Warning: Honestly this is a story about cock blocking. Read at your own risk.

Shot Two: Boner-Killing

Natsu groaned, "So how are we going to do this?" He grabbed Lucy's hands, clapping them in a childish manner as she thought.

"Well I haven't completely… Natsu stop doing that!"

"What?" He grinned as he continued to pop her hands together. She snatched them back, rubbing the sore skin before scrunching her nose, distastefully. "I don't really know for sure what to do."

"Let's start with this." Natsu bellowed jumping up, ripping off his shirt. He spun the shirt in his hands before snapping it toward her legs.

The blonde squeaked when it hit, too slow to defend. Falling back on the bed, Lucy tucked her legs under herself, acquiring a headpillow as a shield. The fire mage grinned at his target, lining the shirt up for another shot. Her complexion turned ruddy as she exclaimed, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

There was instant tension between the two of them until he opened his mouth and sung, "I'm too sexy for my shirt." Natsu swung the shirt dramatically over his head before it flew and hit the wall with a thud. The boy smirked at the wall as if he had just issued a challenge to the people on the other side.

"You're an idiot." Lucy giggled setting the pillow down as he danced his way in an exaggerated manner to her, shaking his hips to an imaginary beat. She crawled to the edge of the bed swinging her legs down; eyes taking in his every movement. Momentarily, Lucy wondered if her hunger showed as she focused on his hands massaging his stomach, delectably slow, over those chiseled abs. Her heart began to flutter as her view shifted toward the v-line that was half hidden under his sagging waistline. She gulped when she thought about the slight bulge as he placed those same hands on her legs, moving to her knees. He leaned toward her, singing into her face the same words repeatedly. She wasn't sure at that moment if she wanted to sigh in delight or beat his ass for being ridiculous. Especially when he went into "break it down" mode with some extra flashy moves in front of her before crawling up her body, pretending to hump her.

"Is that the only part of the song you know?" Still chuckling, Lucy pushed his body away with her foot when he turned to straddle her. The blonde tried to cover the fact that her face was flushed from perverted thoughts. There was only so much torture a girl could take. She could think of a multitude of things the two could be doing at that moment - sleep being one. While sex was another.

He wouldn't let her push him away though.

Instead, Natsu gripped her leg, holding it in place with her foot pressed against his sternum. Pouting, he brushed his nose to her calve while complaining, "Lucy, for a show this good, you have to pay me. I'm on fire."

"Yea. Okay hotstuff," She wiggled her leg away from his grasp. "And if I had a couple of jewels I would stuff them into your boxers." The image of slipping money into his waist band was actually extremely hot in her head, but she was NOT going to mention that. "What is it with the men in the guild? Always stripping." Clearing her throat, Lucy crossed her arms and legs with a frown creating a subtle barrier between them. Her hope was to send a signal that she was untouchable.

"That's sooo sexist." Natsu fell on the bed beside her. Watching her from the blankets, he propped up on his elbows, "The women strip too."

"But we don't do it purposely. Well Erza does, but she's requiping."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing you strip now."

"WHAT?"

"Since you didn't think I was sexy. It's time for your seduction skills, Lucy."

"Me?"

"Yep! Make me a strip tease Lucy. Chop-Chop!" Natsu clapped his hands to emphasize his order.

Stammering awkwardly, she whined, "Wwait! Natssuuu I never agreed to thisss."

"Make sure to put some sound effects in it so MetalPrick and IcePants 1.0 and 2.0 can hear."

The girl started to leap away, putting distance between them, so she could argue, but in a quick roll Natsu caught her, tugging her back. She was surprised there was no vapor trail across the bed, he was so fast. Her butt smacked down on his crotch as she fell backwards. She hoped she didn't squish anything valuable. While the back of her head hit his chin making her wince. Some of her hair going into his face because she heard him sputter and began spitting. He sat up pulling her into his lap. She drew her knees up as she waited to kick him.

"No" Lucy disagreed with his request. He was about to argue, but she laid her head on Natsu, bringing her arms around him, hoping the relaxed position would soothe him from tormenting her. Natsu was like a wild animal. All skittish until you showed them comfort then he would settle down. The two sat together in mutual silence for a few seconds. Of course, the moment was ruined when Natsu slapped her on her ass "Get up Lucy. It is time to work for your daddy."

