Hello and welcome to The Deadpool! My name is I'msorrymylove and I am a fanfiction writer. I've mainly written Doctor Who stories but I've also written a Gravity Falls one as well. This will be my first fanfiction based off a movie and currently my only fanfiction that is rated M because, like the movie, there's a lot of cursing that will be going on. This story will be updated every Friday!

And yes, this is a Wade/OC story. However, Wade will be with Vanessa before he leaves. If you're a huge Vanessa/Wade fan than this story likely won't make you happy.

The OC with Wade is named Amy, who I picture to look a lot like Amy Adams, specifically from the Enchanted Movie. However I picture her as a bit shorter. I will give a better description when she get to her.

This story will mainly follow our lovely Wade/Deadpool, but it will also cut to Amy during different scenes. If you haven't seen the movie I will do my best to make sure that you can follow this.\

Key:

Flashback "Flash back speaking."

Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool or any of the characters affiliated with him. Otherwise I wouldn't be looking for a job at the moment.

Wade was sitting in the back of a taxi cab and was quickly becoming bored. He had already picked up a pamphlet for 'Haunted Segway Tours' because that was so ridiculous that it had to be funny. Almost like a movie about a beautiful man who became ugly and then started to hunt down the man who turned him ugly while ignoring the woman that he maybe loved and the woman he had sex with soooo many times. Honestly, who would act in that movie? Certainly not the upstanding actor Ryan Reynolds, and if it was him then the maybe –probably – woman he loved would never look like Amy Adams.

Oh look, window buttons!

Wade pushed on the down button, and the window slid all the way down. He pushed on the up button, and the window slid all the way up. It was so nice to have a taxi that had working windows. One time he had been in Mexico for…a completely legit business trip, and the taxi he was in had no air conditioning and rolled up windows. Mexico had shortly found itself with one less taxi driver.

Now very bored, Wade stuck his finger into some gum. Sure, his finger was covered in the suit he was wearing, but still…that was just gross. He tried to flick it back on the roof, but it instead landed into the void….or a camera lens. They were honestly the same thing. Being nice, he picked the gum off and wiped it onto the ceiling. It was the right thing to do.

Oh dear god was he bored! He wanted to talk to someone…wasn't there a driver right up front? Just to make sure, he poked his head up to see a short Indian man was driving. "Kinda lonesome back here," he commented.

And now his neck was hurting. Great. But that was easily solvable. He started to climb from the back of the cab to the passenger seat. That turned out to not be as easy as he thought it would be and he huffed out a grunt. "Little help?"

The driver looked at him and at his hands and then back to the road. "Sir, I have to keep my hands on the wheel."

Well that was a stupid rule. He had driven without his hands loads of times! The crashes that followed had nothing to do with that!

So he rolled his eyes, not that the driver could see that, he was wearing a mask after all, and somehow got into the passenger seat. He so deserved an award for that later.

The driver, deciding that the rules were stupid as well, held out his hand for Wade to shake. "Dopinder."

"Pool. Dead."

They shook hands, something that Wade hadn't done in a while. Usually he was too busy with other...activities in this suit to formally introduce himself.

Now upfront with the driver, he couldn't help but notice that Dopinder's eyes were alarmingly large, and also looking at him far too closely. It made him feel kind of uncomfortable. Maybe that's what Amy meant when she said that some of the guys made her feel like she was being x-rayed. He had never asked her what she meant, instead choosing to focus on beating the ever loving shit out of the guys. Perhaps he would ask about it next time he saw her…that statement deserved a painful laugh.

Still, Wade found himself being more twitchy than usual. He started to roam the front and his eyes landed on a picture of a very hot Indian woman on the dashboard. "Mmm. Nice," he commented.

Dopinder tapped the weird air freshener he had hanging from his rearview mirror. "Smells good, no?"

Wade rolled his eyes. "Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl." He put in a point to the picture in case there were other girl's pictures hanging around, or if there was another air freshener.

Dopinder sighed. "Ah, yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She would have made me a very agreeable wife, but, um…Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bantu. He is as dishonorable as he is attractive."

