BUCK-A-SUCK

Somewhere between Angel of Oops 1 & 2

THIS is how I'm ending Nalu Week - with a fantastically long one-shot that I hope you'll never forget! This is lovingly dedicated to Quite-A-Riot, who instigated the challenge to write 3 one-shots per day for the entire week! Thank you for getting my creative juices going - I have had a BLAST putting together these one-shots!

I was going to put this under the heading of Nalu Week Random Prompts, but since the story is 8500 words long, it deserves it's own title! VIVE LE NALU WEEK!

Please note I have Quite-A-Riot's permission to use Moon Drip in this story. ENJOY!

Buck-A Suck

He sat alone on a stool, his back turned to the lively nature of the bar.

"What'll you have?" the bartender asked.

"Something that will make me forget," Natsu said, "Something that will ease the pain of what I'm about to go through when they find me."

"Rough night?" the bartender asked.

"Not yet," Natsu replied, "But it will be when they find me...I'm getting married next week."

The bartender cocked an eyebrow, chuckling to himself. He reached up to the bar, sliding the mirror back to reveal a hidden compartment. A bottle of glowing mixture sat there. The bartender extracted the bottle, then slid a shining beverage to him, "This is called Moon Drip. Trust me. You won't remember a thing."

Natsu glanced down at the beverage wistfully, watching the bartender grin at him at he spoke in low tones to his colleague. She grinned at Natsu too, then two of the carried on about their business.

He sipped his Moon Drip quietly as he contemplated his life, vaguely thinking to himself that the substance he was drinking was remarkably...good. Now lost in his thoughts, he poured the drink down his throat, revelling in it and his dilemma. How did it get to this point? And more importantly, how would he get himself out of this one?

He'd escaped…just barely. He had been alone at his apartment, snoozing on the couch with his favourite movie playing on Netflix. He was damned comfortable and really didn't want to move.

He should have opened his eyes when Happy meowed and Plue barked. He should have realized something was off when the door clicked open, being that he knew full well that Lucy wouldn't be home for the weekend. But they got the drop on him. The next thing he knew, he was being bound and gagged and yanked toward the door.

Some police officers they were…

Natsu had slammed his foot down hard on the toes of two of his captors and taken off running. People looked at him funny, having his hands bound behind his back and his mouth taped shut with duct tape, but nobody offered to help him as he ran full speed down the street, finally ducking into this bar. Thankfully, the barmaid there was nice enough to help rid him of his restraints. He was safe…for now.

…or not.

"He's over there!" he heard a voice shout above the din of the bar.

So much for being safe.

Natsu cringed, wondering if he could bolt through the door before the group of men could get to him.

No such luck. Droy blocked the entire exit as the men surrounded him.

"There's nowhere to run, Natsu," a dark-haired man told him, "Just come with us peacefully…make it easy on all of us, wouldja?"

"I don't even know who the hell you are!?" he told the dark-haired man.

"Seriously, Natsu? You don't remember your best buddy? Your old pal? Best friend ever?" the dark-haired man gawked.

Natsu shook his head, glancing around the other faces – all of which he did recognize. It was only the dark-haired person that was a stranger.

"OH WAIT!" he exclaimed as a memory flashed through his mind, "Are you that guy from the hardware store?"

He shook his finger at Gajeel.

"Am I that desperate for friends that you'd invite the hardware guy? Okay…what was your name…it was Raven, right?"

The dark-haired man grunted his displeasure, making the other men laugh.

"You're way off, man!" Dark-haired guy told him, indicating to the bartender that Natsu's drink was almost empty.

"Onward to business!" Sting yelled, "Natsu Dragneel! This is your last week as a single man!"

"Technically I haven't been single for 3 months," Natsu lamented, thinking of his blonde-haired bombshell that was out with her girls somewhere, getting pampered at a spa. It had taken all of her friends to convince him that he couldn't go with them, despite his promises that he'd be a 'good girl' and do all the treatments…as long as he could stay with his Lucy. Alas, the women had insisted that Natsu could never make a successful girl and Lucy left with them. That was 2 days ago.

"Come peacefully!" the dark-haired man ordered, "Because this party is happening!"

Natsu looked down at his replenished Moon Drip. He could still feel it burning its way down his esophagus. It wasn't quite to his head yet, but it would have to do. He never understood the pull of bachelor parties. He got the concept – men getting together acting like idiots to see who could get the drunkest and help the marrying man bid goodbye to his single life. The problem was…he didn't know what was wrong with getting rid of the single life. He loved Lucy. He would give up 1,000 lives if it meant he could be with her.

He swigged back the rest of the glass, slamming it down to the counter in fit of righteousness – he would stand up to these men…for all men about to get married everywhere!

"HELL NO!" he yelled, hopping off the bar stool, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! FIGHT ME! ALL OF YOU!"

Sting gave him a lopsided grin, "You asked for it, Salamander. Boys – get the cuffs!"

About 10 men jumped on Natsu all at once, but Natsu swung wildly. There was no way they were taking him willingly. He managed an uppercut to Droy's jaw, sending him reeling backwards. One down. He kicked out, landing the blow right in the centre of Rogue's stomach. That's two. He whirled around, throwing his fists out wildly as the remaining men pounced on him, wrestling him to the floor.

"I won't go! I won't!" Natsu was screaming.

Finally, the men backed away in a tight circle, admiring their work. Natsu could not escape now…he had a 20-pound ball and chain shackled to his left ankle…and another one on the right. On his wrist, he was handcuffed…to a blow-up doll with blonde hair and really ugly make-up. Her cheeks were bright red and her mouth was wide open. She wore nothing but a bikini...a very ugly bikini.

