Author's Note: I'm very sorry for that LOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait, guys. Three
things have kept me from continuing this fic: School (regular and summer
classes), writer's block (EVIL!!!) and depression. Yes, you can't write a
humor fic if you're depressed! @_@ Anyway, I'm finally out of summer
classes, I've got the urge to write, and I'm not depressed anymore (or at
least I don't think so XD; ) All right, now for the drill...... I don't own
StarFox. Nintendo does. I don't own the Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner,
Warner Bros. does. The monkeys with three butts idea belongs to my eighth
grade teacher (or whoever got that idea). I dunno who owns Cat-Dog, I think
Nickelodeon does.... I know I don't. All that I own is this fic. This fic's
genre is Humor/Drama (what's not so dramatizing about having a baby?!) and
is rated PG-13 for crude humor, some language, and Pigma's demented
perversion (stoopid piggy), and drug references (hopefully only this
chapter). And no, Crasher, I'm not on drugs! I don't do drugs, I know what
that does to one's body! ::drinks a bottle of frappuccino then bounces off
the walls:: Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!
Men with white jackets: Grab her! ::they grab her, wrap her with the white jacket then throw her in a padded room::
Imagen: I'm not insane!
Leon: That's what you think.
Imagen: Hey, what are you doing here? You don't even belong to this story!
Leon: Um......... ::slips away::
* ** *** ** *
Please review after reading. Thank you.
~~Imagen~~
Chapter 4: "We Have to Tell James the News!"
"Vixy?" Peppy asked as he turned back in his seat while driving back to the Cornerian Base. They were halfway there in the freeway, but even then Vixy didn't say a word. "Vixy," he continued, "are you all right?"
Vixy's ears perked. She muttered, "Yes, I'm fine..."
"You don't sound like it..."
"Hey, wasn't she in the middle of the rabid hamster attack back at Save-On as well?" Pigma questioned as he poked a hoof on his lagomorphine pal's shoulder.
Vixy shook her head. "No... I was in the bathroom the whole time."
"The bathroom? What were you doing in the bathroom the whole time?"
The vixen became quiet again, even during the time when Peppy ran over a one-legged possum.
As a dragonfly squished into the car's windshield, Vixy decided to speak up. "So... did you buy the food?"
The car bounced again a two-headed gopher. Peppy answered, as he looked back, "They're all in the trunk. Sorry, Vixy." The vixen grumbled as an earthworm with a parachute squished into the windshield. The road trip then became quiet again for five minutes.
After running over a sleeping cow, Vixy decided to break the silence. "What did you guys buy?"
"Chips, ice cream, frozen pasta for the cafeteria, cookies, and some cups of noodles," Peppy replied calmly as a little canary squished into the windshield. "That's it."
Pigma glanced at the rabbit. "You didn't buy it?"
"Buy what?"
Vixy watched nervously as Pigma started breaking out into really fake wailing, making Peppy realize what he was talking about (but not Vixy) and pull out a harisen from outta nowhere then smack him on the head. The car bounced again when it ran over a purple dinosaur with a "Will Work For Kids (And perhaps some weed)" sign in his short arms. After that, it was quiet again.
Pigma got sick of the silence (as well as the strangeness in the road trip). "Gawddammit, Vixy, you're hiding something! I know it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been acting rather strangely lately! You've been eating like a famished rat on Christmas Day, you mentioned fainting earlier today, your boobs somehow gotten bigger-"
Vixy slapped him on the spot.
"Incoming!" Peppy cried out as they ran over blue roadrunner, screeching out "Beep beep! Beep- EEP!!!" The car screeched to a halt after they felt it bump several times and before a large brown coyote crept under it and dragged the bird away, licking his lips (I always wanted Wile E. to catch that stoopid Roadrunner ^^; Sorry, Roadrunner fans!)
The vixen panted for breath. "What now?!"
"The car! It stopped!" Peppy cried out as he stamped on the gas pedal and shifted the gear.
Pigma moaned. "Then make it go!"
"Don't tell me we're out of gas..." Vixy moaned.
The rabbit leaned forward to look at his car's status. "Not only we're out of gas, I overheated the engine-"
"We're screwed!" Pigma groaned.
"I don't feel good...." Vixy started to mutter, covering her mouth.
Both the rabbit and pig turned to the vixen, seeing her face turn green. Pigma grumbled, "Oh, no, Vixy, you're not gonna-"
"URRGH...... HURK.....BLEEEECH!!!!"
Vixy ducked to the car floor and began vomiting. Peppy cried out, "Vixy! We just had this car cleaned!"
Pigma saw a little yellow duckling come from where Vixy vomited. It quacked a few times before it hopped on the pig's head and out the window.
Peppy stared. "Now that was.... random."
"Where did that duck come from?" Pigma asked.
