Bright light seeped into the room, casting the shadows further and further back until the whole room was bathed in a soft glow. Hermione woke up like she always did; bright eyed and ready to face the day. Confusion filled her as she realized that she wasn't in her normal room, with a heavy cat on her chest demanding to be fed, but under a blanket fort. She looked at her arm and her breath caught when she realized that there was a masterpiece there, not that horrid word.

"I do fully expect to get a lecture from your mother next time she sees me." said a casual voice to her left. Her head whipped to the side, and she saw Harry sitting on the edge of the bed, two cups in his hands. She took the offered cup and breathed in deep: Jasmine Tea, just like she liked it.

"I would never let her yell at you. It was my choice, after all."

Harry chuckled and shook his head. "Their darling Hermione would never have such a rebellious idea." His tone was light, and Hermione knew that if this had been before the war, his eyes would have been as laughing as his tone, but no longer. Harry could pretend all he wanted, but his eyes were just so….dead. It scared her sometimes.

"Their darling Hermione erased their memories, or did you forget?" was her dry reply. He laughed at this, this time she could tell it was genuine. Silence filled the room.

"Do you think everything will always be this complicated? Do you think that things will ever be simple?" She asked, breaking the silence. She wondered that alot. Ever since the war was fought and won, she wondered when the calm after the storm would finally happen. In her books, it seemed to come much sooner, and Hermione was tired of waiting. She wanted some semblance of normalcy for once in her life.

Harry was quiet for a few more minutes, before he turned his full attention onto her. It was an odd thing, having all of Harry's attention on you. Hermione felt like one of the few that knew how to deal with it. Harry had always been… intense. He was a dork, funny, and easy to get along with, but he always had this intensity in his stare that was intimidating to most people. It showed some of what his childhood was like, not that Hermione would really know.

She knew less and less about Harry these days, and the thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I think that the entire universe is completely dependent on balance," was his soft reply. "And everyone assumes that that balance is the balance between light and dark. But there are things at work so much bigger than that. Every person has a complimentary other half, every evil has an equal good, and every action has an equal and opposite reaction."

His green eyes bore into her, almost begging her to understand. And she did.

It was childish to assume that everything would be fixed once Voldemort was dead. There were still families ripped apart, parentless children, homes and businesses destroyed. Just because Hogwarts was back to its former glory said nothing of the rest of the wizarding world.

"Muggles call it the Chaos Theory. That everything seems to have order and make sense, but to a degree, everything has this room for leeway, or chaos. We see it everywhere; There are things we know and understand, down to the last cell, that reacts in ways that we have no way to predict or control. And those few things that were outside of Dumbledore's control have finally revealed themselves, and this time we dont have some guy playing god to help us find the answer." The tone Harry used toward the end was almost angry, and if Hermione wasn't glad to hear some emotion, she might cry at the betrayal in his voice. She took his hand, looking down at the beautiful flower blooming on his hand that looked just like the ones on her arm.

"We have done things much harder, I am ready for whatever life throws at us next." she said simply. She felt him tense, his fingers gripping hers very briefly, before relaxing. Hermione knew he didn't feel the same way.

Harry was done with words and she could see it in his face, so she released his hand and dressed in clothes at least appropriate enough for the Great Hall. She could recall the previous 6 years and how prim and proper she was, but she was tired and she had done enough following the rules for a lifetime. Harry and her walked hand and hand into the Great Hall, whispers breaking out as soon as they were seen.

They took their seat with the rest of their year, eyes nervously glancing over at her to see if she really is as calm as she looks. She gives them all a bright smile, trying to convey how much she appreciates their concern.

"Oh my god Hermoine, what is THAT?" it was Ginny who broke the silence. Hermione looked down at her arm which was now being zeroed in on by at least 15 others. Ron shoved his chair back as fast as he could, and had her forearm in a grip before Hermione could blink.

"This is what you call 'keeping her safe'? Getting a fucking tattoo?!" Ron roared at a blank faced Harry, his face gaining more color with each passing second. "First, she only calms down to you, not me, her fucking BOYFRIEND and now you drag her to the MUGGLE WORLD to get a fucking TATTOO which could get infected and lead to death. Are you FUCKING kidding me?"

