The Way to the Clocktower's Heart Chapter 1: The Return, a fate/stay night fanfic

Original Author's Musings (6/20/2017):

It's a bit of a heady feeling actually putting something out there for others to read. I finally did it. Hope you enjoy this oneshot that popped into my head one day and wouldn't leave until it supplanted my first planned fic. Feel free to let me know what could use work.

And in case you couldn't tell, this isn't intended to be serious despite the tone of some parts. Enjoy!

Edit (upon publishing Chapter 2): Despite my above statement, I can't keep this idea out of my head. It will likely be more than a oneshot at this point.

Additional Muses? Musings? Musery? (9/24/18 - Chapter 12 Published)

Just wanted to add some additional notes here to make sure new readers know what they are getting into. This story is the first I ever wrote and grew wildly out of hand from my original plans. As such, there will be minor spelling and grammar errors. There will be some mood/tone shifts that are not exactly well done. Some things will be silly and shouldn't be taken super seriously. I'm sure you all get the idea...

The whole trip of writing this so far, letting it sit for over 6 months, and coming back has been an adventure.

TLDR: Despite its flaws, I hope you enjoy the experience of reading what I have written. Because if it is anything, it's an experience (I hope it's a good one).

Disclaimer:

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced (See Shirou's clothing) below in any way, shape, or form.

The Way to the Clocktower's Heart is Through...

The Clocktower:

It was official. Rin was scared. Not that she would ever admit it. One never admits to being afraid of a hack of a third rate magus from an unknown family. Even if he was raised by the Magus Killer. And had a growing grasp on thaumaturgy that literally altered reality. And the potential to become one of Gaia's protectors, the counter guardians….Ok. So maybe a little fear was logical... but still. It really rankled Rin to be intimidated by that idiot. Shaking herself out of her inner thoughts she refocused on the large double doors that served as the main entrance to the Clocktower, home of the Mage's Association located deep within the city of London. Steadying herself with another breath Rin checked the large clock face that adorned the higher reaches of the cathedral like entrance hall. Light streamed through stained glass windows and painted the spacious room a myriad of colors, so it took a slight squint to confirm the time. Just before noon. It was almost time.

"I still don't see what all the fuss is about," came a comment from one of her companions, "you refuse to tell us just why Shirou is so dangerous. He can't be that large of a threat. I do know he fought in the Holy Grail War, but that alone doesn't warrant this much preparation. After all," Lord El-Melloi II continued calmly, brushing his straight black hair over his shoulder, "I did the same, and while I am quite skilled, I do not think I could fight off these gathered forces." A gesture to the rest of the room and the various figures positioned there caused the lord's black overcoat to billow dramatically.

He should be right, thought Rin as she also looked over her temporary allies now that she had convinced them to set aside their normal politics for a time. Many were dressed in formal clothing that would probably not have been out of place in certain museums. Others had on more modern clothing, and a few wore what was clearly combat gear. Not much could out match half a dozen powerful mages, their gathered apprentices, and various other Clocktower members. Rin would have sworn she saw Bazett of the Fraga earlier too, which meant there were probably more enforcers lurking about as well. Even the bi…. Ahem…. Lady Luvia Edelfelt was in attendance, which Rin didn't understand at all given their own rather tumultuous history. And all of that didn't even count Rin's own trump card. An honest to goodness servant, of the heroic spirit variety of course. And not just any servant but King Arthur herself as the strongest saber, standing at Rin's shoulder in a suit.

All of this should have made Rin feel confident, really, it should have. That slight shiver she had just repressed? Clearly a draft across her legs, nothing that would make her give up her customary skirt, stockings, and red sweater. Not fear, nope. Deciding she had better answer one of the few people she considered more than an acquaintance at the Clocktower Rin spoke up.

"He made a promise, and if you believe anything about him, just know that he won't break his word. Ever." This time she failed to stop a slight shudder as she recalled the promise in question. In this very room, the double doors open wide, Shirou had stood firm. The setting sun from outside framing him in light and making it impossible to see more than his silhouette and his glowing golden eyes. That image more than anything reminded Rin of just who Shirou might become. Archer. A terrifying man with near limitless potential. Clenching his fist, Shirou had sworn 'For this there shall be no forgiveness. In one year's time, at noon. I shall return to this place, and bring the Clocktower to its knees.' There had been no heat in his voice, only steel.

