No Answers.
By Flash
I wrote this last night in an effort to sort out some of my own feelings on the current situation. I did not mean to offend anyone, but will listen to other opinions if they are sent to me. Because I always try to see things from every angle, the current problems are hard for me to find m own opinion on. But I definitely see war as only a last, desperate choice. Even if I can't work out when the situation should be called desperate.
This piece of writing is probably very depressing, because I have tried to express some of my own feelings through it. So this is basically just me trying to get my head clear. In it, the circumstances aren't really described. (I wrote it between half eleven and three last night, I really wasn't up to creating anything fancy.) It has some leaning towards Umi/Clef, but that isn't really important. I just ask that if anyone does bother to read it they do so with an open mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cephiro was having some major problems. Problems that its leaders just couldn't seem to resolve at the moment, that were steadily edging them down the dark, slippery short-cut known as all out war. All the diplomats, all the public figures, were trying to find a solution without the need for violence, for bloodshed. But all the politicians in existence couldn't sort this out in a snap. And the largest burden, as always, fell onto the Ruling Monarch and his advising council. Both the 'Official' council, formed of the Prince, the Guru, the Chief Artisan or Pharle, and the heads of both the Palace and National Guards (to which Lantis and LaFargo had been promoted last year,) with the Magic Knights when they were available; and the 'Informal' council formed when all their closest, most trusted friends joined in were under great pressure.
Today had been a rough one. The other side was still refusing to compromise and Prince Ferio had had to, however reluctantly, ask the two guardians to begin forming and training an army. There had been loud objections from round the table, most noticeably from the Prince's future wife, the pacifist Knight of Wind. She tried so hard now to turn people away from conflict, that this must have felt as if he was throwing her efforts back into her face. At the end, she had run out without even looking at him.
Frightened, bewildered, the council had looked to the recently grown up Clef. Keeping his head down, not daring to meet any of their eyes, he had nodded approval to Ferio. Once. And disrupted the lives of all living in Cephiro.
Now, eight hours after the afternoon's meeting, Umi was still thinking about it. She had been sat next to him, and had caught a glimpse of his eyes through the strands of lavender hair. And she thought she had seen the glitter of tears hanging onto his lashes - much as they now lay on Fuu's as she slept in Umi's bed, curled round and clutching at the quilt, finally asleep.
Sighing, Umi got up from the couch, giving up on sleep like this. It was just no use trying to relax, to unwind, knowing that things would still be as hard in the morning. Her mind was racing from one thought to another in a sickening, quickening beat, trying to find any way out of this. Her terror and despair had settled in her stomach, in the base of her throat. Making her feel as if she was going to throw up. She had tried to ignore it, to think of other things. To just shut her eyes tight and hum a song, anything to push it away for the night. But a frightened, restless energy kept building up inside her. She felt as if she had to do something, to move, anything to snap out of it. But as soon as she closed her eyes again there it was.
Dropping the blanket on the floor, she finally gave in and ran down the hallway, needing out of that silence. She needed to hear someone. To hear some answers. On the verge of breaking down she began to sprint, the night air cool against long bare legs, clad only in shorts and her shoulders and arms left bare by her blue vest top. The paving was smooth and cool under her bare feet, and they slapped against it with a sound as loud to her as gun shots as she let them run to her sanctuary, to her calm in the storm. Well, him and the hours of peace his potion gave her.
In her panic she didn't even bother to knock at the door of his bedroom, just pushed through it and to the balcony he always stargazed from. And there he was, around a head taller than her now in his teenage form.
"Clef." Her voice was little more than a horse whisper, and that in itself told him just what sort of a state she was in. So he span around, quickly, taking in her appearance and the tears trying to fall as he did so. Which was a good thing, because he had barely turned around before she flung herself into his arms. Her hands clutched at the back of his robes as if they where a lifebuoy of sorts. And her face pushed against his chest while her shoulders heaved with the sobs she couldn't hold in.
He was shocked at first. Who wouldn't be? He didn't have beautiful girls throwing themselves - literally - at him everyday. Besides, he wouldn't have expected her to break like this. The nervous energy that filled her was almost tangible in the air as she released it, along with her tears. The terror, though, was all to near to be dismissed so easily. So he held her close, burying his own face into her hair, and murmured random soothing lines into her ear. As he felt her pain, the fear he had been battling for months attacked again. So he let some crystal tears through, letting them fall unnoticed into her hair.
