Author's Note: Note that this is a side fic to "God of the Machine" and if you haven't read that first you will be confused, also, as is obvious this is NOT CANON.

"It's not that I don't mind being an alien… Alien-like person," she corrected herself, "Or that I don't like Tokyo, nothing wrong with Tokyo just… Light, please, for god's sake, just pick one to date!"

Light and Anna Jones, the alien cosplaying as your average American exchange student, were walking home from school as they always did, both doing their best to ignore the light snowfall of early winter. It'd been months, Light couldn't help but think to himself as he looked at her, Anna had arrived out of nowhere inside of his bedroom in early fall, and by all rights she'd depart for her homeland in the spring, but whatever had brought her here (either herself, her people, or something unknown to either of them), Light doubted it'd be content with a mere school year.

All the same, it was almost alarming how used to her he was becoming.

"Just one of them, I don't know, what about Emi she seems nice-ish? Take her to Space Land or something and make sure everyone knows about it so I stopped getting hassled to set you up on dates you don't want to go on. Or, worse, where they start suspecting me of being your girlfriend. Seriously, one of your crazy high school moe stalkers threw my homework in the trash! Who does that?!"

And how much his life was starting to resemble one of Sayu's shojo manga plots.

"I hardly see how this is my problem," Light stated rather blandly, far more honest and blunt than he allowed himself to be with anyone else, well, perhaps with Sayu, but that was different and even then, there was a certain politeness not to be tossed to the side.

It was almost refreshing, the fact that, since Anna wasn't human anyway, he didn't have to put on any sort of show for her.

"Because they're your obsessive stalkers, Light! And it shouldn't be my problem either! It's not my fault I showed up out of a wormhole and was dropped inside of your bedroom! Really, I have nothing to do with any of this, I'm just around… Besides, I know what you're actually like, and because of it have absolutely zero interest in dating you!"

Light blinked, thought about giving a short and rather harsh retort, and felt a slight quirk of his lips as he threw her own words back at her, "Them's fighting words, Jones."

She paled, looked completely taken aback, and finally said, "You are not allowed to repeat things I say to you…. It ruins your whole Bond villain image."

"Bond villain?"

Anna's eyebrows raised and she dutifully explained, complete with hand motions as they walked, "Sure, stroking a cat, sitting in a chair, your enemy strapped to a table about to be split in half by a laser, 'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

"Why do I have to be the villain?" Light asked, genuinely irritated at this, as he considered himself quite the model citizen and more one of the more morally ethic people he knew. True villainy, the true rot of humanity, was far uglier than that.

"I don't know you just have that… Almost Hannibal Lector air to you," Anna Jones said before insisting, "I mean, without the cannibalism, obviously. This isn't to say I think you are a villain, Light, just that you could probably make a very good one."

Light balked and asked, "What, and you couldn't?"

"Please," Anna said, waving her hand dismissively, "I lack the suave necessary for such villainous heights."

"Well, as such an evil person, you should know that there's no way in hell I'm helping you out," Light said, perhaps a bit more miffed than he should have been at an off-hand comment, but none the less taking it personally. Probably because no one else would have ever said that, Light was the golden child and always had been, but perhaps more because for whatever reason Anna Jones seemed to know him the best, was perhaps the only real friend he'd ever had.

"No, I didn't mean it!" Anna Jones pleaded, "Please, Light, seriously, I am getting bullied because of this! Bullied! That's so pathetic that there aren't even words for it!"

"Well, what did you expect?" Light asked.

"Clearly not getting bullied over dating some ridiculously good-looking guy that I'm not even dating!" Anna Jones said before crying out to the sky, as if to God himself, "What is wrong with my life?"

"You know, sometimes I wonder if we aren't living in one of my sister's mangas," Light mused, feeling again that twinge of ever present boredom, which had been near overwhelming only a few months ago but none the less creeped into his thoughts every now and then. The thought that this all, his life, was pointless and so very boring.

"What?" Anna asked, which was fair, such philosophical musings were usually her territory, but none the less Light indulged himself.