"OH HOHOHO!" came the unmistakable laugh of a certain person who Rin found unpleasant. Glancing to her side she saw a grimace on El-Melloi's face as well. "While Sherou is a gentleman like that, I still am eager to see you embarrassed for your overreaction."

Grinding her teeth together Rin bit back a nasty response in favor of a more controlled one, but was interrupted by an imperious voice.

"As much as I find that laugh distasteful, I find myself in agreement with Miss Edelfelt," came the perfectly enunciated words of the Lady Lorelei Barthomeloi, Queen of the Clocktower. Rin froze and didn't even turn as immaculate footsteps clicked across the room through the dead silence. The footsteps stopped just behind Rin and she slowly turned to face the strongest and most influential human magus currently active. Barthomeloi was the picture of poise in black pants and a white jacket as she met met Rin's blue eyes with her brown.

"I find your concern misplaced. After all, this third-rate magus could hardly defeat a heroic spirit miss Tohsaka, let alone me. I find it almost laughably impossible" Rin paled, nobody was supposed to know just what Saber was. They were supposed to assume she was simply an employed servant of the normal variety. She hadn't even taken Saber outside of the apartment more than a few times for Heaven's Feel's sake! Others in the room hid their shock at the revelation with the typical stoicism of magi.

"And do believe, if I find this little gathering has wasted my time," the Queen's eyes narrowed, "I will be most displeased." The threat was clear in her words.

Rin forced herself not to stammer under Barthomeloi's terror inducing gaze.

"But he already beat a servant," she nearly pleaded, "and I've seen him do the supposedly impossible too many times now. Lord El-Melloi, he beat Gilgamesh!" her voice rose as her mounting emotions nearly escaped her grasp. There was hardly time for the former Waver Velvet, who remembered the King of Heroes quite well, to gasp in surprise, before a loud bell rang throughout the room.

BONG!

It was noon.

BONG!

The time had come.

BONG!

Rin faced the double doors again in preparation as Saber drew forth her hidden blade.

BONG!

Slowly, oh so slowly the doors creaked open and sunlight chased the lingering shadows from the room.

BONG!

A figure strode into the room.

BONG!

As the doors closed and the bright light faded, a figure with red hair that was streaked with white stood before the gathered magi.

BONG!

Shirou Emiya had returned.

Rin wasn't sure who was the first to chuckle, but she wanted to smack them. This was not a joke! Only Saber and Rin remained wary, the former gripping her invisible sword tighter.

"I have returned," declared Shirou, "I have perfected my craft and will now bring the Clocktower, nay, all of Britain to its knees before me!"

"Yes. I see. Quite the threat." Barthomeloi's tone made the arctic seem pleasantly warm.

Shirou Emiya stood proudly before the assembled might of the Clocktower with his arms crossed. He wore grey pants and navy blue long sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Around his waist was tied a white half apron and upon his brow sat a white bandanna with its ends flapping behind him. His hair was heavily spiked and reminded Rin of Archer. All in all he looked more like he was going to the kitchen than to a showdown with superhuman forces.

In the face of such an out of place sight even Rin began to question her assumptions.

"Bh… huh.. What?" she sputtered.

Undeterred by the attention, Shirou raised his right hand and placed it forward as if pushing against an invisible wall. His left hand came up to brace his right forearm as he looked slightly downwards in concentration. Rin noticed his stance and in a flash of insight and memory knew what was coming. She tried to warm everyone even as she fumbled one of her jewels as she drew it forth.

"Stop laughing and stop him!" her ruby skittered across the floor as Shirou began to speak.

"I am the bake of my oven." The words were quiet, yet perfectly audible over all the other sounds in the room.

"He has a reality marble!" Rin yelled desperately. Wait….what had he just said.

"Flour is my body and milk my blood." The chant resonated with the very room itself.

This wasn't what Rin remembered Shirou working on. Milk? Flour?

"I have created over a thousand flavors." Each word fell upon the room with growing pressure.

Rin's arms dropped weakly to her sides even as some of the others in the room recognized the use of magecraft and actually returned their attention to the intruder.

"Never once too salty. Never once too dry." Shirou's voice rose in volume as an unseen force stirred around him making his apron and bandanna float and snap.

Barthomeloi snorted, "That has got to be the most ridiculous aria I have ever heard."

"Withstood heat to create pastries, waiting for them to brown." The chant reached a crescendo and a shimmering distortion appeared around Shirou like a heat haze. A few hasty spells seemed to disappear as they neared him. Rin thought the casters were sensible, but was too flabbergasted to enact any of her own abilities.

