YEAH! MY FAVORITE KIND OF FANFIC! ONE THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE FROM THE VERY FIRST SENTENCE! COMPLETE AND TOTAL INSANITY! ^________^ WARNING: PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET VERY VERY OOC! WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL GOING INSANE, THAT'S WHY! ENJOY!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Zoids. BUT I WILL SOON!
CHILLIN' ON THE DARK SIDE
(setting is Dark Kaiser's lair)
CHAPTER 1: The Insanity Begins
"Man, I really wish I had some new socks!" Raven told Shadow. "How 'bout you, Shadow?"
"Organoids don't wear socks, you moron!" Shadow told him.
"ARRRR, SHUT UP OR I'LL THROW YOU IN THE SCRAP HEAP!" Raven yelled.
Shadow started walking away. "Well, we'll just see what the Dark Kaiser has to say about that!"
"That old loaf of bread? HE IS NOT MY MASTER!" Raven shouted.
"LOAF OF BREAD, EH? YOUR BETRAYAL IS MOST UNADMIRABLE, RAVEN!" the Dark Kaiser shouted angrily.(Yes, I know that the Dark Kaiser is really Prozen but I like calling him the Dark Kaiser better. So deal with it. ^_^)
"WHITE OR WHEAT?" Raven yelled.
"WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW?" the Dark Kaiser asked. Suddenly, Hiltz dropped out of the sky, as he often does. "HILTZ! PLEASURE TO SEE YOU, OLD BOY! PUT THIS REBEL IN HIS PLACE!" the Dark Kaiser commanded.
Hiltz turned to Raven. "You and your Zoid are a worthless waste of space. This is a message from the Dark Kaiser."
Raven's eyes narrowed angrily. "TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, YOU PITIFUL FOOL!"
Hiltz shook his head. "Oh, Raven. You should learn to control your mouth! It might result in your ultimate demise."
"JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Raven asked, shaking his fist at Hiltz.
"Uh-uh. I wouldn't do that if I were you. AMBIENT, DESTROY!" Hiltz demanded. After a few minutes had passed and he still hadn't gotten a response, Hiltz looked around angrily. "AMBIENT, WHERE ARE YOU?" he shouted. Then he turned around to see Ambient sleeping under the shade of a mountain ledge. "AHHHHHHHH!" Hiltz fell over.
Raven laughed. "Looks like your organoid doesn't listen very well. Shadow's much more obedient than that red piece of junk! SHADOW, COME!" he yelled.
"Nah, I'd rather not destroy any Republican bases today. How 'bout tomorrow?" Shadow said.
"HUH? REBELLION? SHADOW, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SCRAP METAL! YOU DON'T CHOOSE WHEN TO LISTEN TO ME! I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE TO OBEY MY EVERY COMMAND!" Raven shouted at him.
"Yeah, about that......look, I'm kinda sick of takin' orders from a half-wit like you. I figure it's time that we go our separate ways and I can start blazing my own trail!" Shadow explained.
"WHAT IS THIS, AN ABC TALK SHOW?!" Raven exploded. "IF YOU DON'T GET IN THE GENOBREAKER RIGHT NOW, I'LL KICK YOU OVER THE HILLS!"
"Now you see, that's exactly your problem, Raven! You get angered far too easily." Shadow told him.
"OH, COME ON! DO YOU JUST SIT AROUND AND WATCH OPRAH WHEN I'M GONE? IS THAT WHERE YOU GET ALL THIS CRAP?" Raven yelled.
"Remember Raven, violence is not the answer to our problems." Shadow replied.
"OH, I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER TO THIS PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT!" Raven shouted, stepping towards Shadow.
Hiltz laughed at Raven's pitiful attempts to control his organoid. "Looks like Shadow is worthless in your hands! Perhaps I should take him and he can help me control the Death Stinger! Imagine the power! The destruction! I might even get a promotion!"
"I doubt that. I'm not promoting anyone who nearly burned down my entire underground hideout!" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"Aw, come on! I thought we were over that! It was just a tiny flare! Besides, it wasn't even my fault! Ambient was the one who wanted to use lighter fluid! He said it would make the eggs taste better!" Hiltz complained.
This time Raven was the one laughing. "YOU TRIED TO MAKE EGGS?! WITH LIGHTER FLUID?! HA HA HA HA!! AND I THOUGHT SHADOW WAS STUPID! OH, MAN, WHAT AN IDIOT!"
Ambient got up and whipped Raven across the face with his tail. Raven fell to the ground. "GEEZ, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET SO MAD ABOUT IT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU AND HILTZ ARE TOTAL MORONS!" Raven yelled angrily.
"WHAD'YA MEAN 'A TINY FLARE'?!?" the Dark Kaiser shouted, getting back to what Hiltz had said. "YOU ALMOST BURNED DOWN MY ENTIRE LAIR!"