"Tonight is going to be awesome!" the dark-haired man exclaimed. He paid the bartender a very handsome amount of money, confiscating the bottle of Moon Drip. Waving it to Gajeel, the officer began to read him his rites.

"Natsu Dragneel, you are charged with falling in love with a beautiful blonde," Gajeel told him, "Your sentence is to submit to your officer peers and get disgustingly drunk. You will be chained to Ms. Bunny Girl for the entire evening and you will treat her with the utmost respect. If you pop her, you will suffer severe consequences. We see you have a Moon Drip in hand. You are hereby ordered to drink only Moon Drip for the remainder of the evening. Anything you say (or do) can and will be used against you for the remainder of your life and possibly into your next 12 lives. However, everything that happens tonight is hereby ordered to remain completely top secret from said blonde female. Prepare yourself…this is going to be the BEST bachelor party ever!"

Natsu could feel his body being lifted so that he stood upright. For only being 20 lbs each, the iron balls at his feet were remarkably heavy. He glared at Gajeel, certain he was responsible for them. The men had donned an ugly gray dress that reached to his knees, covered in Lifesavers.

"They're calling," he heard someone say. Natsu glanced around, wondering what they were talking about.

Natsu cell phone rang. He continued to glare at the officers, all grinning stupidly at him. He made a mental note of who he would need to kill when this ordeal was over: Sting, Rogue, Gajeel, Jet, Droy, Nab, Gildarts, Vijeeter, Macao, Wakaba…and dark-haired guy (who in the hell was he anyway?) Oh yes…they were going to rue this day…all of them.

He checked the call display, his eyes lighting up as he realized it was Lucy, calling him from her Girls' Weekend in Crocus.

"You have 5 minutes to talk to your love," Dark-haired guy told him, "And then we're cutting you off from her for the rest of the night."

Natsu glared at him, pressing the 'Answer Call' button.

"Hi baby!" she whispered, "I just wanted to check in and tell you I love you…no matter what."

"Luce, are you okay?" he asked, alarmed.

"I'm actually in a lot of trouble," she whispered, "but don't worry…I'm safe."

"That makes no sense!" Natsu pleaded, "Please! Tell me what's going on? Why are you whispering?"

"I'm being stalked," she told him hurriedly, "Oh my Mavis…they found me! I've got to go! I love you!"

The line went dead, Natsu panicking as he tried to hit redial.

Wakaba grabbed the cell phone right out of his hand, "I'll take that for the night!"

"Relax, Dragneel!" Jet beamed, "The girls did take Lucy to Crocus to the spa for a couple days...but tonight, they're back in Magnolia and Lucy will be treated to a wild night of debauchery as well. It's your Right of Passage...embrace it."

Natsu's mouth dropped open.

"Don't look at us like that!" the dark-haired man exclaimed, "She'll be fine, but there will be no more contact between the two of you."

"WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?" Natsu yelled at him.

Dark-haired man just laughed.

Wakaba stuck the phone in a plastic bag, "I'll just take this out to the trunk of my car now."

"First order of business!" Gajeel announced, drawing Natsu's attention back to him, "Your girlfriend's name is Bunny! You will respect her and treat her like you would Lucy. She will go everywhere you go… and tonight (or tomorrow...depending on how you look at it) when you go to bed, she goes with you!"

Natsu cringed, looking at the ugly blonde on his arm.

"Second rule!" Sting cut in, motioning the bartender over, "Every time you say Lucy's name, you have to drink 3 shots in a row!"

Natsu's eyes widened. He could hold his alcohol, but even he had to admit, every 2nd word out of his mouth was Lucy.

"Third rule!" Macao bellowed from the back of the crowd, "Every time one of us says 'marry', you have to take an article of clothing off! When you run out of clothing, we start putting on makeup."

The men howled. Natsu wasn't wearing much to begin with. He only had on a t-shirt and shorts (with some boxers underneath) and the shirt they'd forced him to wear.

Natsu was starting to panic now.

"Fourth rule!" dark-haired guy injected through the laughter, "Your shirt says, 'Buck-A-Suck'. You will give any money you make to me for safe-keeping."

The men started hollering their approval, making the already loud bar even louder.

"Fifth rule!" Vijeeter yelled in his ear, "Any proceeds you make during the evening will go toward your honeymoon!"

"Proceeds?" Natsu exclaimed, "What proceeds? How many Lifesavers ARE there?"

"Five dozen!" Sting stated, the grin on his face threatening to split it in half.

"What the fuck?" Natsu yelled, "What else do you have planned?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," Gildarts told him, slapping him on the back.

The men whooped, drowning out his protests. Natsu sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he would placate his friends by being a good sport.

"Last rule!" Sting shouted, "HAVE FUN! You're not getting out of this, so go with the flow! Rogue and Jet are our designated drivers! What happens on this night, stays on this night!"

The men cheered, gathering around Natsu and slapping him on the back. The rest of the bar was watching the rowdiness, laughing at Natsu's ugly gray dress that was beautifully decorated with Lifesavers. Each of the men had written obscene comments in various places around the dress in permanent marker. Natsu could only read the comment on his left pectoral pocket, 'Buck-A-Suck! Suck but don't touch."