"Do not mock such a noble art as cooking," scolded Saber even as she readied herself to attack.

"I have no regrets. I tread a delicious path." softer now, the strange aria continued with irresistible force.

Even the few who had mustered resistance before were entranced by the strange events before them.

"I am the chef of…." Golden eyes rose to challenge the entire assembly as the final words were spoken with perfect certainty. A declaration of fact. A challenge. A promise.

"Unlimited Scone Works!"

Fire spread outwards from Shirou and the room was lost in light.

Rin found herself sitting down, though she didn't remember how that came to be. Around her was a dim haze lit only by a glow on the horizon. What looked like dust swirled through the air and through it she could just barely make out the shapes of others, also seated. And also like her, every other person had a small tea table in front of them. No one spoke, and all that was heard was a distant wind and a dull roar. This was nothing like what she had seen in Archer's reality marble. The one that contained nothing but swords, gears, and regret. Shirou's should have at least been similar. Just what kind of world resided in that distorted fool's mind? And used an aria like THAT.

Suddenly the glow on the horizon burst into a point of searing light as the sun crested the horizon, showing Rin just what kind of world she was now in. Rin gasped in surprise, but suddenly began coughing as she inhaled the floating particles. She quickly realized that it was not dust in the air, but baking flour. It coated the inside of her mouth and forced a sudden coughing fit. The light continued to grow while the distant wind arrived and cleared away the floury haze, revealing the entirety of Shirou's reality marble.

Rin and the other Clocktower members sat upon a dining terrace ringed with elegantly curved railings decorated with delicately worked images of forks and knives. A stone patio supported their feet, tables, and chairs as a view of a gently descending slope greeted their eyes. The slope itself was familiar to Rin, consisting mostly of the cracked and dusty ground she had witnessed before, but in several places grew shrub grass. Glancing around she found Saber at a table just to her left, the petite blonde's face was still in shock but her green eyes shone with curiosity. To Rin's right was Lord El-Melloi II, perfectly still and seemingly in shock.

"Ahem." Came a voice from behind them. Shirou's voice.

Rin and the others all spun in their seats, away from the rolling slope and rising sun, and saw the hill. The hill that in Archer's reality marble was cluttered with innumerable blades, stuck into the soil as if to mark graves. That was not the case within this world. Shirou stood tall, arms crossed, in a wide gap of the terrace's railing at the base of the rise. Stretching behind him and upwards to another horizon was a hill of… ovens? Rin's mind did a double take as her eyes took in the scene. Rising in terraces up from where she sat were limitless ovens from all eras, all alight with heat or flame and producing the great dull roar that remained constant. Brick domes stood next to stainless steel towers. Clay mounds crackled in the shadow of massive wrought iron giants. Simple blocks of metal hummed quietly while elaborate contraptions whizzed and dinged. Rin's eyes followed the hill upwards to its peak and there she glimpsed the sky... Oh sweet root of all creation! The sky!

Hovering above the strange landscape, amidst the clear blue skies, were shapes of incalculable size. Rin's experience said the objects should have been gears, rusted and stained. But they were not. The items shone, polished to an exacting degree. They reflected the blue skies so perfectly that they were nearly indistinguishable from it and each other. The sky was filled with pans, pots, whisks, and more. The arsenal of a kitchen cluttered the sky. Infinite in number and larger than life.

Rin's mind stuttered again, straining under what she was seeing as she came to a realization. The idiot's reality marble wasn't a world of limitless blades like she expected, it was a blue be damned BAKERY! He came to challenge the Clocktower with a supernatural, world bending restaurant? Clearly he was an even bigger dumbass than Rin remembered. This was beyond lunacy, but it was happening anyway. She was a little dizzy. What would Shirou do next? Rin had no idea and really didn't want to know, but there was no stopping him now.

"Now my gathered foes." Intoned Shirou as he gestured towards the seated forces of the Clocktower, "It is time for you all to…."

Rin watched as Shirou spread his arms to the sides and reality twisted. Waist high shapes hazily appearing on the ground all around him. Her mind raced as she tried to decipher what they were and figure out just what he was going to say. Die maybe? The objects were very blockly, seemed to have wheels, and were the same bright silver as the implements floating above. Serving carts?