It was a while before either of them regained their composure. But still, after a while Umi looked up at him, and gave him a wan little tremble of the mouth that had been intended as a smile. She was slightly astonished to find that they had somehow moved across the room to sit on Clef's bed, but didn't worry. It wasn't important. Besides, her legs were so weak it would have been impossible to stand, and Clef hadn't bothered adding a sofa, or even a chair, to the furnishings in his room. Closing her eyes and resting on him again she made no move as he switched them to laying back on the bed, propped by cushions into a semi-sitting position. She could feel his exhaustion as well as her own, through the trembling of each of his muscles as they moved. Neither bothered speaking for a while, as they both knew only too well why they were here like this.
"I could make you a sleeping potion in a while." His voice, deeper now, was loud in the silence surrounding the sleeping castle.
"I think I need it." She replied, moving her fingers constantly as they tapped out a pattern on his arm. "I'm just so. wound up. I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm going to snap every second if I don't do something." Her admission faded to quiet again as Clef wondered at it. He hadn't known.. Not that he she would be affected in this way, so similar to his own reaction. But, then, he'd never looked to see it. If anyone was going to snap with fear and restlessness, he'd have figured on it being Hikaru. And Lantis could help her. But Umi. she was a whole lot more complex. So he lay without speaking for long moments, trying to give some advice that could help.
"The potion will get past that. Something you have to concentrate on, like an interesting book, might help as well. "
"Good idea." They paused, trying to find a way to talk around their fears, not directly of them. To speak bluntly was too painful. But they both knew that it would help to speak, so Umi began again. "I meant to ask you, why did you grow up all of a sudden?" She asked, not noticing Clef's grimace. Why did all their 'wonderings' have to share the same base?
"Because of what is happening. I felt that the people would appreciate a more 'serious' appearing Guru in this serious situation. "
"There's more." It was a statement. Clef sighed, giving in.
"Yes: Military people, like those in the army that Lantis and LaFargo are building, would give me more respect, and consider anything I say far more than for a scant moment at breakfast when it comes from this form."
"Uh huh?" The uplift in her voice was encouraging, but somehow interrogating.
"And." he paused, trying to figure out how to explain the last part. "I'm in the public's eye, however much I may hate it, as the Guru. I have to set them an example, and at the moment they need to become. prepared. Ready to defend themselves. With weapons if they must. In this form I've begun re- learning swordsmanship, some hand-to-hand and archery- none of which really worked in my previous form."
"I see." she was stunned. Clef, fighting? With out magic? Yes he was good at blowing things up, but he didn't seem to be the kind that would charge in on horseback to save a damsel. But there he was, telling her that fighting without magic was exactly what he was planning to do.
"Clef. how, how can we, can Cephiro, get out of this?" Her voice was drawn tight as she asked the question that was killing them both from the heart out.
"I. really don't know, Umi."
"You supported the idea of war today, is that really what you think should happen?" His answer to this came slowly at first, then with more strength as he went on.
"I. think that war is where we are heading. Our enemy cooperate at all; they're driving us into a corner, from which we can only come out fighting. But. something deep within me is sickened at even the though of war.
The truth is, we don't know enough. We don't know how big a threat they are to Cephiro, how far they will go, how to stop them. We don't know if the ordinary citizens there are happy or ruled by a tyrant - we can only guess. But, even if they are, does that make it right to make war on them? Because it's those innocent people that will get killed. Their innocent victims, forced to sign up through terror - maybe - that he'd send to face us. He wouldn't risk his supporters, not at first.
But, on the other hand, we can't just do nothing! Those people are, from all accounts, living in hell now. Longing for salvation. to live a better life! Not to be thrown to the next one!
I don't know what we should do. Neither does Ferio. At the moment, the only way to stop this without bloodshed appears to be through intimidation, but to intimidate them people have to believe he is ready to do this, to go to war. Just think of the uproar there is going to be at that! Then Ferio is left on his own, trying to do the best for his country, without even the support of the woman he loves."
"She doesn't understand." whispered Umi, scared and comforted at the same time by the hopelessness and utter sincerity of his words. Scared that they might be true, but comforted that they were finally being said, that they were proof he at least was thinking hard about this. So she listened as he continued.
"And, if we do go to war, if we do win, what then? The damage done to that country, to its economy, agriculture, people, won't go away overnight. Will we have the resources to do anything about it? And who will organise anything being done at all? Our target would be their government, so what will replace it? We have NO RIGHT to impose any rules or rulers on them. They have the right, or should do, to govern themselves. But with their former system gone, would anything rise to fill the gap?