She elbowed him in the face.

The two spent five minutes wrestling before Lucy finally sighed, telling Natsu to let her up because she would dance for him.

Rolling her eyes at his cries of glee, she tried to settle her nerves. Lucy decided to put their lacrimavision on some music that had a nice smooth beat.

Adrenaline hiking with a thudding heart beating in her ear, she felt strangely giddy walking back to the bed. The music flowing over her skin and into her soul. The celestial wizard did not want to do this but doing it for Natsu made her strangely energized. She started swinging her hips much like he had done earlier. Her heartbeat setting a fast tempo. The mage also could feel the competitiveness inside her wanting to actually make Natsu pop a boner. She shimmed her bottom, moving her arms in sync with the rhythm, while moving closer to him. At one point she bent over, shaking her cleavage at him.

Slowly, Lucy started to pull her shirt up to show a belly dance that she had been practicing for a bit with Cana and some other girls.

Then she stopped, thinking it was too obvious for her to pull her shirt off and well... she didn't have a bra on so... She pulled her pajama shorts down instead, rolling her hips then shimming the pair down before kicking the shorts off. Her top still went to her mid thigh, her pink panties only flashing slightly underneath if she moved her ass too much. Lucy could not bear to look at Natsu's reaction, shying away at the idea of him laughing at her. Instead she closed her eyes, trailing her hands over her body, using her memory of the room to maneuver toward him.

Natsu tried to do something, anything to keep his thoughts off the girl in front of him. But damn she was sexy, twirling and spinning, wearing only a shirt. He kept thinking about Makarov losing his speedo in the guild pool to keep blood from rushing to his both of his heads. If there ever was an imagine in his head that needed to be bleached, that was the one.

Lucy steadily crept closer to him.

Then she was there on his lap - sitting on him, grinding her check into his pelvic region. Basically giving him his first ever lap dance. Then she turned, straddling him. Her hands rub up his chest before circling his neck. Breathlessly, she blew out his name, "Natsuuu."

And…

He couldn't take it.

"Let's jump on the bed!" He pushed her off gently causing Lucy to stumble back.

"Why?" The girl cocked her face questioningly.

"It worked in Easy A." He grabbed her hand, pulling her up on the bed with him.

Lucy, still half naked, grabbed his shoulders, "Are you calling me easy?!"

"No it's a movie. There is a part they jump on the bed to make everyone think they are having sex."

"I have never seen it."

"What?! Where have you been all your life?"

Lucy did not miss a beat by saying tonelessly, "In a mansion where my father didn't allow me to watch lacrimavision.

"Oh," Natsu sighed as her words dampened the whole conversation. The girl shook off his hand, stepping back on the floor and collected her discarded pajama bottoms. He knelt down in a way that covered his half erection that was just starting to become obvious. If he could get her to go away, he would adjust himself to make it less noticeable.

Lucy frowned thoughtfully as she brushed a small blonde strand away from her shoulder. Natsu's eyes quickly drawn to the action, "I don't think we should think of this as trying to be sexy or trying to make noise. I think we should make it how we would have sex."

"What do you mean?" He noticed she had yet to put back on her pants. The boy torn between wanting them to stay off and wanting her to cover up more.

"If we were lovers, how would we do it? I think you would be over-excited with aggression and minor randomness. But my problem is trying to figure out, why we would have sex in the first place."

"Why?" Natsu sputtered awkwardly. This was the weirdest conversation he had ever had.

"So let's think what would get us to have sex then go from there."

"You mean like a plot of a story? Cuz sex is totally meant to be mapped out in writing." Natsu joked but Lucy took him seriously, "Yes! And maybe I should have a story board as we plan."

Natsu sweated.

"But this is real life." He argued, pretty sure the idea was under the category of greatest ways of killing a boner.

"I know but life is a stage..." The celestial mage threw her arms up dramatically. "Ok let's put our thinking caps on..."

Lucy thought for a bit before proposing an idea, "Listen, you could always throw me off the team and I train to be stronger then come back to face you, and we have crazy sex. We could have an argument then start in on some crazy sex because our adrenaline is up?"

