A/N: Know what we haven't had in a long time? A seriously crack ship. You ready for this?

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
~John A. Shedd

Yang Xiao Long had entertained quite a few bad ideas in her storied past. Some of them epically disastrous, in fact. Others, like when she'd gone out on a limb and asked her current girlfriend on a date for the first time, managed to work out well enough in the end. What was currently percolating in the blonde's head at this very moment, however…

Well, it might just put all of her previous notions to shame.

She glanced aside at the platinum-haired woman perched stiffly on the edge of the couch next to her. The young brawler still couldn't quite comprehend what the elegant woman had seen in her on that first date. They were polar opposites, fire and ice, boisterousness and poise, and yet… And yet they seemed to find a balance. Their relationship, founded on the rather steamy aftermath of their clubbing date, was one that rose above the oftentimes contentiousness where they managed to find a comfortable middle ground that allowed the both of them to grow, both as individuals and together.

But this… this proposal currently before them was not something they'd ever envisioned.

Yang licked her lips uncertainly, gently clearing her throat before speaking so as not to ruin the solemn moment with a nervous squeak. "Win?" she prompted softly.

Pale blue eyes flickered towards her briefly before focusing on their guest at the Vale Hotel executive suite where the two of them often spent time, away from both Beacon staff and inquisitive younger sisters.

But for once in her life, Winter Schnee seemed to be at a loss for words.

"I…" The Atlesian Specialist coughed into her fist before trying once again. "I don't believe I heard you correctly."

"Oh, I believe you did," the raven-haired woman returned calmly but with just a little bit of smugness.

"So, lemme get this straight," Yang interjected, rescuing her girlfriend who seemed content to flounder aimlessly. "You… want to become involved… with us. Like, not just one or the other, but with the both of us. At the same time."

"That about sums it up, yes," their guest replied, taking a small sip from the glass of water Yang had poured for her.

"But… why?"

"Why what?" The other woman tilted her head, faint puzzlement etched across her features. "You are both quite attractive, and I've enjoyed getting to know the two of you during our visit to Vale. The dynamic between you lovely ladies is one I'd greatly like to partake in myself." She smiled serenely as one ear gave a flicker. "Unless you have a problem with polyamory?"

"N- No, no, I guess I don't… Um…" Yang turned to her girlfriend once more, almost desperately. "Win?" she pleaded.

"I do not have an issue with polyamory," Winter stated, her chin tilted up ever so slightly as she managed to regain her equilibrium. "The issue here, Mrs. Belladonna-"

"Please, dear, call me Kali."

"The issue," Winter continued, unperturbed, "is that you are a married woman."

Yang flung her hands out as she sat back on the couch. "Thank you!" she sighed explosively. "Not to mention, y'know, being the mom of my partner!"

"Yes, Blake has often spoken quite highly of you," Kali returned a bit mischievously. "Her accounts didn't do you justice at all, in my opinion."

"Uhhh…" Lilac eyes blinked uncertainly. "Thanks, I think?"

"You're quite welcome. Now then, as to my marriage…" Kali sat her glass down with a regretful sigh. "Believe me, Ghira and I love each other very much. However, in recent years he has conferred certain…"

"Certain…?" Yang prompted when their guest seemed unable to finish her though.

Cat Faunus ears flickered irritably. "He's gayer than a rainbow," she finally stated with exasperation. "Came out of the closet to me eight years ago. Since then we agreed each other might pursue other relationships as we see fit, though neither of us desires an end to our marriage."

"Uh-huh." The blonde pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head, closely resembling another of her teammates, one a bit younger than the platinum-haired woman currently doing her very best to maintain an air of control.

Not that either of them had any semblance of control over this entire situation since Kali had sat down on the couch opposite them and laid out her proposal in an organized, methodical manner. One which, if nothing else, would certainly appeal to the woman next to her on those merits alone.

"Er, if I may," Winter began slowly. "Does that mean that you are also…?"

"Oh, gender doesn't matter a bit to me, dear," Kali assured her. "I tend to focus more on who a person is, or persons are, rather than what they carry between their legs." The raven-haired woman pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Though that certainly does carry some weight, you understand."

