Author's Note: As it has been a rather long while, I would highly recommend re-reading this story from the beginning before commencing this chapter in order to re-connect the world's canon and refresh your memory of the story.

A certain someone is attempting to spur me back on to writing again, and they just may have succeeded. Although, admittedly, nothing I ever write will be the same as anything I have ever written - for better, for worse.

Freed

"Fuck you! Fuck you, you fucking bastard! Fuck yo –"

BLAM!

…

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

Click –

Click –

"Huh. Damn seven-round cartridges."

I whisked my attention to the rest of the lovely people in the congregation, who had, of course, come to pray to thy loving Father Freed and ensure whatever fucking lives they had left could be lived in relative safety.

"Alright! Now, are there any other fuckers have a problem with the way I run my church?"

Pft. Fucking cowards. All it took was shooting a guy in the head and then shooting his cock six times for them to have a change in opinion. I probably shouldn't really be offing what few humans like this – it'd be fucking annoying if enough years passed by and I had to resort to fucking my own grand-niece or something.

Then again – that'd probably be one of the few things I haven't tried yet. Fucking a family member. Incest is wincest and not what.

I pointed to the cardboard which stood at the top of the church, stabbed in place over the zombie-messiah's head, and scrawled over it with red that was most definitely not blood – were the simple tenets.

Welcome to Father Freed's Church of the Apocalypse

The Place to run to if you don't want your shitty lives to end via the hands of shitty devil scum

Tenets:

Father Freed's Word is Law

Anything scavenged belongs to Father Freed

Anything stolen belongs to Father Freed

Father Freed gets all the bitches (no exceptions)

The Men can go fuck themselves (literally)

"Five Tenets," I barked "Five fucking tenets – is it really that hard to follow? I don't care if she's your daughter or your fucking grandmother – Father Freed gets all the women. Is it that hard for you fuckers to get? Is it?"

I turned my attention to a bawling woman beside the dead moron who couldn't follow five simple tenets and rolled my eyes.

"Fuck woman – he's dead. Crying isn't gonna bring him back – you're wasting snots and fluids that could be used for something else."

The woman turned to me, a vicious look on her face. "You – you're a monster!"

I rolled my eyes again. "No, woman, I'm a fucking saint. The real monsters? They're out there." I pointed to the outskirts of the church. "They're out there, and they're fucking hungry. They will hunt you down and fucking eat you alive. They will rip your eyes from your sockets, tear your stomach and crunch on your intestines like it's a fucking Oreo."

I twirled my gun in my hand. "Now me? I don't have to take you fuckers in. I didn't have to reinforce and sanctify this church and keep the shitty monsters-of-the-night out. I didn't have to give you refuge, or go guns-blazing like a retarded cowboy with a boner for stupid heroics. But what did I do? I went ahead and did all that shit."

I placed the gun on the woman's forehead, and she turned white real fast.

"And what did I fucking ask for in exchange? That I fuck all the women I want, and keep the shit that you guys scavenge. Tell me, ain't I a generous guy? Ain't I?"

She was silent, and I frowned.

"Oi – I'm asking you a fucking question bitch. Ain't I a generous guy?"

"Y-yes F-Freed-sama – v-v-very g-g-generous."

I smiled. "Well said!" I unzipped my pants. "Now give me a fucking blowjob."

Cold hands and soft lips – just the way I liked it.

It also got me thinking, and the more I thought about this fucking situation, the more I realized how seriously fucked up it was. Most of the idiots I found around the place didn't know jack shit about survival – most of them were scrambling around, like headless chickens with a thousand degree spatula shoved up its ass.

Of course, if they didn't know shit about survival, it wasn't any of my business. Me? I was content with watching the apocalypse play out, laughing my ass off at seeing these idiots get themselves killed from doing stupid shit or trying stupid stunts. Maybe I'd also go out of my way to steal shit from them when they weren't looking, and then watch how the infighting started and as they all pointed fingers at one another like fucking maniacs. It would have been fucking hilarious.

Well, it would have been fucking hilarious until the nuclear winter started in full force anyway, and everyone froze their balls off.

All of that was thrown out the window when the shitty stray devils attacked.

They came in full force – they didn't even wait for a fucking second – the day after the nukes went global – they were on everyone's asses like ants on a lollipop. In a way, it made a whole deal of fucking sense. There was no need for secrecy anymore – cause that was blown the second the massive dick-swinging contest began. Without a need for secrecy, they went about like a hive-mind of prepubescent boys gathering around a cheap prostitute.

