Good evening my fellow fan girls/fanboys! How are we all? I basically just love Ereri, and fanfiction, so here we are. This WILL be very slow building, but end with romance, and there WILL be angst, gore, bad language and implied sexual abuse. What can I say it's SNK? So I will TRY to update every week or so, but there will be exceptions. I also promise to finish this. So there.

I look forward to watching these two fall for each other all over again with you, and hope you enjoy the ride as much as I will. Love you all!

Disclaimer- none of these characters are mine, sadly.

This, and a select other chapters will contain the same scene from both characters points of view, just be warned. Please remember to review!

XXX

You are my sickness- chapter 1.

Sometimes we waste too much time thinking about someone, that doesn't thing about us for a second.

Levi tossed over on the floor, and pulled his blanket over his muscular form again. The wind was blowing up a storm outside his shared room in the headquarters, and the distant crack of trees could be heard breaking outside in the forest. Rain was drumming on the shutters, adding to the rather mundane mood.

Erwin could be heard snoring ever so slightly next to him, his steady breathing becoming some why of a lullaby to Levi. But, try as he might, he could not sleep. The weeks events had caught up on him, and how his friend had fallen asleep was beyond Levi. The smell of corpses was still rooted up his nose, and the taste of copper blood was still painted on his lips. Although he had seen countless battles, witnessed thousands slaughtered, it never, ever, got any easier.

Erwin signed in his sleep and rolled over, facing Levi. He was mumbling incoherent words, a faint scowl on his face. Maybe he wasn't sleeping too soundly then. Levi looked at Erwin, and grinned subconsciously. Although they would never admit it- (well Levi wouldn't- Erwin may) they were best friends thick and thin. Where Erwin went Levi followed, and vice versa. The two of them were the strongest humanity had ever encountered.

Erwin started to moan, and his brow furrowed. Levi nudged him with his foot silently, trying to wake him up. It didn't work. Levi knew that soon Erwin would start screaming soon if he didn't wake him up, so he sat up and slapped his friend in the face.

That did work, and soon Erwin's big blue eyes were blinking confusedly up at him.

"Levi? Oh God- sorry. Did I wake you up?" He rubbed his head but didn't bother sitting up.

"No Commander, I was awake already. Are you ok?" Levi stated unemotionally, and he allowed his body to flop back down so he was lying next to his friend.

"Yes, yes I'm fine Levi, and drop the formalities here, just call me Erwin, Commander sounds so..." he paused trying to find the right word, "proper."

"I'm dreading tomorrow Erwin." Levi sighed, pronouncing Erwin's name like it was some sort of curse word that teenagers were proud to use secretly, behind adults backs.

"Me too. Although I love this job, I never enjoy seeing people die." Erwin smiled sadly at Levi, who's hair kept on flopping over his nose. Levi pulled it away for what felt like the tenth time already and looked at the floor.

"Me neither." There was silence for a few seconds, of both men staring awkwardly at each other, then Erwin broke the silence.

"Goodnight Levi. I know this goes without saying , but be careful tomorrow. Don't get eaten." Levi nodded still refusing to crack a smile. "You too Erwin. I would struggle without you to help me do the paperwork."

Erwin grinned, knowing this was Levi for I care about you and want you around. He closed blue his eyes knowing his grave companion was still watching him, and snuggled, (if a mass man slaughtering, commander of the strongest army on Earth, titan massacring fully grown man can snuggle) further down under his blanket. Levi sighed and also snuggled further down, just as there was a particularly loud roll of thunder.

XXXX

The next morning was still grey- with rain pouring down outside like some sort of bad omen. The scout regiment was silent, especially Levi Squad. The statistics had been run through, and Commander Erwin had predicted at least 40% of people would die out on the mission today.

Eren Jäeger was particularly quiet, looking down at his uniform boots and fiddling with his brass key that constantly hung round his neck. Levi noted however, that whenever he adverted his eyes to someone else, Eren could be seen staring at the shorter man with a hazy smile on his face. Levi mentally shook his head with this boy, he had been acting really rather oddly the past few weeks.

Mikasa was watching Eren carefully, and Levi was almost (almost) touched by the love in her eyes for him. He knew, as did most of the Survey Corps, that her love was unquieted. Eren clearly did hold affection for her, but not the type she felt for him or wanted.

Hanji was playing with her breakfast, fiddling with the spoon and nocking it against her glasses. Levi looked around for Erwin, and found him sitting by the window, gazing over the flat plains. Levi walked over and sat down, coughing to announce his presence. Erwin looked up, but didn't even give Levi a smile. Levi knew that something wasn't good instantly.

"Look at everyone Captain. They have lost hope. I can't lead an army that's depressed." He groaned. Levi looked, and he was right. The only person that had a smile on their face was Ymir, who had just placed a kiss on Christa's cheek. The smile didn't last long.