Vixy looked in all sides. "I though it was a marshmallow peep...."
***
"Man, it's hot out here..." Pigma groaned as he leaned on the car as Peppy dialed for a tow by his cellular phone. Vixy out in the bushes by the freeway, vomiting.
The pig turned to the vixen. "Are you quite finished?"
"Almost..." Vixy coughed. She hurled one more time, coughing out a little diced carrot rowing on top of a piece of celery and using toothpicks to row. Pigma watched the little vegetable row off.
"O.... kay...."
"I'm really sorry about that..." Vixy groaned as she wiped her mouth.
Peppy clapped his cell phone closed and turned to his companions. "The tow truck won't be coming until four hours...."
"Four hours?! Why in the world would they take four hours until they get here?"
"Well, all the tow trucks in the area are already taken... they're busy towing away cars that have been by one-legged possums, two-headed gophers, sleeping cows, and a man impersonating a children's TV character with marijuana in his pants."
Pigma and Vixy turned to glance at each other.
"Let's just walk..." Pigma continued. "I already told the tow truck to tow the car to the Cornerian Base, and it's a ten minute drive there. If we walk, we can make it there in about an hour or two."
"An hour?! Two?!" Pigma squealed. "I don't wanna walk for over an hour!"
"Well, would you rather wait four LONG hours for the tow truck to arrive?"
Pigma turned to the freeway. Behind them, a car ran over a purple Teletubby and flattened its wheel while the Teletubby spilled its bag of ecstasy all over the road. He turned back to Peppy, "The road's dangerous, and the show's pretty entertaining........ let's walk back."
Vixy nodded in agreement.
***
"What a day..." Peppy muttered under his breath as half an hour already passed.
Pigma sat down on a rock. "I think I'll put this in the list of 'The Worst Day of my Entire Life' and put it in number four."
The rabbit turned to the pig and sat down by him. "What are the first, second, and third worst days of your life?"
"Third- when I was hit by a steamroller and taken to a butcher shop instead of the hospital."
"Oooh, I remember that... those meat hooks never looked pretty."
"Second- when I got shot down by this hot babe I've been having my eyes on for a long time, got pitched in a dumpster, then taken by the garbage men to a dump fifty miles away."
"I think I was out of town at that time..."
"Number one- I woke up with a piranha chewing on my two, three goats eating my underwear, four cows eating my breakfast, and a truck with farm and zoo animals crashed through my living room wall. If that wasn't so bad, I got hit by a car driven by monkeys with three butts, and this cat-dog creature with heads at both ends was chasing me until it was able to bite my-"
"Hey, fellas!" a deep voice called out. Both the pig and rabbit turned to the road, seeing a large frog driving a T-Bird.
"Beltino?!"
"James has been calling you guys on your phones, but no one answered. I knew where you are, so I told him that I'd be picking you up! However, when I saw that the Save-On nearby the McDonald's was being inspected for rabid hamsters, I knew already that you'd be coming back here!"
"Oh, that's right," Peppy murmured. "I told you we'd be going to the nearest fast food restaurant..."
"Where's Vixy?"
"Vixy?" Peppy and Pigma looked in all directions. Beltino leaned out the window to find Vixy sitting solemnly alone on a rock further away from where the men are.
The frog and pig looked at the rabbit. "I'll go get her," Peppy said as he walked off. He slowly approached the vixen who was muttering to herself. Before he went on telling her it was time to go, he decided to listen.
"James... um..." Vixy murmured. "How am I going to say this?... Do you like kids? Oh...... okay..... well.... what would you say that...... no, that won't work-"
"What are you muttering about?" Peppy asked curiously.
Vixy nearly fell off the rock. "Peppy!"
"Well?"
"I was......... um..... I... was-"
"It's not what you were, it's you are...." a smile appeared on the rabbit's face. "You fainted.... you've been eating a lot, and you threw up...."
"It could be BECAUSE I was eating a lot!"
"You sound like there was another reason!"
Vixy hesitated. She managed a weak smile and started confessing. "The reason I was in the bathroom during the rabid hamster invasion was that...... I was taking a pregnancy test-"
"Oh, my gawd..... and the results?"
"Positive."
Peppy placed his brown paws over his mouth. Vixy started crying.
***
"Here we are!" Beltino told the trio by the time he arrived at the Base with them. Vixy was sleeping peacefully on Peppy's lap. Pigma was peeping at her panties again, but luckily Beltino caught him and smacked him with a wrench.
Peppy was the first to step out, with Vixy in his arms. Pigma stepped out next. "So.... she's gonna have a litter?"
"We're not quite sure if she's going to have a litter. Vixy herself and even James were born in single births. It could be possible that Vixy is having just one baby."
"Who knows... she'll have to see a doctor soon."
