With the little vial in her pocket, the diary in her shoulder bag, Elsie felt like she was carrying the heaviest weight she ever had to carry. She wanted to break the phial into tiny pieces, letting the silvery memories become one with the wind. She wanted to tear the diary apart, burning the pages, until it's nothing but a heap of grey ash. But another part of her, the part that was exhausted of not knowing the truth about them, about herself, wanted to read and watch everything; every small detail.

She took Juliet's arm and gave her the control as they Apparated back to London; if it was up to Elsie, she might leave her limbs at four different places around the United Kingdom. Her thoughts were a tangled mess, and she couldn't even hide it.

However, Juliet didn't ask anything until they arrived back to their flat. She could see Elsie was upset, even if she was silent; maybe the others couldn't notice anything, but Juliet knew from a simple half-glance that something wasn't right. She never forgot to remind Elsie that she could practically hear her getting lost in her own thoughts.

They shrugged out of their coat and Elsie hurried straight into her room, but her blonde friend followed her quickly. "What happened?" she asked as she stepped into the bedroom too. "I saw you were talking with Remus on the balcony."

Elsie turned around to face with her, but closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through her chocolate brown locks, letting out a long, shaky breath.

"What happened?" she repeated in a lower voice and walked closer, her brows now furrowed in concern.

It's not like she didn't want to tell her, but she knew what Juliet would say. This was something she didn't need now: letting other people influence her thoughts and decisions. But on the other hand, she felt like she's going to explode soon if she can't talk about it with someone. Shaking her head again, like she couldn't believe this all was really happening, Elsie opened her eyes and looked into her friend's worried ones. She pulled the notebook out of her bag, the vial from her pocket, and placed them down on the desk, next to her typewriter.

Juliet's expression went from concern to confusion quickly as she watched the objects. "What are those?" she asked and lifted the notebook up, quickly scrolling through the pages. "Looks like a diary," she added, and then, as she realized whose handwriting was it, she stopped, her eyes growing wide. "It isn't—"

"It is. It was mine."

Juliet put the diary back on the desk and watched the vial now with the silvery liquid. "And those are… Oh my God, Elsie, you have to watch them!"

"Really? I have to?"

Once again, Juliet looked confused. "You… you don't want to?"

Elsie turned around and plopped down at the edge of her bed with a sigh, her hands gripping tightly the purple bedspread. "I don't know, Juliet. I feel like—I'm just, I'm sure that vial is full of nice memories, you know? I feel like if I watch them, I couldn't resist anymore and I will run back to him and… just," she stopped and heaved a sigh, finally looking up at her friend. "These are his memories, you know? Not mine."

"So what? Do you think he wants to manipulate you with this?" she asked with a small sceptical laugh. "Elsie, come on. You know him better than I do, but I'm pretty sure he'd never do that. He'd rather manipulate you into leaving him, not the other way around."

Elsie knew Juliet was right. The more she was thinking about it, the more she realized Remus was never selfish, and no matter what he has done, it wasn't an act of pure selfishness. In the contrary: he was selfless, way too much, to the point he couldn't always make a difference between what is right and what easy. Because Sirius was right, and living his whole life being scared of himself could truly mess up his mind.

"And…" Juliet went on, her voice lower as she sat down next to Elsie. "I really don't want to talk you into anything you don't want to, but if it's really so hard to resist, as you were saying… then maybe you should stop trying. It's been like, what, six months? Maybe you should give it another chance."

Elsie nodded slowly; the lump in her throat made it hard to talk. "I love him. You know I do. But you have to understand—the fact he Obliviated me… it's not like when you get robbed and someone steals a lot of money from you or your favourite wallet! He took a piece of me I can never get back. Something that was only mine. And, who knows, maybe I would've turned out a completely different person! We all are shaped by our memories, our experiences. But I'll never know now," she took a deep breath, rubbing her eyes with her palms. "I wish I could trust him, I really do, but I'm not sure I can ever again."

Juliet didn't know what else she could say. She wanted Elsie to be happy again, and she was sure she had never seen her so happy like she was with Remus. She wished it could be fixed somehow, but if her trust has been broken so much… she wasn't sure how she could help to restore, if it was even possible.