"Talk to them Erwin. Maybe you could lift the brats spirits. The lazy buggers need it if they are gunna live today." This was met by a half hearted hollow laugh, and Erwin looked back down at his food.

"Nobody's gunna live today. Look at them Levi. Fifteen, fourteen some of them. What ever possessed them to join up. It's different when it's Adults, but children. How can I lead these kids into battle, knowing they will be eaten alive? I can't lie Levi."

Levi thought about this. Erwin was right, Levi did hold more affection towards the younger recruits than the adults, some of them he even felt like a father figure to, he felt responsible for. That never stopped them getting killed though.

"I know Erwin. It's hard. But it's our job, and how can we win overall if we aren't prepared to loose other battles. We have to sacrifice something. And I agree, they are still children, some of the boys voices haven't even dropped yet, but there is nothing we can do except inspire them and give them hope." Levi finished his small speech, but Erwin still looked down.

"I know. And I will try. Do you think, maybe just this once, you can give me a hug Levi." Erwin whispered guilty. Levi was shocked at this request, at the end of the day, Erwin was higher in rank than he, and Levi had always assumed that Erwin wasn't one for physical interaction, just like Levi.

Everything in Levi screamed NO! DON'T DO IT, IT WILL HURT YOU! But he knew that as a friend he had to do this. He was so scared because whenever he got close to anyone, they died. That was why Levi was so hostile, to protect those he loved.

So he nodded and, making sure no one was watching, he carefully shuffled closer to his tall friend and awkwardly rapped his toned arms around him. Erwin instantly responded, and he brought Levi close and buried his head into his shoulder. Levi could feel Erwin's sad smile, and he was shocked to be honest. How good this felt. He could not remember the last time he actually hugged somebody, but it wasn't within the last 10 years. He nuzzled into his friends hair and smiled ever so slightly himself.

Erwin put his mouth to Levi's ear, and whispered : "Thanks Levi. I know you must hate this, but I can't help it." Levi was deeply saddened by this, the taught that Erwin believed Levi was repulsed by any of this was depressing.

Erwin, after on last squeeze, broke away, and looked at the floor sheepishly. "Sorry." He muttered, before standing up and stretching. Levi was once again reminded how tall his friend was, and his grumpy scowl was reunited with his face once again.

Erwin walked over to the eating table, and Levi could see an instant change. Before he was Erwin, the man who was tired and sad for indirectly killing so many youths, but now he was Commander Smith, with a strait posture and confidence leaking out of him like a bad aroma. And Levi looked up to the both of them.

"RIGHT!" He hollered, and all the scouts jumped out of their skin. Levi stifled a laugh. Sasha had spilt milk all over Connie, and was currently trying to wipe it off him before he noticed.

"As you know, today we plan to take back the wall. So gear up and meet outside with your horses in ten minutes. Before you go, scouts, remember this. People will die today, it will happen and I can't lie to you. But know that all of you hold places in mine, and though you won't ever hear it from his mouth, Levi's hearts." Levi tutted at this, and flicked his hair out of his eyes. Erwin smiled.

"And we will remember you all as hero's who laid down their life for the glory of Humanity. We fight for freedom, and we shall die before we succeed, but with the help of you all, we will succeed. Humanity will win." He was getting worked up now, and Levi always found this slightly funny. Erwin always got carried away in his speeches. All the Scouts nodded, and solute with a loud YES SIR!, before running out the room with smirks of determination on their faces. Eren loitered behind a second longer, looking at Levi once again with what could only be described as perplexingly, then shrugged and ran out after his friends. Levi shook his head. That titan kid was weird.

Levi walked up to the commander, and nodded. "Good speech. It motivated me, and it will motivate them." Erwin nodded his appreciation before jogging out the room towards where the manover gear was kept. Levi stood there, alone in the room for a second, and mentally prepared himself for was was coming, then walked out after his friend.

XXX

The horses were reckless, that much was clear. They were whinnying and snorting loudly, and Jean was trying- (but failing) to comfort them. Levi was stroking his and whispering soothing words to it, when Jäeger walked up to him. His arms were behind his back, but clearly fiddling with each other, and as usual his hair looked like it had been dragged through a hedge backwards. His eyes were nervous, and Levi already knew something was up. This couldn't be good. He looked around for Erwin, but saw him chatting to Connie, so he was alone. Trapped.

"What do you want Brat?" He groaned, not even bothering to look up frozen m his horse.

"Ahh- well, I wanted to speak to you Captain, if that's ok with you." Eren smiled nervously.

"No it's not, hurry up and spit it out." Levi stated, and Eren was visibly hurt.

"Ahhh, ok then. Well uh- I will cut to the chase I guess. I er, I have sort of- er, well the thing is-" Levi cut him off.