Beltino placed the parking brake in his car and stepped out. "Well, fellas, how are you going to tell James the news?"
"Excuse us?" the pig and rabbit said in unison.
"Well, aren't you guys gonna tell him? Vixy's asleep, and it's best to let her sleep. James should know about this as soon as possible; after all, he's the father."
Peppy turned to his piggy comrade. "We were thinking of waiting until Vixy wakes up so she can tell him herself. I think it's better that way when the expectant mother tells the expectant father about their upcoming child."
"Well.... do you think that this kind of news should wait?"
Pigma turned to Vixy, who was sleeping peacefully like an angel (do angels drool? Cuz Vixy is @_@). He turned to Beltino, smiling. "I think we can tell him ourselves."
***
"Dr. Andross!" Peppy and Pigma cried out as soon as they saw the primate scientist limp in the halls. Andross turned to them, wearing a bandage around his head, ankles, and arms, and band-aids all over his face and neck. The pig and rabbit stopped dead in their tracks. "What happened to you?! You look like you fell in a pit of rattlesnakes!"
"More like a vat of mustard, thank you very much," Andross mumbled dryly. He limped to them a bit closer, "What do you want?"
"Have you seen James around?"
"Why?"
"We..... eh......" they looked at each other. "We have to tell them about Vixy!"
"What about Vixy?"
"She's pregnant!"
"She's what?!" Andross accidentally stepped with his foot sideways and toppled over. "Ow!"
"Are you all right?!" Pigma ran to Andross's side, Peppy doing the same.
Andross waved an injured hand. "No, no, I'm fine, but........ Vixy's pregnant?! Litter or single?"
"We don't know.... we just found out today. Vixy too."
"You went to the hospital?"
"No. The nearest Save-On, actually. We were there because we were buying food. Meanwhile, Vixy took one of those home pregnancy tests."
"Have you heard about the rabid hamster attack there?"
Peppy and Pigma looked at each then back to Andross. "We were there."
"Oh, my gawd..... was it bad?"
"You have no idea..........."
"Well, I heard James was looking for Vixy around the Base. The last place I saw him was near the Southern Division."
Peppy widened his eyes. "Southern Division?! Isn't that place under reconstruction?"
"If you're going to meet him there, here." Andross held out a pair of broken glasses. "James accidentally dropped and broke his glasses while trying to run from a runaway giant Garfield, Snoopy, and Bugs Bunny balloons."
"First Disneyland now the Rose Parade?"
"We have to get James quick!" Pigma cried out as he snatched the glasses away and ran off to the Southern Division.
Andross watched anxiously. "Why?"
"You don't know James like we do," Peppy chuckled nervously. "Without his glasses, he's blinder than a bat!"
"Actually, some species of bats have very excellent sense of sight, if not hearing and smell-"
"Whatever! Thanks, and see ya, Andross!"
"Um........ bye?"
***
"I seem to be lost...." James murmured to himself as he was hoisted away fifty feet from the ground on a wooden plank by a crane. "This doesn't seem to be the elevator........ I think I'll try someplace else."
Peppy and Pigma ran by just in time, only to see James lift a foot to step off. "JAMES, NOOO!!!"
As soon as James stepped forward, he caught footing of another hoisted plank. This one was then placed gently on the fifth floor of the building in construction. His ears twitched at the voices of his wingmen. He looked around... since he no longer has his glasses, very much everything was blurred. "Peppy! Pigma! What a surprise!"
Pigma began running closer to the construction. "James, are you DRUNK???!!! We know you're useless without your glasses, but c'mon! You should still be able to tell you're in a CONSTRUCTION SITE!!!"
"What?!" James cried out. "I can't hear you!"
Peppy looked around. Four men were in jackhammers. Plus the fact that James was five floors above them, no wonder he can't hear them. He yanked Pigma's collar and pointed to an elevator. "Hang on, James! We'll come get you!"
Unfortunately, James didn't hear them. "Oh, my, are those jackhammers? Either the General is watching some kind of Bugs Bunny cartoon, or I'm pretty close to the Southern Division. I better step away... the place is under construction, and it's pretty dangerous......" He turned to crane's hook that hung nearby and spoke to it, "Excuse me, madam...... I've broken my glasses, and I cannot see very well, so I was on my way somewhere but I seem to be lost! Can you direct me to the infirmary nearest to the Eastern Division?"
"What the hell? He's talking to a crane's hook!" Pigma grumbled as the elevator began approaching the fifth floor. Before they would start heading to him, the hook moved and caught onto James's collar, lifting him and carrying him higher. "Oh, CRAP!!!!"
"Hey! Um.... Madam?" James muttered nervously, not realizing he's being lifted high up into the air and over sixty feet up. "You can just give me directions... I don't need to be carried!"