So I don't have any answers. I can't just find a spell to sort everything out, we can't just all sit down and talk about it civilly. But. whatever comes out of this, whoever survives, they'll be all the stronger for it." He ended his speech, the flowing of all his feelings into sound.
Moving slightly Umi raised her hand to cover a yawn. Though the future was still as distant, as dangerous and threatening, at least she new that one person she trusted was thinking so very seriously about it. He apparently noticed either the yawn or the urgency of her terror fade a little.
"Do you want that potion now?" He began to move as he spoke, only to be stopped by Umi's reflex grab. Blushing as she realised what she had done, she tried to explain as he raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, the potion would be good, but. could I stay? With you? Just for tonight. Please?" And her eyes met his at last, begging to stat with him, the charm that kept the fears from consuming her.
"That's fine." He smiled a little, feeling rather honoured he could help to keep her fears under control. He walked across to the desk, picking up two vials of a blue liquid and mixing it with two glasses of fruit juice. It was her turn to raise an eyebrow as she realised he was having to use it as well.
"That is, as long as you don't mind sharing the bed." He tried to grin at her blush, and almost managed it. "I refuse to sleep on the floor in my own room."
"Yes." She scrambled beneath the covers, accepting the glass then tapping it against his as he settled beside her. "Sweet dreams." and they both downed it in one go. Laying back, Clef pulled Umi back to lie against him again, resting his chin on her head as the potion kicked in. He barely felt her arms link around him, or heard her happier sigh, but he understood exactly why she was there. In her real world she could have gone to her parents for reassurance, but here she had no family. She could have gone to Hikaru or Fuu, but they were both hurting as well, she didn't want to hurt them more.
He was, perhaps, the natural option after that. He'd lived long enough that he had a fairly good store of advice, could brew sleeping potions, and then. there was that connection between them. He wasn't sure quite what it was, not yet, but it meant that the presence of one helped calm the other down. or sent them ballistic, but that was another matter. No. All that mattered right now was that they could help each other through this, keep each other strong for those that depend on them to be strong.
No matter what may happen.
The End.
If you got this far, then please review.
By Flash
I wrote this last night in an effort to sort out some of my own feelings on the current situation. I did not mean to offend anyone, but will listen to other opinions if they are sent to me. Because I always try to see things from every angle, the current problems are hard for me to find m own opinion on. But I definitely see war as only a last, desperate choice. Even if I can't work out when the situation should be called desperate.
This piece of writing is probably very depressing, because I have tried to express some of my own feelings through it. So this is basically just me trying to get my head clear. In it, the circumstances aren't really described. (I wrote it between half eleven and three last night, I really wasn't up to creating anything fancy.) It has some leaning towards Umi/Clef, but that isn't really important. I just ask that if anyone does bother to read it they do so with an open mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cephiro was having some major problems. Problems that its leaders just couldn't seem to resolve at the moment, that were steadily edging them down the dark, slippery short-cut known as all out war. All the diplomats, all the public figures, were trying to find a solution without the need for violence, for bloodshed. But all the politicians in existence couldn't sort this out in a snap. And the largest burden, as always, fell onto the Ruling Monarch and his advising council. Both the 'Official' council, formed of the Prince, the Guru, the Chief Artisan or Pharle, and the heads of both the Palace and National Guards (to which Lantis and LaFargo had been promoted last year,) with the Magic Knights when they were available; and the 'Informal' council formed when all their closest, most trusted friends joined in were under great pressure.
Today had been a rough one. The other side was still refusing to compromise and Prince Ferio had had to, however reluctantly, ask the two guardians to begin forming and training an army. There had been loud objections from round the table, most noticeably from the Prince's future wife, the pacifist Knight of Wind. She tried so hard now to turn people away from conflict, that this must have felt as if he was throwing her efforts back into her face. At the end, she had run out without even looking at him.
Frightened, bewildered, the council had looked to the recently grown up Clef. Keeping his head down, not daring to meet any of their eyes, he had nodded approval to Ferio. Once. And disrupted the lives of all living in Cephiro.
Now, eight hours after the afternoon's meeting, Umi was still thinking about it. She had been sat next to him, and had caught a glimpse of his eyes through the strands of lavender hair. And she thought she had seen the glitter of tears hanging onto his lashes - much as they now lay on Fuu's as she slept in Umi's bed, curled round and clutching at the quilt, finally asleep.