"What?"

"I have developed feelings for you Sir, over the past couple of months. And I know I am younger, but um, I really like-" Levi was not going to even let the poor kid finish, he went straight in for the kill. He had to put a stop to this. No matter what Eren reaction. The boy didn't know what he was saying.

"Shut it Yäeger, I have no interest in you or your so called 'feelings' Now concentrate on the mission, and stay away from me and never talk to me again unless instructed to do so. That clear?"

Eren's face fell, yet he did not look shocked in the slightest. Levi swore he could see tears bristling at his eyes.

"I said, is that clear?" Levi snapped. Eren jumped.

"Y-yes sir.

"Good. Now fuck off and concentrate on the mission. Understand?"

Eren was definitely crying now, and it was a really quite a sorry sight. He looked heartbroken in the very least. Still not shocked though.

"Yes Sir, sorry Sir." Eren blubbered before turning on his heels and sprinting away as fast as he could, which was rather fast.

Levi shook his head and set out to find Erwin, this sort of thing always happens to him. He was so confused, what did Jäeger see in him? Though he wouldn't admit it even to himself- he was also feeling horrifically guilty, he was actually trying to protect the boy. Anyone who got close to Levi died, that was why he pushed everyone away. If only Eren could understand and not look so Goddamned heart broken.

"Levi? Is everything ok?" Erwin raised an eyebrow as Levi came over to him. Connie, realising he was not welcome anymore, left in a hurry.

"Eren Jäeger just confesses his 'feeelings' for me.' Levi stated, and he crossed his arms. Erwin's face widened in shock, and he stared at the little man before him with utter surprise.

"And? What did you say?'

Levi grinned, well, he turned up the corners of his mouth, which was as close as Levi could get to a grin. Erwin waited anxiously.

"I told him to go screw himself and never talk to me again unless told to."

Erwin sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Levi. Couldn't you have let him down a little bit easier? The poor boy."

Levi shrugged. "What's his feelings to me. I hope he chokes on them."

"Did he cry?" Erwin asked.

"Yes, it was embarrassing."

"God. Levi did it ever occur to you he could be in love. I did pick up on it you know. He is always looking at you with this utter sense of awe." Erwin frowned, clearly taking sides with Eren. This infuriated Levi even more.

"No actually it didn't. People, especially fifteen year olds, don't fall in love in the Survey Corps. It's a stupid thing to do." Levi almost yelled. The rest of the scouts had fallen silent now, but Eren, Armin, and Mikasa where nowhere to be seen.

"What are you all staring at? MOUNT YOUR HORSES YOU SWINES." Levi hollered, clearly getting worse by the minute. Erwin sighed, and knowing there was no reasoning with Levi while he was in this mood.

"AND SOMEONE FIND EREN, MIKASA AND ARMIN." He screamed, before mounting his own horse.

Sasha printed off towards HQ, her ponytail flapping out behind her as run. She returned about a minute later with a very angry Mikasa (who was shooting daggers at Levi), a very concerned Armin, who was hugging Eren, and a very red Eren, who had clearly been crying. Erwin let out a small gasp.

Avoiding any contact with anyone else, the three mounted their horses, and stayed as close as they could to each other, either for comfort out out of fear.

Erwin gave another mission debriefing, and one last hollering of "MOOVE OUT!", before the Survey Corps rode away from the safety of HQ, and out into war, Eren crying the whole time, and Levi silently watching him from his position.

XXXX

ERENS POINT OF VIEW.

"You gotta tell him Eren, what if something happens and he never knows?" Armin asked, sitting next Eren on the beds.

"Well I can't just waltz up to him and say 'Hey Levi! I have been in love with you for months! Have a nice day!" Eren groaned.

Mikasa sighed.

"That's not what Armin's trying to say and you know it. You don't have to do it Eren. There will always be other people to consider." She smiled sweetly at him, but Eren didn't catch on.

"Armin is right though. I can't hold it any anymore. It's too much." Eren nodded, and Armin smiled, relieved that Eren was seeing sense.

"Do it tomorrow, just before the mission so if it goes wrong, you can just escape and he will hopefully forget soon enough." Armin contemplated. Eren nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes that's a good plan. I don't think he will return my feelings, but what's the worst that can happen? He is Levi, but surely even he wouldn't scream at someone for falling in love." Mikasa winced at this, and buried her head in a pillow.

"I mean, he will probably terminate what little friendship we have, but that's ok, because I just want him to be happy, and if I am making him unhappy-" Armin cut off the blabbering brunette.

"Eren, I can see you are getting very stressed. Just calm down. We won't be far away." Armin smiled.

"Yeah. Imagine it though, me and Levi. He would kiss me before battles, and hold my hand while the two of us slaughter titans." Eren whispered dreamily. Mikasa's face was getting grumpier by the second at these comments.

