Leonard's Decision!

Leonard has been doing some contemplating on life and decides to take the bull by the horns and have a conversation with Penny about their current and future life together.

Disclaimer 1: I rarely, if ever, write cannon. I write how the story takes me.

Disclaimer 2: I don't own TBBT or any of their characters. To clarify, I OWN NOTHING.

Chapter 1: The Talk

Leonard had been doing a lot of serious thinking lately. Most of it revolved around his relationship with Penny. He loved Penny unconditionally. He would do anything for her. His heart soared whenever she smiled. She was his fantasy girl. The one he thought he would never have. But still, there was something about their relationship that just seemed off. He loved spending time with her. Of course, he loved making love to her. He thought their sex life was very good from the amount of screaming Penny always did. But there were a couple of things that were bothering him and he was afraid to have a conversation with her about them because he didn't want to lose her. The problem was he knew he wanted more out of their relationship. He wanted to move forward. They had been a couple for a number of years now but nothing had been discussed about their future. Just as his professional life was moving forward, he also wanted his personal life to move forward. He saw himself with Penny for the rest of his life. He wanted kids with her, the house with the white picket fence and everything else that went along with that. Penny did not seem to want to commit to any of that. She never wanted to talk about it either. Leonard had matured more in his personal life and while still a little insecure about a lot of things; he no longer let that insecurities stop him from what needed to be done. He knew that this was a conversation they needed to have and now was as good time as any to get it done. He also knew it would probably end his relationship with Penny but he still didn't back away from it. He would either be starting a new chapter in his life with Penny or alone. Either way, he would know today. One way or another, he would begin to move his personal life forward. He would either be an engaged man preparing for marriage of as a single man looking for someone to share his life with but what he would not be is a single man in a relationship that is leading to nowhere. Being the organized person that he was, Leonard had already prepared plans for both possibilities. Which plan he would execute depended on the outcome of his conversation with Penny.

Leonard used his key to Penny's apartment, probably for the last time, and let himself in.

"Penny? Are you home?"

"Hey Leonard" she yelled back. "I'm in the bedroom."

"Could you come out here please, I would like to talk to you."

Penny came around the corner from her bedroom and saw Leonard sitting on the couch with a serious look on his face. She already didn't like this. She sat down on the other end of the couch facing Leonard.

"What did you want to talk about?" Penny asked.

"I wanted to get the clearest possible understanding of our relationship and our future." Leonard replied.

"Ok, how are you going to do that?" Penny asked nervously.

"I want to ask you three questions and depending on your answers, or sometimes in your case, your non answers, it should reveal where we are going in our relationship." Leonard explained.

"I thought our relationship was good right now. What has happened to make you think there is something wrong with our relationship?"

"Nothing has happened, so to speak. But your statement in itself kind of reveals a little of the stagnate place our relationship is in."

"What do you mean?" Penny asked a little confused.

"Well, let me ask you these questions and then I will explain."

"Ok, ask your questions." Penny replied a little hesitantly.

"Do you see yourself married to me in the future?" Leonard asked.

Penny was speechless. She wasn't expecting that question. She didn't know how to answer it.

"Let me help you with your answer." Leonard stated. "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you if at any time in your future, do you see yourself married to me?"

Penny could be honest and say no. She really liked Leonard and thought they made a cute couple but she had never really thought about marrying him.

"I don't know Leonard, this is just out of the blue and I don't know what you want from me?"

"Very well, my next question is; do you see yourself ever having any kids with me? And again, I'm not asking you to get pregnant any time in the foreseeable future. I'm merely requesting if in any of your future plans, have you thought about the two of us having children together?"

"Leonard, why are you doing this? I don't know what to say. I don't think I have thought about kids at all."

"Ok Penny, last question! Do you love me?"

Penny started stumbling over her words. "I don't know Leonard. This is so sudden. I really like you and I think we are good together. I can't just give you an answer to that out of the blue."

"Ok Penny, I told you I would explain after I asked three questions which I have done. This is what I have ascertained from your answers. My first question was do you see us married in future. You did not answer that question. The thing is Penny; we have been in a relationship for over 2 years. I don't think it's illogical to think that any couple in a relationship that long has not thought about marriage, even if the thought is I don't want to get married. You said my question was out of the blue. I disagree. I think most couples are together to see if they are compatible to start building a life together. After 2 years, you seriously want me to believe that you have not thought about marriage to me one way or another? My opinion of your answer is that it is a dodge so you wouldn't have to tell me that what your thoughts were. That being said, the only logical conclusion one could come to is that you don't see yourself married to me in the future.