As the next week went by slowly, Elsie spent a lot of time with trying to convince herself why she should see the memories or why she shouldn't – depends on her current mood. It seemed so simple, but it was a hard decision to make, and not a single day went by when she didn't think about it. She tried to study and work as much as she could, but there was nothing that was enough to distract her. Nothing, except one person.

"Would you stop doing this?!"

Elsie snapped her head up. She was sitting on the couch at least for an hour, legs tucked under her with a mug of tea between her hands that went cold long minutes ago. She said nothing, she did nothing; she didn't understand why Juliet yelled at her. "What did I do?"

"You're overthinking," she explained slowly, and thankfully, with a lower voice. "You're doing this again! I can practically hear you analysing even the colour of the curtain in Remus' bedroom at February 12. It's stressing me out! And you know what happens when I'm overstressed."

Elsie leaned forward and put her mug down on the coffee table with a smile and a small sigh. "I know, you eat."

"No, I'm stress eating. I eat donuts and pancakes and marshmallows all the time. I gained four pounds since your breakup!"

Throwing her head back on the couch, Elsie let out a laugh. She knew Juliet wasn't angry at her at all; she just always had a strange way to voice when she was worried. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Uhm, yeah, I do? I'm your best friend."

"But you really don't have to."

Juliet watched her friend for a while in silence. She knew even if Elsie managed to keep her sanity through the week somehow, tonight she might break. She shouldn't suffer in silence, like she usually does.

"We should get drunk tonight."

Elsie tutted and threw her head back on the couch again. "I don't want to."

"It wasn't a question," Juliet stepped closer and took Elsie's hands, pulling her up from the sofa. "Come on, I'm not going to leave you here tonight."

Once she was on her feet, Elsie crossed her arms across her chest with a huff. "Getting drunk won't solve my problems, you know."

It made Juliet growl and rolling her eyes. "Neither crying at home alone, so why don't you just choose to spend some time with your amazing best friend?"

Elsie sighed, but her growing smile showed Juliet she isn't going to say no after that. She hugged her with a squeal, causing Elsie to laugh, "But I'm going to complain the whole time!"

The Drunken Ghoul was a place Elsie and Juliet found just a week after they met. It was a small but cheap pub in London; the dark, dusty and dirty walls and widows kept it hidden from the muggles' eyes. It was always crowded, full of mostly young adult witches and wizards. Leaving this place without getting drunk wasn't easy.

They walked across the place to the bar; the floor, as always, sticky with spilled out drinks. Music filled the room but it was never too loud, so everyone could talk without shouting into each other's ears.

"Hey Mark," Juliet flashed a grin at the young bartender, resting her elbows up on the bar. Mark stopped wiping the glass and looked up; first surprised, then returned a smile. He has short, dirty blonde hair, light blue eyes; a kind smile always on his lips. It was an open-secret he had a crush on Juliet.

"Juliet," he already started to prepare the girls' drink, without asking what they want. "I haven't seen you in a while. Thought you left us for that new bar in the Diagon Alley."

Juliet snorted. "Nice interior, always clean bathrooms… who needs that?"

With a lopsided smile, Mark poured something dark red into their Firewhisky. Elsie frowned and looked at Juliet, who didn't seem surprised at all, so she let it go. "You just say that because we have cheap drinks."

"And the bartenders are cute."

He slid the glasses closer to the girls with a smile and winked at Juliet. "It's on the house."

After they thanked to Mark they turned around, Juliet shoving one of the glasses into Elsie's hand. "Cheers."

But while she took her first sip, Elsie just frowned into her glass. "What the hell is this?"

"This is your problem, Elsie," Juliet growled. "You're thinking, you're asking, you're overanalysing… Just drink."

"I don't kn—"

"You're doing it again! Okay, listen," she started after she heaved a sigh, stepping closer to her friend. "Tonight, you stop thinking. You say the first thing that comes into your mind—wait no, because that will be no. You say yes. Yes! That's good, you say yes to everything," she grinned, looking pleased with herself, while Elsie was slowly shaking her head.