"May I?" Rogue asked the bartender. The bartender nodded, and Rogue jumped up onto the bar.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" he announced loudly, bringing the bar to a halt, "We are all representatives from the Magnolia Police Department! Behold – NATSU DRAGEEL IS GETTING MARRIED! Please feel free to approach him with well wishes, advice, and donations to his honeymoon – cops get paid shit!"

The entire bar erupted into loud cheers as Sting and Gildarts pushed Natsu up onto the bar too, helping him bring the heavy weights on his ankles to the bartop.

"Also, while I'm up here," Rogue continued as Sting and Gildarts encouraged Natsu to turn in a circle so his back faced the crowd, "Ladies – please note the shirt! It's A-Buck-A-Suck! NO TOUCHING! JUST SUCKING! Lineup starts now!"

Commotion echoed throughout the bar as Rogue jumped off the bartop, then turned to help Natsu down. Ladies were lining up already, making Natsu's eyes grow wide.

"That'll be $1 minimum donation please!" Vijeeter called out, accepting money from the waiting ladies. The black-haired man also collected money, both of them releasing women to pick their Lifesavers. A lot of them gave more than the required dollar, anxious to be allowed to suck the Lifesaver off Natsu's body. The women lined up, waiting for their turn so they could give him their advice…Natsu wasn't sure what made him more nervous.

Natsu turned bright red as one brunette chose the lifesaver closest to his belly button.

"I'm going to suck very slowly," she purred, "And my advice? Never go to bed angry."

Another red-headed woman sauntered up, taking a Lifesaver with her teeth off his shoulder, "Make sure you pay attention to her every single time. A woman needs to be loved wholly and completely. And the more you love her, the more she'll pay attention to where you need love."

Natsu closed his eyes, wishing…no begging the moment to be over. There were 5 dozen Lifesavers attached to his shirt. He would be standing there forever.

"Do the dishes once in awhile," a blonde told him, sucking a Lifesaver off his stomach, "And throw your damned underwear in the laundry basket."

"A little flower power goes a long way."

Lifesaver off the small of his back.

"Provide the tools…but let her decide what to do with them."

Lifesaver off the skirt of his dress.

"Tell her you're the candyman…and she should try your lollipop."

Lifesaver off the buttocks.

He could hear his friends killing themselves laughing at the shades of Natsu's face - because it wasn't the same from one second to the next. He had his eyes shut tight.

"Chocolate melts in your mouth…and lots of other places too."

Lifesaver off the shoulder.

Natsu was breathing hard, sweat pouring down his brow.

"If she wants the Skittles…let her taste the rainbow."

Lifesaver off his chest.

"This is good advice for me and Lucy…good advice for me and -" he chanted under his breath.

"LUCYYYYYYY!" Gildarts yelled, making the crowd go wild, "BARTENDER – YOU HEARD THE MAN!"

The bartender poured 3 shots of Moon Drip on the counter for Natsu as the ladies backed off to watch him down the shots. Natsu gulped, then grabbed the first shot.

"NATSU NATSU NATSU!" the crowd was chanting.

Natsu held his first shot of Moon Drip up to the crowd, then downed it, quickly chasing it with the 2nd shot. His eyes were burning, tears threatening to spill…that shit was powerful!

He glanced at the 3rd shot, unclear if he really wanted to down it now, but the crowd was yelling its encouragement.

"TO MY FUTURE WIFE!" he yelled.

"TO HIS FUTURE WIFE!" the crowd yelled back.

Natsu tossed the drink back, slamming down the tumbler with a satisfying clank.

"Okay! You're warmed up!" Gildarts told him, "And your Lifesavers will disappear throughout the night, I'm sure! Go dance with Bunny!"

"I'm not that drunk!" Natsu shouted.

"Fine!" Sting interjected, "Then I think it's time for the Scavenger hunt!"

"Scavenger hunt?" Natsu asked, worry crossing his face.

Dark-haired man held up a list, "You have 15 minutes! Get as many items as you can. If you gather half the list, you can choose to ditch the shirt. If you gather them all, you can ditch Bunny. If you fail to achieve one of the two goals…there will be punishment. And GO!"

Natsu stared at him for a moment. Who in the hell was this guy?

"What punishment?!" Natsu demanded, cringing as the men burst into laughter again, pointing at the watches on their wrists.

Natsu's shots were getting to him now. He grabbed the list from Dark-haired man, scanning the items.

· Woman's bra

· 5 sets of earrings

· A tube of red lipstick

· A tube of pink lipstick

· High heel shoes – red if possible

· A tampon

· A compact mirror

· 5 pens

· 5 business cards

· A Barrett

Natsu glanced at the women still waiting for the Buck-A-Suck.

"Ladies!" he announced, grinning his best grin for them, "I could use some help please."

The ladies cheered for him as he trudged back into the middle of them.

"I need a tube of red lipstick!" he announced.

One of the women was quick to hand it to him.

"Can't get everything from one group!" Droy called, "That's cheating!"

Natsu sighed, noting his colleagues were entirely too into this. Revenge would be a bitch. And he would get revenge…on every…last…one of them.

Lifting his eyes, he scanned the room, planning how he was going get through this.

The beat of the music changed and half the crowd flooded back to the dance floor. Natsu's eyes lit up as he crossed the floor, balls in tow and blow-up girlfriend in arm. He whispered to the DJ, his relief when the DJ agreed to his request apparent as he backed out to the dance floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the DJ announced, "Our bachelor, Natsu Dragneel, asks that you all help him with his task. He's going to dance and call out what he needs – please help him if you can, but you can only help once! Thank you!"