All the people who could fucking stop them, or who had a reason to stop them were gone.

Exorcists? Almost all of them were fucking dead – or in heaven.

Angels? Like they cared. My guess is that the fucking els were probably trying to deal with an overpopulation issue right now.

Devils? Well – there came the fucking prize.

Normally, the shitty devils would do their best to hunt down the strays and call them to heel like the shitty beasts they were. But they hadn't.

They hadn't.

They'd let the strays and the ghouls and the what-the-fucks do a mass emigration to the human world like they were Mexicans who'd been told that America had open borders.

There was no fucking way they did not know that stray devils fed on humans like an obese kid fed on cheeseburgers. There was no fucking way. Even so – I hadn't seen a single one of them try to come down here and reign things in. Fuck that – if anything, there were far too many strays to make any sense.

The only fucking way that was possible – was if the shitty devils were letting them. Encouraging them.

But why the fuck would they do that?

That was the part that had me scratching my head and squeezing my face like I had to take a particularly large shit.

The fucking simplest answer was almost always the correct one – so I went for it.

The Devils want to wipe out all humans from the face of the planet.

I wouldn't put it past the crazy fuckers. Take out all the humans, and then take the earth for their fucking selves. And who exactly was gonna complain anyway?

I wagered that in about three to four months – the entire world would be covered in fucking snow. The temperatures would be colder than a jilted ex-wife. When the snow and ice and shit melted – there would be probably less than a thousand humans on the face of the planet. And that was the fucking optimistic perspective.

The fucking thought of it pissed me off – but there wasn't much I could fucking do in this situation.

Well, there wasn't much I could do except hoard up as much shit as I could in preparation for the winter. These idiots thought I was hoarding it all for myself – thought the second and third tenets were out of greed.

Fucking. Morons.

They had no idea as to what the fuck was coming.

"F-Father Freed!"

I growled, particularly because the broad beneath me was giving me a particularly good blowjob, and I had to snap my attention to the side to see the stupid fucker with a death wish.

"What?!"

The boy, about thirteen or so – swallowed nervously and then turned his attention to the doors of the chapel.

"T-t-there – there are –"

I growled. "Spit it the fuck out or you'll be using that tongue to clean assholes for next three months."

"There's a horde of those… things outside the church!"

I rolled my eyes. "And so fucking what? The church is hallowed ground. I've sanctified it – none of them can enter without burning their fucking faces off."

"T-th-they – t-they're waiting." The brat wheezed. "W-waiting outside."

Oh, no no no no no. Fuck that. I took a sharp breath. "Fuck!" The woman beneath me stopped moving. "Oi, I fucking tell you to stop sucking?"

A bunch of shitty strays waiting outside the fucking church meant only one thing. They were fucking Black-Friday shoppers, with myself and everyone else in this fucking building being the discount crap they'd bitch-slap their children to get their shitty hands on.

Either that fucking meant they'd already vacuumed down most humans within this area like a whore with a talent for swallowing cock, or some bigger, badder asshole was out there smacking their arms with a wooden spoon like Chinese sensei schooling their cocky brat on reflexes.

I needed a fucking headcount. "Oi, brat. How many fucking people do we have here?"

"I – I don't know, F-Father Freed."

I gave him a stare that asked are you fucking stupid? "Well, do me a fucking favor, and find out."

There couldn't be that many fuckers in here to feed all of the bloody fucking strays. So why the fuck were they waiting? Shit, it better not be some idiot that slipped away from me with their tails up their ass coming back for some stupid revenge-plot.

The brat came back, wheezing like he'd ran a fucking marathon. Christ these guys were pathetic. Fuck knows this brat wouldn't last a bloody day out there on his own.

"Seventy-one people, F-Father Freed."

Wait, what the fuck? "You're shitting me."

"N-no – F-Father Freed, I w-would n-never –"

"Of course you wouldn't. You're missing the required balls."

Seventy one people? How the fuck did the number get so high so damn fast? I'd already killed off some idiots who couldn't stick to the tenets, and the number was still that bloody high?

"Fucking hell."

"What do we do Father?"

We? I snorted. "There's no fucking we. Even if I could outfit you fuckers with a legion of sharp shiny holy swords and stock your hands with enough holy ammo to make World War II look like a ghetto neighborhood turf war, you're too fucking slow and too fucking weak to make a difference."