"That's the worst idea that you've ever had," she said, raising the glass to her lips. "I need to get drunk for this."

"Good enough for me," she shrugged, watching Elsie as she drank half of her drink. It was sweet, but so strong she could feel it burning her throat, her stomach, but she tried to ignore the sensation and swallowed back her coughs.

"This is terrible," she chocked out, her eyes teary.

Juliet just smiled smugly, looking her from the corner of her eyes while she was slowly sipping her drink. She was just about to suggest they should try to find an empty table – which seemed completely impossible – when one of their classmates stepped to them.

"Why am I not surprised to seeing you here, Gavin?" Elsie asked after both of the girls greeted the boy with a hug. He was known for he could never say no to a party; he was popular with a lot of friends, and not just from their year, but from all around the school.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied with innocent eyes. "Want to join us? We have a table back there."

Juliet turned to Elsie with an excited smile. "Elsie, I give you the chance to say your first yes tonight."

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't refrain a laugh as she turned to the boy, "Yes."

Gavin pointed his index finger at her, eyes narrowed. "I feel like there's a good story behind this I need to hear."

As the night went on and on, Elsie was getting completely sure even her brain tried to stop her from having a good time. She couldn't make thoughts in her head to stop, no matter how much she drank. As much as she'd loved to turn her mind off, she couldn't get drunk. She still could spend a one or two hours with not worrying about anything, but it didn't last long.

Noticing this, Juliet leaned closer; her words slurred slightly. "You should get another drink."

"Juliet, I'm not sure—"

"Shhhh," she cut her off, placing her finger on Elsie's lips, but accidentally slipped it into her mouth. Juliet laughed, while Elsie grasped her wrist and pushed her hand away. "Sorry. But you're thinking again! And I don't like it!"

Elsie sighed. "If I get another drink, will you promise you stop whining?"

"Yes, mom," she said, pressing a loud kiss on her cheek.

It was around midnight, the time when The Drunken Ghoul was the most filled with witches and wizards. Elsie fought her way through the people and stopped as close to the bar as she could. She wished Juliet would come with her; she always knew how to sweet-talk her way through the crowd.

Elsie huffed, but decided to wait so she could get another drink. She didn't notice the guy in front of her, looking over his shoulder a couple times to glance at her, until she heard his voice,

"Is it always so crowded?"

She looked up at the stranger in front of her; he had kind blue eyes, his black hair slightly messy, and the dark shadows under his eyes showed he hadn't slept much lately. Despite of he looked tired, he kept smiling at Elsie. "Sorry. I just moved to London and I've never been here before."

Elsie nodded with a smile. "Yeah, it is. It's probably the cheapest pub, perfect for poor students like us," she said, nodding at the table where her friends were sitting. "They're my classmates."

For a few, awkward seconds, they just looked at each other and silence, but just as Elsie looked away, they stranger spoke up again, "Can I invite you for a drink? I mean, if we ever get closer to the bar…"

"Uhm… I—"

"Let me guess," he nodded, "You have a boyfriend."

But Elsie shook her head, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "No, I don't."

"Then maybe you could help me out and show what people drink usually drink here? As I said, I'm not familiar around here—"

"Very subtle," she cut him off with a laugh, but accepted his invitation anyway. "I'm Elsie, by the way.

"Scott," he shook her hand. "Is that a short form for something? Elizabeth?"

"Yes, but don't call me that," she said colder than she intended to, so she quickly added a quieter "please".

Nearly an hour passed, but Elsie stayed with Scott; it was easy to talk with him, about everything and nothing. He made her laugh a lot, and helped to turn her mind off for a while again, but this blissful oblivion didn't take long.

Scott was talking, but she stopped listening as she spotted a mop of messy, sandy brown hair in the crowd. He was tall, lanky; a familiar dark grey sweater on him, and Elsie felt her heart beating fast against her ribs—until he turned around.

It wasn't Remus. Elsie released her breath slowly, but the question stayed with her; why am I still here?

