Déja Brew- the feeling that you've had this coffee before
She turned and went to his door. "Alohamora," she said. "Wow, I didn't think it would be that easy," she quipped, as the door opened and she went inside.
"I added you to the wards months ago," he admitted. She said nothing, just turned to look at him.
He thrust her gift back to her. "You should have this back. It's yours, you earned it. You even said it's precious to you."
She shook her head. "Not as much as you." She looked down at the box and opened it. Inside the box was the Snitch she had caught in her fifth year, to clench the win for Gryffindor. The win had led to Harry kissing her in the common room; had led them to becoming a 'them'. That was why it was so precious to her.
He swallowed nervously. "How-how long?" he croaked, then coughed.
"Pretty much since my second visit," she confessed.
He thought back. "That was before Christmas!"
She nodded. "You gave me two marshmallows. When we started dating back at Hogwarts, you always gave me two marshmallows, even if it meant giving up yours," she said quietly.
"That was it?" he asked. Something so small, so insignificant.
She shrugged. "You can change your appearance, but it's hard to change your mannerisms. I've watched you a lot over the years, Harry James. Oh, then there was the name. Evan James Black? Dead give away," she said.
"How did you know my surname?" he asked.
"A girl came into the café one day to drop off a resumé. She was a friend of Helen's from university, she asked for Mr Black," said Ginny, walking around his tiny flat. It was basically a tiny bathroom and a room with a single bed in it, with a bedside table. She turned to look at him. "Can you take off the glamours, please?"
He took his wand out from a drawer and waved it over himself. In seconds, the familiar figure of Harry Potter stood before her. Messy black hair, hunched shoulders and haunted green eyes. Just like he'd been in the days, weeks and months after the battle.
"Can you explain why you left?" she prodded gently.
He sighed. Where to begin? "I didn't want to be a burden on you, on everyone. You all seemed to be moving on successfully, so why couldn't I? They expected so much of me at the Ministry, when I just wanted to tell them to shove off. They were already talking about me taking over the entire department in years to come. Merlin, I had barely started my training! I just didn't have it in me, Gin. I was tired, so very tired."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why just leave?" she asked, unable to hide the hurt from her voice. "We searched for you for ages."
"I'm sorry." There it was again. "I hate that I've hurt you all. Especially you."
"Don't let it happen again," she warned. She paused. "Harry, how bad did you get?"
He hesitated, but he owed her the truth. "Bad enough that I didn't want you to see me at my lowest."
She hitched a breath and tears welled in her eyes. "That's when you needed me the most." He nodded, knowing he couldn't deny it, couldn't deny her, not any longer.
He watched her, unsure where they went from here. "So now what?"
She looked at him. "Don't push me away." Her tone indicated no arguments.
That was the last thing he wanted to do. He hurriedly nodded. "I won't. What else?"
She shook her head. "That's it."
"That's it?" he asked, and when she nodded, he reached for her, his lips finding hers. His hands were on her waist, then her hips as he lifted her against him. Instinctively she wrapped her legs around him.
With the flat so small, he only had to take a couple of steps and he was at his bed. He carefully lowered her onto it, then settled over her.
Clothes were hurriedly thrown about the flat in their rush to get naked. He barely had time to check out the lightening bolt tattoo on her hip. His urges, long subdued, now roared to life as she arched up under him. He settled between her thighs, quickly making them one. They both cried out before she drew his head down to hers, their lips seeking the others.
He had denied his feelings this whole time he was away, but now, with Ginny, they were unleashed, and he could not, would not hold back. He sought forgiveness by pleasuring her any way he could. He ached for her touch, and she showed him with her body that yes, he was forgiven.
They loved most of the night, and into the early morning. Snoozing, waking and starting the dance all over again. It was as if time had rewound to the year before he left. Sleepy lips brushing over his chest, against his shoulder. Soft gentle touches along his abdomen and down below. Kisses that started at his lips and ended way further south. He was hers, for her to do with as she wished, and apparantly, she wished to do a lot.
And when they woke in the early hours of the morning, they loved each other all over again, before finally, finally, falling asleep. The first decent sleep he'd had in a very long time.
His internal alarm woke him at seven. She was wrapped around him, her head on his chest. He smelt the familiar flowery fragrance that was uniquely Ginny. His body demanded he wake her, pleasure her, love her. His head demanded he get up and see to the early morning deliveries and opening the café. Reluctantly, his head won and he carefully left the bed, showered and dressed.