At the fucking best case scenario, they starve to death in here and the strays come in with forks and knives and their napkins placed on their thighs, thanking Lucifer for their daily bread. The worst case scenario, one of the strays gets wise and realizes they can burrow into the ground and dig their way in, or they can use enough corpses of their brethren to break past the sanctification and come charging in like the ten-thousand hungry fellas who heard a man was duplicating bread and fish.

There was no win situation here. "Fuck." Just when I was starting to enjoy the good life. Now I'd need to pack up-shop and start all over somewhere else. It wasn't that Freed Fucking Selzen was scared of some two-bit shitty-ass strays, the problem was their fucking numbers. Even a fucking god could be defeated if you gathered enough ants to fill a fucking galaxy. I could probably half their numbers if I pushed myself, maybe even double-down and take out about 75% of 'em, but all it'd take would be one lucky bastard connecting a hit for it to be game over.

Ahhh – fuck. And this broad was damn good at blowjobs. Fuck. Damn it. Sucking cock well was a skill that'd be fucking difficult to find in the apocalypse. Not to mention I'd have to sacrifice all my fucking loot, find another church that was actually in-tact, and make sure I don't fucking starve –

"FUCK!"

"F-Father F-Freed?"

I had to push the broad away. Dragging up my pants, I turned to the rest of the fuckers.

"LISTEN UP!"

Look at them, balking and shaking like the idiots they were. "I'm sick of you lot flinching like an abused little bitch every time I raise my voice. You're under shitty circumstances, and if it ain't clear to you fuckers, all of us here, all of us – we're still here because we fucking missed the rapture."

Some of them actually looked surprised. Fuck, there were really no limits to stupidity.

"It could be because you fucking didn't say 'please' and 'thank you' when you buy shit from the grumbling supermarket bitches. It could be because you thought 'gods aren't real, fuck that shit' and lived like a hermit. Or maybe you stole that candy bar, had that one nice cheat-fuck when your husband wasn't looking, or maybe you just were fucking unlucky."

Some of them were pitying themselves, I even heard one bitch sob.

"At this point, it doesn't fucking matter!" Had to make them get this shit into their heads. "The gods are all self-centered cunts and assholes. The unfuckable types. The ones that you look at and bury your head in the nearest bin as you empty your fucking lunch. Right now, fuck them. Right now, we're the ones that fucking rule this planet. They can keep their pretend paradise – we can make our own fucking paradise."

I pointed to myself.

"Any single one of us here that fucking dies gets a straight 'Go to hell' card. Your fate is fucking sealed. No fucking second chances, no fucking appeals, no fucking nothing. You die, here and now or ten years from now, and you burn for fucking infinity."

Now they were getting it. Look at them, their eyebrows rising to the top. Their little eyes going wide like I'd blown their minds.

"So you can choose to spend the last years of your life before eternal torment by crying and sobbing and saying you don't fucking want to live, or you can go fucking wild, and enjoy life like you've never fucking done before. Do what you want. Fuck who you want. Be fucking gay if that's your kink, just don't come near me with that gay-shit or I'll kill you."

I didn't care if they listened or not. I was just sick of seeing them look so fucking pathetic.

"Right now, there's a fucking bunch of shitty devil scum out there, and they want to fucking eat you. I don't fucking want that. At the same time, I'm not going to fucking risk my neck for a bunch of emo crying moaners."

I made sure my gun was loaded up on ammo. Ensured my exorcist light blade was in my right hand as I liked it. Fuck, I'd hate to get blood on my robes seeing as how there was no fucking electricity and water was too important to waste on laundry. Fucking apocalypse.

"I'm going out there to do what Freed Fucking Selzen does best. Now, when I come back, if I end up realizing that I wasted my shitty time and my shitty energy saving a bunch of bitches who don't deserve to be saved, I'll put you all out of your fucking misery."

There were fucking seventy-one of them. The logistics of that would suck balls, and the less of them they were, the more food and resources I'd be able to stock up for the winter. But if they were only alive because they were too bloody scared to die – fuck that. I'd send them off to the other side and save myself the fucking hassle.

Kicking open the doors, the shitty devil scum were there, as the brat said, crowded and hoarded around the gates of the church. If I had some fucking better weaponry, this'd be a cakewalk. Fucking Japan and their virgin-ass tight gun laws. If I'd been in the States when everything went to shit, I'd at least be able to get to a gun shop and modify the shit out of assault rifles to fire out holy bullets, or get a fucking rocket launcher or flamethrower. This was exactly fucking why people needed guns – for shit like this. So what if the occasional psycho shot up a school? It'd build some motherfucking character.

"Just another fucking day…."