Wade felt his heart light up. This sounded like a job for a matchmaker, which he so was. He had set up loads of people. Himself with…well, himself with others didn't really go well. But what about that time he set up Mr. and Mrs. Potato head? He was the one responsible for that dynamic duo!

"Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today." The reason being: he would get him to get Gita! It's not like you need to know the other person's personality. And being in the cab with Dopinder for at least ten minutes had showed him everything he needed to know about him. He was already considering having this man to be his best man at his wedding!

Dopinder frowned and did this weird rapid blinking. "Yes, sir, you called for it, remember?" he asked hesitantly, probably wondering how sane Wade was.

Jokes on him, though, Wade had always been insane. He was just good at hiding it.

"No, my slender, brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream." He breathed in deeply, causing Dopinder to do the same.

"Mmm," Dopinder sighed, clearly enjoying the smell and taste of the Daffodil Daydream…Wade felt like he was about to puke. His eyes were watering and he just wanted to run far away from the smell. To be fair, that was also how he generally felt about love.

"So you gotta hold onto love. Tight!" He put in, thinking back to Amy. She was such a sweet girl and her dresses had flowers and she smelled like cinnamon…he felt his nostrils flare and he made a fist. "And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it?"

Dopinder nodded. "Yes."

"Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga," he shuddered. Vanessa had had an odd obsession with Toddlers and Tiaras. She would watch it whenever her Auntie Flow was visiting. And then she would cry all the time and just…it was an unfortunate time to be with her.

"Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?" Dopinder asked.

That was a fair question. So he paused as he tried to think of an appropriate way to answer that. "Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss." He decided firmly.

Dopinder shuddered and clutched at the wheel in front of him. "Okay, stop."

Wade nodded. "I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad." He emphasized. Mama June was a nightmare, worse than anything.

She and Francis would be great together! See, totally a matchmaker.

"It's bad," Dopinder agreed. He seemed to struggle to ask something before he blurted out: "Uh, why the fancy red suit Mr. Pool?"

Wade looked down at his suit. It was very fancy. And vey deadly. "Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks, six days, and oh…" because he wasn't completely perfect, he had to check his Adventure Time watch for the last measurement. "Fourteen minutes to make him fix what he did to me."

"And what did he do to you?"

"This shit."

And with that snarl, Wade lifted up his mask, revealing to Dopinder his horrible scarred face. "Boo!" he added in sarcastically as he saw Dopinder's horror at it.

Pulling the mask down, Wade started to pat down his suit, a horrified frown appearing on his face as he felt nothing. He swiveled around in his seat to see nothing back there either. "Aw, shit! I forgot my ammo bag!"

"Shall we turn back?" Dopinder offered.

Wade shook his head. "Nope, no time. Fuck it. I got this. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve bullets, or bust. We're here!"

At the sudden shout, Dopinder slammed on his breaks, causing people to swerve behind him and several people to honk. As they drove past the suddenly stopped car, multiple drivers flashed their middle fingers at them.

Dopinder didn't seem to mind, though. He checked the meter and then turned to Wade. "That's uh, twenty seven fifty."

Wade paused, having been trying to open the taxi. "I…I never carry a wallet while I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit." The pains of having a skintight suit.

"Oh," Dopinder said after a few blinks.

For some reason, he seemed disappointed. So Wade offered: "But, uh, how 'bout a crisp high-five!"

"Okay," Dopinder agreed.

The two high-fived, Dopinder far less enthusiastic about it than Wade.

"Merry Christmas," Wade said as he finally got out of the cab.

"And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Mr. Pool!" Dopinder called as he drove off.

Wade was sitting on the side of a bridge, a radio setting next to him playing 'Shoop.' He was vaguely singing along, making hand gestures at a few of the words, but he was really focused on the drawing he was doing with some crayons he had with him. It was fun to see Francis getting shot in the head, even if it was just a crayon drawing. He'd soon change it to be a reality.

And then turned and stared directly at the camera, or the person reading, or just whoever happened to be paying a lot of attention to him. "Wha- Oh! Oh, hello. I know, right? Who's balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with Pullverine. And let me tell you; he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under,"he finished in an Australian accent.

They'd get that joke, right?

"Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix, and - oh! Bad guys to kill."He watched eagerly as Francis' convoy of black cars – Francis was a very dramatic little shit, after all – were driving quickly towards the bridge he was sitting on.

Now having an appointment to keep, Wade was quick to get onto the rim of the highway and, in one fluid motion, jumped off the bridge, landing in one of the cars of the convoy. It seemed that they had been driving peacefully, listening to 'Angel of the Morning,' but then Wade landed and their peaceful drive was over.

Several things happened almost immediately after Wade had landed in the car. He started to beat all the men up, causing one to even get thrown out the back of the car and hang on. He couldn't resist not laughing at that. It was just too funny!

That pause of him laughing caused one of the men to be able to grab him and slam his head into the back of a car seat. Even through the mask, he could smell the leather. "Rich, corinthian leather," he commented. It was a very nice quality car.

Using the position he was in for his advantage, Wade was able to snap the man's neck, killing him. He then moved onto the passenger, who was sitting in the shotgun seat.

That wasn't foreshadowing or anything. Still…someone should really inform his next of kin.

"I'm looking for Francis. Have you seen this man?" he asked while holding up his drawing. It did look like him, shaved head and asshole personality and all, but apparently the man didn't seem to understand his question, because he didn't answer it. Instead, the man started to slam his head repeatedly into the car radio, causing it to change channels rapidly.

But then, rather fortunately for Wade and rather unfortunately for everyone else in the car, a man riding up on a motorcycle decided to empty his gun into it. Clearly the man didn't really care who he was shooting at, because he killed everyone in the car except for Wade, the driver, and that guy who was still hanging onto the back. How the hell was he hanging onto the back still?

Still, despite the guy on the motorcycle helping him, Wade kicked the driver door open, sending the motorcycle and the driver flying. Hearing a noise behind him, Wade turned around to see the guy who had been hanging onto the back of the car start to climb onto it. Getting into the driver's seat, he slammed down onto the gas pedal, causing the guy climbing into the car to at least get some road burn before he got fully into the vehicle.

But somehow, a car appeared in front of his, and Wade hit it head on, causing the front of his to crunch. Grabbing the person who had climbed into the car and the driver, Wade put the two men into a headlock. Taking the cigarette lighter, Wade pressed it down on one of the man's foreheads and then forcibly shoved it into the other man's mouth and held it shut.

"I've never said this, but don't swallow."

Pushing them away from him, Wade looked up to see another car pulling up beside his, all the occupants readying their guns to shoot at him. He sighed. Couldn't they just give him Francis and be done? Who would ever have some sort of loyalty to that dick?

Taking the wheel of the car once more, Wade swerved the car, causing it to flip and crash. From the front of the car, he could hear the man on the motorcycle revving his engine and started to shoot. He wasn't shooting for long, though, because Wade reached through the top of the car and grabbing the man off his motorcycle by the waist, pulling him into the spinning wreck.

He paused, frowning as a horrible, horrible thought came to him. Around him, the world seemed to slow down as he said, "Shit. Did I leave the stove on?"

Everything started to speed up around Wade and he watched with great satisfaction as a chain sliced off the biker's head. Another man went flying, presumably never seen again. Bodies started to fall out of the car as it landed and then skidded to a halt on its side.

Fuck, he would have to climb out of that.

Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was a stately mansion that resided Westchester County, New York. It somehow had that ancient look to it despite how often it blew up, much to the annoyance of its occupants that weren't included in the adventures that had led up to someone wanting to blow up the school. Xavier had had a complaint box for a bit, but after practically everyone submitted that they wanted the school to not blow up, he had taken it away. It was a good complaint though. A lot of the residents – especially those who's mutation, gift, power, or whatever they choose to call it was more obvious – only had the mansion as their home because their parents didn't, or couldn't, have them.

At the moment though, the mansion was calm. The school year was in session, which meant that only those who stayed their full-time were there. The main source of noise was coming from the kitchen, where the TV was switched on the news.

"Now, breaking news: A multi car collision turns shots fired on the crosstown expressway this morning. Gridlock has kept police from the scene."