Natsu said seriously, "That would never work"

"Why not?"

"First of all, I would totally be OOC to throw you off the team..."

Lucy's inner voice was shocked that Natsu knew what the term "OOC" meant.

"Second why would you make this about getting stronger when you aren't actually going to fight but have sex? At least make the story more romantic and then have sex. Leave the fights for the fights. You don't need to be strong to have sex."

"Sound logic there Einstein" Lucy deadpan as the fire mage patted himself on the back.

"I got it!"

Excited, Lucy asked "Yea?!"

"We are traveling through the snow like we were today."

"Yea."

"You fall into a river."

"Yea?"

"We find a cave. You are freezing. I have to warm you up and then proceed to strip ourselves for body warmth and then have sex."

"Uh Natsu, we are in a hotel room. No cave. And why would I freeze? When you create literal fire? How would they even see any of that?"

Natsu's face fell. He said hopefully, "But you could still be cold? I will always warm you up."

"And that's another thing. You have fire magic? Why would we need to strip?"

"Fansevice" Natsu answered hesitantly eyeing the girls legs. They were very nice legs. All shaved and smooth. They probably would feel nice to rub. Or maybe to have them wrapped around his….

"Maybe we should simplify this. We want to have sex but we are both nervous about it. I am a virgin and you are asexual."

"Hey!"

"What do we do to make the other more into it? Neither of us is truly seductive and both of us are inexperienced."

"We have to get in the mood Lucy." His eyes twinkled before the pink haired boy randomly pounced on her. His face closed the gap to her own before making stupid expressions at her.

"What are you doing?" Lucy snickered, wondering if a few screws were missing from the boy's brain.

"Making you laugh."

"But laughter isn't something normally associated with sex. When was the last time a sex scene had laughter in it?"

"I dunno, but you are prettier when you smile. And I think sex with you would be more fun than sexy."

Lucy flushed brilliantly at the hidden meaning in the statement.

"And you are really cute when you blush." Natsu settled down on her, staring down into her eyes as their bodies pressed against one another. Lucy almost blanched at the serious look in his face. She asked breathlessly, "Natsu?"

He whispered into her ear, "I wonder... do you blush other places besides your face" His hands creeping under her arm to her sides. The sensation causing her to shiver until suddenly…

His fingers began to poke her ribs.

"Natsu! That tickles." She tried to fight but he had no mercy at all the while telling her to keep the laughter to a minimal. The bed springs buckling under their weight. She tried to claw his back and push but that just seemed to antagonize him more.

"Instead of laughing, Lucy. Moan for me."

He tickled her again and she bit back the laughter to a scream and a loud gasp. He nodded in approval. Natsu said louder this time, "I love your moan, Lucy. Do I make you cum?"

She whispered back, face even redder if that was possible. "You know you don't."

"But THEY don't know that."

"Why do I feel my reputation is being slowly destroyed? Eek!" She half sighed and half squealed as Natsu got a tender spot around her knee.

"Ahhh! Stop" Lucy gave a loud moan.

Natsu grinned giving her a thumbs up. The blonde started to pant for extra effect. Natsu then began to rock the bed, an evil grin on his face, as he began to explore more of Lucy's tickling weak spots.

"Natsu!"

Gajeel listened to the panting in the next room as he pounded away behind Levy. He froze before chuckling malevolently.

"So Salamander thinks this is a competition eh?"

He paused when he heard a light scream that seemed to be muffled out.

"But shrimps can scream louder than bunnies." Gajeel reached around to play at the apex of her legs before pinching the nub inside her folds. He also increased the pace as his body hit hers with resonating thumps he knew the Natsu could hear. It didn't take long before Levy shrieked as her body clenched around the iron dragon slayer.

He groaned, "Beat that Salamander"

In the other room, Juvia was sandwich between Gray and Lyon. The two men stopped their synchronized movements upon hearing the bumping and groaning in the next room.

"Is that Lucy?" Gray asked sweaty from his exertion.

Juvia groaned, "Why is Gray-sama mentioning love rival's name while he pleasures Juvia?"

