Chapter One

Maura couldn't sleep.

She needed to sleep. She had to get to the airport in the morning to check in for her early afternoon flight to Paris. Maura preferred to be well-rested when leaving on a vacation. But she couldn't sleep because she was too excited, so excited her heart was pounding.

It wasn't the trip itself that was making her that excited. Of course she was excited to be going. She loved Paris, and she was looking forward to finishing her book. But it wasn't her first time going; she'd been to Paris many times before, in another life, when she had travelled on her own whenever she could.

But that was back when she had nothing to stay home for. That was before Jane. And this solitary trip to Paris was supposed to be her return to that old life, or something resembling that old life; a life when all that mattered was finding new ways to occupy her time. She planned to leave for Paris right before Jane left for Quantico so she wouldn't have to see her leave, so she could spend a month learning to live on her own again without feeling the emptiness of her home without Jane.

Jane's decision to move to Quantico had been a devastating blow to Maura, although she tried not to let on just how devastating. Jane felt the need to take her life in a new direction, and it was Maura's job to support her. It was just very upsetting to Maura, not just because it meant no longer getting to see Jane every day (which was what her life had come to revolve around), but because it meant Maura was wrong to have ever thought there was a chance of them moving beyond friendship. Jane clearly wasn't capable of being interested in Maura in that way. It was nothing but wishful thinking on Maura's part to have ever imagined that Jane felt something too and just needed time to accept it. Now Jane was going to go start a relationship with Agent Davies, maybe even marry him and have his baby like she'd almost done with Casey, and Maura was going to spend her life alone.

Everything had sort of been turned on its head tonight, though, when Jane told Maura she was coming to Paris with her. That news really changed everything. Now, instead of spending a month learning to be alone again, Maura was going to be with Jane, only Jane, for the longest stretch of time ever. They'd gone on trips together before, but not for a whole month! This was beyond her wildest imaginings. And, she hardly dared to think about what it might mean, but it certainly meant Jane wasn't nearly as excited about moving to Quantico and spending more time with Agent Davies as Maura had thought she was. Actually, at least for the time being, Jane was choosing Maura over him! So of course Maura's mind was spinning with the possibilities now, and that was one of the reasons why she couldn't sleep.

The other reason was that Jane was in her bed right now.

At one time, that would have been nothing out of the ordinary. She and Jane used to have impromptu sleepovers all the time. And it certainly made sense tonight, since they were leaving together in the morning. But over the past few years, those sleepovers had dwindled until they were practically non-existent. Instead of crashing at Maura's, Jane would get up and say she'd better get home, no matter how late it was. Maura learned to say the same at Jane's, rather than impose. She didn't know what had caused the shift in Jane's attitude towards sleepovers, and she had been afraid to ask. So having Jane here tonight kind of felt like a big deal. In fact, having her so close after that rush of emotion when she found out Jane was coming to Paris with her almost felt dangerous. Maura was afraid she would lose control, that she would do one of the things she had longed for years to do, like run her fingers through those wild curls or along a smooth, olive-toned collar bone. Or just flat-out kiss her. Instead she lay very still with her eyes squeezed shut and tried to will herself to fall asleep. Which wasn't happening.

At some point, Jane got out of bed and padded to the bathroom. Maura took the opportunity to grab her phone and check the time. 3:21 am. Oh, she hoped she would be able to sleep on the plane!

When she heard Jane coming back from the bathroom, she closed her eyes again and tried to look like she was sleeping peacefully. Her heart sped up as she felt the mattress sinking under Jane's weight. Jane seemed to just sit there for a few minutes, and Maura began to wonder what was going on. Jane wasn't having second thoughts about the whole thing, was she? Maura wasn't sure she could handle it if Jane said she wasn't coming to Paris after all, or that she was coming but not staying the whole time.

Suddenly the mattress shifted again as Jane leaned forwards and planted a feather-light kiss on Maura's hairline. Maura's eyes flew open in surprise.

"Oh, sorry," whispered Jane. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Oh, it's fine, I…I'm really too excited to sleep." Maura looked up at Jane shyly, feeling as though her heart was about to leap right out of her chest.

Jane looked at her for a moment. "Well, I guess we'd better try," she said, pulling the blankets over herself and lying back down.

"Yes," agreed Maura. "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're coming with me."