"Right." Yang and Winter shared a glance, helplessly, as they could see in each others' eyes that each woman was actually giving some consideration to the stated desires of the older woman visiting them.

Oh, yeah, this is gonna be a disaster, I can tell already… Especially when it gets out… Yang sighed, giving her girlfriend a wry smile and a nod. Oh well, who wants to live forever?

Blake Belladonna paled as she reread the missive on her scroll for perhaps the dozenth time. No matter how many times she did so, neither the message nor the meaning of it seemed to change one whit, much to her chagrin.

The others present in the room were having just as much trouble digesting the news.

"I don't understand," Ruby murmured in a small voice from her bunk where she lay on her stomach, feet in the air behind her.

"What is there not to understand?" Weiss snapped irritably. She stood, trembling with a plethora of suppressed emotions that raged behind her pale blue eyes like an icy tempest. She was dressed, much like the rest of them were, in her nightclothes, but it didn't diminish her ire at all. "Our sisters," she spat out venomously, "are together, while… while…"

"Oh, well, yeah, I knew that part."

"What?" the heiress shrieked, unbound hair flying about as she spun on one heel. "What do you…? How could you possibly…?"

Ruby shrugged and flopped onto her face, arms dangling over the edge. Without looking up, she began to tick off items on her fingers as her muffled voice explained patiently. "Yang's always goin' off on weekends, sometimes evenings… And every time is when Winter is in town."

"Well…" Weiss interjected haughtily. "I'm sure it hasn't been every time-"

"Nope, every time. And then she's been messaging Winter, I've peeked at her scroll sometimes, and she got that new outfit she was so proud of the other week, a dress like that ain't cheap…" A deep, long-suffering sigh issued from the depths of Ruby's mattress. "And she talks in her sleep."

"She… She does?" Weiss turned to look at Blake for confirmation, who gave a rather guilty nod.

"I've… perhaps overheard a few things…" the raven-haired girl murmured abashedly. "But I try not to."

Weiss crossed her arms with a huff. "So am I the last to know about this?"

"Only in this room," Blake tried to reassure her irate teammate. "Nobody else knows, I'm fairly certain."

"Fine," the platinum-haired girl growled, sounding a bit like an angry kitten. "But then what about… about that?"

Blake winced as her friend flung one delicate manicured finger out in the direction of the scroll she still clung to. Amber eyes dropped and reread the message one more time.

Frustratingly enough, it still hadn't changed.

Only that her mother had changed their plans for breakfast the next morning… Which, in itself was innocent enough, were it not for the wholly unnecessary and extremely awkward informing of who, precisely, the elder Cat Faunus woman was liaising with.

She looked up again at a soft thump. Ruby stood on the floor with her arms crossed and an unreadable expression on her face.

"So our sisters…" The brunette flicked a finger back and forth between her and her partner. "Are hooking up with your mom…" The finger came to rest, almost accusingly, in Blake's direction. "Like, right now, as we speak."

"Mmm." The raven-haired girl ducked her head in agreement, blushing slightly at the implications now laid bare before them. "That… sounds accurate."

Ruby sighed heavily, running her fingers through her red-tipped hair and mumbling something under her breath. Even with Blake's enhanced hearing, she could only pick up a few words such as "call dad" and "more therapy sessions."

Weiss sighed just as loudly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "So what are we to do about this?"

"Do?" Their brunette team leader tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean? There's nothing we can do… There's nothing we should do… I mean… It's not really our business, right?"

"Actually," Blake spoke up, quickly interposing herself into what could likely escalate into an argument if Weiss' expression was any indicator. "There is indeed something we can do."

"Oh? And just what do you suggest?" the slender platinum-haired girl queried imperiously.

With a very small smirk, Blake took a step forward, dropping her scroll atop her desk before opening the bottom drawer in the desk next to hers. After a moment's rummaging, she withdrew her hand with a triumphant gleam in her eyes.

"This."

Ruby let out a very scandalized-sounding gasp. "That's Yang's good stuff!"

"Are you seriously proposing we drink alcohol at a time like this?" Weiss' small fists were at her hips now, though her crystalline blue eyes had a considering look in them.

