Confusion and guilt. These were the two feelings Maria Rainer had been tormented by lately.

Knelt next to her bed in the small room that was her bedroom at the Abbey, she had her hands joined and her head slightly bowed as she was about to begin her prayer. Whilst trying to keep focused on the thoughts she was addressing to God, there were two things which kept destabilizing her: confusion and guilt.

"My Lord," she began, pretty unsure of what would come next, "Thank you for the love you've given me when I had no one to care for me. Blessed be the Reverend Mother, Sister Margaretta, Sister Sofia, Sister Berthe and each and every one of the sisters in the Abbey."

Although she was trying to sound convinced, she could feel her heart wasn't in it. She breathed a deep sigh before continuing. "Bless Liesl, Frederich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta, Gretl, Frau Schmidt, the Baroness, Max and the Captain. Please keep a safe eye on the children and help them to understand my choice. Give their father the strength to keep making them feel loved as I can't be there to check it for myself anymore."

She paused again, this time staring widely at her hands. It was one of the first time she had become emotional over a prayer. In fact, every prayer she had done in the past week had ended up with her voice shaking and her hands rubbing against each other as if looking for comfort.

"In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen."

With that, she climbed onto her bed without putting herself under the covers and lay there, fixating on the ceiling, utterly lost in her thoughts. She was feeling, as she kept reminding herself, guilty and confused. She was confused because of the feeling she could hardly describe that had taken over her in the past few months.

Maria had arrived at the von Trapp villa two months prior. She had been assigned the role of governess to seven tricky children who were desperately seeking for their father's love and attention. Upon bringing some peace and happiness back to this family she had grown to love so much, Maria had gotten closer to the children and how surprising as it could be, to their father as well. Because, despite the frozen welcoming and constant dry and sarcastic remarks she'd received from him, it turned out that the Captain wasn't the cold-hearted and emotionless man he would let appear.

They had been talking about everything and anything, and she had come to discover another side of the imposing sea captain. He could be very nice, always a gentleman, but he also could be comical and very passionate about certain subjects, such as books and history. This was something that really did surprise her. These common interests took them both into deep and long conversations they would sometimes have at night in the sitting room. When it happened, it would always be the same; she would put the children to bed and then go back to the lounge to ask the Captain his approval for an activity she had an idea to do with the children. He would then invite her for a drink, under the eye of a perplexed Baroness and a very amused Max, and she would awkwardly join them while he was pouring her a glass of water. Despite not knowing the Baroness very well but being impressed by her elegance and her composure, there was something about her that was making Maria feel uncomfortable. Whenever they would find themselves in the same room, she had the unpleasant feeling of being eyed from toes to hair by the Baroness, as if she were a curious beast. This had begun on the night of the puppet show, when the Captain had sung Edelweiss so beautifully that it had taken her breath away.

Each time the Captain had handed her the glass of water and she was sat on the couch, more or less at ease with the situation, they would begin to talk. Soon enough the Baroness would excuse herself and leave in her always perfect gait that wasn't hiding her small hint of annoyance, and was then followed by Max who would try (not too much) hiding the grin under his thin moustache. That would leave the Captain and Maria alone, debating about diverse books or ancient battles until one of them would notice how late it was. They would then get up and wish each other a good night, before reluctantly part to their respective bedrooms.

Every time this would happen, Maria went to bed with a feeling of happiness she had never felt before. She would say her nightly prayer and thank God for her life, and then she was excitedly tucking into bed and sleeping peacefully.

There were other times the Captain and herself were having small contacts with each other, a glance, a smile or an accidental physical contact that was making her heart jump in her chest. In the beginning, she would wonder what kind of manner were these exchanges but after a few weeks, she realized with confusion that she was looking for his attention.

She had to admit that she was rather intrigued by the Captain, though she couldn't exactly tell why. Perhaps it was the way he was shyly proposing his help to Gretl when she was drawing, or the way Frederich and him were knowingly talking about the newest ship the Navy had purchased, or even the way Liesl would show him how to braid Marta's hair. He had been so clumsy and had apologized at least three times for hurting her when he'd dared to try that Maria had found it absolutely endearing. It could even be the way he smiled when offering Brigitta four of his personal books that almost made Maria's heart give out. Not to mention how handsome he looked and how she felt like his blue eyes were devouring her…

In spite of this newfound attraction for her employer, Maria was not worrying too much about any consequences. After all, she could easily have been imagining things and he was almost engaged to the Baroness. Moreover, she still wanted to become a nun and wasn't thinking about any other way to spend the rest of her life; she had never considered any other possibility. But what made it all different was that night. Oh, that special night.