Natsu began to move to the music…not an easy feat considering the balls on his feet and the doll handcuffed his arm. She kept getting in the way. The crowd was gathering around, cheering him on. He knew he had to put on a show, so he grabbed Bunny's arm and spun her away from him. If he couldn't ditch her, he'd use her to his advantage.

"Pink lipstick!" he yelled.

The next moment, he found himself being pelted with tubes of lipstick. He picked up one, tossing it to Vijeeter, then glared at the DJ as he changed the song to something slower…a lot slower. Sure enough, Jet was standing behind the DJ with a cocky grin on his face.

Natsu embraced Bunny, the alcohol now definitely getting to his head. It made it a lot easier to ask for things…that was for sure. He kissed her on the lips – hard, then slow-danced with her, making sure it appeared to the crowd that he was grinding his pelvis against hers. The crowd screamed their encouragement...he had them right where he wanted them.

"I NEED A BRA!"

Natsu's – and every officer in the bar – eyes bulged from their heads as a couple dozen bras were tossed at his feet. Going red, Natsu picked up a white one and tossed it to Vijeeter, then dipped Bunny for show factor. The crowd was yelling their encouragement as Natsu danced Bunny over to the edge of the crowd, pausing long enough to select a pretty girl with green hair.

"May I have your earrings?" he asked seductively.

The woman practically tore them out of her ears to give them to him. Other women in the immediate vicinity followed suit.

"I am so jealous right now," Droy muttered to Jet and Gildarts. Jet sighed in agreement…Gildarts just grinned.

Natsu made his way around the dance floor, successfully collecting as many items as he could.

"TIME'S UP!" Gildarts yelled.

The music turned off, everyone gathering around to see if Natsu had achieved his goal. Natsu twiddled his thumbs nervously as Macao and Wakaba tallied his scavenge.

"Natsu Dragneel – you have managed to acquire the 2 different colours of lipstick, the bra, the pens, and the hair pin. You did NOT manage to retrieve a tampon, a pair of high heel shoes, the earrings, the pens, the business cards (only 3 collected) or the compact mirror! You have therefore FAILED this challenge!"

"Wait – I got the earrings!" Natsu argued, "That's half the list!"

Nab shook his head, showing Natsu the earrings, "There's four and a half pairs…but you're missing one earring!"

Natsu's mouth dropped open in horror as the entire bar burst out in a combination of laughter and chanting.

"We will meet you in the middle," Dark-haired man told him, a twinkle in his eyes, "You can ditch the shirt for the next event…but you're still getting punished."

Natsu shook his head, his eyes wide, "What punishment? What in the hell are you going to do to me? And who the hell are you?"

"We're going to tie you to a lamp post outside and you have to beg the passersby for money. You have to make $30 – and you're not allowed to accept any bills. Coins only," Wakaba explained.

"Mavis," Natsu whispered.

"You're gonna marry Lucy!" Macao called out, grinning.

Sting took Natsu's Lifesaver shirt off.

"SHUT UP!" Natsu yelled, "Shit…Lucy is going to kill me. Lucy is going to FREAK when she finds out about this!"

"LUCYYYYYY!" Gajeel bellowed, motioning to the bartender.

Natsu took all six shots. He was going to need to be good and drunk if he was going to be publicly humiliated into getting 'bailed' out from the light pole.

"Marry!" Gildarts chuckled.

Natsu's T-shirt came off too.

"Marry!" someone else called out.

"Marry!" another yelled.

"C'mon guys…lemme keep my shorts," Natsu begged.

"Oh, hell no!" Nab laughed.

"Marry!" Jet called out, "And you know the rules! When you run outta clothes, we get to start putting make-up on!"

Off came the shorts…and out came the tubes of lipstick Natsu himself had gathered. Laughing their heads off, the cops treated Natsu to a makeover, using the pink lipstick as eyeliner and blush, and the red lipstick for his lips.

"You can keep your underwear," Dark-haired guy told him, slapping away Gildarts hand as he tried to take them from Natsu, "We're not trying to humiliate you. We're just having fun. UNDERWEAR STAYS ON, PEOPLE!"

The ladies groaned their disappointment.

Natsu hung his head in defeat as he was lead outside. Luckily, the alcohol was seriously affecting him now and he was stumbling a bit. Chances were, he wouldn't remember much of this in the morning at this rate.

"We'll be back for you!" Sting promised, "We have to go catch up on our alcohol! It's unfair you're the only drunk person here!"

Rogue finished tying Natsu to the lamp post, everyone laughing as they disappeared down the street.

Half an hour later, the men came back, happily as drunk as Natsu had been when they tied him there. Natsu was bound (in nothing but his boxers) with handcuffs, his 'girlfriend' bound as well. Someone had stuck a banana in her wide-open mouth. A sign hung at the bottom of his feet, reading "I'm getting married – alms for the honeymoon – coins only please. I need to make $30.00."

The alcohol had definitely gone to his head. He was singing at the top of his lungs. It was supposed to be "Going To the Chapel", but Natsu was so drunk, he wasn't getting any of the words right.

GOOooooing to the Chapel

Gonnnnna Marry Luuuuuusssshhhhiii

"We should probably limit his alcohol intake for awhile," Sting suggested, "We don't want him to get alcohol poisoning."

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOING to the Chapel

Of LUCEEEEE LOOOOOOOVEEE

"Ha ha!" Droy pulled out his cell and took a picture, "He's so wrecked!"