Jane smiled. "Yeah, me too. It'll be fun."

"What made you decide to come?"

Jane bit her lip. "I guess I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to you yet. And you kept crying when I talked about leaving. I wanted to make you smile again."

"It's still going to be hard when you go." It would hurt even more, she realized, but it would be worth it.

"I know, but we don't have to worry about that now. We have a whole month in France together to just hang out, and you can show me all your favorite French things."

"Aren't you worried that delaying your arrival in Quantico could impact your relationship with Agent Davies?"

Jane frowned. "I don't have a relationship with Agent Davies."

"You're considering one."

"I'm considering the possibility of starting one after I move. I don't really know for sure. What I do know is that you're my best friend and I want to spend time with you, and if Agent Davies finds someone else or loses interest in that time, then so be it. You're a bigger priority to me."

Maura's heart swelled. "Oh, Jane."

"Oh, don't act surprised. You know how important you are to me. The whole world knows. Even Alice Sands knew."

"Sometimes I think I know, and sometimes I'm not sure," Maura admitted softly.

Jane turned to face her. "What do you mean? Sometimes you think you're not important to me?"

"No, I know I am, but…sometimes I'm not sure how much, or in what way."

"In what way?"

Maura bit her lip. She was treading on dangerous territory. If she said the wrong thing, Jane might not feel comfortable going away with her anymore, and Maura would be crushed if that happened. Still, she felt like she'd held it in for too long.

"Nobody else has a friendship quite like ours," she said finally. "Sometimes people make…comments, that they're not sure what the nature of our relationship is. And I'm never really sure what to tell them, except that I don't know either."

"You don't? I thought…I thought you just thought of me as your best friend."

"I do, but you've also come to feel like my significant other, even though we don't have a romantic relationship. And I've spent a lot of time wondering what that means, or what it could mean. What I want it to mean. But I guess…you don't really think about it."

"No, I do," Jane said, her words sounding funny, as if she had forced them out.

Maura looked up in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah, a little. I try not to think about it too much. But, that's kind of why I decided to go on this trip with you."

"Why?"

Jane rubbed her face. "Kent says I run away from my feelings."

"Well, I know sometimes you have trouble facing your feelings about certain things, but I wouldn't say you run away."

"Maybe not always, but I have been running away from this. So I thought, maybe it's time to get braver. Maybe I need to just shut out the other noise and spend some time with you, you know? Maybe we both need to figure some things out."

Maura blinked back tears. "Jane, that's…I think that's a wonderful idea. I think we could use the time together. There's been a lot going on. We've hardly had a quiet moment to ourselves since…really, since the whole thing with Alice Sands started."

Jane nodded. "I just don't want you to get hurt, and I'm afraid anything I do is going to hurt you in some way."

"Why would you think that?"

Jane reached out hesitantly, her fingers lightly touching Maura's hair. "We'll talk about it more in Paris, okay? We need to get a little sleep."

"Okay." Maura looked at Jane wistfully, and Jane was looking at her in a way she hadn't done in years. She used to look at Maura that way a lot, early in their friendship, her eyes moving to Maura's lips and then back up again as though she planned to kiss her. Maura had wondered what it meant at the time, but she wasn't that good at reading people in those days. Now that she saw Jane doing it again after all this time, she didn't want to let another chance pass her by. Before she could talk herself out of it, she put her hand on Jane's face and kissed her.

She wasn't prepared for the electric current that surged through her body the second their lips met. She pulled back sooner than planned because she was overwhelmed by it, completely taken aback.

"Maura," said Jane softly. "I don't…know if that's a good idea right now. Let's just get some sleep, and we'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Maura nodded and reluctantly turned her back to Jane, certain she wouldn't sleep at all if she could still see her. She wanted more than anything to kiss her again, to feel that electric current once more and see where it would take them, but Jane was right: tonight was not the best time. They would have plenty of time for exploring in Paris, and they needed to rest. And Maura felt like she finally was on the verge of sleep, in spite of the monumental thing that had just happened. Something had stilled inside of her, had calmed her fears for the time being. She didn't know what would happen next, if Jane would ever want to kiss her again, if she had even felt the electric current that made every cell in Maura's body feel alive. But she did know one thing, and that one thing gave her hope.

Jane had kissed her back.