Harry didn't bother responding, pushing around the oatmeal in the bowl in front of him with disinterest. He did lift his face to give Ron a blank stare, but that just seemed to feed into rons rage.

"You have been like this since the Last Battle. All 'woe is me' like you lost the most. You dont even fucking know what its like to have a family, let alone what it would be like to lose a family member. Your fucking family just beat you, it doesnt give you anything to miss." he hissed. The words hung in the air, suspended, before crashing onto the floor as the whole Great Hall went into an uproar about the alleged abuse. The color drained from Ron's face, and he opened his mouth, most likely to try to fix the damage caused, but it was too late.

Everyone knew.

/

He guesses he should be used to this by now. The dramatic declaration. Dumbledore waited to tell him to die through Snape. That he was a wizard. That Sirius and Remus, Tonks, Moody, and Fred were all dead and that it was his fault, though the last part was always implied.

It would make sense that the abuse he tried to forget would be brought up in such a dramatic fashion, and the icing on the cake was that it was Ron, his best mate, who was the one telling everyone. He knew that he would lose the Weasleys because of breaking up with Ginny, but the selfish part of him had always hoped that Ron wouldn't be part of that collateral. He was sorely mistaken.

He knew that Draco was staring at him, probably trying to be the first to rub salt in the wound. He could almost see the headline

'The Boy-Who-Lived-Twice, Victim to more than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's Wrath.'

Harry felt physically nauseous. There were many things he did not think about. The hell that encompassed his entire childhood was one of those things. Harry hated being the victim. He vowed to never feel that small again, and look where he was? His hands shook as he quietly stood up. He voices in his direct vicinity quieted, and he could feel too many stares boring into his head, asking for answers without having to speak at all. But he didn't owe anybody anything, let alone answers. And he wasn't the person who needed to answer for that, that was dumbledore, whether he was dead or not.

"Harry...mate look.." Ron started, wringing his hands together.

"I think there has been enough said for one day. We have a full day full of classes ahead of us, and I need to get ready." he said.

"I-I'm.."

"Don't bother. I am going to my room now." he voice was so quiet that he knew that Ron realized just how bad of a mistake he had made.

He got up without another word, and made his way out of the Great Hall, every eye focused on him in a way that made him feel physically ill. He wondered if he would ever be anything other than a basket case.

The cigarette tasted like ash and peace, at least it felt that way. He could feel the death swirling in his lungs before it laid to wait until enough accumulation would suffocate Harry, but Harry knew he wouldn't last that long. He felt like there was a countdown clock over his head, and he didn't even care that it moved quicker and quicker with each passing day.

"What are you doing?" the voice sounded like sex, and jesus christ, Harry hoped he didnt make any jokes about sucking his dick because Harry would. Without question. Enthusiastically. If Draco just kept talking in that voice that was like melted chocolate. He had to bite back his own moan.

He turned his full gaze to take Draco in. Gone was his usual look, the look he always has when he looks at Harry. The look of disgust. It was a glorifying change, and Harry's heart pounded in his chest, instincts begging to show his neck and do whatever he said. Repulsion filled him upon realizing his own behavior. Willing to put out to someone who doesn't even want him, how low he has fallen?

"Its a cigarette. They are…. One use tobacco pipes."

Draco rolled his eyes. "I am not a dunce, unlike you, Potter. I didn't ask what it WAS, I asked what you were doing."

"Then it seems pretty obvious."

The room grew quiet. Harry leaned out the window, hand holding the cigarette dangling in the wind.

"They release a just of hormones that make you feel good, just for a moment. And they help me put my thoughts in order. After the morning I had, you dont blame me, do you?" he asked, tilting his head in Draco's direction.

"What is that?!" Dracos asked suddenly, striding towards him swiftly and grabbing his forearm.

Desire shot through Harry like a bullet, and he looked at the ring on Draco's finger that kept him from wanting Harry like Harry wanted Draco, and realized that even if he took it off he wouldn't love Harry. Draco didn't want him, and he shouldn't ever let himself forget that.

Because deep down, Harry knew that there was one thing that Vernon Dursley was right about. Freaks don't deserve to be loved.

"Its a tattoo. I got it with Hermione."

Draco just stared at it for a moment, before bringing Harry's hand up to his face. With bated breath, Harry watched Draco, knowing there was no way that he would kiss his hand but wanting gentle contact. Before Harry could so much as breathe, the contact was gone, and Draco had taken the cigarette right out of his mouth.