Lyon whispers to her neck. Juvia's lips part slightly as his tongue skim her skin before kissing below her ear. Lyon purrs as he snaps his hips making her cry out, "Does that mean I am the best lover, Juvia? Since I am completely focused on pleasing you."

"Stop that." Gray hissed, slapping Lyon's shoulder as he continued to listen.

"I am worried about Lucy. She's not the type of girl to be doing this kind of stuff. Flame brain better not be making her do some perverted crap against her will. I will beat his ass then tell Erza and Mira and they will kill him."

Juvia gasped, tightening her legs around Gray's wasted as she pumped herself toward him. He swore as she stated, "She's probably with Natsu because she loves him."

The other ice mage began to start back as well even as Gray tried to get both to stop. He wanted to listen to what was happening in the room beside them.

Lyon huffed slightly annoyed, "I think they are too. I am not even in your guild but I can see the way Lucy observes Natsu, especially when he thinks she's not looking. And the two are sharing a room. They probably are having sex."

"I don't even think Flamebrain even knows how to use his dick much less pleasure a girl to make sounds like that."

About that time Lucy screamed, "Natsssuuuu Stop!"

The dark haired ice mage growled, "But if he's forcing her to do something, I will pound his miserable face into the mud." He pulled himself out, still not finished but ready to go see what was the matter. Juvia cried out as he disentangled himself from her legs. She immediately left Lyon to follow Gray.

Around that time the three heard a male voice shout "LUCY! YOU'RE AMAZING!"

Gray practically turned green as Juvia declared dreamily, "Love rival isn't a love rival anymore."

Lyon nodded in approval, "Looks like Natsu has finally tapped that. Was wondering how long it would take them. Now we can start back"

"Idiot. He better not think he is a better lover than me. Well I am all fired up! You hear that Lava-Shit"

"I accept both your challenges." Natsu yelled. "Besides, Basking Robbins, you letting Lyon do all the work?"

The white haired mage froze, "Ah shit! He knows I am here. Oh well, let me reply then." To Natsu he shouted, "Actually Gray is so small that I have to work twice as hard"

Juvia slapped Lyon, "That is untrue! Gray sama is very large and hits Juvia's G-spot just right"

Gajeel laughed, "Geehee I was under the impression Ice Prick's dick was the size of a tooth brush. If it was bigger, he would obviously have tapped Juvia long before now."

Natsu hooted and congratulating Gajeel on his insult before adding, "And not have help while doing the naughty.

Lyon mage rolled his eyes before asking "But wouldn't that mean he lacks balls?" causing both his partners to growled at Lyon.

Gajeel replied, "Those can be small too"

Making sounds of disgust, Lucy pressed her face against Natsu's side," I did not want to hear that. Please make it stop."

"Now Lucy, the fun is just starting." He kissed her temple causing mounting disappointment to rise up inside of her.

Gray then spoke in a deathly calm voice, "It's not about making your girl scream. Added conditions are having your girl do something that makes you scream."

"Conditions accepted." Natsu, Lyon, and Gajeel replied.

Lucy, Juvia, Levy all cried out, "Wait?!"

Juvia added, "How can Juvia make both these boys scream? Lyon will be easy but Gray will take some time."

Natsu and Gajeel shuddered at her question.

"Lucy here is about to give me head. Her mouth is scorching!" Natsu covered the girl's mouth before she could scream at him. Her eyes glared furiously as she rumbled trying to talk. When she seemed to calm down, he took away his hand hesitantly while she upper cutted his knocking him flat off the bed. He yelled, "Kinky babe."

Folding her arms, she complained quietly, "Natsu, you are making me sound like the biggest whore ever."

"Too bad for you guys, that Levy and Lucy just aren't…" Natsu started but was cut off by the Metal Eater.

"Baby you know I want you to suck me off but why don't you ride me instead. You know I like looking up at you as you take control." Gajeel moaned.

Levy was getting into it now. "I love you when you talk dirty to me."

Lucy mouthed that she was going to kill Natsu after she was done barfing. He blew her a kiss. The girl shrugged before saying, "I don't know if I can make you scream, Natsu. You always take the lead."

Natsu bit off a laugh at Lucy's innocent stare. Louder he said "I'm in your hands now, Luce."