I took aim at the first stray in my sight, and fired.

Fighting shitty stray-devils was like holding down the R-button to attack. To the left, headshot. To the right, headshot. To the center, headshot. These idiots made it easy for me by packing themselves so closely together. Some of the strays looked like humans, others looked like an infant tried to slapdash some monsters from Greek Mythology and actually succeeded. I made sure not a single bullet was wasted. Each shot had to count, because I had a limited amount of shots available.

Six, Seven, Ten –

Click. Ammo empty. Fuck. The foreplay was over.

Grabbing my blade, I rushed. Stomping on some bitch's head before stabbing the blade in the middle of her skull, twisting it, ejecting it, and kicking her into another shitty devil bastard who tried to claw at me with his freak stretching hands. I grabbed his left hand, sliced off and tossed it at his head. Another bitch rushed at me with spikes shooting out of her hair like the bastard child of a porcupine and a blowfish.

Deflecting them pissed me off. The second I went on the defensive my momentum would drop and I'd be swarmed. I let three spikes slam into my left hand to rush the bitch and cleave my blade through her neck. I kicked the fucking head back into the crowd of gathering monsters like a grenade, and the spikes took down several incompetent shitty strays that didn't know the meaning of the word dodge.

Things were going great until one cunt started shooting magical blasts from her fucking eyeballs. Another bastard wizened up and starting charging some bullshit orb of green energy in his hand. All at once, most of the strays that could use magic somehow fucking remembered that they could, and I couldn't have been more fucking pissed.

"Come on you shitty pieces of wasted sperm! I'm right fucking here! Hit me with your fucking best shot!"

Idiots would always be idiots. Idiots given power would be dangerous idiots. Idiots that did not understand the concept of friendly fire in combat would be the most beneficial fucking idiots of them all.

The best part was, all I had to really do, was dodge. Dodge and watch the shitty scum blast away with their magic and kill themselves with their own fucking idiocy. Stray devils were never known for being tactical fucking masterminds to begin with, as eating humans made them fucking psycho and forget how to think, but even with such low standards, they were still fucking pathetic.

A few shots singed my robe. Some blasts where I did not roll away quickly enough seared my legs and one fucker actually managed to nick me with a blast that sent a hole in my thigh.

Still, bleeding from the spikes in my arm, the hole in my thigh, and ignoring the burns on my body, I was the fucking beast in this. There were only about two-dozen of them left. Just about enough to do what needed to be done.

"THIS TERRITORY BELONGS TO FREED FUCKING SELZEN!"

The declaration was clear. Even wounded as I was, I still managed to have more fucking balls than the lot of them. Looking at the number of stray devil corpses surrounding the front of the church, and the sole fucker responsible for it, there was only one fucking thing they realized.

It isn't worth it.

Running and scrambling like the pathetic waste of oxygen they were, it was no surprise to me. Strays were fucking cowards after all. Fucking cowards that ran away after selling their souls to the fucking shitty devil scum and realizing they didn't like the bargain. Pieces of shit that needed to apologize to every fucking tree that labored to produce the air they breathed.

"Fuck, I'm spent."

I needed a fucking bath. The smell of devil guts and intestines was up there on my top ten list of shit I hated to be covered in. Breathing, I could see my own breath in front of my face, but more than that, I could see that I still got it.

"Ha. You shitty devil scum thought you could beat me?"

They didn't know their fucking place. I'd taken on those stupid Knights and Rooks from Devil Peerages before without breaking a sweat. Did these pitiful assholes who only got power from eating humans think that they'd be able to beat Freed Fucking Selzen?

"Still fucking… got it."

The last thing I saw before collapsing into a pool of devil blood was the church doors opening, and that fucking annoying brat screaming out my name.

~Et Cetera ~

"He killed them all…"

"By himself…"

"He did it for us…"

"Hold him steady, carefully!"

"He's our savior."

"Our hero."

"Our leader."

"Leader?"

"We will devote ourselves to him. Follow him. He's… our saint."

"Father Freed!"

"Father Freed!"

"Father Freed! We'll follow Father Freed!"

~Et Cetera ~

Post-Event-Zero (After-the-Rapture) Year 1:

Location: Kuoh, Japan.

Event: Battle at the Church of the Apocalypse

Participants: Freed Selzen (Exorcist Ex-Communicado). Stray Devil Horde.

Victor: Freed Selzen.

Aftermath: Freed Selzen is [Redacted] and his followers choose to [Redacted]. New Faction: the Followers of Freed.