He stored the milk in the fridge and put the cakes and pies away in the display cabinet. He decided to make a coffee for Ginny and take it up to the flat and leave it with a warming charm, if she was still sleeping. Then he'd have to return to the café and open.
As he made her latté, he heard a tap at the window. Glancing up, he saw it was Ben. Frowning, he went to the door and let him in, closing it behind him.
"Sorry, forgot to get the keys off you last night," said Ben.
"But you're not rostered on today," he said.
Ben shrugged. "You covered for me the other day, thought I'd do the same for you. You look thoroughy knackered, and you've made two coffees. Guess Ginny did come round last night, after all?"
He flushed as Ben let out a burst of laughter. "Wait till the girls find out. You'll be in for it then," he chuckled. "Now, go, get. I've got this."
He grabbed two muffins and put them in a paper bag, then put the two coffees in a cup holder. He went to say something to Ben, but was dumbstruck. "Er..."
Ben chuckled. "Go. We'll be fine here."
He felt immense joy for everything in the world right now. "Thanks. If you need me -" He pointed upstairs.
Ben shook his head and pointed at him. "Go. Don't keep your lady waiting."
He nodded and left, taking the stairs two at a time. He felt a pang when he saw she wasn't in the bed, till he heard the shower running. He placed the coffee and muffins on the side of the bed, and sat, waiting impatiently.
She was out in moments, a towel wrapped around her still wet body. "This flat needs some serious charm work. There's no way we'll both fit in that shower, and I definitely need more closet space."
He pulled her in between his legs, and she dropped the towel. He pressed his lips to her abdomen, kissing her dry. He felt her hands in his hair, and he pulled her down on top of him. She laughed throatily as he suckled her breasts, then hissed as he bit the tender skin at her neck. Her lips found his as she sank down onto him, taking all of him in.
He held her hips, letting her set the pace. She was in no hurry, teasing him with her undulating hips. Even though the pace was driving him wild, he was in no hurry to separate from her.
Finally they lay together, sated. The flat smelled of sex, of him and her. She lay next to him, her head on his chest, an arm draped over his torso and a leg thrown over his. His fingers tangled through her hair, and every now and then he would plant a quick kiss on her forehead.
" Did you mean it?" he asked, breaking the silence.
She stilled, looking up at him. " Which part?" she asked, caressing his chin with her fingers.
" You'd move in – here?" he asked.
" This is where you are," she said simply.
" I don't think I'm ready to go back," he said, hesitatingly. " Not yet."
She pulled away slightly, putting her head on the palm of her hand as she looked at him. " Okay."
He turned to face her, his hands caressing the dip of her waist. " How can it be okay? Why aren't you mad at me?"
" I am mad at you...mad because you never told me back then how bad things were getting. I thought we were in a relationship," she said.
" We were," he agreed.
Her hand ran up his chest and cupped his cheek. "A real relationship deals with the good and the bad. I hate that you felt so alone that you felt your only option was to leave," she said.
"I didn't want to drag you down with me. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't happy at the Ministry. You were just starting out with the Harpy's, doing so well," he said, his fingers running through the tendrils that draped close to her breast.
" You should have told me you weren't happy. I would have helped you, Harry," she chided softly.
He shook his head. He hadn't known how to even begin explaining back then. " I was tired of being me," he said again.
She looked thoughtful. " I get that. Merlin knows, Harry, you've given all of yourself to save our world. You threw yourself into the reconstruction at Hogwarts, then started your Auror training straight away. You never had time to stop and breathe."
"I wanted to stay busy. What was the alternative? Being alone at Grimmauld Place?" he asked defensively.
She stroked his cheek. "You should have written me, told me. Between me, Ron and Hermione, we would have figured out a way to help you," she said.
He nodded. "I went to their wedding," he admitted softly.
"I hoped you would. I told you enough details," she grinned.
"You looked beautiful. Hermione, wow, she made a stunning bride. It was a nice touch, Ron having your dad as his best man," he said.
Ginny shook her head. " Dad wasn't Ron's best man, he was simply a groomsman. Ron wouldn't have anyone else but you for a best man."
"Oh." He had missed his best friends, but when he had decided to leave, it had comforted him, knowing they had each other.
"They'll understand, Harry," said Ginny, reading his mind.
"How can you all forgive me for leaving without a word?" he asked.
"We hate to think of you suffering. We want to help you however we can. Ron and Hermione understood you needed time away from all the public scrutiny."
"No, it was wrong. I should have stayed, faced my responsibilities. I let you down, you and Teddy." That's what pained him the most.
" Teddy is too young to know you weren't around for that year. My family have helped Andromeda with him. We tell him about you, Harry, show him photos. He knows of you, and he wants to meet his godfather, when you're ready," she told him.