"Are you feeling alright?" Scott asked and placed his hand on her forearm, running his thumb along her skin soothingly.

"Yes," she nodded, and pulled her hand away from him. "I'm really sorry, but I have to go home."

He followed Elsie as she stood up, his eyebrows knotted in confuse. "Have I said something wrong?"

"No, of course not," she started and stepped closer, so he could hear her through the noise. "Listen, I have someone in my life—"

"Wait, wait," he cut her off. "You said you don't have a boyfriend."

"He is not my boyfriend. It's… he's," she took a deep breath in, before she shook her head. "It's complicated."

He gave a short nod, and Elsie couldn't tell he believed her or not. "Well, I hope your problems will be solved soon. It was nice to meet you," he said and walked away with a last smile, but it was hard to ignore the disappointment in his eyes.

This time Elsie didn't try to be nice and fought her way through the crowd, not caring if she bumped into everyone in the process. She only stopped next to Juliet, who just put some coins into the jukebox, but looked up when she saw her.

"Hello, you little minx. Who was that guy you were talking to?"

"He's Scott. It doesn't matter now. Look," she started, and ignored Juliet's loud sigh. "I have to go home."

"But no!" she whined loudly, taking her hands into hers.

Already cursing herself why she didn't just sneaked out, Elsie freed her hands and put them on Juliet's shoulder. "Listen, you were right. I had a good night; I needed this, thank you. But it's late, and I'm tired, and you know I have to go to work tomorrow. So let me go home."

Juliet pouted, but stopped arguing. "Fine. But next time you stay until you're dancing with me on the table."

"Deal," she said and gave her a hug. "Stay safe."

"Always."

Elsie walked out of the pub, disapparated with a loud crack, and a few seconds later she was already in their house. But despite of what she told Juliet, she wasn't tired, and she didn't go to sleep right away.

She stormed into her room and threw her bag on the floor, not caring about where it landed while she opened her drawer and pulled her old diary out of it. She wasn't thinking anymore about anything, she just wanted to know everything. She plopped down on the bed, her heartbeat fast, her mind racing while she scrolled through the pages, trying to find anything related to Remus. It didn't take long until she finally found the first note about him.

"Dear diary,
today something very strange happened. I was in the library, working on my Transfiguration essay (McGonagall already gave us so much homework ugh!). So I was searching for a book, but it was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it and I was just about to raise my wand when Remus Lupin stepped to me and offered his help. It was funny because he knocked a dozen of books off the shelf (thank Godric Madam Pince didn't see it). He looked nervous, I don't understand why. And he said he'd help me with Potions because Lily is a Head Girl now and she doesn't have much time. So I said okay. Our first "class" will be on next Friday. I'm nervous!"

Elsie let out a small chuckle. "I'm nervous!"—it completely sounded like her. She turned a page, and it was about Remus again.

"Dear diary,
today was my first private lesson with Remus. To be honest, he isn't that good at Potions I thought he was… I mean, he's still better than me! He's really kind, though. He tries to joke around a lot but my brain always block and all I can do is giggling like an idiot. Like, he told me today: "Stir until it turns dark purple. And calm down."
Me: "I'm calm."
Remus: "Yeah, I can see that."

Slowly turning a page, Elsie laughed again. Even if she couldn't remember at all, reading these memories was enough to imagine the scenes perfectly.

There were notes about school, some about her parents; then weeks passed without writing down anything.

"Dear diary,
I don't remember when the last time was I haven't written anything down for so long. I was pretty busy lately. I spent a lot of time with Remus. And not just with him, but with his friends, too. He introduced me to them and they're all really nice too! I was afraid because Sirius and James seemed so mean and blusterous to me. But they are kind and funny. Peter always gives me candies when I'm being quiet.
I'm worried about Remus, though. Yesterday he missed our class and when I saw him today, he looked really tired. He said he was sick but he's better now. But to be honest… he didn't look like he is…"

Soon, Elsie couldn't find a single page where at least she wouldn't mention Remus. Even if she was talking about school, about friends, about her parents, about her brother, somehow he always came up too. It felt like even back then, when they haven't even started dating yet, Remus played a big part in her life

"Today I was sad and he made me a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and I'm sure that was the best hot chocolate in my life."

