1. "you died and left me your children, even though they're only a few years younger then me" (Uchiha Sakura) requested by thealicehuntt

Sakura was really good with kids, like, it was somewhat unusual how skilled she was at worming her way into their hearts and gaining their trust. It was one of the things she was know among the older crowds for.

Still...that wasn't a good enough excuse for what Tajima pulled with this, 'I leave all my children in the caring hands of my sister at heart, Haruno Sakura.' Yeah, it was cute he called her his sister at heart, because they were best buds, but really? Her? Mother children?

"I'm still allowed to drink, right?" Sakura asked, looking sideways at her friend who was already one kid in. Ino smirked.

"As long as you're not cooking anything in the oven, drinking is a necessary evil. I don't know how Sai does it."

Sakura moaned, grabbing at her face and turning back on her heel, away from the front gates to the Uchiha estate. "There are so many other Uchiha he could have asked, though. An-and Madara is like, sixteen. They don't need me."

"You really want another Uchiha raising those Uchiha boys? They're emotionally neglected enough as it is. They didn't even seem phased at the funeral."

Sakura remembered back to the funeral she had attended only a handful of days ago, and how upset she had been. Just because the boys weren't bawling into their tissues didn't mean they weren't grieving in their own way. He was their dad!

"I don't know how to do this," Sakura admitted, even as she rang the bell and stepped back.

Beside her, Ino smiled to herself. Even if she was scared, Sakura never stepped away from doing the right thing.

A maid led both girls in and took their coats. A manservant came up and introduced himself as the head caretaker of the house. He would be taking care of the needs to the manor, which would go to Madara as soon as he turned eighteen along with a bulk of the properties.

Sakura didn't get to see any of that, but a stipulation of the will provided that she be given shelter for as long as she asked in any of the properties. Failure to accommodate her request would result in the loss of that property. This didn't sit well with a few of the other Uchiha who inherited property, but Sakura wasn't planning on mooching off anyone or staying anywhere she wasn't welcomed.

"The boys will see you now."

Sakura looked behind her to Ino, eyes wide with fear. Ino just waved goodbye and let herself out. Sakura would be on her own from that point forward.

Tajima had two natural sons, but had taken in three other boys before passing. Madara was the oldest at sixteen, his brother Izuna was fifteen, then there was Kagami, Shisui, and little Obito. From what she heard the two oldest were very traditional while the two in the middle were uncharacteristically energetic and loud, leaving Obito too little to see how he turned out.

The doors to the library opened and Sakura caught her breath, bracing for the first impression.

Things didn't go as smoothly as Sakura would have liked after that disastrous first meeting. The door had been rigged with a bucket of chalk powder that Shisui took great delight in seeing fall as planned right atop her head. He and Kagami cackled evilly while Madara didn't acknowledge her presence once during the whole introduction. Izuna greeted her highly, the way you would greet the staff of a restaurant you never planned on going back to.

Out of all of them only Obito seemed warm to her. He was five and too young to have a rotten personality, she decided.

She helped the head make their morning breakfast and called them down for school before wishing them a good day. None of them paid her any mind apart from Obito who insisted on being held as he ate his breakfast. He was warm and Sakura wanted to hug him all day long, like a stress ball.

When the boys returned home from school she tried to help them with homework and interject herself into their lives, but only Izuna seemed to respond to her in those cold stiff words of his.

The first week was hell.

"Obaa chan," a voice called out to her from the doorway. Sakura roused from bed and saw it was Obito in his dinosaur onesie. His eyes were wet again and his tiny hands were shaking.

"Come here, baby," Sakura sighed, holding out her arms and taking him into bed with her.

He curled up into a tight ball and shook with the aftershock from another terrible nightmare. He got them every few nights but this was the first time he came to her about it. When she checked in on him in the past he had hidden from her and refused to see anyone. None of his brothers seemed to care.

He was warm and his hair was just long enough to start curling. He was from a different branch family, but he looked a lot like Shisui, she thought. She took great delight in running her fingers through his curls and he seemed to melt under her hand.

"Better?" she hummed, sitting up and watching as he followed her onto her lap, laying his head there.

"You're not going to leave, are you?" he asked in a tired whisper.

"Not anytime soon. Why do you ask?"

His voice was soft and low, close to sleep. "Nannies always leave. None of them ever stay."

"I'm not a nanny. I"m more like an aunt."

He pulled himself up, curling more into her tummy atop her lap. "None of those want us, not even Madara. They just want the houses and the monies, so Madara said he'd make you leave too."

Sakura's fingers stilled before she remembered herself and went back to finger combing his hair. "Oh? Did he tell you why or how he was going to do that?"

"Nuh, not to me."

"It's okay," Sakura whispered, watching his eyes drift closed. His snores were light a few seconds later as he went slack on her lap. He was too adorable looking like a curled up cartoon dinosaur. "I'm not planning on going anywhere."

"You're quite fortunate to have Sakura san so close," Itachi admitted, eyes soft as he watched clouds from the school window.

Shisui blanched in his seat. "Ew, why would you say something like that? She's just another stupid Uchiha digger, in it for the money and junk."

Itachi blinked, looking away from the window to his cousin and best friend. "You don't like her?" He sounded surprised. "I thought she would be your type."