"That James is gonna be killed!" Peppy cried out as he pressed the buttons on the elevator to make it move higher.
Pigma began hopping madly. "Oh, my gawd, Peppy..... James's collar is ripping!"
"WHAT???!!!"
James, who is now far enough from the jackhammers, could hear his collar ripping. He felt it too. "Madam! You're tearing my clothes! You can let go of me now!"
*RIIIIIIP!!!*
Peppy and Pigma covered their eyes, screaming as if they're the ones falling. "AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" What they didn't know was that when James's collar ripped, his feet were just inches above the next floor. By the time he fell, he only dropped about five inches. When Peppy opened his fingers and Pigma his hooves, they could see that their leader was just fine... and four stories higher.
Pigma slammed his fist on the elevator's buttons. "Gawddammit, why won't this elevator move any further higher?!"
*BRRRRRRRRRRRNNNGGGGGGG.....*
Peppy glared at Pigma. "Pigma........."
*SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!* Instead of the elevator shooting up, it began dropping DOWN.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" *CRASH!!!*
"Wow........" James muttered. "They should turn the TV turn... it feels like I'm really in a construction site!"
Surprisingly, both Pigma and Peppy survived the five story drop (if they didn't, then they wouldn't be there for the Lylat Wars, would they?! O.O). Instead of taking another elevator, they literally climbed flights of stairs just to reach James. And James, who was dodging the flying red-hot screws, sparks, hooks, and iron balls, just simply walked by as if it was nothing.
Sadly, only four flights were built. There was no more for the rabbit and pig to advance. Pigma growled as he hollered, "Great! Now not only do we have no more way to get up-!"
"James won't have a way to come down..." Peppy sighed sadly.
Another hook was coming by, this time swinging towards James's head.... and James stopped walking, standing right on the hook's path. He brought his left wrist close to his face, his nose very close to his wristwatch. "Maybe if I squint, I can see what time it is..."
"JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!!!"
The watch, somehow, snapped and fell off the fox's wrist. "Oh, great.... I just bought that watch!" Just seconds before the hook would connect to the utterly clueless canine, James bent over to feel the plank he stood on for it. The hook swung cleanly over his head, barely touching a hair on his head. James felt the watch as he felt around carefully. "Ah, here it is!"
Peppy and Pigma sighed in relief, feeling their racing hearts settle. They began racing, and their sighing turned to screaming when the hook began swing back, snapping off the chains, and falling right into them. It smacked into them, hitting their shoulders, causing them to lose balance and fall off. *SPIIIIIIIIIIRAAAAAAAAAL!!!!* *CRASH!!!*
James smiled. "Oh......... and that sounds like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon! Man, I wish he can catch that RoadRunner someday......."
"Mr. McCloud?" a voice called out. James turned to his side. One of the construction workers, a stork, noticed the mercenary wandering about the site. She placed down her peanut butter, cheese, apple sauce, chili, and pickles sandwich and approached the vulpine. "What are you doing here? You could've gotten hurt!"
"What?"
"You're in the Southern Division..... it's under construction, sir. It's quite dangerous!"
"I am?!" Finally, James realized where he is. "Oh, I very sorry, Miss..." he squinted as he moved close to the worker's identification tag (wow, she has one?). "Miss Ai Seyoupi (ICUP, or I See You Pee)! Can you help me come down?"
"Of course!"
***
By the time James was escorted by Ai Seyoupi to the bottom most floor, Beltino was waiting nearby. "Oh, James! You're all right!"
"Yeah...... I was really lucky, was I?" ^^;
"Here!" Beltino held out a pair of eyeglasses. "I was asked to hold your extra pair of glasses... I heard you broke your glasses on your way around, so here!"
"Oh, thank you, Beltino," James thanked the frog as he slipped the extra pair on. He looked around, glad to see clearly again. "Oh...... I really am in the construction site, am I?"
"You are, sir," Ai said nervously.
A tap on his shoulder got the vulpine's attention, but as soon as he turned around, he screamed. Ai shrieked and ran off, but Beltino just stared. James pointed to two creatures with grey goop all over them, one of them with long ears and the other with a snout. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! MONSTERS!!!"
"WE'RE NOT MONSTERS!!!" the voices of Peppy and Pigma cried out angrily. James panted for relief. The grey goop was just wet cement.
Beltino blinked. "Peppy? Pigma?"
James pointed out the obvious to his comrades. "You're........ covered with cement!"
"YA F###ING THINK???!!!"
***
"Sigh....... my, was this a strange day........." James said as he began walking back to the Eastern Division. "First, Vixy faints, then I've been hit by circus parade, then an elephant, then I run into the middle of a construction site! As if this day couldn't get any worse......."
Very soon he began approaching the infirmary, Vixy standing close to the doorway, her eyes soft and hands over her belly. James's frustrated frown turned to a smile at the sight of his beloved wife. "Oh, Vixy......."