He stared at it intently, creases forming between his eyebrows that Harry wanted to soothe away. He fumbled with his pack, before taking out another cigarette.

"Show me." Draco demanded, gray eyes drilling holes in his head. Harry didn't need to be told twice. Without a word, his own cigarette burned to life, and Harry saw Draco's eyes widen.

"You just inhale deep, let it fill your lungs, then exhale. Might take a few hits before you feel it, but I promise there's a reason people die for these."

Draco took it, and lifted it to his mouth, inhaling deeply before...coughing miserably out the window.

"What the Fuck was That!"

Harry laughed, a deep one that rose up from his stomach that bubbled over before he could even stop himself.

"They are strong, I tried to tell you, but you didn't want to listen."

A killer glare was his only response.

"Here, like this," Harry took the cigarette from his fingers, careful not to touch him. "Put it between your lips," he could taste the hint of Draco and he never knew life could taste so sweet. Jesus he wanted to kiss him. He would do anything for just one kiss. "And inhale. Careful at first, don't do one too big." he held his hand out so Draco could take it.

The second try was met with less coughing. Draco's shoulders hunched forward and his eyes slid shut. His entire body seemed to untense, and Merlin, Harry wanted to show him how much better it could be if it was Harry making him cu-

"Jesus, Potter, where do you get these?"

"Muggle London. They sell them everywhere. I snuck away while Hermione was eying a bookstore in Muggle London."

"How did you even get out of Hogwarts?"

"After...everything, she is pretty fond of me." Harry said casually as he puffed on his own cigarette, looking at Draco out of the corner of his eyes.

"She? Are you daft, Potter? Did you finally lose it? Ive been saying that since 5th year but no one ever listens to me." Draco grumbled and this time Harry really did have to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing. If only it felt like this all the time. If only this stupid blonde wasnt the center of his entire universe.

"You mean you think Hogwarts is a boy?" Was Harry's quick jab back. "She kept an entire rebellion housed inside her, refused to cooperate with those she didn't deem worthy, and protected countless students from being slaughtered in cold blood. She is a mother if i have ever seen one."

"That doesn't answer my question. What is it about you that she likes so much?"

"I have never known another home and she knows it."

There was a beat of silence. The silence that showed a more human side of Draco Malfoy. But he was scared, and he didn't trust anyone, so Harry wasn't expecting anything more than a joke about how his parents are dead. But also, he felt this bubbling need to tell Draco. To tell him about the cupboard under the stairs at 3 Pivet Drive and about Vernon Dursley and all the countless things he told Harry that he would never have. He wanted to show him the scars, and the stories behind them all.

But just like all the moods of Draco Malfoy, the moment was over and his mood had shifted back to his holier-than-thou before Harry could open his mouth and verbally vomit out the truth.

"It must suck to know that no one ever truly cares about you except for the few that you almost killed every year," was the sneer he got in reply. He looked out of the corner of my eye and for the first time since the day he killed Voldemort, he understood why the Universe had put him and Draco together. His entire body was tense as a bowstring, ready to hurl a bow with deadly accuracy at whoever dared try to see past the mask he put in place. There was a cold and almost cruel look in his eyes.

Those were the eyes of someone who has been at the other side of something they didn't understand or deserve. Draco had been abused. He didn't know how long. He didn't know how, but Harry had never been wrong about this. He knew that look all too well. He saw that same look every time he cleaned up the blood off him after a beating for something he never deserved. Draco turned dramatically, flicking the cigarette out the window and watching as the ward sparks and burns in.

"I keep them in a box under the bed if you ever want one."

"Unlike you, poor abused Potter, I dont need to escape my problems or my life because its way fucking better than yours. I am not the one whose own family couldn't even stand to look at them. Pathetic, Potter, truly pathetic," was spat so bitterly that it almost surprised Harry until he saw the flash of pain in the blondes face.

Harry Potter knew many things, and even as the love of his life stormed away, slamming the door so hard Harry's ears rang, he knew that he had seen the closest glimpse of the real Draco Malfoy since the lingering moment when he had given him his wand back.

And he still wasn't frightened.