"Holy shit!" Wakaba laughed, taking a long puff off his cigarette, glancing at the money in the ice cream bucket they'd given Natsu to use for his 'alms', "There's way more than $30.00 here! Like infinitely more!"

"Let's get him down, then!" Rogue suggested, "We have another stop to make…"

Dark-haired man handed him a bottle of water.

Natsu grinned, his eyes practically rolling around in his head, "Sounfs food ta be. Hey, Dark-haired perthon...you da karaaaaaoke guy?"

Dark-haired guy laughed, smacking him on the back, "Keep guessing, Flame-Brain."

They had blindfolded him, but he was pretty sure it was a bar based on the stench of alcohol and body sweat and the riotous noise around him even before they entered the stiflingly hot environment.

He was lead to a chair and seated in it. Someone handed him another shot - Moon Drip this time - which he gratefully tossed back since he was sobering slightly. He had a feeling he would need to be drunk again…very quickly.

As if on cue, Dark-haired man removed his blindfold, grinning ear-to-ear as Natsu blinked, getting his first glance at his surroundings.

"A strip bar?" he exclaimed, going beat red, "Lucy is going to kill me!"

"LUCCCYYYYY!" Gildarts exclaimed.

Immediately, 3 shots were placed in front of him. Natsu looked down, realizing he was wearing the Buck-A-Suck dress again. Bunny was seated at his side, mouth wide open as always...the banana was gone.

"What?" Droy demanded when he caught Natsu staring, "I got hungry!"

"I thought we were done with that part of the night!" he exclaimed, glancing from face-to-exuberant-face of his so-called friends, gesturing to his dress and ankle weights.

"You had your reprieve!" Rogue bellowed over the music, "At all other times, Buck-A-Suck and Bunny and balls are legit!"

Natsu groaned as the lights dimmed, all the men taking their seats to watch the oncoming show.

Three women sauntered onto the stage, wearing pretty much nothing. They began their show and Natsu did everything he could to look anywhere but at the stage.

Dark-haired man was reading a list and Gajeel was busy making sure everyone had a drink for the toast they'd do in a moment, but everyone else was glued to the stage as the poles descended onto the stage.

"BACHELOR PARTY!" Jet yelled to the stage, pointing at Natsu.

Natsu turned bright red, admiring the red nail polish someone had painted his toes with at some point earlier in the night.

"Bachelor party!" one of the girls on stage exclaimed. The three girls sauntered down to the floor, running their hands over Natsu's abs and forearms before pulling him to his feet, shocked when they realized he was chained to two balls of iron. Grinning, they dragged him up anyway.

"Well, HELLO there, Bachelor!" one of the girls said, as someone brought a chair up onto the stage for Natsu to sit in. The girls surrounded him, several more coming out from the back as they handed Dark-haired man a twenty-dollar bill and proceeded to take Lifesavers off his dress.

"My name," a voluptuous young brunette announced into the microphone, "is Risley…and here at Heel's, we take Bachelor Parties very seriously."

She slinked down beside him, gazing up at his more than embarrassed expression.

"What your lady's name?" she asked into the microphone, staring directly into Natsu's eyes.

"I can't tell you that," Natsu said with a straight face as she moved on to his lap.

"Well, why not?" Risley asked.

"If I say her name, then I have to drink more Moon Drip," Natsu told her.

Risley stood up, waving her hand to the bartender, "Bring a damned pitcher, Bartender - on the house! We're gonna make this canary sing!"

The crowd went wild as another chair was brought for her to sit on the stage beside Natsu.

"Her name!" Risley demanded, already pouring out shots of the Moon Drip.

Natsu caught the gleam in the corner of Risley's eye. She wasn't going to try to humiliate him...she was just going to entertain the crowd. She had kind eyes, making Natsu believe he could play along with her and he wouldn't have to do something he'd regret in the morning.

"Lucy!" Natsu drawled, grabbing the first shot of Moon Drip on his own accord. He drained it back, making eye contact with Risley again to show he would appreciate being let off the hook if he cooperates with her conversation.

"Lucy!" Risley repeated to the crowd, "And how long have you been with Lucy?"

"2 1/2 months!" Natsu announced proudly, his face beaming with the love he felt for his Lucy.

"Only 2 1/2 months?" Risley asked, almost forgetting about the crowd watching them, "Isn't that a little fast?"

Natsu shook his head vigorously, "Not when you know without a doubt that your souls are connected. It's like she literally completes me...makes my life worth living. Every aspect of my life revolves around her."

"You love her," Risley stated, her face changing to that of envy, "I can see that by looking at you..."

Natsu nodded, "I would die for her."

Risley snapped out of her reverie after a moment, "Okay, Natsu! Normally, we at Heel's have a very special show for bachelors, including a lap dance and maybe even a shower."

The girls lined up behind Natsu shouted out their enthusiasm. Natsu couldn't see his friends in the crowd due to the spotlight in his eyes, but a lot of them were screaming out their support as Risley came forward, revealing a red Jiffy marker.

"You love your girl," Risley yelled to the crowd, "And I can tell you're kind of...vanilla...so we're not going to do that to you today."

Natsu glanced at her, his eyes widening.

"Instead!" Risley called out as each lady beside her also adorned markers of various colours, "We're just all gonna sign your ass!"

The crowd went wild, freaking out with voicing their approval while Natsu was relieved of his blow up doll and pushed over the chair. They made a production of lowering his shorts down over his ass, making sure it only went down over his ass.

Risley went first, signing her name with a message of, "You've got a keeper, Lucy! Hope you're very happy together!"

