew this was it, sad because he would never see the outside world again, sad because there was nothing he could do about it.

When the anger had possessed his body he had screamed from the top of his lungs and he had hit the wall over and over again. Now years later the red dots from his blood were still visible on the wall of his cell. He would hit it over and over, his knuckles getting sourer and sourer. There were still some scars on his hands too. Then when he couldn't muster to scream nor punch out his anger anymore the sadness took over.

For months the only thing the guards had heard from his cell were sobs, sometimes they were quiet ones and sometimes they erupted into loud cries. He would sit in the corner of his cell, thinking about everything he lost, everything that didn't make sense and he would cry… cry until there was no tears left, until there were no emotions left.

It was the fact that there had been so many emotions that had made him the way he was now - completely and utterly emotionless. It was the only way he could cope. He knew he would die in here

so when the tears had stopped running he had decided to stop living. For the past four years he had been a walking zombie, his facial expression frozen, his feelings gone. It was the only way he could cope and it had been the only way to get his brother to stop. To stop trying, to stop believing. He wanted his brother to start living his own life again, and the only way he could do that was by not being in his life at all. So he stopped that to, he stopped having visitors, he stopped everything. After three years inside he had stopped living.

Then four years later she… Erin Lindsay, walked in and gave him life again. How dared she? How dared she give life to a man who was destined to die, how dared she make him feel emotions again?

It hadn't happened directly, he hadn't got his emotions back the minute she walked in the room. It had happened little at a time and he had barely noticed it himself.

He had sworn of visitors for four years, said no every time someone wanted to see him. It had mostly just been his brother Will who tried, sometimes there was a news agency or a journalist. Eventually they all gave up, Will included. This time however they had told him he had no choice and he hadn't argued, he never did, what was the point.

The first time she looked at him, he hadn't felt anything. Like he had been for four years he was a robot. When she asked for his help he said yes because he was still programmed that way,

programmed to serve and protect.

His feelings were gone but his memories were still there, they were facts in his brain. Facts she now needed to solve the case. A case that once had been his, in fact it had been his first as a detective.

He heard the facts and details as she spoke but he didn't listen to the pain and the hurt. He took in what he needed and gave back what he could.

Then as her visits became more frequent, without noticing he slowly started to not only hear but listen as well. He started to not only see the memories in his brain but to feel them again.

JAY/ERIN POV.

Erin had started to notice the changes in Jay. After her first visit she had been sure that this man had no feelings at all. It had in a way almost been chilling just talking to him and she had hoped she wouldn't have to come back. But his information had been good, in fact it had been great, he seemed to know this case better than anyone.

On her third visit she was convinced she had seen a real facial expression on his face, on the fourth she could swear that there had been more in his eyes than the emptiness of before. But it was on her fifth visit that she knew for sure that Jay Halstead in fact did possess emotions.

During that fifth visit Erin had come merely to deliver the news that they had closed the case and captured the predator. She hadn't had to do it but for some reason she felt that she did, that she

wanted to. His intel had been directly decisive for them solving the case so he deserved to know didn't he?

As she delivered the news Jay had just nodded at her words then after a minute of silence he suddenly blurred out: "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

Jay was looking down at his hands as he said it knowing he was in no position to ask for a favour, being on death row and all, she probably saw him like a monster, everyone else did. But he had to ask because this wasn't about him.

Fuck… she thought, here it is. She knew it had been too good to be true. Him helping her no strings attached, nah it didn't work like that. Why had she been so stupid, she didn't know what he

wanted her to do but she was sure it wouldn't be good.

He could sense how uneasy she became the moment he'd asked the question, he wanted to say something more but she was too quick.

"No, we didn't make any deal… I don't owe you anything", Erin snorted out.

As he looked up he saw how she started to pull away, she was about to leave. She was right and he probably should just have let her go, forget about it all and go back to his cell counting the days. But he couldn't, now when his emotions were back he knew he couldn't, this was the least he owed them for leaving things the way he had. This wasn't about him, it was about them.

"Wait… don't leave, not yet. Please just hear me out", he pleaded. "It's not what you think, it's nothing bad… and you don't have to do it if you don't want to." he had to stop and breath before he continued. "Please, just hear me out."

He looked at her with pleading eyes and she was left completely frozen. She had never seen this side of him, she had never seen so much emotions in him. Those blue eyes that was now looking at her were far from empty, they were full of emotions, of sadness, of guilt, of desperation but also of a tad bit of hope. She just couldn't say no to those eyes.

She sat back down on the chair that she had momentally stood up from, pressed the phone back to her ear and softly said "Okey."

A large sigh of relief came from Jay as he'd been keeping his breath ever since he stopped his pleading. A quiet "Thank you." was the only thing he managed to get out of him. The room fell quiet as he tried to sort out in his brain how he was going to ask her this, then he started.

"Well.. this might sound stupid..", Erin looked at him with a stoned face while noting to him to go on, that she had no time for any nonsense.

"Could you… maybe… go and check on the Turner family? I mean the family of the first girl that was found… the.. o-ne" he could hardly keep it together anymore, the emotions were running to high and it made it hard talking, he cleared his throat before continuing, "the one that I found… Jessie… Jessica Turner."