Penny gasped, as tears started rolling down her face. How had he known?

"The next question I asked you was do you see yourself having children with me in the future. Again, you did not answer this question. Well, in actuality, you did answer this question when you were not able to answer my first question. I know of couples who love one another deeply and get married and don't want to have kids. What I have never heard of is a couple that does not want to get married but want to have kids. You said you have not thought of kids at all. Again, I don't believe that for a second. Even Sheldon has thought about having kids and he and Amy have not even had sex. There is no way you can say to me you have not thought about having kids. What you can say, which I think you were to chicken to say to my face, is I have thought about having children but just not with you."

Again, Penny was amazed with his analysis of her. He was 2 for 2. In the process of dissecting their relationship and her, he was making her feel like the lowest person on the earth.

"Finally, and this should have been the easiest question of the three to answer. I simply asked if you loved me. After being with me for over two years, you couldn't tell me if you loved me or not. Well, let me rephrase that. You actually did answer that question. You said you really liked me. Basically, another dodge, since the question was do you love me, but still an answer. Penny, you know your feelings toward me. You might not want to say it to my face and I give you credit for that because I know you are not a cruel person and don't want to hurt my feelings. The problem is by not being honest; it keeps us both from moving on and finding that right person who could help make our dreams come true."

"Now Penny, let me answer the same questions I asked you. I absolutely love and adore you. I quite often dream of the day when you and I would be married living in our house with our smart and beautiful children. I have never had this dream about any other woman except you. I have never loved any other woman except you. I wanted it all Penny. I wanted to be a successful physicist, I wanted you to be a famous actress, I wanted us to live in a house with the white picket fence and of course I wanted to have smart and beautiful babies with you. You know Penny; I could do without everything else if I just had you. If you wanted to be married to me because you loved me, nothing else in this world would matter to me."

Because she was crying so hard, Penny was having trouble breathing. What had she done? Why couldn't she love Leonard? But she did love Leonard. So why couldn't she tell him? Why was she such a coward? Why was she letting the best thing that ever happened to her walk away from her? What the hell was the matter with her?

"I won't draw this out any further Penny. I don't think we should see each other anymore. I know in your circle, social convention plays a big part in your status among your friends so if you want to tell them you broke it off with me, I don't mind. I really could care less what people think of me. I'll leave your key here on your table, and Penny!"

She looked up at him as he had gotten up to leave.

"Please don't give up on your dream of becoming an actress. I know my opinion doesn't mean a lot but I think you are a beautiful and gifted actress."

After saying that, Leonard turned and walked out of her apartment. She was crying really hard and really loud now. Leonard could hear her through the door and finally he let the tears he had been holding back slide down his face. He had just ripped his own heart out but it had to be done. He could not stay in a relationship with no future even if it was with the love of his life. Leonard was not up to facing anyone so he decided to go up on the roof and spend a quiet afternoon contemplating his future.

Penny was beside herself. Why did it hurt like this? She had been through many break ups before. Why was her heart hurting so badly? Why did it seem like she had a hole inside of her? Why couldn't she stop crying? Leonard was not some great catch. He was a short, bespectacled nerd. Why was she devastated by him leaving her? Because he was a wonderful, loving, handsome physicist who just happened to be in love with her and wanted to give her everything that all women wanted from their men. The only difference between Leonard and all the other men was that Leonard actually meant it and would spend his life doing everything in his power to make her happy. She was an idiot. A picture came to Penny's mind and she smiled while the tears kept rolling down her face. It was a picture of a little girl with blonde hair like her mother brown eyes like her father. She actually could see having babies with Leonard and the thought made her heart soar. She could see herself standing on their back porch with her hand on her pregnant stomach smiling as she watched Leonard chase their squealing daughter around their backyard. She could see herself look down at the hand on her stomach and see her engagement and wedding bands on her hand. She could see all this and noticed there was no panic in her. There was no fear. But there was a calm and serene feeling of contentment. She could not believe that it took Leonard ending their relationship for her to see she wanted the same things that he wanted. Three simple questions he had asked her and he was right. They were questions she should have been able to answer without even thinking about it. They were questions that she could now answer without giving them a second thought. Do you see yourself married to me in the future? YES! Do you see yourself having babies with me in the future? YES! YES! Do you love me? YES! YES! YES! She had to find Leonard.