"...DINE!" finished Shirou with a shout. While she was still trying to figure out what was going on the word registered with Rin. Without consulting her Rin's mind decided that enough was enough. Reality, or rather Shirou's reality, didn't make sense and so Rin's brain decided to quit for the time being. Rin blacked out.

"..aste…" Rin vaguely registered a voice.

"Ma..ter" A little more clearly the voice pierced the darkness.

The blackness slowly receded as Rin blinked her eyes and let her brain reboot itself. What a strange dream. Shirou having a reality marble based around cooking. What nonsense. She cradled her aching head in her hands.

"Rin." again came the voice of Rin's servant, Saber. A nonsensical grunt was Rin's reply. She never had been a morning person. Wearily Rin realized she was sitting, not lying down and raised her head to ask Saber what was going on. She blinked at what she saw. A terrace. A blue sky. No. Nononono. NO.

"Did you hear what I said, Master?" Rin heard the whole question but was having trouble getting over the fact that reality was still broken. She still sat at a single person table of wrought metal and the endless ovens still smoked and steamed. Sitting next to her though, and next to every other table, was an uncovered serving cart. Upon the cart were plates of scones. Scones of all flavors: orange, raspberry, blackberry, and more. In addition to the pastries were helpings of creams and jams as toppings. Sitting unobtrusively alongside the divine seeming baked goods was a small steaming cup of tea. As the sight sank in, and Rin finally began to accept what was happening, she automatically replied to Saber.

"No, I'm sorry." was all she could manage as her mind began to catch up to everything that was happening. As her higher functions returned Rin noticed something other than just what she was seeing. The smell. The SMELL! Assaulting her nose was the most heavenly of scents. A warm fragrance that spoke of heat and fruit and more. It spoke of dreams and hope.

"No Rin, I was apologizing to you."

What.

"I regret that I can no longer fight by your side in this matter."

But wasn't Saber a knight, sworn to chivalry. She wouldn't do this.

"I will not raise a hand against someone who has mastered a craft of Britain to this degree."

Then again, the King of Knights did always have a weakness in the form of her stomach. Ignoring the smell Rin truly looked at her servant for the first time since awakening. The tray next to her was nearly empty, and crumbs dotted her armor and the area around her. A few strands of hair stood off of Saber's head and seemed to be moving happily.

"I must agree. These are impressive." the cultured voice of Lorelei Barthomeloi input. Rin spun her head to see the Queen daintily eating a scone of her own. A few strands of hair had escaped the woman's severe bun and she seemed to have an air of relaxation.

"Yesh, most delishosh!" was the boisterous cry of Luvia Edelfelt as she continued to cram pastries into her mouth. The sight was also being repeated by many of the other seated 'guests'. In fact it appeared as if everyone was focused on consuming the food before them.

"Most uncouth." replied Barthomeloi, eying the blond magus as she raised her teacup to sip it. She delicately raised her pinky as she drank.

Rin felt her mind threaten to bail on her again and looked for anything sane to hang on to. Her eyes passed over a maniacally grinning Shirou and eventually settled on the only composed figure she could see.

Lord El Melloi II's normally imposing black attire seemed washed out in the bright light of Unlimited Scone Works. Yet Rin saw that he was the only person besides herself who had not touched the magical food presented before them. His normally expressionless face seemed caught between disappointment and a kind of awe. Noticing Rin's attention he spoke to her.

"So… He beat Gilgamesh by baking at him?" he quirked an eyebrow.

Rin's shoulders fell in defeat. There was no victory to be had here. Her was voice heavy and toneless as she replied.

"Well he had swords at the time," she sighed, "but apparently scones were more important."

"I see. And just why did he swear vengeance?" his voice was light and expressed little interest.

"I think the head of Spiritual Evocation said his tea was merely 'acceptable'."

"ah."

"yep."

"..."

The two watched in silence as the rest of the crowd spontaneously rose to their feet. Saber led them towards Shirou, flanked by Barthomeloi and Edelfelt. What were they doing? As the gathered mages reached Shirou, Saber was the first to bend her knee. Rin froze, eyes blank as she watched the fulfillment of Shirou's oath. The King of Knights, and all the gathered members of the Clocktower, knelt and paid homage to the King of Scones.

A real quick stat block that is kinda empty. Just because I can:

Name: Unlimited Scone Works (Limitless Creation of Pastries)

Owner: Shirou Emiya

Type: Anti-Hunger Phantasm

Rank: EX

Range: ?

Maximum Targets: ?

As it turns out. The way to the Clocktower's heart is through its stomach.