He hadn't said her name in years and as he did a single tear fell down his cheek. It was the first tear he'd produced in four years and with it, it all flooded over him. He just wanted to burry his head in his arms and cry it out, long and hard. But he couldn't, he couldn't show that vulnerability, not in front of Detective Lindsay. Not now. He needed her to do this for him, he needed to make sure she would do it.

He cleared his throat again. "Could you just please go to their house and make sure they are okay, tell them that you caught the son of a bitch. And let me know how they are, or well I understand if you don't want to do that for me, but please just make sure they are okay, plea.." he was starting to rambling so she decided to cut him of. "I don't need to", she was smiling , "beca..", now he cut her off.

She didn't get the chance to continue the sentence because now he was furious. Sure he understood that there was the possibility she wouldn't want to do him a favour he'd been set on that being the case but how could she say that with a smile, taunting him in a moment when he was already on the verge of collapsing in front of her.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT" he was screaming now, ready to throw the phone and leave the room.

"I don't need to because I already did", she said back now with an even bigger smile.

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SMILI…" he stopped himself, "wait, what did you say?"

"I already checked on them, I came here directly from the Turners house," she said calmly.

He was now sitting down again, phone pressed against his ear, calm and quiet. She took it as signal to go on.

"We always inform the families of the victims in person after we've caught the predator." she said calmly.

Of course, I'm so stupid… He knew this, he had done it himself so many times. But somehow he had come to the delusion that he was the only one who cared about the Turners. That with him on the inside no one else would make sure that they were okay.

"They are great by the way.." Erin continued. "They were relieved to hear that we had caught the guy and they are all doing well. They came into some money about seven years ago, so they've sent both boys to collage"

Now Jay was smiling. It was the first time Erin had ever seen a smile on his face. It wasn't just a happy smile either it was a I'm so proud smile. That's when it hit her.

"It was you wasn't it!?"

The smile fell from his face and now he just looked confused.. "Me?.. what was me?"

"The money, you sent them that money. They said they got it as an indemnity for losing their little girl. But we both now it doesn't work like that. It was you, wasn't it?"

Shit.. she was on to him, he's entire body stiffed. No one could know, if someone knew then the Turners would likely find out and if they knew they wouldn't want it. With him in here they would see it as blood money. They were honest people and they probably, like everyone else, resented him. Which he could live with but he couldn't live with them giving everything up because of it. He couldn't live with those boys dropping out of collage because they couldn't afford it. That family had been through enough already.

"No, I don't know what you are talking about," he blurred out, panic all over his voice.

Now when his feelings were back, his emotions were all over the place and Erin could read him as an open book.

"Hey, don't worry", she said calmly. "I won't tell anyone. I knew when they told me that those money hadn't come from any indemnity. But I didn't say anything because I saw how much they needed them, how grateful they were for them. I was going to check into it, figure out where they actually came from but only to make sure they weren't in any trouble. I wouldn't tell anyone, I won't tell anyone. But please let me know…. where they from you?"

"yes." the word left his mouth before he'd had time to stop it. Fuck… why did he just do that. Obviously she wouldn't keep her word.

Now his eyes showed another emotion. He was scared. She saw it. "Please Jay don't worry, I won't do anything. I promise." She actually sounded genuine.

"But can I ask you why you did it?"

He had no obligation to tell her and he didn't know why but for some reason he wanted to. He wanted to tell her everything, it was just something about her that against his better judgment made him wanting to open up.

"It was my first case as a detective, I was just 23.." he started.

He went on to tell her everything. About how the Turners had ran into the precinct one afternoon crying, screaming over that their 12-year-old little girl had been abducted. How he had calmed them down and how he had promised them that he would find her and that he would find the bastard who had taken her. A rookie mistake, a big damn rookie mistake. He told her about how he had found Jessica Turner bleeding out in a warehouse, the predator nowhere to be seen. How he had held the 12-year-old in his arms as she took her last breath. About how he'd become too emotional invested in the case, so much that they eventually took it off his hands. How he despite that never stopped, how he moved on to other cases but how he in private continued to investigate How he would visit the Turners every Sunday to reassure them that he hadn't and would never give up on finding the man who had killed their only daughter, their little girl.

"I made them a promise" he finally said. "No, I made them two. I told them that I would find their daughter alive and I told them that I would caught the man who took her. When I failed with the first I had to make sure that I at least kept the second." he signed heavily.

"But I failed that too, I ended up in here. I shouldn't have given them any promises, I know that. But I did and I couldn't keep them. The least I could do was to make sure they were ok financially, so that's why I did it."

Erin was left speechless, she just sat there looking at the man the whole world had painted up as some psychopathic monster, but all she could see was a man who cared so much about others that he forgot to care about himself.

"But you did" she finally said.

Jay looked up from his hands where his stare had momentally been "Did what?"

"You did keep your second promise, we caught him!"

"Well you did, and I'm so thankful for that. But I didn't, so no I didn't keep my promise"

"Yes you did, because we could never have done it without your help, without your intel. We would never have done it without you. You did keep your promise."

He mustered a half-smile, as he did appreciate what she was saying although the guilt was still hanging over him.