"Young teenage girl appears out of nowhere in young, extremely attractive, teenage boy's room…"

"Did you just refer to yourself as extremely attractive?" Anna asked, but Light was not to be deterred as he continued.

"She finds herself at first mildly attracted to him but after a few weeks of suspicion on his part they begin to become friends. He, she believes, despite his beautiful face puts on a show for everyone around him and has no true relationships apart from his family. He's adored by several female members of his class who she then must battle it out with as their relationship progresses… I'd bet you money that next week, a second love interest will be introduced, one plainer than me but less of a, oh, what do you call it? Jerk with a heart of gold."

Anna said nothing, even as Light concluded with a small, cheerful, smile, "Of course, being the more attractive of the pair, and the first love interest, ultimately your romantic affections will return to me and you will go about trying to seduce me for the remainder of the school year, which I will resist for some time, secretly not wanting to see my heart hurt, but then my barriers will crumble and come spring time you and I will be skipping together through the sakura trees, hand in hand, gleefully dating."

Anna stared for far too long of a moment, and finally said, "My god, your ego… There are no words Light, no words."

"You'll have to try harder than that if you want to date me by spring, Anna," Light responded, "Otherwise you will have to settle for my plain, much less captivating, counterpart."

"Only if you agree to settle for one of the girls in our class and make sure she tells everyone she's ever met, so that they stop bothering me about it." Anna paused then, considered this, "Wait a minute, if they think I'm dating someone else… Do you think that would work?"

"Are you actually that desperate?" Light asked with raised eyebrows, watching as the blush overtook her pale features.

"Unfortunately, not really." Anna said with a drawn out sigh, "Besides, then I'd have to explain our relationship which… I can't even."

Good, Light hadn't suggested it seriously, but he disliked the idea of having to hang around whatever pathetic boy Anna could scrounge up for herself to deflect attention from her relationship with Light. That, and frankly, it would be so insulting and demeaning to both of them.

That said, "Since you've brought all this up I feel as if I must warn you, Valentine's Day, and later White Day, are approaching."

Anna, who for all her absurd fluency was not too well acquainted with Japanese culture, appeared to have learned enough to fear these two days more than any other. Granted, it was Light who would be swarmed with chocolate for Valentine's, but certainly on White Day, if he were to present a gift to her, there would certainly be negative attention directed at poor Anna Jones.

According to what Sayu had told him, the world of female intrigue was one of constant psychological warfare and was not for the faint of heart.

"…Should I be afraid?" She finally asked, almost hesitantly.

"Extremely afraid," Light responded before smiling once again, "Best of luck!"

"I hate you so much sometimes," Anna responded, tanging her fingers through her hair, "You know what, I hope the plain but less of an asshole guy does show up, maybe if he starts hanging around my popularity will steadily decline and the very idea of us dating would be completely inconceivable."

She paused, waiting for a response from Light when he had absolutely none to give, and then couldn't help but ask, "Right, Light? Right? I mean, it can't get any worse, can it?"

He gave no response, just smiled, and continued to walk home even as she kept pace with him, moodily looking him the eye, and then giving up on him entirely. In other words, hardly all that different from any other day that year.

(Unnervingly and perhaps even ironically, the far plainer man with an interest in Anna Jones did make an appearance, he just didn't bother to arrive until they reached university, and as he looked like a crack head, perched on chairs like an oversized and top heavy bird, sucked his thumb in public, and openly declared that the only reason he had any interest in her at all was because he was a private detective turned alien hunter in his spare time, needless to say, Anna Jones redacted her hypothetical interest in Light's romantic rival almost immediately.

And Light, for his own part, couldn't bring himself to believe that the great detective L, a man he had admired and respected for years, was… this human trash can.)

Author's Note: Written for the 800th review of "God of the Machine" where MissLaufeyson97 asked for another glimpse into the world of "God of the Machine" where Light never picked up the Death Note. And while I promised alien hunters last time, I was too tired for that, and I also couldn't help but notice that without all the death and serial killing, and with an SI implanted in Death Note, then it probably would basically be a rather disturbing shojo manga. And also, I'm clearly out of title ideas, but it just fits so well.

Thanks to readers, reviews are appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note