Her smirk widening slightly, Blake popped the cap off of the large bottle of top-shelf Mistralian whiskey and dragged three dusty glasses out from behind a pile of textbooks.

"Indeed I am."

Qrow Branwen considered himself to be a rather worldly kind of guy. He'd traveled the length and breadth of Remnant, sometimes even using his actual identity. He'd infiltrated thieves' dens, smuggling rings, murderous cults… and always escaped alive.

Not always unscathed, but hey, his semblance sometimes worked both ways.

He'd never really cursed his misfortunate semblance until that evening. There wasn't much else he could think of that could have possibly collaborated to put him into this situation. Unless, of course, the gods were real.

If that were the case, they had a really interesting sense of humor.

With a sigh, the raven-haired man sat his tumbler down on the bar's surface, gazing down unseeingly.

"So… just lemme get this straight," he rasped out, running fingers through his messy locks. "Inviting me here for drinks… wasn't entirely truthful."

"No," the man next to him rumbled quietly. "I was being entirely truthful. I wanted to ask you out for drinks."

"Yeah, but see… I didn't know you meant… asking me out. More like…" Qrow dragged a hand across the polished surface as if he could pull the answers towards him. "Like just asking me to join you for a drink."

"Which I did."

Qrow let out a frustrated groan before turning to face the man he'd been tasked with escorting around Vale. He'd been more than a little irked at the babysitting job initially, but soon found himself enjoying the other man's company, not to mention his quick wit and passion for Faunus rights.

The trickiest part of this whole deal was, of course, the man's position as Chieftain of Menagerie.

Shrugging, Ghira turned back to his own tumbler and downed it in one go. "I didn't pressure you or anything."

"No, no you didn't… I just…" He lifted a finger to signal for another round. This evening would take a far greater amount of liquid courage to get through. Successfully or no.

The large Faunus man cleared his throat and did the same. Evidently, he was requiring just as much fortification. "Do you object to having a drink with me?"

Qrow chuckled wryly. He was pretty sure that Oz had seen this as a safe bet for him, just a cushy side job in between missions and requiring little diplomacy. Sorry, old friend, looks like I'm gonna cause an international incident one way or another...

"No, I don't object, Ghira."

Amber eyes fluttered open blearily, peering through raven locks at the offending sunlight streaming in through the window. She blinked slowly before turning her head slightly to the left.

Loose platinum hair was draped across her torso as an elegant feminine face snuggled tight into her shoulder, relaxed and content.

Her head slowly turned towards the right, confirming her initial situational awareness. Dark brunette hair dyed red at the tips brushed against her nose as she observed the other girl curled up tight into her side, lips parted ever so slightly, just enough to allow a soft snore to issue forth.

Both Weiss and Ruby looked entirely comfortable where they were, not to mention still fast asleep. An experimental wiggle, barely enough to disturb either girl, confirmed that clothing was most definitely not present. And then a cautious sniff of the air gave further confirmation of what, precisely, they had been up to last night after the entirety of the whiskey bottle had been consumed. In addition to a bottle of wine. Perhaps some brandy as well, she was a little fuzzy on the details at the moment.

Blake gazed up at the bottom of her partner's bunk, searching for inspiration that would, sadly, escape her grasp that morning.

"Well," she murmured subaudibly. "This will be interesting."

Dongyrn A/N: So that was a thing.

Welcome to yet another offbeat idea, though I cannot take credit for it. That honor goes to the fabulous partners in crime duo of AYangThang and BethSyra. They also get most of the blame as well. I should accept my fair share of such, however, as I did agree to this wonderful lunacy...

Speaking of the talented AYangThang, though, some might have caught a story by them called Between You, Me, and the Scratching Posts. Yes, the ship Eldercatburn (Winter x Kali x Yang) is the same there as is much of the premise, but this will be an entirely different run. Primarily because we are doing this as a tag-team effort. I'll write a chapter and post it without their prior review, and then they'll do the same based on what I wrote. And so on and so forth. To put it mildly, this will be one hell of a crazy ride. Please do not expect regular updates, though, as we will only get to do so as schedule permits.

Also, the exceptionally brave SilvanaCrowe has volunteered to Beta what they can of this story. Poor deluded soul…

So, until the next time, intrepid readers… Stay shiny!