"WELL, I SENT AMBIENT TO GET THE IMPERIAL FIRE DEPARTMENT, DIDN'T I? IS IT MY FAULT THAT HE GOT LOST AND DIDN'T GET BACK UNTIL THE ENTRANCE HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE?! BESIDES, THAT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME!" Hiltz protested.
"ONE TIME? ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE TOASTER INCIDENT?!?" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"HEY, THAT WAS NOT ME! THAT WAS ALL REESE! SHE GOT MAD BECAUSE HER TOAST WAS TAKING TOO LONG AND SHE BLEW UP THE TOASTER WITH HER CREEPY POWERS!" Hiltz shouted.
Meanwhile Raven was dying of laughter in the corner. "OH MAN! REESE BLEW UP A TOASTER!?!? WHEN DO YOU GUYS DO ALL THIS GREAT STUFF?!? WHERE THE HECK WAS I?"
"Oh, blowing up Republican bases, I suppose." the Dark Kaiser said airily.
Raven folded his arms across his chest. "Well, if I knew you guys were having so much fun, I might have stuck around this dump for awhile!"
"Ahem! What did you just call my domain?" the Dark Kaiser asked threateningly.
"You heard right. This place is a dump. I mean, come on! These neon lights are so '60's! Did you let Reese do the decorating in here?" Raven asked scornfully.
"WHAT?" the Dark Kaiser thundered.
"Uh, but let's get back to the story! So, what happened next, Hiltz?" Raven said quickly.
"Well, after REESE blew up the toaster, the whole place caught on fire! It was way worse than a couple fried eggs and lighter fluid! I mean, she could have blasted all of us off the planet with those creepy eyes of hers!" Hiltz shouted.
"ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP, HILTZ! REESE MAY HAVE BEEN THE ONE THAT BLEW UP THE TOASTER BUT THE FIRE DIDN'T ACTUALLY START UNTIL YOU PICKED IT UP AND THREW IT AGAINST THE WALL!" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"WHO WOULDN'T? MY TOAST WAS IN THERE, TOO, YA KNOW, AND SHE COMPLETELY TORCHED IT! BESIDES, I BOUGHT THAT TOASTER WITH MY BIRTHDAY MONEY AND SHE JUST WENT AND DESTROYED IT!" Hiltz whined.
"YOU THREW A FLAMING TOASTER AGAINST THE WALL?!? OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH! I GOTTA STICK AROUND MORE OFTEN SO I CAN WATCH YOU IDIOTS! THIS SOUNDS WAY BETTER THAN TORCHING A COUPLE OF BASES!" Raven laughed.
Man, that was fun! ^_^ Please review and tell me what you think! I should have the next chapter up really soon cause I love doing stuff like this.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Zoids. BUT I WILL SOON!
CHILLIN' ON THE DARK SIDE
(setting is Dark Kaiser's lair)
CHAPTER 1: The Insanity Begins
"Man, I really wish I had some new socks!" Raven told Shadow. "How 'bout you, Shadow?"
"Organoids don't wear socks, you moron!" Shadow told him.
"ARRRR, SHUT UP OR I'LL THROW YOU IN THE SCRAP HEAP!" Raven yelled.
Shadow started walking away. "Well, we'll just see what the Dark Kaiser has to say about that!"
"That old loaf of bread? HE IS NOT MY MASTER!" Raven shouted.
"LOAF OF BREAD, EH? YOUR BETRAYAL IS MOST UNADMIRABLE, RAVEN!" the Dark Kaiser shouted angrily.(Yes, I know that the Dark Kaiser is really Prozen but I like calling him the Dark Kaiser better. So deal with it. ^_^)
"WHITE OR WHEAT?" Raven yelled.
"WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW?" the Dark Kaiser asked. Suddenly, Hiltz dropped out of the sky, as he often does. "HILTZ! PLEASURE TO SEE YOU, OLD BOY! PUT THIS REBEL IN HIS PLACE!" the Dark Kaiser commanded.
Hiltz turned to Raven. "You and your Zoid are a worthless waste of space. This is a message from the Dark Kaiser."
Raven's eyes narrowed angrily. "TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, YOU PITIFUL FOOL!"
Hiltz shook his head. "Oh, Raven. You should learn to control your mouth! It might result in your ultimate demise."
"JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Raven asked, shaking his fist at Hiltz.
"Uh-uh. I wouldn't do that if I were you. AMBIENT, DESTROY!" Hiltz demanded. After a few minutes had passed and he still hadn't gotten a response, Hiltz looked around angrily. "AMBIENT, WHERE ARE YOU?" he shouted. Then he turned around to see Ambient sleeping under the shade of a mountain ledge. "AHHHHHHHH!" Hiltz fell over.
Raven laughed. "Looks like your organoid doesn't listen very well. Shadow's much more obedient than that red piece of junk! SHADOW, COME!" he yelled.
"Nah, I'd rather not destroy any Republican bases today. How 'bout tomorrow?" Shadow said.