The three discussed how it should be carried out, what should be said and alike till rather late, with the rain pounding down outside. Once Armin and Mikasa had fallen asleep, Eren laid awake, daydreaming about Levi's wonderful arms wrapping him in close hugs, and his stunning eyes softening at Eren's touch. His soft lips breathing the words "I love you Eren Jäeger."

XXX

The morning had better weather, which was good for the mission. Armin and Mikasa spent about half an hour making Eren look 'hot', by spiking up his already messy hair, making him wash (for once), and shining his boots. Eren looked in a mirror, and tucking in his shirt, decided it was now or never.

He strutted down to breakfast, trying to Imamate the confident way Levi walked. (And Eren did know how Levi walked, he knew how Levi did everything, he had watched him so much.) he was met with a very depressing scene. No one in the room looked happy, and that was when Eren realised that today was the mission. Even Commander Erwin looked disheartened.

Eren looked around for the man he adored so much, and saw him walk over to the Commander, a rather pissed off expression on his face. (Don't get me wrong, Levi ALWAYS looked pissed, but Eren had realised that Levi expressed his feelings through body language and his eyes.)

The two chatted for a while, and then to Eren's horror, they hugged! Levi sat there, wrapping his arms around the Commander's waist and hips, and not around Eren's where they should be. It took everything in him not to cry and run out the room. They looked happy, the two of them, Erwin even had the nerve to whisper something in Levi's ear before they broke away. Eren hoped, he prayed they weren't in a relationship. All he wanted was Levi to be happy, but if that meant being with the Commander Erwin wasn't sure he could take it.

Sooner rather than later thank goodness, it was over, and The Commander started one of his long speeches. Normally these long shouts of encouragement excited Eren, but not today. All he could think about was Levi, who was standing not far away from Erwin with that scowl Eren had fallen in love with set on his face.

" But know that all of you hold places in mine, and though you won't ever hear it from his mouth, Levi's hearts." This DID catch Erens attention, and his head bolted upright. Was this true? Was there a place for him in Levi's heart? He looked over at the man, but could only detect annoyance and exasperation. Maybe not.

The rest passed quickly, as Eren was sent to gear up, he decided this was it. He was going to do it. Armin wished him luck, and Mikasa smiled glumly, only nodding once.

Eren stepped out to the stables, and breathed out deeply. It would be fine. Just fine. Levi wouldn't turn him down, he couldn't. It was fine.

Eren saw him across the yard, and shakily started walking up to him. This was it now, no turning back.

Levi looked up and saw him, and Eren could swear there was almost panic on his face. What was that about?

"What do you want Brat?" Levi grumbled. Eren loved that knick name for him, it made him all fuzzy inside, which sounded cheesy, but it was true.

"Well, I wanted to speak to you Captain, if that's ok with you?" Eren asked, and he tried his best to look hot but cute at the same time. Would Levi notice? Eren hoped he could.

"No it's not. Hurry up and spit it out." Levi growled. Eren ignored this tone, it was normally like Levi to be angry- so this must be going well- right?

"Well I will cut to the chase then..." Eren smiled, or tried his best to, considering the situation, he was so scared he didn't have full control over what was coming out of his mouth. Was he stuttering? He hoped not.

This was a bad bad idea- what was he doing? 'HELP ME!' Eren internally screamed- this was a bad idea! Why did he think Levi would like him back- oh God.

'It's ok.' His inner voiced soothed. 'Just keep going.'

"I have developed feelings for you Sir, over the past couple of months. And I know I am younger, but um, I really like-" Eren was just finding his feet when the Captain cut him off, and broke Eren's young heart.

"Shut it Yäeger, I have no interest in you or your so called 'feelings' Now concentrate on the mission, and stay away from me and never talk to me again unless instructed to do so. That clear?" Eren shattered inside. He wasn't shocked though. Why would Levi like a boy like him, when he could have a man like Erwin?

'I mustn't cry, not in front of Levi, I can't.' Eren thought, but it was so hard.

"I said- is that clear?" Levi barked, almost spitting in Eren's face.

"Y-yes sir." It was probably for the best really. Eren was just a pain to Levi, a pain in the ass.

""Good. Now fuck off and concentrate on the mission. Understand?" Eren couldn't remember any more after this sentence. Not a single thing.

As he walked off in a heartbroken daze, he could only feel the tears and the overwhelming feeling of pain and loss swarming his heart like a cavity that could not be treated. He vaguely remembered Armin and Mikasa, comforting him. Then the mounting of his horse, and that fear before a mission kicking in.

His only vivid memory, is his thoughts of how beautiful Levi looked sat on his horse, ready for battle, and praying that his Captain would make it to the end of the mission unscaved.