"I don't deserve you, any of you," he said quietly.
"You deserve peace of mind. You deserve not to be hounded over every aspect of your life. You deserve a life of happiness," she reproached him.
"The only time I was truly happy was when I was with you," he told her.
" You should have told me how things were," she repeated firmly.
"But the Harpy's-"
"Sod the Harpy's," she said. "You are more important to me."
"I didn't want you to give up on your dream," he told her.
"Harry, I have lots of dreams. We've made it kind of work this last year. I've been playing, you've been working. If you want to stay here as Evan, then that's what we'll do. We'll make it work, Harry," she said.
"I can't ask you to do that," he protested.
"You didn't ask, I offered. I just have two conditions," she said, nuzzling under his chin.
" Oh, what's that?" he asked, stroking her bare back.
"We let my family know you're okay, and we go visit Ron and Hermione. Let them see for themselves," she said.
He pondered for a brief second. " Fine, okay. I want to see Andromeda and Teddy too," he said.
" Good. Now for the second condition." She rolled him onto his back and settled over him.
"Go on," he encouraged, running his hands down her side.
"We definitely need a bigger bed," she said.
He smiled, and for the first time in a very long time, he felt that he could breathe, that everything was going to be okay.
" What about your apartment? Isn't that near here?" he asked.
" There is no apartment. I Apparated to my flat in Wales everytime I left here. Well, in stops, of course. But don't you have to be here?" she asked.
" Yeah. Ginny, you're going to move in here?" he asked, looking around his tiny flat.
She nodded. "We are not spending another night apart. Hermione told me about a wicked Extendable charm, she said you'd know it." She looked around too, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the coffee and cakes. "There are a lot of advantages to living above a café."
He chuckled and held her tighter. "What if I'm never ready to go back to that world?" he asked quietly.
She kissed him lightly. "We'll deal with that as it comes," she assured him.
"How did you find me, anyway?" he asked, as she began to wiggle interestingly on top of him.
"Would you believe, Percy's wife, Audrey? She works for the DMLE, in the Improper Use of Magic Office. She'd tell Percy when she received any notifications of unusual magic in Muggle areas because she knows we've been looking for you. We had suspected you'd gone to the Muggle world. Percy convinced her to let me come along when she came to check you out," she said. "She bought a bottle of water from you just before I came in. She told me she had detected magic had been used in the café."
"I managed to get by without magic for so long, then I just did a few cleaning charms one night," he explained.
"Well, thank Merlin you did," she told him, kissing his shoulder.
"So, we're doing this," he said.
She moved on top of him. "We are definitely doing this," she assured him.
"I love you," he told her. Love, worship, cherish. All good words when it came to his feelings for Ginny.
"And I love you," she replied, and the coffee and cakes stayed right where they were for a while longer.
/*/*/*/*
They managed to make it work. It was easier at first, because Ginny was on a summer break. But even when she returned to the Harpy's, they continued on as before, only now, Ginny came home to him when she wasn't travelling with the team.
They kept it a secret from Ginny's family only for a couple of weeks, then they returned, hand in hand, to the Burrow to celebrate Ginny's birthday. There was no recrimations, no harsh words, only tears of joy from Fleur and Andromeda, slaps on the back from Weasley brothers and smothering hugs from both Molly and Hermione.
He was introduced to Audrey, a bright, witty girl who brought out the better side of Percy. She held out her hand, but he pulled her in for a hug. "Thank you," was all he could say as she patted his back.
But surprisingly, it had been Arthur's emotional hug and his whisper of, "Son, it's good to have you home, you've been missed," that had the most impact on Harry. Both men's eyes were moist as they parted, with Arthur shaking his head at Harry's whispered apologies.
Ginny stood back, watching him interact with her family again. Hermione and Ron barely left his side and Molly piled his plate higher than ever. She smiled in amusement as he tried and failed to eat it all.
As he rocked a tired Teddy to sleep, still staring in awe at his godson, he explained how overwhelmed he had felt back then and why he felt he had to leave. He apologised for the way he left, and for not talking about his feelings or staying in touch.
Each member of the family took a moment to quietly welcome him home. Sure they had questions, but they could wait for another day, for they all had known of the pressure he'd been under. They all offered a shoulder, should he ever need one. George gestured to his one ear. "If you ever need to talk..." Next to him, Oliver chuckled. They had been a couple since George's birthday, when Oliver crashed the day long birthday celebrations at WWW and declared his love for George in front of any friends, family and surprised customers who happened to be in the store.