Vixy sighed. "How am I going to tell James that I'm pregnant?"
Suddenly time stopped for the male fox. Everything seemed to slow down... his vision blurred, and the sounds echoed out. The footsteps, his breathing, and even his own heart echoed in James's ears... he could feel the blood rushing in his palms. James froze in his steps, staring blankly forward. Vixy slowly turned sideways, seeing her husband by her side, petrified as a rock. "James?"
It was the husband's turn to topple over and faint.
Men with white jackets: Grab her! ::they grab her, wrap her with the white jacket then throw her in a padded room::
Imagen: I'm not insane!
Leon: That's what you think.
Imagen: Hey, what are you doing here? You don't even belong to this story!
Leon: Um......... ::slips away::
* ** *** ** *
Please review after reading. Thank you.
~~Imagen~~
Chapter 4: "We Have to Tell James the News!"
"Vixy?" Peppy asked as he turned back in his seat while driving back to the Cornerian Base. They were halfway there in the freeway, but even then Vixy didn't say a word. "Vixy," he continued, "are you all right?"
Vixy's ears perked. She muttered, "Yes, I'm fine..."
"You don't sound like it..."
"Hey, wasn't she in the middle of the rabid hamster attack back at Save-On as well?" Pigma questioned as he poked a hoof on his lagomorphine pal's shoulder.
Vixy shook her head. "No... I was in the bathroom the whole time."
"The bathroom? What were you doing in the bathroom the whole time?"
The vixen became quiet again, even during the time when Peppy ran over a one-legged possum.
As a dragonfly squished into the car's windshield, Vixy decided to speak up. "So... did you buy the food?"
The car bounced again a two-headed gopher. Peppy answered, as he looked back, "They're all in the trunk. Sorry, Vixy." The vixen grumbled as an earthworm with a parachute squished into the windshield. The road trip then became quiet again for five minutes.
After running over a sleeping cow, Vixy decided to break the silence. "What did you guys buy?"
"Chips, ice cream, frozen pasta for the cafeteria, cookies, and some cups of noodles," Peppy replied calmly as a little canary squished into the windshield. "That's it."
Pigma glanced at the rabbit. "You didn't buy it?"
"Buy what?"
Vixy watched nervously as Pigma started breaking out into really fake wailing, making Peppy realize what he was talking about (but not Vixy) and pull out a harisen from outta nowhere then smack him on the head. The car bounced again when it ran over a purple dinosaur with a "Will Work For Kids (And perhaps some weed)" sign in his short arms. After that, it was quiet again.
Pigma got sick of the silence (as well as the strangeness in the road trip). "Gawddammit, Vixy, you're hiding something! I know it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been acting rather strangely lately! You've been eating like a famished rat on Christmas Day, you mentioned fainting earlier today, your boobs somehow gotten bigger-"
Vixy slapped him on the spot.
"Incoming!" Peppy cried out as they ran over blue roadrunner, screeching out "Beep beep! Beep- EEP!!!" The car screeched to a halt after they felt it bump several times and before a large brown coyote crept under it and dragged the bird away, licking his lips (I always wanted Wile E. to catch that stoopid Roadrunner ^^; Sorry, Roadrunner fans!)
The vixen panted for breath. "What now?!"
"The car! It stopped!" Peppy cried out as he stamped on the gas pedal and shifted the gear.
Pigma moaned. "Then make it go!"
"Don't tell me we're out of gas..." Vixy moaned.
The rabbit leaned forward to look at his car's status. "Not only we're out of gas, I overheated the engine-"
"We're screwed!" Pigma groaned.
"I don't feel good...." Vixy started to mutter, covering her mouth.
Both the rabbit and pig turned to the vixen, seeing her face turn green. Pigma grumbled, "Oh, no, Vixy, you're not gonna-"
"URRGH...... HURK.....BLEEEECH!!!!"
Vixy ducked to the car floor and began vomiting. Peppy cried out, "Vixy! We just had this car cleaned!"
Pigma saw a little yellow duckling come from where Vixy vomited. It quacked a few times before it hopped on the pig's head and out the window.
Peppy stared. "Now that was.... random."
"Where did that duck come from?" Pigma asked.
Vixy looked in all sides. "I though it was a marshmallow peep...."
***
"Man, it's hot out here..." Pigma groaned as he leaned on the car as Peppy dialed for a tow by his cellular phone. Vixy out in the bushes by the freeway, vomiting.
The pig turned to the vixen. "Are you quite finished?"
"Almost..." Vixy coughed. She hurled one more time, coughing out a little diced carrot rowing on top of a piece of celery and using toothpicks to row. Pigma watched the little vegetable row off.
"O.... kay...."