"I know it's maybe too early to say, but I think I have feelings for him. I only know him for two months, but I'm sure I've never felt anything like this before."

"He refuses to call me on my nickname. He always calls me Elizabeth. And I love it."

"I'm so happy when he's around."

"Today Remus spent about twenty minutes playing with my hair. It's almost midnight and I still can't stop smiling."

"Today, he kissed me."

She stopped there. She finished reading the story about how she told Remus she knew about his lycanthropy, she told him about how much she didn't care. And that was when he kissed her, on this late December afternoon, and Elsie was afraid, again, to read further. She got lost so much between her own words she barely noticed she was crying.

She left her bedroom and made a cup of tea, trying to calm her racing thoughts down a little. Because it was scary. She was reading her own words, her own thoughts, with her own handwriting, and she couldn't remember any of them. Yet still, they all felt familiar; too familiar. It made her shiver, thinking of it. More notes she read the more and more she felt like it all happened once; a really long time ago.

Because Elsie thought it will be like reading a book, but it wasn't. She could picture the scenarios too well, she could hear her own voice too clearly, she could see Remus' smile like he just stood before her. It didn't feel like when she was reading a book and the author's words were too relatable. It felt distant, old, faint memories—but all hers.

It was easier to open the diary again this time, but less scary. She knew from now on, she'll learn a lot of new information about their relationship, and frankly she had no idea what she should expect.

But curiosity won this time, and soon, she started to read again.

"Dear diary,
where should I start? We had our first date today. I'm really happy they let every sixth and seventh years to go to Hogsmeade freely every weekend, because Remus said he doesn't want to wait until we come back from the Christmas break. He's so cute. We almost froze to death until we reached the village, but it worth it!"

Elsie turned a page, and then another, and her eyes widened. She kept writing through four pages about their first date. "I'm a complete idiot," she mumbled to herself and skipped this part, searching for some more important information.

There were more stories about their dates, how he first said "I love you" on a sleepy Sunday afternoon, how he kept her motivated, how he convinced her it wouldn't be unnecessary to study writing, despite of everyone else said to her. How she always tried to make him feel better about himself. How they never failed to make each other laugh. Story about their first night together, and how she always sneaked up into his dormitory after that to sleep in his arms. So much happiness was in their relationship, but it wasn't cloudless; they had arguments, even if it wasn't frequent.

"We had a fight today. And again it was because he was jealous. Not loud-jealous, but as always he was quiet all day and then came to me saying maybe I should leave him so I could find someone better. He can make me so upset with this. I don't want anyone else, and there's no better than him for me. I wish he could see this. I feel he does, but some days he just can't. But I don't want to lose him because of this. I know he has insecurities, and I won't leave him because of this. I love him. I love him. I love him."

"Oh shit," she mumbled between her tears again, trying to dry her cheeks with the end of her sleeves.

During the summer break, there weren't many notes, and soon, she found the last one; a letter was attached to the page. She put it away to read her own words first,

"Dear diary,
I miss Remus so much. I haven't seen him in weeks! I know I could invite him here if I would tell my parents about him, but I don't want to annoy them with this now. I don't even think they care. They're too busy with constantly fighting with each other, I'm so sick of it.
I'm so sad Remus and the others won't be there at Hogwarts when I go back in September. I'll miss Sirius so much. They were my only friends here."

Elsie dried her cheeks again, then opened the letter. She wasn't surprised to see Remus' messy handwriting.

"Dear Elizabeth,
I'm happy you liked your birthday present. I just wish I could give it to you in person and see your smile.

I keep thinking about that last night we spent together. But next time I hope I don't have to climb up into your room and then jump through your window (before you'd start to worry, I'm okay).

I miss you terribly, sweetheart. If there's any way we could see each other soon, please let me know. The next full moon is on Sunday, but we still have a few days until then, and I'd be so glad if I could see you before that. I just feel it will be a tough one.