Maybe Harry's own thoughts were already coming back to bite him in the butt.

To love a Malfoy is to be a masochist.

There were some people that just rubbed him wrong in every way entirely. But there was only one person in this entire god forsaken world that could make him half as unrefined as this.

Harry FUCKING Potter.

Draco had to worry about school and finding enough time to do who and what he wanted, he didn't need to have to worry about poor savior Potter. Draco didn't CARE that he was beaten. He doesn't care that that one fact explains SO MUCH. Explains why Harry looked so scared the day Draco met him. Explains why he isn't answering Draco's questions with the same gusto the other children his age had. Explains why that look in his eye was always so familiar.

Why he always winced more during their fistfights right when they came back from summer break, Potter a good ten pounds lighter.

Draco's teeth grit further as his hands involuntarily went towards his shoulder, fingers clasping his shoulders and fingertips grazing the thick marks horizontal across his shoulder blades. He quickly recoiled his hand, like it burned, and shook the thoughts away.

He was nothing like Potter and he didn't need anyone's pity. Everyone had scars from the war, he was no different. Most of them probably didnt have it done by their own father for his failure to follow his deranged psychopath's demands, but a punishment is a punishment. And without Draco, his Noble House of Malfoy would end with his father.

He quickened his pace towards the Slytherin dorms, knowing there was only one thing in this world that could make him feel better. That could make him forget.

As lips trailed across the skin of his chest, eyes cast towards the canopy, heart numb, a feeling clicked in his chest, just like it had ever since he got here, like a countdown timer to something he couldn't even begin to know the repercussions of.

But Draco didnt want to remember that right now, so he pushed it aside, hoping and praying it was just another stupid Veela thing that would go away.

Because Ignorance is Bliss.

Green eyes glowed in the unlit room. Wings were wrapped around a small figure in a bed shrouded by curtains, but the figure was perched at the end of the bed, staring through the curtains at the empty bed across from his.

His mate had ended his festivities a few hours ago, but there was something about the night that robbed him of sleep. Maybe it was because of how beautiful the moon looked, beaming through the window. Maybe it was because of how long and boring classes were when you didn't have people trying to kill you….constantly. Maybe it was because Draco wasn't there and that was just a reminder as to all-the-reasons-Harry's-life-sucked.

But Veelas had a closeness to the moon. Before Harry even realized, his feet moved and he was standing in the window, bathing in the glow of the moon. His wings, blackened as they were, stretched back, the white catching the moonbeams and for a moment, his veela felt serene.

Then the door hit the wall, and Harry turned to see Draco Malfoy standing there, eyes wide as a soft gasp left his lips. His eyes raked up and down Harry, but Harry took a step back.

But that wasn't very submissive of him. Draco instincts made him move before he was even aware of what he was doing. He lunged forward, grabbing his arm, and it was only when his eyes landed on the tattoo on his hand that he froze. Gray eyes widened in horror as he dropped Harry's arm.

"No." The word hurt so much worse than it had before. Because this was a real rejection. Harry could see the look of devastation on his face. Of pure and utter horror at the aspect of being stuck with Harry for the rest of his life. Then the anger came and Harry knew that he didn't have to wait for this to kill him, Draco might just do it himself.

Harry used his wings to propel him forward, feeling like if he was going to make another sacrifice for the man in front of him then he would take a small reward this time. His fingers framed his face and his lips pressed against his, light as a feather. It happened so fast that Draco didn't even have a moment to react.

And it was like Harry's entire world came together. He didn't care about anything as long as he had this moment to remember for the rest of his life even if the next few words out of mouth tasted bitter and full of pain.

"I know you could never want me, so I will spare you the pain. If you never even get to acknowledge the bond without that ring on, you will be okay. I will always love you, Draco. Please forgive me. Obliviate."

Tears were held back as Harry went back to his bed, feeling so stupid and so heartbroken at that horrible look on Draco's face that he had always wanted to avoid.

And unbeknownst to them, Draco's ring cracked.

Snape's soft footsteps echoed through the empty hallways. Even without the Dementors, the place was still filled with crying and moaning, and no matter what they did to try to make the place more habitable, Azkaban was just a dark and cold place, tainted by darkness.

"Ah, Professor Snape, are you here to deliver the potions to those of creature inheritances?" asked a cheerful security guard as Snape showed him his proof of visitation.