"I'm really sorry about that..." Vixy groaned as she wiped her mouth.
Peppy clapped his cell phone closed and turned to his companions. "The tow truck won't be coming until four hours...."
"Four hours?! Why in the world would they take four hours until they get here?"
"Well, all the tow trucks in the area are already taken... they're busy towing away cars that have been by one-legged possums, two-headed gophers, sleeping cows, and a man impersonating a children's TV character with marijuana in his pants."
Pigma and Vixy turned to glance at each other.
"Let's just walk..." Pigma continued. "I already told the tow truck to tow the car to the Cornerian Base, and it's a ten minute drive there. If we walk, we can make it there in about an hour or two."
"An hour?! Two?!" Pigma squealed. "I don't wanna walk for over an hour!"
"Well, would you rather wait four LONG hours for the tow truck to arrive?"
Pigma turned to the freeway. Behind them, a car ran over a purple Teletubby and flattened its wheel while the Teletubby spilled its bag of ecstasy all over the road. He turned back to Peppy, "The road's dangerous, and the show's pretty entertaining........ let's walk back."
Vixy nodded in agreement.
***
"What a day..." Peppy muttered under his breath as half an hour already passed.
Pigma sat down on a rock. "I think I'll put this in the list of 'The Worst Day of my Entire Life' and put it in number four."
The rabbit turned to the pig and sat down by him. "What are the first, second, and third worst days of your life?"
"Third- when I was hit by a steamroller and taken to a butcher shop instead of the hospital."
"Oooh, I remember that... those meat hooks never looked pretty."
"Second- when I got shot down by this hot babe I've been having my eyes on for a long time, got pitched in a dumpster, then taken by the garbage men to a dump fifty miles away."
"I think I was out of town at that time..."
"Number one- I woke up with a piranha chewing on my two, three goats eating my underwear, four cows eating my breakfast, and a truck with farm and zoo animals crashed through my living room wall. If that wasn't so bad, I got hit by a car driven by monkeys with three butts, and this cat-dog creature with heads at both ends was chasing me until it was able to bite my-"
"Hey, fellas!" a deep voice called out. Both the pig and rabbit turned to the road, seeing a large frog driving a T-Bird.
"Beltino?!"
"James has been calling you guys on your phones, but no one answered. I knew where you are, so I told him that I'd be picking you up! However, when I saw that the Save-On nearby the McDonald's was being inspected for rabid hamsters, I knew already that you'd be coming back here!"
"Oh, that's right," Peppy murmured. "I told you we'd be going to the nearest fast food restaurant..."
"Where's Vixy?"
"Vixy?" Peppy and Pigma looked in all directions. Beltino leaned out the window to find Vixy sitting solemnly alone on a rock further away from where the men are.
The frog and pig looked at the rabbit. "I'll go get her," Peppy said as he walked off. He slowly approached the vixen who was muttering to herself. Before he went on telling her it was time to go, he decided to listen.
"James... um..." Vixy murmured. "How am I going to say this?... Do you like kids? Oh...... okay..... well.... what would you say that...... no, that won't work-"
"What are you muttering about?" Peppy asked curiously.
Vixy nearly fell off the rock. "Peppy!"
"Well?"
"I was......... um..... I... was-"
"It's not what you were, it's you are...." a smile appeared on the rabbit's face. "You fainted.... you've been eating a lot, and you threw up...."
"It could be BECAUSE I was eating a lot!"
"You sound like there was another reason!"
Vixy hesitated. She managed a weak smile and started confessing. "The reason I was in the bathroom during the rabid hamster invasion was that...... I was taking a pregnancy test-"
"Oh, my gawd..... and the results?"
"Positive."
Peppy placed his brown paws over his mouth. Vixy started crying.
***
"Here we are!" Beltino told the trio by the time he arrived at the Base with them. Vixy was sleeping peacefully on Peppy's lap. Pigma was peeping at her panties again, but luckily Beltino caught him and smacked him with a wrench.
Peppy was the first to step out, with Vixy in his arms. Pigma stepped out next. "So.... she's gonna have a litter?"
"We're not quite sure if she's going to have a litter. Vixy herself and even James were born in single births. It could be possible that Vixy is having just one baby."
"Who knows... she'll have to see a doctor soon."
Beltino placed the parking brake in his car and stepped out. "Well, fellas, how are you going to tell James the news?"
"Excuse us?" the pig and rabbit said in unison.
"Well, aren't you guys gonna tell him? Vixy's asleep, and it's best to let her sleep. James should know about this as soon as possible; after all, he's the father."
Peppy turned to his piggy comrade. "We were thinking of waiting until Vixy wakes up so she can tell him herself. I think it's better that way when the expectant mother tells the expectant father about their upcoming child."
"Well.... do you think that this kind of news should wait?"