Natsu was pretty sure he was going to die of embarrassment, but thanked Mavis that Risley had been so lenient on him. He'd heard of another bachelor party recently where it definitely an area other than the ass that was signed...and danced on...and the bachelor ended up single within the week.

He weathered the production well as each stripper took her turn signing his ass one by one, each making sure to leave respectful well wishes to Lucy as well. Finally, they pulled Natsu to his feet, turning him so that his ass faced the crowd. The cheers of the crowd threatened to break any and all windows in the establishment.

Natsu pulled his shorts up, sticking out his arm for Bunny to be re-handcuffed to him. The girls exited the stage amidst the last gales of laughter and cheering.

"I am so jealous right now," Droy said to Jet, who nodded as Natsu left the stage.

"We're done here!" Dark-haired man announced.

Who in the hell WAS he?

"But you're gonna like the next stop," Sting promised.

Natsu was still beat red. He closed his eyes, thinking of his blonde-haired beauty...also currently wandering the streets of Magnolia. He said a silent prayer for her, hoping that she was faring better than he was.

"We can take these off now too," Sting said, bending down to unlock the hinges on his ankle cuffs.

Natsu sighed happily, stretching out his legs.

"And Bunny can go," Gajeel added, reaching for the blow-up doll, "At least while you're eating."

"Nah," Natsu slurred, turning the doll away from Gajeel, "Sheee can stsay fer awhile."

His shots at the strip bar had gone to his head again.

Gildarts chuckled, snapping another picture for the scrapbook that would be kept at the station, safe from Lucy's eyes…but definitely available to anyone within the Police Department family who really wanted to have a good look while at the station.

The suite the police had rented was far beyond Natsu's expectations. It was a top floor of a hotel with 8 bedrooms and multiple pullout couches in the living room. It had a full kitchen with an island, two hot tubs outside on the deck, and at least 4 bathrooms. Room service had already been up, delivering hot food in the form of chicken wings, ribs, fries, onion rings, and a heaping plate of nachos. Sting moved them to the living room table while Natsu explored the place.

"It's nicer than my house!" Natsu exclaimed as he claimed the master bedroom for himself. Nobody argued with that. They'd hazed him pretty good tonight. He would need a good sleep…eventually.

Dark-haired man was limiting his alcohol intake again in favour of bottled waters so he wouldn't get sick. He was thankful for that – he would want to remember this place so he could tell Lucy all about it.

Now if only he could figure out who the hell Dark-haired man was!

Everyone crowded into the living room, sitting on the plush couches. There were all sorts of platters on the table. Suddenly, Natsu realized how ravenously hungry he was.

"Did you have fun?" Nab asked Natsu, noting the makeup still smudged his face, despite the fact that Natsu had spent the first 10 minutes in the suite scrubbing himself.

"Oh, I had fun!" Natsu confirmed, shaking a finger at each face, "But you're all on my shit list. Revenge will be swift and unforgiving!"

"Yeah, okay," Dark-haired man lamented, "We'll all wait for you to deliver your shit-kicking."

Natsu studied him, looking him up and down as he shoveled food into his mouth, "I swear I know who you are…but I can't pinpoint it. Your name's Cloud, right?"

The Dark-haired man laughed, "Keep tryin'."

"Dip-shit?" Natsu asked.

"Fire-for-Brains," Dark-haired man shot back.

"Ice-dick!" Natsu jeered.

"Match-stick!"

"I finished counting the pole money," Wakaba told Sting, chuckling loudly as he took a drag off his cigarette. The Dark-haired man and Natsu continued to throw insults in the background.

"And?" Macao asked, "Did he make his $30?"

"Yeah," Wakaba laughed, "Times 5. There's $155. 45 in dimes, nickels and quarters!"

All the men burst out laughing.

"What about Buck-A-Suck?" Droy asked.

"That has yet to be tallied," Wakaba informed him, "But there's not a lot of Lifesavers left on the shirt. I'm thinking he's made another $100.00 or so, since almost everyone gave more than a buck."

"Everybody eat up!" Sting ordered, interrupting the miniature call-out, "Nobody should be ready for bed yet! Let's get some food in our stomachs, then see what other kinds of trouble we can get into!"

Natsu excused himself to go to the bathroom. He was mostly sober now and he determined he would not be drinking any more alcohol for the time being. Almost every scrap of food the men had ordered was gone. They were all planning to hit the hot tubs that were out on the deck, which suited Natsu fine. Maybe some of the marker on his ass would come off.

Even the bathroom was incredible. There was a deep corner-tub with jets and a glass shower for two with double shower heads. He made a mental note to figure out where they were when he left in the morning. This suite would be a great place to bring Lucy to at some point or another.

He thought about her again, finding slight amusement in the fact that she had run from her bachelorette party like he had run from his. But they'd taken her phone too, or so the men lead him to believe.

After he did his business, he went to wash his hands, pausing as he noticed a cell phone on the counter. Someone had been in the bathroom before him. He had no clue who it belonged to...but maybe he could figure out if Lucy was doing alright.

He made sure the door was locked before turning the cell on, happy to see the cell was unlocked and didn't require a password.

He scrolled through the contacts, grinning as he realized it must be Gildarts' cell phone, judging by the contact list where Bacchus's picture was dubbed with the capture, "Dumbass". Lucy's number wasn't in there...but maybe there was another way to see if he could tell how she was doing.