"Just like every other month, you buffoon. I would think even a half-wit like you could figure something like that out quicker. Try as I did to teach you, it seems like it was all in vain, was it not, Mr. Chambers." Drawled Snape.

The dark haired wizard just grinned good-naturedly at the Potions Professor attitude, the Hufflepuff used to the professors tough disposition.

"Have a great day, Professor," was called happily after him. Snape just rolled his eyes at the idiocy. He didn't even need the map to find where he needed to go. Azkaban wasnt where creatures were left to rot after legislation were passed at the Ministry of Magic. They got the same treatments as any other inmate. This is where Snape was forced into making the very complicated and ridiculous potions.

He administered them to the few patients there were, directly and without more than a few words, until he got to the last cell.

"Hello, Sev." said a melodic voice from the dark cell. Tired gray eyes looked at

Sev through greasy blonde hair. This was far from his beautiful vision of a mate he was used to, but Severus still lost his breath for a moment. "I would like to imagine that there is a beautiful sun out today, and it's the perfect temperature for lunch in the gardens."

"It's night you buffoon. I had to teach classes. Can barely see the stars tonight. Do you know you live in a place with almost constant overcast?" was the harsh response. A guard unlocked the cell and nodded at Severus, stating his usual spiel about a ten minute limit.

"You look beautiful." was the first thing that came from the blonde once they were alone. Severus didn't know what to say. He wasn't pretty, he knew that. He never understood why Lucius always wanted to try to lie to him.

"Take these." Said Severus, pushing vials into his hands. Lucius accepted, still staring at Severus with such an intense expression

"I think about you every day. I wonder what you are doing. I wonder how things are going. I have had a lot of time to think about everything I have ever done to get to where I am, and I want you to move into the Manor once I get out of this vile place. Narcissa loves you and I am sure she wouldn't suspect a thing. We have been friends for so long. And you can quit Hogwarts and work for one of the many firms I own in potions or potions supplies." Lucius says so casually you would think he was just talking about the weather.

Severus' hands stilled. How could the man be so cruel? How could he be so unaware of how another living beings feelings?

That was when Snape understood. He understood why Harry was choosing to just die. He understood how truly lonely his life was, he had just been so distracted. Severus never realized that it didn't matter how selfish Lucius was, he was stuck here and would be for another 4 year and 10 month, and 2 days.

And that it wasn't Lucius that was in charge. Not anymore.

"I won't. I won't move into the Manor. I won't share you anymore. I won't live this half life that you have set me up for. I won't live with my mate refusing to even accept me in public. I have lived a life so ashamed of being unworthy of your love, when what I was really unworthy of was someone who wouldn't so much as give me the only thing I ever wanted. The only thing I ever craved. Someone to love me." Tears dropped out of black eyes, down a stoic face, and Severus couldn't remember crying more in the last six month than he had since he had been rejected.

"Severus, it's not that si-" Lucius started, chained hands raising towards Severus.

"No. When you love someone, you make sacrifices. I know my worth now, Lucius. I am a world recognized Potion's Master, was the only double agent for the war, and one of the few people who has an Order of Merlin. I might be a half-blood, but I worked for my life and everything I built. I will cease all contact with you if you don't choose me. I have given you so much time and you have just taken more and more."

Lucius' nostrils flared. "Do you think I have not suffered for us?! Do you think I want it this way?"

"I know you are the only one that could change it, and you haven't. I can't wait for you to give me light for a mere moment just to take it away again."

Gray eyes and black eyes bore into each other. The war had taken many things from Lucius Malfoy, but Severus' could see the pride still swirling in their depths. His stomach clenched as Lucius grabbed his face and kissed him hard. Severus' knees went weak as he grasped the rough material of the blondes shirt. The kiss was over before Severus could blink.

Cold gray eyes pierced into him.

"Then leave."

And with tears burning his eyes for the final time over Lucius Malfoy, he walked away from the man he loved, wondering how he, and Harry Potter of all people, could be unlucky enough to get the two most selfish men in the entire world.

…

Been forever, eh? Thank you for reading and thank you for the last review I got. Your kind words are the reason this chapter exists. If you have anything to say or catch any mistakes, I am always looking to improve.

Thank You so much.