Pigma turned to Vixy, who was sleeping peacefully like an angel (do angels drool? Cuz Vixy is @_@). He turned to Beltino, smiling. "I think we can tell him ourselves."
***
"Dr. Andross!" Peppy and Pigma cried out as soon as they saw the primate scientist limp in the halls. Andross turned to them, wearing a bandage around his head, ankles, and arms, and band-aids all over his face and neck. The pig and rabbit stopped dead in their tracks. "What happened to you?! You look like you fell in a pit of rattlesnakes!"
"More like a vat of mustard, thank you very much," Andross mumbled dryly. He limped to them a bit closer, "What do you want?"
"Have you seen James around?"
"Why?"
"We..... eh......" they looked at each other. "We have to tell them about Vixy!"
"What about Vixy?"
"She's pregnant!"
"She's what?!" Andross accidentally stepped with his foot sideways and toppled over. "Ow!"
"Are you all right?!" Pigma ran to Andross's side, Peppy doing the same.
Andross waved an injured hand. "No, no, I'm fine, but........ Vixy's pregnant?! Litter or single?"
"We don't know.... we just found out today. Vixy too."
"You went to the hospital?"
"No. The nearest Save-On, actually. We were there because we were buying food. Meanwhile, Vixy took one of those home pregnancy tests."
"Have you heard about the rabid hamster attack there?"
Peppy and Pigma looked at each then back to Andross. "We were there."
"Oh, my gawd..... was it bad?"
"You have no idea..........."
"Well, I heard James was looking for Vixy around the Base. The last place I saw him was near the Southern Division."
Peppy widened his eyes. "Southern Division?! Isn't that place under reconstruction?"
"If you're going to meet him there, here." Andross held out a pair of broken glasses. "James accidentally dropped and broke his glasses while trying to run from a runaway giant Garfield, Snoopy, and Bugs Bunny balloons."
"First Disneyland now the Rose Parade?"
"We have to get James quick!" Pigma cried out as he snatched the glasses away and ran off to the Southern Division.
Andross watched anxiously. "Why?"
"You don't know James like we do," Peppy chuckled nervously. "Without his glasses, he's blinder than a bat!"
"Actually, some species of bats have very excellent sense of sight, if not hearing and smell-"
"Whatever! Thanks, and see ya, Andross!"
"Um........ bye?"
***
"I seem to be lost...." James murmured to himself as he was hoisted away fifty feet from the ground on a wooden plank by a crane. "This doesn't seem to be the elevator........ I think I'll try someplace else."
Peppy and Pigma ran by just in time, only to see James lift a foot to step off. "JAMES, NOOO!!!"
As soon as James stepped forward, he caught footing of another hoisted plank. This one was then placed gently on the fifth floor of the building in construction. His ears twitched at the voices of his wingmen. He looked around... since he no longer has his glasses, very much everything was blurred. "Peppy! Pigma! What a surprise!"
Pigma began running closer to the construction. "James, are you DRUNK???!!! We know you're useless without your glasses, but c'mon! You should still be able to tell you're in a CONSTRUCTION SITE!!!"
"What?!" James cried out. "I can't hear you!"
Peppy looked around. Four men were in jackhammers. Plus the fact that James was five floors above them, no wonder he can't hear them. He yanked Pigma's collar and pointed to an elevator. "Hang on, James! We'll come get you!"
Unfortunately, James didn't hear them. "Oh, my, are those jackhammers? Either the General is watching some kind of Bugs Bunny cartoon, or I'm pretty close to the Southern Division. I better step away... the place is under construction, and it's pretty dangerous......" He turned to crane's hook that hung nearby and spoke to it, "Excuse me, madam...... I've broken my glasses, and I cannot see very well, so I was on my way somewhere but I seem to be lost! Can you direct me to the infirmary nearest to the Eastern Division?"
"What the hell? He's talking to a crane's hook!" Pigma grumbled as the elevator began approaching the fifth floor. Before they would start heading to him, the hook moved and caught onto James's collar, lifting him and carrying him higher. "Oh, CRAP!!!!"
"Hey! Um.... Madam?" James muttered nervously, not realizing he's being lifted high up into the air and over sixty feet up. "You can just give me directions... I don't need to be carried!"
"That James is gonna be killed!" Peppy cried out as he pressed the buttons on the elevator to make it move higher.
Pigma began hopping madly. "Oh, my gawd, Peppy..... James's collar is ripping!"
"WHAT???!!!"
James, who is now far enough from the jackhammers, could hear his collar ripping. He felt it too. "Madam! You're tearing my clothes! You can let go of me now!"
*RIIIIIIP!!!*
Peppy and Pigma covered their eyes, screaming as if they're the ones falling. "AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" What they didn't know was that when James's collar ripped, his feet were just inches above the next floor. By the time he fell, he only dropped about five inches. When Peppy opened his fingers and Pigma his hooves, they could see that their leader was just fine... and four stories higher.