Sighing, Umi got up from the couch, giving up on sleep like this. It was just no use trying to relax, to unwind, knowing that things would still be as hard in the morning. Her mind was racing from one thought to another in a sickening, quickening beat, trying to find any way out of this. Her terror and despair had settled in her stomach, in the base of her throat. Making her feel as if she was going to throw up. She had tried to ignore it, to think of other things. To just shut her eyes tight and hum a song, anything to push it away for the night. But a frightened, restless energy kept building up inside her. She felt as if she had to do something, to move, anything to snap out of it. But as soon as she closed her eyes again there it was.
Dropping the blanket on the floor, she finally gave in and ran down the hallway, needing out of that silence. She needed to hear someone. To hear some answers. On the verge of breaking down she began to sprint, the night air cool against long bare legs, clad only in shorts and her shoulders and arms left bare by her blue vest top. The paving was smooth and cool under her bare feet, and they slapped against it with a sound as loud to her as gun shots as she let them run to her sanctuary, to her calm in the storm. Well, him and the hours of peace his potion gave her.
In her panic she didn't even bother to knock at the door of his bedroom, just pushed through it and to the balcony he always stargazed from. And there he was, around a head taller than her now in his teenage form.
"Clef." Her voice was little more than a horse whisper, and that in itself told him just what sort of a state she was in. So he span around, quickly, taking in her appearance and the tears trying to fall as he did so. Which was a good thing, because he had barely turned around before she flung herself into his arms. Her hands clutched at the back of his robes as if they where a lifebuoy of sorts. And her face pushed against his chest while her shoulders heaved with the sobs she couldn't hold in.
He was shocked at first. Who wouldn't be? He didn't have beautiful girls throwing themselves - literally - at him everyday. Besides, he wouldn't have expected her to break like this. The nervous energy that filled her was almost tangible in the air as she released it, along with her tears. The terror, though, was all to near to be dismissed so easily. So he held her close, burying his own face into her hair, and murmured random soothing lines into her ear. As he felt her pain, the fear he had been battling for months attacked again. So he let some crystal tears through, letting them fall unnoticed into her hair.
It was a while before either of them regained their composure. But still, after a while Umi looked up at him, and gave him a wan little tremble of the mouth that had been intended as a smile. She was slightly astonished to find that they had somehow moved across the room to sit on Clef's bed, but didn't worry. It wasn't important. Besides, her legs were so weak it would have been impossible to stand, and Clef hadn't bothered adding a sofa, or even a chair, to the furnishings in his room. Closing her eyes and resting on him again she made no move as he switched them to laying back on the bed, propped by cushions into a semi-sitting position. She could feel his exhaustion as well as her own, through the trembling of each of his muscles as they moved. Neither bothered speaking for a while, as they both knew only too well why they were here like this.
"I could make you a sleeping potion in a while." His voice, deeper now, was loud in the silence surrounding the sleeping castle.
"I think I need it." She replied, moving her fingers constantly as they tapped out a pattern on his arm. "I'm just so. wound up. I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm going to snap every second if I don't do something." Her admission faded to quiet again as Clef wondered at it. He hadn't known.. Not that he she would be affected in this way, so similar to his own reaction. But, then, he'd never looked to see it. If anyone was going to snap with fear and restlessness, he'd have figured on it being Hikaru. And Lantis could help her. But Umi. she was a whole lot more complex. So he lay without speaking for long moments, trying to give some advice that could help.
"The potion will get past that. Something you have to concentrate on, like an interesting book, might help as well. "
"Good idea." They paused, trying to find a way to talk around their fears, not directly of them. To speak bluntly was too painful. But they both knew that it would help to speak, so Umi began again. "I meant to ask you, why did you grow up all of a sudden?" She asked, not noticing Clef's grimace. Why did all their 'wonderings' have to share the same base?
"Because of what is happening. I felt that the people would appreciate a more 'serious' appearing Guru in this serious situation. "
"There's more." It was a statement. Clef sighed, giving in.
"Yes: Military people, like those in the army that Lantis and LaFargo are building, would give me more respect, and consider anything I say far more than for a scant moment at breakfast when it comes from this form."
"Uh huh?" The uplift in her voice was encouraging, but somehow interrogating.