Ron was the quietest. Harry found him on the back porch, looking up at the sun, starting to set. He stood next to him, breathing in the familiar Burrow scents.
"I don't know how many nights I stood here, wishing you'd come home...hoping you were okay. Guess I should have known my sister would be the one to find you. Now you're back...but you're not staying?" asked Ron.
He shook his head slowly. "I don't know where I fit in. I don't want to be an Auror, I'm sick of seeing my face on the front page of the Daily Prophet, simply because I lunched at the Leaky or brought something at Diagon Alley. I don't want Ginny hassled by reporters over our relationship, or the stupid rumours that they spread. You know it ends up affecting the whole family. I don't think I can lead a normal life here in the wizarding world," he explained.
"Yeah," sighed Ron, "I get that. I just don't want you to go, and not see you again for months."
"We won't. We'll get together at least once a month. We'll come to your new home, and you'll come to the café. I'll make you a Frappacino," he said, trying to lighten the moment.
"You missed our wedding," said Ron quietly.
"I know. I'm sorry." Even though he had told them he had been there under his cloak, it wasn't the same and they both knew it.
"I always thought we'd be each other's best man. I needed you there. Hermione and I..." Ron bit his lip.
"I'm sorry," was all he could offer.
"Don't leave like that again," ordered Ron, gruffly. "If you're having a hard time, you talk to us and we'll figure something out. Gin, me and Hermione...we're your family. As well as that lot," he said, grinning as they looked back into the lounge of the Burrow.
He smiled. Ginny was nursing a sleeping Victoire while Hermione, Audrey and Percy were debating some Ministry rulings. Bill, Oliver and George were discussing the goblins at Gringott's, while Andromeda and Fleur helped Molly set up a birthday cake. Arthur listened in on all the conversations, contributing here and there.
It was comforting. It even sort of felt like home. But he wasn't quite there, not yet.
/*/*/*/*
Back in the Muggle world, he began to leave Ben in charge more and more, as he followed Ginny when the Quidditch season started again. They added another waitress, Jeanne, who fitted in well. The business was going steady, and all was well.
As he sat in the stands, watching one of Ginny's matches, he wondered what he could do if he returned to the wizarding world. He liked Hermione's suggestion of running a foundation to benefit many hit hardest by Voldemort's reign of terror. He just didn't feel like it was the sort of thing to keep him busy on a daily basis, and he needed to keep busy. In the end, he funded an orphanage, and set up a foundation to help children afford the basics of attending Hogwarts and for the third years and up to have a small stipend to spend at Hogsmeade. He had heard a lot of stories about children who couldn't afford to go as their parents had lost their jobs during the war, or were now injured and couldn't work. Angelina Johnson, now an accountant, oversaw the day to day duties of his foundations.
As the year ended and the new year began, he began to open up more to the idea of returning. He met up with Neville, Dean, Seamus, Parvati, Padma and Luna over the Christmas season. Again, all were happy to reconnect with him, and no-one was angry that he had left.
The Harpys weren't having a great season, and didn't make the finals. However, there were rumours that Ginny was being touted for the English team for the upcoming World Cup. The rumours turned out to be true.
Back at the café, changes were happening there. Nancy had finally saved enough to go travelling with her Tom. Helen was about to start her placement, and Stacey was involved with a nice man, one they all approved of. Her kids adored him and he couple were talking about moving in together, further away.
He began to think about a life away from the café. Ben was keen to take on more responsibility, so with some hesitation, he left Ben in charge while he accompanied Ginny to Spain for the World Cup. They then spent a week holidaying in Portugal before returning home.
However, the travelling bug had hit, and a few months later, when Ben said he was leaving to open his own café closer to the bustling city, he decided it was time to close Déja Brew. Ginny had heard rumours of being traded, and a bad injury led to her missing the second half of the season, so they both decided it was time to set out and make a life for themselves, together.
They planned to travel throughout Europe. They met up with Nancy and Tom in Rome and Luna and Rolf in Switzerland. They spent time with Bill, Fleur and Victoire in Paris, all staying with the Delacours. They met up with Ron and Hermione for a two week tour of Germany and Austria before visiting Charlie in Romania.
The stress of being Harry Potter now seemed far away. On their travels they were just another couple. He opened up more and more to Ginny and gradually, the haunted look that still figured in his eyes some mornings, began to disappear. Ginny was patient with him. Eighteen years of nightmares didn't go away overnight, but for the first time, as they planned a return to England, he looked forward to the future.