Lucy and Natsu giggled at the implied "handjob" she was giving him as Natsu started moaning.

A hesitant knock came from the hall. "Oh excuse me! But the manager has received calls from this floor that your, uh, activities are too loud. Please keep them quieter."

Before Natsu could reply Lyon answered, "All of you! Shut up, we are going to get kicked out."

Gray and Natsu also agreed, promising to be quieter. Gajeel was silent until they heard a slap and a half-hearted "ok" from his end. The hotel worker seemingly was satisfied and left without another word.

"I don't know why Gray issued that challenge. He was first one to back out?" Natsu's words muffled into Lucy's hair.

"I don't mind. Natsu I'm tired. Let's stop," She mumbled slumping into the boy.

He glanced down with barely contained mirth.

"But Lucy" he murmured as he stroked thigh, still bare from her earlier strip dance, "We barely started."

"But it's hot in here with your natural body heat.

"You could always lose more clothes." He pointed out only to have her gently slap his cheek.

"As if, I am only in my panties and a shirt. There are no other clothes to lose. Plus it's time for sleep, not exercise. We have to be up in the morning for the scavenger hunt."

"What does that say about your endurance?"

"In a fight, I can do better!" The blonde irritably snapped, "But I'm not use to long burst of cardio unless I am running.

"Geez Lucy. Too many orgasms in one day, huh?" Natsu slapped her leg leaving a big red whelp causing her to hit him back.

"Natsu! That hurt!"

She heard Gajeel choking in the next room.

Natsu couldn't let that go, "Remember you missed Levy's hole earlier, Metal Face? Don't beat her to death with your dick." Lucy wanted to facepalm at Natsu bringing that up again.

"I won't miss your face the next time I see you." The burly man threatened.

"Nah, I'm not into dicks or guys giving blowjobs. So hit Gray's face instead. He seems to be into other males."

Lucy suppressed her face in her hands as Gray and Gajeel hurdled insults through the walls. Natsu merely ignored them. He leaned into pressing his lips against her ear, "You better be glad you never went at it with me. I don't think you could handle all this."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Please. I could definitely take you."

"Oh really" Natsu smirked as he fell back so the two were sitting on the bed tangled up close to each other to whisper so Gajeel wouldn't hear.

"Yep," She grinned, "Well I know that you have not ever slept with anyone so you probably will get excited like the guy on the first American Pie movie and finish before you even start.

"What?!" A deeply insulted, Natsu began to get angry. He might be a virgin and normally dense and clueless about sex and women but there was a reason why his dragon slaying boner beat all the women in the stone age omake. He was Natsu Dragneel, Mashima's gift to women everywhere.

"Like you are the one to talk, Lucy. You are still a virgin too."

Natsu in serious mode said, "Honestly I think sex would be like a fight. You have to pace yourself to not wear yourself out. And like fighting a good battle. You have to attack and defend while you let the opponent throw their own a attacks."

The conversation was starting to turn Lucy on again as she thought about how battling Natsu in the sheets. He would end up pinning her down. She hoped he would be animalistic because the girl wanted to be dominated until she became more self aware. Plus she wanted to see Natsu as a sexy beast like he was in battles and not a goofy friend even though he had this idea of having "fun, laughing" sex with her. What even was that?

"I am not sure about that but I could sort of see how that would work."

"I look at it as a dance." Lucy admitted. Natsu seemed taken aback before blurting out, "A dance? Really?" He snickered before Lucy slapped his arm, "Well yea. Stop laughing. You are close to another person. Your movements are coordinated and you get sweaty plus you have to keep the pace." She added the last while blushing.

He shook his head. "Wow! I never knew that there was someone more clueless than me about sex."

"It's romantic!"

"Lucy no. No, it's not. Unless you get off by watching Dancing with the Stars."

"I mean it's just from my research from all the books that I read on the subject. And that is the closest parallel I can make."

"Lucy Heartfilia, are you telling me you read smut books?" Natsu poked her side causing her to giggle before she fought away his hand and he pulled her under him, trapping her arms between his and using her breasts as a pillow.

"Maybe I do. What of if? Only because Levy and Erza give them to me."