"HUH? REBELLION? SHADOW, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SCRAP METAL! YOU DON'T CHOOSE WHEN TO LISTEN TO ME! I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE TO OBEY MY EVERY COMMAND!" Raven shouted at him.
"Yeah, about that......look, I'm kinda sick of takin' orders from a half-wit like you. I figure it's time that we go our separate ways and I can start blazing my own trail!" Shadow explained.
"WHAT IS THIS, AN ABC TALK SHOW?!" Raven exploded. "IF YOU DON'T GET IN THE GENOBREAKER RIGHT NOW, I'LL KICK YOU OVER THE HILLS!"
"Now you see, that's exactly your problem, Raven! You get angered far too easily." Shadow told him.
"OH, COME ON! DO YOU JUST SIT AROUND AND WATCH OPRAH WHEN I'M GONE? IS THAT WHERE YOU GET ALL THIS CRAP?" Raven yelled.
"Remember Raven, violence is not the answer to our problems." Shadow replied.
"OH, I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER TO THIS PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT!" Raven shouted, stepping towards Shadow.
Hiltz laughed at Raven's pitiful attempts to control his organoid. "Looks like Shadow is worthless in your hands! Perhaps I should take him and he can help me control the Death Stinger! Imagine the power! The destruction! I might even get a promotion!"
"I doubt that. I'm not promoting anyone who nearly burned down my entire underground hideout!" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"Aw, come on! I thought we were over that! It was just a tiny flare! Besides, it wasn't even my fault! Ambient was the one who wanted to use lighter fluid! He said it would make the eggs taste better!" Hiltz complained.
This time Raven was the one laughing. "YOU TRIED TO MAKE EGGS?! WITH LIGHTER FLUID?! HA HA HA HA!! AND I THOUGHT SHADOW WAS STUPID! OH, MAN, WHAT AN IDIOT!"
Ambient got up and whipped Raven across the face with his tail. Raven fell to the ground. "GEEZ, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET SO MAD ABOUT IT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU AND HILTZ ARE TOTAL MORONS!" Raven yelled angrily.
"WHAD'YA MEAN 'A TINY FLARE'?!?" the Dark Kaiser shouted, getting back to what Hiltz had said. "YOU ALMOST BURNED DOWN MY ENTIRE LAIR!"
"WELL, I SENT AMBIENT TO GET THE IMPERIAL FIRE DEPARTMENT, DIDN'T I? IS IT MY FAULT THAT HE GOT LOST AND DIDN'T GET BACK UNTIL THE ENTRANCE HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE?! BESIDES, THAT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME!" Hiltz protested.
"ONE TIME? ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE TOASTER INCIDENT?!?" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"HEY, THAT WAS NOT ME! THAT WAS ALL REESE! SHE GOT MAD BECAUSE HER TOAST WAS TAKING TOO LONG AND SHE BLEW UP THE TOASTER WITH HER CREEPY POWERS!" Hiltz shouted.
Meanwhile Raven was dying of laughter in the corner. "OH MAN! REESE BLEW UP A TOASTER!?!? WHEN DO YOU GUYS DO ALL THIS GREAT STUFF?!? WHERE THE HECK WAS I?"
"Oh, blowing up Republican bases, I suppose." the Dark Kaiser said airily.
Raven folded his arms across his chest. "Well, if I knew you guys were having so much fun, I might have stuck around this dump for awhile!"
"Ahem! What did you just call my domain?" the Dark Kaiser asked threateningly.
"You heard right. This place is a dump. I mean, come on! These neon lights are so '60's! Did you let Reese do the decorating in here?" Raven asked scornfully.
"WHAT?" the Dark Kaiser thundered.
"Uh, but let's get back to the story! So, what happened next, Hiltz?" Raven said quickly.
"Well, after REESE blew up the toaster, the whole place caught on fire! It was way worse than a couple fried eggs and lighter fluid! I mean, she could have blasted all of us off the planet with those creepy eyes of hers!" Hiltz shouted.
"ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP, HILTZ! REESE MAY HAVE BEEN THE ONE THAT BLEW UP THE TOASTER BUT THE FIRE DIDN'T ACTUALLY START UNTIL YOU PICKED IT UP AND THREW IT AGAINST THE WALL!" the Dark Kaiser yelled.
"WHO WOULDN'T? MY TOAST WAS IN THERE, TOO, YA KNOW, AND SHE COMPLETELY TORCHED IT! BESIDES, I BOUGHT THAT TOASTER WITH MY BIRTHDAY MONEY AND SHE JUST WENT AND DESTROYED IT!" Hiltz whined.
"YOU THREW A FLAMING TOASTER AGAINST THE WALL?!? OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH! I GOTTA STICK AROUND MORE OFTEN SO I CAN WATCH YOU IDIOTS! THIS SOUNDS WAY BETTER THAN TORCHING A COUPLE OF BASES!" Raven laughed.
Man, that was fun! ^_^ Please review and tell me what you think! I should have the next chapter up really soon cause I love doing stuff like this.