Love you always,

Remus"

Elsie put the letter back and closed the diary. Now she finished, she wished she could read more, but all she could find were empty pages. She was both overwhelmed with feelings and incredibly peaceful inside.

She walked to her desk again and opened her drawer, searching for the little vial. Her first thought was as it was in her palm that she should leave now and watch the memories too, but just as she was about to Apparate, she changed her mind and threw the vial into her dustbin.

It was a terribly long Friday. Elsie could barely fall asleep and she woke up early, and the whole day in the office of the Witch Weekly went by slowly. She couldn't concentrate.

She had a million thoughts running through her head of what she wanted to say to Remus. She planned everything—what she would say, how she would say; she played several different conversations inside her head, until she found something she liked, so she could keep repeat that one.

Knowing what exactly wanted to say didn't make it easier. Her hands were sweating, her heart racing, and she could feel her legs shaking under her weight while she was waiting in front of the door, only it was opened by a clearly surprised Sirius.

"Elsie! What brings you here?"

They both stepped closer for a hug, before the girl pulled back. "I came to see Remus. Is he here?"

"I think he's still at the ministry. It's not rare they have to work overtime."

Elsie gave a disappointed sigh. She was planning this since the moment she woke up in this morning. "I go and visit them in the ministry, then. Thank you, Sirius," she said and almost hurried away, but Sirius stopped her.

"Wait, wait, wait—what is it?"

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before she said in a low voice, "I just need to talk to him."

Sirius said nothing in answer but smiled, and as she slowly smiled back at her, he was sure about Elsie finally made up her mind.

It wasn't hard to find the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but the corridor was long with too many doors and offices. It was late afternoon, the department was nearly empty, and she couldn't go to anyone for some help. She almost got lost when she finally found what she was looking for. Sighing in relief, she knocked on the door quickly, already regretting she didn't give some more time to herself to prepare her thoughts.

A young man in dark red auror robes opened the door; he looked tired, but straightened himself as he was looking at the girl.

"Hey, I'm sorry, is Remus Lupin here?"

He looked over his shoulder, before turned to her again. "Yes, I guess he is."

"Can you please ask him if he could come here? I mean, if he isn't so busy…"

"Are you sure I can't help?" he asked, flashing a toothy grin at her. "I'm not that busy."

Elsie sighed with a smile. "Yes, I'm sure."

He shrugged with a grin but turned around and walked away, leaving the door ajar. Elsie peeked in; she saw many tables, most of them empty.

She stepped back and leaned her back against the wall. She closed her eyes, wishing she could slow her racing heart somehow.

"Elizabeth?"

She had a million thoughts running through her head of what she wanted to say to Remus as she opened her eyes. She took a step closer and opened her mouth, but all the words stuck on her throat; she couldn't say anything, she couldn't even say hello. All the conversations in her head she planned, all the things she wanted to say were gone and she closed the gap, cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips on his.

It caught him off guard and he hesitated, but he relaxed soon and kissed her back, his arms sneaking around her waist to pull her closer. It was slow but needy. Desperate.

Elsie felt she could keep kissing him forever, but she pulled back, her fingers running through her short hair. She watched her feet, and Remus was speechless, staring her with flushed cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she said finally. "Can we talk somewhere?"

"Sure," he replied and cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump. "I go back for my coat and I'll be back."

They walked out of the Ministry of Magic together with a fast pace, in complete silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts about each other. Even when they reached the busy streets of the muggle London, they were still wordless. Only when they finally found a quiet coffee shop, ordered their drinks and sat down outside, they finally seemed to calm down a bit.

"I don't know where I should start," Elsie broke the silence, tapping her fingers against her mug of hot chocolate, sitting across him.

Remus gave her a small smile. "Well, you came to my workplace and kissed me. Maybe you should start there."

She closed her eyes and let out a weak chuckle. "I didn't plan to do that."

He kept smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Despite of that only a couple minutes ago she was kissing Elsie, Remus still didn't dare to build his hopes up.