To Molly and Arthur's relief, they finally returned home and talked about settling down. They were married at the Burrow on September first, the date they'd met. They honeymooned in Greece, on the island of Mykonos. A teeny tiny bikini wasn't really required wearing on a honeymoon, but they sipped cocktails in a hammock near their villa and as he looked at the thick gold band on his finger, he realised he liked the idea that he finally belonged with someone.
They discussed their future plans, tossing up all possibilities open to them both. In the end, they accepted an offer that had been made to him often over the years. He would take the dark arts teaching position at Hogwarts and Ginny had taken the flying instructor position. They brought a house near Hogsmeade and set about making it into a home.
The wizarding world went crazy once the Daily Prophet announced his return and subsequent marriage. With Hermione's help he released a simple statement. He had done what he had had to do. He was looking forward to his new postion at Hogwarts and to married life. After all this time, he simply wished to be left alone to get on with his life. He thanked those people who had sent gifts and good wishes and he thanked his family and friends for their ongoing support.
But the interest would not go away. The press demanded more answers, but Harry had none to give. His friends and family defended him, insisting he and Ginny be left alone to live their lives.
It was as if he had lived two lives. He rarely discussed his Voldemort days. That was then and this was now. There were more important things in his life these days.
He woke early, this particular day. It was Saturday, so no classes. He and Ginny had the weekend free, and were planning a night in with Ron and Hermione and Neville and Hannah Longbottom.
He slipped out of bed, still liking to spoil Ginny with a coffee early in the he hoped to hop back under the covers and spend most of the morning there with his wife. Married life was brilliant.
However, one whiff of the coffee sent Ginny running to the loo. As he looked on helplessly, she retched over and over. Looking pale and wan, she showered and brushed her teeth, then returned to the bedroom, once he had assured her the coffee was gone.
"Should I call a healer? Can I get you anything? Call your mum?" he asked worriedly as she settled in bed.
She smiled serenely, patting the bed next to her. He lay next to her carefully, not wanting to make any motion that might make her sick again.
"I'm fine," she told him, smiling brilliantly. She took his hand and lay it on her abdomen. "I'm pregnant."
He felt both scared and thrilled. They'd talked about children but that had seemed a long way into the future. Now, the future was here, resting under his hand, under her skin. Their child, growing minute by minute.
Everything seemed to fall into place the minute James Sirius was born. It had been an interesting nine months, with wild mood swings from Ginny that even had Peeves watching what he said to her as she walked down the halls of Hogwarts.
But as Harry held his son, he immediately felt a love from out of nowhere. His child, a part of him and Ginny. He was a father! Once again, he would be called upon to protect, to give all of himself. Only this time, he would do so willingly. He now understood and felt the love of his parent's sacrifice for him. He would do the same for James in a heartbeat, and looking at a sweaty but euphoric Ginny, he knew she would do the same.
This is why he had returned. For the chance of a future. A life with Ginny. He'd nearly messed it up pretty bad, but he knew he would never be so foolish again. As he lay his son on Ginny's chest and watched him suckle, Harry finally felt whole.
After a stroll around Convent Gardens and then a leisurely lunch, they took baby James to the café on a sunny day out in Muggle London. After their time in it, it had been another café, then a juice bar. Now it lay dormant; abandoned. "This is where your mummy found me," he whispered, squatting down next to his six month old son in his pram. "Found me and saved me, I reckon."
James waved his hands excitedly around at the mention of his mummy. "We lived up in that tiny room," he told James, pointing up at the flat. The window was smashed and grafitti covered the wall.
"Remember that tiny bed you first had," teased Ginny.
"Uh, uh," grunted James, which he took to mean "up." Harry lifted him out of his pram. The little boy giggled gleefully.
"I used to think those were the best days. Just me and your mummy, in that tiny flat. But every day since then has been even better, especially since we had you," he said to his son.
"Mummm Mummm Mummm," mumbled James, his fist in his mouth. He suspected it was time for a feed.
"Come on, love. Let's go home," suggested Ginny, taking their son from his daddy. He handed his son over, then draped his arm over her shoulder as he looked down at his precious family. They walked to the Apparation point close to the café. He never looked back.
The Boy Who Lived was a myth. The Chosen One, long gone. Now, Harry Potter was a husband and father. Those were the titles that meant most to him, and always would.
~END~
A/N A huge thanks to CharmHazel for her ongoing Brit advice. Sarah, what would I do without you? Also, to Google for the many coffee memes and quotes I scrolled through. And to you, dear readers, each and every one of you. You inspire me and support me – I can't tell you what that means to me. Thanks xx