A reporter was saying to a very interested Colossus, who was eating cereal. The normal-sized spoon looked out of place in his large, metal hands, but it was good practice to make sure that his super strength didn't crush anything he wasn't meaning to. Despite years of practice, he still accidently broke things when he wasn't paying attention or got frustrated…

Like he was getting now as the reporter continued speaking. "Residents are advised to remain in their homes the assailant appears to be armed, dangerous, and wearing a –"

Colossus slammed the spoon down, bending it, as he said with the reporter, "Red suit."

The table shook as he stood up and shook his head. Why couldn't that man use his powers for something other than destruction and death? Innocent people were getting hurt because of him!

"Deadpool. Negasonic! Come. We have mission," he shouted.

Storming away, he traveled through the house fairly quickly, soon reaching the door that led to the hanger.

"Colossus, wait up," Negasonic called as she jogged to catch up to the far larger man. Her dark hair, which had been far longer a while back, was shaved down to a buzz cut, in part because she thought it looked amazing coupled with her dark clothing and lipstick, and also because her powers often caused her hair to burn off. Shorter hair wasn't a fire hazard, which was really good for her.

She had been partnered with Colossus as some sort of big brother mentor, likely because he wouldn't die of her powers got out of control, unlike a lot of other people. Knowing that did kind of help. She used to feel so guilty and fearful about even thinking of using her powers, but since Colossus was relatively safe from them, the guilt and fear had almost gone away. Colossus seemed to think that some sort of therapy would help, and he had even tried to be her therapist, but it was hard to actually open up to him. She couldn't bear it when he gave her that pitying expression. Honestly, her background wasn't as bad as some of the other X-men.

Colossus looked down at her as the two walked through the hanger and to one of the many planes. "I've given Deadpool every chance to join us. But he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child. When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-man?"

Negasonic couldn't help but roll her eyes. She honestly thought that trying to recruit Deadpool was a complete waste of time. He clearly didn't want to be an X-man, and even if he did, what benefits was Colossus even referring to?

"Which benefits, the matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?" she asked, only partially being sarcastic.

Colossus shook his head. "Please. House blowing up builds character." Fumbling around in the pockets of his clothing, he took out a protein bar. "You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day. Here. Protein bar. Good for bones." As Negasonic took the bar and looked down at it, Colossus nodded. "Deadpool may try to break yours," he warned.

Deadpool was a very violent man after all, and so were his friends! He obviously had gotten to them.

When they had heard about his powers, it had only taken a bit of research to find where he frequented. He had gone to the bar to try and recruit him, only to get a frightening red haired girl who was bar tending along with another gentleman. She had snapped at him and had gone on and on with frankly creative threats while the other man just laughed and laughed along with the other patrons. From what he gathered, her being so violent was out-of-character for her.

And then Deadpool had shown up, in full costume, and everyone had just left when the man said so. He had taken off his mask and had told Colossus that he really wasn't interested, with a few extra words that didn't need to be said. Colossus had pointed out that it was his and Xavier's responsibility to train the main to control his powers and the man had laughed at him.

Though they hadn't met since, and he had been pretty clear with his complete lack of desire to be an X-man, but Colossus still felt like he had to go and try and recruit Deadpool again.

Hopefully the red head wouldn't be there. She had scared him with how angry she had gotten.

Before I go into the story, I have a few general notes.

This story will be updated every Friday, like I said above. However, since it's such a short story and there isn't a sequel in sight until 2018, I am going to put a poll on my account to see what fanfic you guys want to replace this one with! The choices are:

A Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic that's Ronan/OC

A Gravity Falls fanfic that's Dipper/OC

Both of these wouldn't last that long because I want to keep Fridays free for shorter series while Saturday through Sunday will be my continuing series that will be going on for a while.

As for this chapter, I hope the fourth wall breaks come across well. I was debating about cutting them but I loved their humor in the movie so…here it is. I thought about doing the voices in his head from the comic as well, but they didn't translate well over text. Nor did bolding the fourth wall breaks, since everything would end up being bolded.

I'm sorry that Amy didn't show up in this chapter, but, as you'll see later, there's a pretty good reason why.

There's also a reason why I have Wade call himself Wade while everyone else seemed to call him Deadpool. Brownie points to whoever gets that!

That's pretty much it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will see you next week!