"And." he paused, trying to figure out how to explain the last part. "I'm in the public's eye, however much I may hate it, as the Guru. I have to set them an example, and at the moment they need to become. prepared. Ready to defend themselves. With weapons if they must. In this form I've begun re- learning swordsmanship, some hand-to-hand and archery- none of which really worked in my previous form."
"I see." she was stunned. Clef, fighting? With out magic? Yes he was good at blowing things up, but he didn't seem to be the kind that would charge in on horseback to save a damsel. But there he was, telling her that fighting without magic was exactly what he was planning to do.
"Clef. how, how can we, can Cephiro, get out of this?" Her voice was drawn tight as she asked the question that was killing them both from the heart out.
"I. really don't know, Umi."
"You supported the idea of war today, is that really what you think should happen?" His answer to this came slowly at first, then with more strength as he went on.
"I. think that war is where we are heading. Our enemy cooperate at all; they're driving us into a corner, from which we can only come out fighting. But. something deep within me is sickened at even the though of war.
The truth is, we don't know enough. We don't know how big a threat they are to Cephiro, how far they will go, how to stop them. We don't know if the ordinary citizens there are happy or ruled by a tyrant - we can only guess. But, even if they are, does that make it right to make war on them? Because it's those innocent people that will get killed. Their innocent victims, forced to sign up through terror - maybe - that he'd send to face us. He wouldn't risk his supporters, not at first.
But, on the other hand, we can't just do nothing! Those people are, from all accounts, living in hell now. Longing for salvation. to live a better life! Not to be thrown to the next one!
I don't know what we should do. Neither does Ferio. At the moment, the only way to stop this without bloodshed appears to be through intimidation, but to intimidate them people have to believe he is ready to do this, to go to war. Just think of the uproar there is going to be at that! Then Ferio is left on his own, trying to do the best for his country, without even the support of the woman he loves."
"She doesn't understand." whispered Umi, scared and comforted at the same time by the hopelessness and utter sincerity of his words. Scared that they might be true, but comforted that they were finally being said, that they were proof he at least was thinking hard about this. So she listened as he continued.
"And, if we do go to war, if we do win, what then? The damage done to that country, to its economy, agriculture, people, won't go away overnight. Will we have the resources to do anything about it? And who will organise anything being done at all? Our target would be their government, so what will replace it? We have NO RIGHT to impose any rules or rulers on them. They have the right, or should do, to govern themselves. But with their former system gone, would anything rise to fill the gap?
So I don't have any answers. I can't just find a spell to sort everything out, we can't just all sit down and talk about it civilly. But. whatever comes out of this, whoever survives, they'll be all the stronger for it." He ended his speech, the flowing of all his feelings into sound.
Moving slightly Umi raised her hand to cover a yawn. Though the future was still as distant, as dangerous and threatening, at least she new that one person she trusted was thinking so very seriously about it. He apparently noticed either the yawn or the urgency of her terror fade a little.
"Do you want that potion now?" He began to move as he spoke, only to be stopped by Umi's reflex grab. Blushing as she realised what she had done, she tried to explain as he raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, the potion would be good, but. could I stay? With you? Just for tonight. Please?" And her eyes met his at last, begging to stat with him, the charm that kept the fears from consuming her.
"That's fine." He smiled a little, feeling rather honoured he could help to keep her fears under control. He walked across to the desk, picking up two vials of a blue liquid and mixing it with two glasses of fruit juice. It was her turn to raise an eyebrow as she realised he was having to use it as well.
"That is, as long as you don't mind sharing the bed." He tried to grin at her blush, and almost managed it. "I refuse to sleep on the floor in my own room."
"Yes." She scrambled beneath the covers, accepting the glass then tapping it against his as he settled beside her. "Sweet dreams." and they both downed it in one go. Laying back, Clef pulled Umi back to lie against him again, resting his chin on her head as the potion kicked in. He barely felt her arms link around him, or heard her happier sigh, but he understood exactly why she was there. In her real world she could have gone to her parents for reassurance, but here she had no family. She could have gone to Hikaru or Fuu, but they were both hurting as well, she didn't want to hurt them more.
He was, perhaps, the natural option after that. He'd lived long enough that he had a fairly good store of advice, could brew sleeping potions, and then. there was that connection between them. He wasn't sure quite what it was, not yet, but it meant that the presence of one helped calm the other down. or sent them ballistic, but that was another matter. No. All that mattered right now was that they could help each other through this, keep each other strong for those that depend on them to be strong.
No matter what may happen.
The End.
If you got this far, then please review.