He opened the 'MagnoliaBook' app, scrolling down to Cana's profile and congratulated himself on his brilliance. The girls had been documenting their night with Lucy. It looked like she had been hazed pretty good too. She too had been shackled to a blow-up doll...a male one with whiskers and a giant dong hidden beneath a pair of too-small speedos. He was beginning to scroll through the pictures when he realized a new notification come up.

He scrolled to the top of the page, eyes widening at Cana's new post.

"The alcohol has been flowing freely! What's the best thing to do when you're piss-drunk and at a bachelorette party? Go skinny-dipping of course! I may and may not have announced the location to the entire bar...oops. There's about a hundred of us heading down the street now...this is going to be a night Lucy will never forget!"

There was banging on the door, breaking Natsu from his reading.

"What are you doing in there?" Macao demanded, "Natsu - did you pass out?"

"No! I'm good!" Natsu yelled in a panic, shutting off the phone quickly. He tried to remember the exact place he'd put it down, panicking as Macao tried the door.

"Natsu! Are you okay?" came Rogue's voice with more banging on the door.

Natsu panicked, realizing if anyone saw the cell phone on the counter, they'd know he'd looked at it. He shoved it into his pocket, then opened the door.

"Geez, I'm fine!" he emphasized, walking straight past the men at the door, "Just takin' a piss."

"Are you coming in the hot tub?" Wakaba asked.

Natsu shook his head, "I have a better idea! Let's go to the beach."

The men glanced at each other.

"The beach? We have two hot tubs out on the deck and you want to go to the beach?" Vijeeter asked.

"It's too hot to go in the hot tub," Natsu reasoned, "What I really need is a cool dip at the beach."

Gildarts exchanged glances with Sting, neither of them buying it. Everyone knew Natsu liked heat.

"Okay," Dark-haired guy said, "I'm in...anybody else?"

Natsu regarded him again, "You're the guy who DJ'd that party we had at Fairy Tail at Christmas, right?"

Dark-haired guy gave him a lop-sided smile, "Keep guessing."

Natsu sighed in frustration, then turned his attention back to the task at hand.

Slowly, everyone nodded their agreement that a cool swim would feel good.

Natsu grinned to himself, then went for his shoes.

Natsu quickly decided that this may be his favourite part of the night. They had ducked into at least two bars on the way to the beach, despite Natsu's protests. He was drunk again, having said Lucy's name at least twice. Walking downtown with the people he spent the most time with was fun. The group was lively, jumping on each others' back for piggyback rides, and just generally having fun.

Natsu strained his ears as they got closer to the beach, trying to determine what the noise was. It was the undeniable sound of people yelling. The cop in him wanted to know why.

"Let's go to that beach!" Natsu shouted out, pointing toward the harbour.

"Sounds busy," Sting commented, listening to the ever-increasing din as they came around the corner.

All 11 men halted, their mouths dropped open as they realized there were well over 100 people in the water...and judging by the clothes strewn all over the sand, the majority of them were women. Wakaba reached down, picking up a pink bra. He stuffed it in his pocket.

"Mavis," Macao whispered, "They're skinny-dipping!"

The women were laughing, squealing their excitement as they played in the water. Squinting his eyes, Natsu realized they were not all women. There were men in the water too, most of them standing completely still, taking in the scene much like the awe-struck police officers.

"This isn't legal...we would break this up normally," Sting dead-panned, "Somebody...go break it up..."

The men stood glued in their spots.

"Hell with that!" Gildarts yelled, going for his belt-buckle, "Most of you are married! It's going to be a long time before we have another night to get completely shit-faced and do stupid stuff! I say we join 'em!"

The men glanced at each other. The next thing Natsu knew, there was a flurry of clothes flying in the air. A shirt landed overtop of his head, blocking his view. By the time he got it off, only he and the dark-haired man remained on the beach.

"You can't go in the water with those balls and chains," Dark-haired man told him, bending down to unlock them. He stood, uncuffing the blow up doll as well, "And something tells me Bunny here wouldn't make that good of a floatation device."

Natsu nodded his thanks as he bolted for the beach. He froze part-way, turning back to the Dark-haired man.

"Aren't you my driving instructor?" he asked.

Dark-haired man laughed, "You've got me. And I know you think it's weird that your driving instructor would come to your bachelor party. Just trust me when I say that you and Lucy mean a lot to me...and I wouldn't miss your bachelor party for anything in the world."

Natsu nodded as he turned toward the beach again, "Well, thank you. You've been watching my back all night."

Dark-haired man smiled, gesturing to the beach, "Go find her. She'll be very happy to see you about now."

Natsu froze mid-turn, spiralling back to ask Dark-haired man how he knew that Natsu knew Lucy was the beach. The spot where he'd been standing was empty.

Dismissing the odd event, Natsu shed his boxers and charged into the water, desperately trying to locate Lucy. The other men had figured out now that the girls' bachelorette party was here. He could hear a very shocked Sting recognizing his very naked wife, Yukino. He shielded her from the perverted men's eyes, screaming out that he'd arrest them all! The other cops were having a ball. Gildarts had found some cute redhead to chase through the water. Jet and Droy were turning every bluenette they came across, searching for the lovely Levy...whom they'd gotten to know very well upon a mission a few years back. Vijeeter couldn't move, frozen to his spot in the water.

It took about 5 minutes, but finally his drunken eyes zeroed in on his Lucy, covering herself at the edge of the bay in neck-deep water. He would recognize her hair and her chocolate-brown eyes anywhere - even in the dark. He started pushing through the crowd to get to her, having to go around Rogue and Laki. They'd found each other and were locked in a serious lip-lock. He supposed the danger of being caught skinny-dipping in a public place was a bit of a turn-on. But not for him...he just wanted to get to her.