"Well Levy is destined to be pregnant before twenty and Erza got that seduction armor of hers when Jellal was in prison so I don't know what she is doing in her spare time. But you… 'little miss proper' who kicks and slaps me all the time for being perverted actually has a dirty mind?"

Lucy poked her cheeks out, "Well I am only human. Maybe sometimes I want to be held and kissed. And experience things I never experienced before. Plus feel the passion of someone make love to me." Lucy turned her head to stare at the wall as she admitted her deepest secret. She couldn't bear to see his face but he lifted up his hand, cupping her chin.

Turning her head toward his, and while brushing a thumb over her bottom lip making her whole body light up, he said, "You don't need to make sex this enigma that grows in your head until you jump some poor man on the streets."

Shooting daggers at him with her eyes, she gritted through clenched teeth, "I wouldn't just sleep with anyone off the street!"

"But you don't have a boyfriend. Isn't Aquarius always riding you about that? Why don't you try getting one."

"Why would I try getting a boyfriend when I have y..." Lucy squealed when she almost let out a secret that she guarded with her life.

"Have what Lucy?"

"Never mind." Lucy rolled over as Natsu began prodding her back. The competition with Gajeel ad Gray long forgotten.

"But Lussshiiii" He bleated like a baby sheep. "I really want to know." He chomped a bite out of her neck, causing her to laugh.

"You aren't Mest Gryder." Lucy slapped him playfully as she stopped herself from moaning when he didn't' move. Instead his tongue ran down to her shoulder, lapping at her collar bone. She actually liked his mouth on her neck. He then began to nibble away at her shirt. Her legs felt unused and wanted to move up his legs since there were no barriers between them besides his boxers and her panties. Why did he always have to play so physical with her? He only meant friendship but he always made her body sing with his touches.

"Well if I was Mest, then I wouldn't be here with you but teleporting to the closest junior high school to hit up some twelve-year-old."

Lucy sweated, "Natsu... That's actually. Not funny. And kind of creepy."

"Ooops sorry." Natsu apologized before wrapping his arm around Lucy and pulling her toward him. "But I still want to know what you were going to say."

Buried in his heat, Lucy almost answered before saying, "Nope. Nothing."

He began to pull up her shirt before leaning down to suck on her stomach, licking the area around her belly button before darting inside.

"But Lucy. What can I do to make you tell?"

"Uh nothing." She felt his fingers began to play with her hips.

"Why don't you leave the seduction skills at home. You are horrible at them." Lucy was proud that she managed to say it without stuttering as his face began to nuzzle he bottom of her shirt upwards. Her breasts began to harden at the thought of his face coming nearer.

"I think I can be good at it." Natsu raised up, hovering over her face.

"IS that so?"

"Because I AM seducing you Lucy.""

"You have an overestimated opinon of yourself." But he didn't reply. Instead he started doing things to her with a raised eyebrow as if testing her words. Damn, why did he get smart? She had that one thought slip as he brushed his lips over hers in a light feathered kiss."Wh-why did you do that?"

"Because I want you to say it."

"Say what?"

"Admit it Lucy. You wanted to say 'you' as in 'me.'"

It wouldn't hurt to admit part of the truth? Would it? "Yes Natsu. I was going to say you. I don't need a boyfriend when I have you. Happy? Cuz a boyfriend would probably steal my time from being with you. That's it."

"Are you sure?" He nibbled on her ear before his tongue darted out to trace the grooves before taking a lobe in his mouth.

"That's hardly hygienic"

"Sex isn't a clean task, Lucy." He put his weigh on knee between her legs, slowly moving them apart to put his other leg there too. He rubbed against her triggering a blissful sigh. "It's dirty, hot sweaty, gritty, sticky, and can be painful." His smoldering eyes with the enlarged pupil caught her unaware. Her hands only managed to weakly press against his chest.

"But it can also be fun, exciting, pleasurable…" Natsu lips sought hers aggressively. And Lucy melted into her first kiss…

Ten minutest later...

Gray kicked Lyon on of the room. "Now our time is over friend. Get out. Juvia's body is mind and you were merely a means to an end."

"But Gray!" Lyon yelled standing bare ass naked in the hallway. "I want to stay too."

Gajeel lay with Levy in his arms. "I think your voice was definitely the loudest, shrimp."