Seeing this – because his eyes told too much – Elsie stood up and sat down on the chair next to Remus. She was thinking about to grasp his hand, but she fought back to urge as she spoke up,

"I love you, Remus. I think you know I do," she started, and Remus nodded, but avoided her eyes, his gaze fixed on the table. "But last time we spoke, I though it's not enough."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Remus slowly turned his head to look at her. "And now you think it is?"

"I think… I know I want to be with you. Look," she slipped closer with her chair as much as she could and took one of his hands between both of hers. Remus quivered at the contact, but at the same time, it warmed him up. "I spent the last few months with trying to convince myself why I shouldn't be with you. Sure, I was angry and I was disappointed first. It hurt. But I'm tired of fighting against my own feelings. I love you, and that's enough. But…" she added, and Remus felt his breath stuck in his throat, "If you still think you don't deserve me, if you know you'd try to push me away in every way you can… Then maybe we really should forget each other."

She was right, and Remus knew it, but it was painful to think about how close he was to get her back or lose her again. Still, he needed to be honest with her. "No matter what will happen with us in the future, you need to understand: I'll never stop thinking you could find someone better than me."

Elsie sighed and looked away, her hands slipping away from his but he cupped her cheek, his thumb rubbing her skin. "I want to be with you. And if you really want this, I promise I'll try everything to stay close to you. But I don't think I could ever stop thinking about you could find someone so much better than me. Because you deserve it, you know? I can't stop thinking about how much you've changed since I stepped into your life. You were so sweet and pure and—"

"I was literally terrible, before I met you," she cut him off, a small smile playing on her lips. "I never spoke until someone asked me a question. I was so shy and quiet and I was more scared of people than…"

"Octopuses?" he finished her sentence and his brown eyes were innocent, but he needed to press his lips together to fight back a smile.

And Elsie just watched him with narrowed eyes, pouting, "Are you serious? After all these years?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist—"

"It's not funny," she shook her head as Remus took a sip from his tea, trying to hide his grin. "It is not funny."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he put his cup down and held her hand, but both of them were smiling. A few seconds passed in silence before he went on, "So did you see the memories?"

"No."

Remus frowned, so Elsie quickly went on, "I read my diary. That's why I know you always laughed at me because of my fear."

"Just once."

She laughed. "Ok, just once."

His grip tightened around her hand and he kept brushing his thumb on her skin. "Can I ask why you didn't watch them?"

Elsie expected this question so she smiled, heaved a sigh before she started, "You know, in the past few months, my biggest fear wasn't that if I go back to you, maybe you'd do it again. I mean—yes, I was afraid of that too. But the thought of… the thought of maybe I would've turned out a different person haunted me. I can't explain but… I was constantly thinking of that this version of me… it's just not the real me. Just an alternate. Something else. I know it sounds stupid…"

"No, no it's not," he said reassuringly. "What changed, then?"

"I read my diary," she went on with a smile. "And do you know what I realized? I haven't changed at all. After you Obliviated me, I was this shy, quiet girl again, but slowly, I changed again. And I became the same person I was with you. Only this time, it was without you. It's like, so many things happened and so many things changed around me, but I still ended up in the same way."

"So this is why I didn't watch them. Sure, I'd love to remember every tiny detail of our relationship, but it doesn't matter anymore. My diary helped to show it was really me, and it's enough, you know? Maybe one day I'd like to see them, but now I don't care about the past."

With a shaky breath that sounded more like a sigh of relief, Remus leaned closer to rest his forehead against hers, breathing in the sweet flowery scent of her hair. When he spoke up, his words were barely more than a whisper. "Do you really forgive me?"

Elsie placed her palm on his cheek. "I do. And I hope one day you'll forgive yourself too."

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck as he pulled her into a tight hug, not caring about their surroundings. Elsie felt a single teardrop of happiness rolled down on her cheek, but she wiped it away and she pulled back slightly, so they could press a few, small kisses on each other's lips again.

"What was my birthday present?" she asked once they were looking at each other, both of them smiling.

Remus looked confused for a second before it clicked to him, "Oh. It was uh—a necklace with a book and a quill pendant."