She couldn't understand what had possessed her, it was maybe the atmosphere of the party, the music, the women in their stunning dresses and the couples dancing everywhere or the adorable and happy state the children were in, but she had without any hesitation taken the Captain's hand to dance the Laender. She hadn't been thinking about anything from the moment he had wrapped his gloved, but strong hand in her small and delicate one. From the moment they had taken their first steps, she had forgotten about the people in the ballroom. She had forgotten about the Baroness and forgotten about her being a postulant. It had only been about the two of them, for this short instant, about his electric wide eyes which deeply dove into her own, which were glowing brightly. It had been about the feeling of their hands together, of their bodies brushing against one another, about their hearts beating so fast that she was wondering how she had managed to stay upright the whole time. They had been so close, so intensely close that she had to ask herself if it was possible to get even closer to someone. As they danced, she was far away from the villa, far away from Austria, far away from this world. It felt like she had gone light as a feather, like he was about to take her to Heaven, like they were in a dream.

Unfortunately, the dream was broken as she heard the music again, the guests talking once more, she could feel the fresh air gently skimming over her skin, and she let his hand go, slowly taking a few steps back, without breaking the eye contact.

"I don't remember anymore." It was the only words her mouth had been able to throw out to justify that sudden break. God knew she was lying, but her heart was racing, her cheeks were burning, and her thoughts were getting mixed up all together.

She couldn't think, she wouldn't dare think about what could possibly be happening to her, but she knew nothing else would matter anymore if not him. He was standing right in front of her, more handsome than ever, his eyes still on hers, and she knew he wasn't self-possessed either, although he was trying to remain composed as he had always been. But she could read behind his dark, ocean eyes that he was as messed up as she was.

"Your face is all red."

Brigitta had broken the spell. Distracted, she brought her hands to her cheeks and replied, her eyes still trained onto the Captain's:

"Is it?" She was probably making a fool of herself right now because she could feel the heat under her skin. She made a small pause before carrying on. "I suppose I'm not used to dancing." She was giving the Captain the slightest of smiles, but when the Baroness interrupted. She was thumped in the stomach, violently brought back to reality: this party was supposed to pave the way for the announcement of their engagement. Her mind was all muddled and everything she wanted right now was to disappear.

She heard herself saying a few words about the surprise they had been preparing for two weeks and then she hastily encouraged the children to go. After the farewell the children had made to the guests, Max approached her offer his congratulations and to invite her to join them for dinner. She wasn't exactly confident as the Captain had gestured his approval with a small movement of his hand, without really paying her any attention.

She was starting to feel even more confused. Had he felt it too, when they were dancing together? Had he felt like they were about to fly? Had he felt their breath synchronizing and their hearts beating as one? Maybe she had been imagining things again, and maybe he was only being the gentleman he had always been or he had invited her to dance because they were friends. Unsure if she should accept Max's proposition or not, she'd tried to make eye contact but he was already gone. Instead of wasting time waiting for him to beg her to stay, she made her way to her bedroom to find something more elegant and suitable to put on.

Oh, how painful it was for her to think about what happened next. The Baroness' words were still echoing inside her head.

"When the Captain couldn't take his eyes off you."

"You are quite attractive you know, the Captain would hardly be a man if he hadn't noticed you."

"He thinks he is in love with you."

"Don't take it too hard: he'll get over it soon enough."

"That's what men do."

And then she was again, emotionlessly lying onto her bed at the Abbey, replaying the scene in her head for the hundredth time. She had been a fool. The Baroness was right. The Captain would have forgotten her in the next few days; she was only being a distraction to him, she was only being a young innocent woman he hoped he could play with. However, it wasn't making any sense. She could swear he was feeling something for her, something true and sincere, she could feel she was loved as she had never truly been before. And she felt guilty. Guilty for leaving him alone when she was under the impression he needed her, guilty for giving up on him, guilty for fleeing like a coward, guilty for abandoning the children she loved so much. There was something wrong with her, something she couldn't put a word on.

At least she thought she couldn't put a word on, but deep inside, she knew what it was.

Love.

Author's Note: Welcome to my first Sound Of Music fanfiction! This is quite simple, basic and maybe a little bit clumsy, but there's more to come and reviews are very much appreciated, they give me motivation.

I won't be able to upload for at least three weeks unfortunately as I'm going on vacations without Wi-Fi, so this is a foretaste. As I said previously, I'd be delighted to find out that some of you left reviews when I'm back.

Anyway, I hope you like it as it is. I'll do my best to upload as soon as I can!