While Natsu stopped kissing Lucy, whose shirt was now off, to glare toward Gajeel's room. "Please, MetalFace, Lucy was soo much louder than Juvia and Levy and we weren't even trying."

"Not aga…" The celestial mage started to grumble but was cut off.

"Erza!" A man screamed from the top floor, ricocheting down through the whole hotel.

Gajeel, Natsu, Gray all shuddered.

"Is that...?" Gajeel asked in a horrified whisper.

"...Jellal" Natsu answered with a puke.

Gray dropped Juvia before hacking a cough. He dragged her to bed and throwing covers around them. He didn't need dragon slaying hearing to know that it was time to go to bed.

"I think Jellal is louder than you or Lucy." Gajeel told Levy.

Natsu hurried to turn the light off. "Lucy, I think my boner was just killed."

"Wait. But we haven't done anything." She said covering her breasts as she began to feel embarrassed.

"We can just say, Erza won that round. And try again another day." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before rolling over to sleep leaving a fuming Lucy.

Gajeel and Gray sleepily agreed before they held their girls.

Lucy's last thoughts before nodding off to sleep, snuggling into Natsu's side with his arm wrapped around her, were "So Erza and Jellal are here too? I wonder where Kagura is since she was Erza's partner?" Lucy asked. "Wait? Are they having a threesome too."

Natsu listened then shook his head. "Doesn't sound like it. Kagura is probably busy somewhere else."

In the hotel coffee shop, Pantherlily, Elfman, Freed, and Kagura sat around a table drinking midnight expresso when Lyon streaked in flashing everyone with his manhood.

Kagura flashed her sword at him, "Have some decency to put on some clothes."

Freed also unsheathed his looked him over without saying anything.

"It takes a real man to be naked in public." Eflman declared as Lyon took a swig of coffee before saying "I need something a lot stronger."

"Wait? Why are you here?" The Lamina scale mage eyed the two men. He knew that Erza and Jellal were using a room at the hotel, but had not seen Elfman and Freed with anyone.

Freed shrugged, "Laxus and Mira ditched us."

"So they are in this hotel too?"

"Not exactly." Eflman replied, hiding his face as he wept.

Nestled in the forest at the base of two mountains miles from the hotel was a lone cabin.

Inside Laxus and Mirajane lay on the floor, covered in furs. It was intimate and private. The dancing flames from the fire reflected in Mira's blue eyes causing Laxus to sigh in peace before promptly falling asleep.

"And that kiddies is why you go the extra mile and rent a cabin." Gildarts finished his story as Natsu, Lucy, Juvia, Erza, Levy, Gray, Elfman, and Gajeel stared with varying degrees of shock, horror, and dismay.

Laxus, on the other hand, was laughing his ass off. "Oi, old man this story is perfect," He smirked before adding, "One problem with the characters old man. You have Mira there but really Cana and Lisanna should have been there on that floor too."

Gildarts eyes flashed before threatening, "Dreyar, I will kill you."

Elfman stared sadly at his drink, "Evergreen wasn't in the story. Now how will I become a real man?"

AN: I am sorry

AN2: Actually, I am not.

AN3: Hope you enjoyed it though and it made you laugh.

AN4: My plan was always to only give Natsu and Lucy a kiss while everyone else got to have sex. Even Lyon and Juvia. Cock-blocking refers to their plan to cock block the others. Boner-killing refers to Nalu themselves getting cock blocked after Gruvion and Gajevy are finished when Natsu hears Jellal and Erza having sex. Cock-blocking the audience in a story about clock-blocking. I'm so bad for that. But then I take it a step further and have the whole thing actually be a story so really, nobody got laid.

AN5: The idea came from my one shot a while back where Gajevy, Nalu, and Gruvia had a sex competition and randomly they would hear Jellal screaming… everyone should know at this point that Erza would win. Even if she wasn't originally in the competition.

AN6: Mira and Laxus having sex at a cabin was the original ending with Laxus saying "kiddies that's why you go the extra mile and rent a cabin." But Laxus isn't psychic plus I wanted to add Cana and Lisanna to this harem of his. Thus I made the Gildarts ending.

Peace out!