"Oh, but that sounds amazing!" she gushed, then added in a lower voice, "Can I get it back? I know you still have it."

He chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, you can get it back."

She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling herself both excited and calm at the same time, while Remus still couldn't really believe that was happening. He knew it won't be so easy to start over everything, but he couldn't let her go again.

Soon they left the coffee shop, walking down on the long, narrow street hand in hand as Remus said, "So where do you want to go on our second-first date?"

Elsie laughed. "I don't know, but I'm hungry."

"Let's see then," he started, thinking hard. "No seafood, I guess—"

"I hate you so much, Remus Lupin," she cut him off by letting go of his hand and smacking him on his chest, but laughed too as he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet, pressing soft kisses on her lips.

Two years later

Elsie stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed as she concentrated on the samples in front of her. She ran her hand through the soft, beige material again, but her blue eyes were still fixed on the white rug. "Okay, I think—"she started but as she looked over her shoulder, she was alone. "Juliet?"

She walked down between the rows of household accessories, mumbling curses under her breath until she finally found them: Juliet and Remus lying on a bed next to each other. Elsie rolled her eyes and sighed, but walked closer to them, and as Juliet noticed her, she looked up.

"Oh, I thought we lost you."

Elsie huffed. "You two just left me there."

"Because we get bored of your life crisis over which rug you should choose to our living room. I tell you what: choose the softer one. Rug sex," she added with a wink, then quickly continued, "No, please don't have sex in our living room."

Elsie rolled her eyes at her friend with a chuckle, while the blonde continued,

"Seriously, you have to buy this bed. This is like, Heaven. I never want to leave this bed."

Remus didn't open his eyes, but a smile was on his lips while Elsie leaned down. "Have you looked the price tag, though? It says, "Never ever ever ever ever ever."

Juliet turned on her side so she could see the price too, then give a small shrug. "Well, maybe for you. I take it."

Elsie let out a loud growl, but plopped down next to her on the bed—it was really, too comfortable. "Good for you, Miss senior-correspondent-already, even if you only work for a year at the Daily Prophet."

"I told you," Juliet shrugged. "One word and you're in too."

"Stop tempting my girlfriend, Juliet," Remus spoke up finally too, sitting up on the bed. "She's procrastinating enough already."

"That's not true!" Elsie argued. "I wrote two pages yesterday before I started to clean the whole house again," she said, causing both Remus and Juliet to laugh. "But I really don't want to sell my soul for money. Sorry Juliet. I still like to work at the Witch Weekly."

The blonde shrugged and jumped up from the bed. "Okay. But when you finish your book, I want a whole page long note about thanking me."

"Thanking what?"

"Being in your life!" she yelled back with a big smile while walked away and slowly disappeared between the rows. Elsie shook her head with a laugh, before they both stood up from the bed. "It's really so comfortable."

Remus wrapped her arm around her shoulder and he took his hand as they walked around the shop, trying to think anything they still needed to buy for their new flat, which was almost completely empty. "I can't believe we're finally moving together," he said, pressing a kiss on her temple.

"Me neither," she smiled in excitement, but quickly added, "But don't think it always be so good. Living with Juliet sometimes is like having a dog. A really problematic dog."

"Did you forget I lived with Sirius since I was eleven?" he asked with a frown, causing Elsie to let out a loud laugh. "Trust me, I can handle it."

"No, you sleep through it."

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, but didn't say anything before his hand left her shoulders and took her hand, pulling her deeper into the huge shop. "Come on, we have to find a desk for you."

"Are you sure we can afford that now?"

Remus looked over his shoulder. "We have to. You've writing on the floor in the past few weeks."

"Well, that not so bad, you know," she chuckled. "I mean, I'm really close to have scoliosis, but imagine having scoliosis in our new, fluffy rug—"she stopped as Remus halted, and she bumped into his back. He turned around and said,

"The rug isn't for that."

Elsie tiptoed up to whisper, "Remus, we can't have sex on the fluffy rug."

"I didn't mean that," he chuckled, and she laughed too, until Remus pulled her face closer for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Elizabeth."