Pigma slammed his fist on the elevator's buttons. "Gawddammit, why won't this elevator move any further higher?!"
*BRRRRRRRRRRRNNNGGGGGGG.....*
Peppy glared at Pigma. "Pigma........."
*SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!* Instead of the elevator shooting up, it began dropping DOWN.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" *CRASH!!!*
"Wow........" James muttered. "They should turn the TV turn... it feels like I'm really in a construction site!"
Surprisingly, both Pigma and Peppy survived the five story drop (if they didn't, then they wouldn't be there for the Lylat Wars, would they?! O.O). Instead of taking another elevator, they literally climbed flights of stairs just to reach James. And James, who was dodging the flying red-hot screws, sparks, hooks, and iron balls, just simply walked by as if it was nothing.
Sadly, only four flights were built. There was no more for the rabbit and pig to advance. Pigma growled as he hollered, "Great! Now not only do we have no more way to get up-!"
"James won't have a way to come down..." Peppy sighed sadly.
Another hook was coming by, this time swinging towards James's head.... and James stopped walking, standing right on the hook's path. He brought his left wrist close to his face, his nose very close to his wristwatch. "Maybe if I squint, I can see what time it is..."
"JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!!!"
The watch, somehow, snapped and fell off the fox's wrist. "Oh, great.... I just bought that watch!" Just seconds before the hook would connect to the utterly clueless canine, James bent over to feel the plank he stood on for it. The hook swung cleanly over his head, barely touching a hair on his head. James felt the watch as he felt around carefully. "Ah, here it is!"
Peppy and Pigma sighed in relief, feeling their racing hearts settle. They began racing, and their sighing turned to screaming when the hook began swing back, snapping off the chains, and falling right into them. It smacked into them, hitting their shoulders, causing them to lose balance and fall off. *SPIIIIIIIIIIRAAAAAAAAAL!!!!* *CRASH!!!*
James smiled. "Oh......... and that sounds like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon! Man, I wish he can catch that RoadRunner someday......."
"Mr. McCloud?" a voice called out. James turned to his side. One of the construction workers, a stork, noticed the mercenary wandering about the site. She placed down her peanut butter, cheese, apple sauce, chili, and pickles sandwich and approached the vulpine. "What are you doing here? You could've gotten hurt!"
"What?"
"You're in the Southern Division..... it's under construction, sir. It's quite dangerous!"
"I am?!" Finally, James realized where he is. "Oh, I very sorry, Miss..." he squinted as he moved close to the worker's identification tag (wow, she has one?). "Miss Ai Seyoupi (ICUP, or I See You Pee)! Can you help me come down?"
"Of course!"
***
By the time James was escorted by Ai Seyoupi to the bottom most floor, Beltino was waiting nearby. "Oh, James! You're all right!"
"Yeah...... I was really lucky, was I?" ^^;
"Here!" Beltino held out a pair of eyeglasses. "I was asked to hold your extra pair of glasses... I heard you broke your glasses on your way around, so here!"
"Oh, thank you, Beltino," James thanked the frog as he slipped the extra pair on. He looked around, glad to see clearly again. "Oh...... I really am in the construction site, am I?"
"You are, sir," Ai said nervously.
A tap on his shoulder got the vulpine's attention, but as soon as he turned around, he screamed. Ai shrieked and ran off, but Beltino just stared. James pointed to two creatures with grey goop all over them, one of them with long ears and the other with a snout. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! MONSTERS!!!"
"WE'RE NOT MONSTERS!!!" the voices of Peppy and Pigma cried out angrily. James panted for relief. The grey goop was just wet cement.
Beltino blinked. "Peppy? Pigma?"
James pointed out the obvious to his comrades. "You're........ covered with cement!"
"YA F###ING THINK???!!!"
***
"Sigh....... my, was this a strange day........." James said as he began walking back to the Eastern Division. "First, Vixy faints, then I've been hit by circus parade, then an elephant, then I run into the middle of a construction site! As if this day couldn't get any worse......."
Very soon he began approaching the infirmary, Vixy standing close to the doorway, her eyes soft and hands over her belly. James's frustrated frown turned to a smile at the sight of his beloved wife. "Oh, Vixy......."
Vixy sighed. "How am I going to tell James that I'm pregnant?"
Suddenly time stopped for the male fox. Everything seemed to slow down... his vision blurred, and the sounds echoed out. The footsteps, his breathing, and even his own heart echoed in James's ears... he could feel the blood rushing in his palms. James froze in his steps, staring blankly forward. Vixy slowly turned sideways, seeing her husband by her side, petrified as a rock. "James?"
It was the husband's turn to topple over and faint.