Lucy was splashing through the neck deep water, trying to get to him as well.

"Luce!" he exclaimed as they finally reached each other, embracing tightly.

"It's not what it looks like!" Lucy exclaimed.

Natsu laughed, "I'm not sure what other explanation there could be..."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling, "Okay...it's what it looks like. We're skinny-dipping. But a bunch of people heard our plan at the bar and they all followed us. I just didn't want you to think they were all invited."

"Strippers wrote on my ass," he told her, "You forgive me and I'll forgive you?"

She nodded emphatically.

Natsu glanced around the jumping swimmers, "I think we can escape, Luce...unless you want to finish your bachelorette."

"Hell no!" she exclaimed, "Let's get the hell outta here!"

He grabbed her elbow, steering her along the rock face for the shore, "Where are you clothes?"

She groaned, jumping back as a swimmer bolted in front of them, then changed direction.

"Up there somewhere," she gestured to the beach, "I think we should just take what we can find."

Natsu nodded his agreement, then halted, throwing a protective arm backward to keep her behind him.

"Mavis," Lucy whispered, hunkering down in the water as four police squad cars rolled onto the beach, sirens wailing.

Natsu pulled her against the rock wall, keeping her behind his back. They were out of the way of the headlights there. If they stayed still, no one would notice them.

Spotlights went up within seconds, illuminating all the people in the water...except for Natsu and Lucy.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," a familiar voice called out over the loud speaker, "The beach is now closed to skinny-dipping. Kindly exit the water and report to the beach for your clothing."

"That's Alzack!" Lucy gasped.

Natsu chuckled. It was deep, dark sound - almost evil.

"Looks like all my captors are about to have a dose of their own medicine!" he cackled, "The cops have all been busted!"

True to his word, Lucy could swear she saw the bright red faces of Sting, Yukino, Rogue, and Wakaba even in the dark. The cops were the last ones in the water, probably a bit afraid to have to face their colleagues.

"What are they going to charge us with?" Gildarts demanded, throwing his arms high in the air. He was in waist-deep water. Some girls that Natsu didn't think were part of the bachelorette swooned, "Scaring the fish? Get lost, Coppers!"

Natsu face-palmed as several officers crashed the water, arresting Gildarts and beginning to herd the remaining swimmers toward the beach.

"Chief?" he heard another officer ask, confused as heck, "Um...Assistant Chief?"

Lucy had to cover Natsu's mouth to keep the snort from being too loud. The water was empty now. All swimmers were on the beach, trying to identify their clothing.

"Let's go around the rock face and make our escape," Natsu suggested.

Lucy nodded, taking his hand and following him into the darkness.

His head pounded. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew his headache was going to be one of those things that would plague him all day long.

Sitting up, he pressed his palm to his forehead, trying to get his eyes to focus. He looked down, realizing he was completely naked. He was in a bedroom he didn't recognize. His eyes shot wide open as he felt the bed shift next to him.

What in the hell had he done last night?! And who was in the bed with him?

Natsu took a deep breath, then turned to see who his bed mate was. He let out a sigh of relief as he recognized the long, blonde hair splayed over the pillow.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked, rubbing her head much in the same way he had.

"Luce," he whispered in relief, kissing her forehead.

"Where are we?" she asked, glancing around the room.

"I have no idea," Natsu groaned, "The last thing I remember, I was trying to escape the guys. They were trying to kidnap me for a Bachelor Party."

Lucy nodded, "Same. The girls and I got back from Crocus and when we got off the plane, there was a party limo waiting for us. They gave me some drink called 'Moon Drip'."

"I had that too!" Natsu realized.

His voice was too loud. He fell back into the pillow, holding his head.

"We need to figure out where we are," Lucy said quietly, easing herself out of bed.

Even hung over, he admired her naked body as she searched the room for clothes. She stared at the items on the floor...the only clothes in the entire room.

"Those aren't our clothes," she stated, picking up a flamboyant red-flowered Hawaiian shirt and a humongous pair of jeans with one hand. In the other hand, she held an ugly gray dress.

Natsu paused, reaching for the Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Lucy slipped the dress over her head, Natsu gawking at the somewhat familiar messages there. The shirt itself was riddled with notes, half of which Natsu couldn't even read. But the message on the breast pocket was still there, plain as day.

Buck-A-Suck

Natsu opened the door cautiously, peering around the corner into the empty living room. Lucy grabbed his hand as he ushered her out the door.

"I think we're okay, Luce," Natsu told her after a moment of studying their surroundings, "That's Wakaba's brand of cigarettes. And that sweater belongs to Rogue."

Lucy picked up a wallet, flipping through it, "This is Sting's wallet. We must be in the suite they rented for the party."

Both fell silent, noticing the double hot tubs on the deck outside...the leftover party food...

...the open door of the bathroom that revealed the shower for two...

"Do you..." Natsu asked slowly.

"...want to stay for awhile?" Lucy finished.

They locked eyes, then bolted to the bathroom, both of them laughing as the clothes that weren't theirs flew wildly to the ground behind them.

AAAAAND that's the end of Nalu week! I hope you enjoyed the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them. Thanks again to Quite-A-Riot for issuing the challenge! 21 - TWENTY-ONE - one-shots posted in 7 days! Crazy.

Angel of Oops 2 will resume posting next weekend. May you all have an excellent week!

~Shana~