There was a light blush across the front of Shisui's face, but he buried his expression in his folded arms to hide it from Itachi. "Just because she's cute doesn't mean I have to like her. She'll be gone in another week just like the others. Madara is freezing her out and Izuna is giving her the 'help' treatment. She won't last."

"That sounds unkind."

"It's what they do with all the ones that come through. She's no different."

Itachi stared at his cousin before a slow smile started to spread across his face. "You don't know why Tajima chose her to be your guardian, do you?" he asked in a knowing tone. It irked Shisui.

"He probably had the hots for her or something. She could have seduced him or…or…she used to work at the hospital, I think. Maybe she took advantage of him when he was sick."

Itachi was still smirking and it drove Shisui crazy.

"If you know something I don't then spit it out," Shisui snapped.

"No, I wouldn't want to deprive you of the joy of discovery. It's better if you found out for yourself. You wouldn't believe me if I told you what I knew anyway."

"Che, you're just making stuff up. I bet there's nothing more to her than a pretty face." Shisui started to turn back around in his seat, noticing the teacher walking back into the classroom. "But how did you know about Sakura?"

Now it was Itachi's turn to blush. "She's the only doctor my family will allow. She preformed my surgery last year and has been who I go see every moth after rehabilitation."

Shisui straightened and turned around in his seat, eyes wide. "That was her? She's too young!"

"Uchiha san," the teacher called out in a gruff voice. "The class is starting. Please save your comments for later if you wish to speak with your cousin any more than this."

That night when the boys trailed in after school Sakura was at the door with Obito hanging onto her leg, looking sleepy. She smiled wide and greeted them the same she did every day, not seeming to care that no one responded to her and effectivly ignored her all the way in.

Madara, Izuna, and Kagami went on ahead, each as silent as the grave, leaving Shisui out on the doorstep by himself. Sakura turned back to look at him and her smile faltered.

"Shisui?"

Slowly, he stepped over the threshold and started to tug off his shoes. "I-I'm home."

Kagami, who was still in the hall, turned sharply on his heel to look at his adopted brother while Izuna and Madara both froze. The eldest son turned slowly to glare back over his shoulder at Shisui, but Shisui just swallowed and straightened his shoulders.

"Welcome home, Shisui," Sakura breathed, her smile bright and wide.

It was actually Izuna who tried to break her next.

"I need an adult to meet for parent teacher conference week. Will you attend or should I inform the school I will have no one?" Izuna asked, tilting his chin up as he looked at her.

"Oh-oh, of course. Yes, tell them I will be there. When and where will I meet with your teacher?"

Izuna handed her a card with the date and time. On the back was the classroom number right above the teacher's name. "Please keep this to aide you."

Sakura took it and looked the card over. "That's fantastic. Your school must be fancier than mine ever was," Sakura hummed, glancing up as Obito tottered into the room and made a beeline for her lap. She didn't protest as he climbed up and dragged a picture book with him.

Izuna huffed at the sight before starting to turn away. "Undoubtably. The Uchiha are afforded only the best."

"I'll be there for this meeting," Sakura promised, kissing the top of Obito's head.

Izuna paused at the edge of the room and smiled politely. It was a perfect smile that would have fooled anyone, but Sakura was used to having Sai as a best friend. She saw right through it.

"Thank you for being so considerate with sharing your time," Izuna said, nodding to her once before slipping away.

He never mentioned how the time and location were all wrong, but planned on bragging to Madara how bad he would make her look in front of not just the boys, but the whole school. Hopefully that would cheer his brother up after that stunt Shisui pulled when he switched sides. The little traitor was now honestly pleasant with the woman, pretending that Madara never orchestrated the whole freeze out in the first place.

Even Kagami was starting to get bored and lessen up on his pranks. He didn't seem as 'interested' in making her cry after so many failed attempts. It didn't help that Sakura seemed to find his pranks almost as funny as Kagami himself. That did a lot to destroy the moral of the freeze out occupants.

The next day Izuna headed to his appointment with the teacher and seated himself, prepared to wait as long as need be for the woman who would show up two hours late and in the wrong classroom. It would be boring to stay seated in silence for that long, but Izuna was nothing if not committed to the whims and desires of his eldest brother. If Madara thought they were better off without this one, Izuna would do whatever it took to make his brother happy. If he had to humiliate the poor woman than so-

"Sorry I'm late," Sakura gasped, near breathless as she pushed the door all the way open. Her hair was a wild mess of soft curls that seemed to glow from the sunlight filtering in behind her. When she smiled it was dazzling. "I had to take the stairs because the elevator was packed. You're very busy today."

"Not at all, we're glad you could join us," the teacher began, standing to shake her hand.

She laughed and let herself into the room easily, taking his hand. "Haruno Sakura," she said. "And thank you for the clarification on today's time and location. It was helpful."

She took a seat beside and smiled easily at his flummoxed expression. It wasn't a mean smile either, but one that seemed full of amusement. Her eyes were sparkling after all.

"Well, are you ready to hear how amazing Izuna is doing?" the teacher asked.

Sakura set down her purse and leaned in. "Of course."

"You've done a wonderful job this past month, but you've effectively devastated my brother, I'm afraid."

Sakura stilled and stood up from the bath she was scrubbing down. Madara stood in the doorway, his arms crossed looking as haughty as ever. It wasn't a coincidence that he was choosing to finally speak with her after such a long freeze out when she was bent over in menial labor looking more like a housemaid than a Uchiha guardian.

"I'm sorry if Izuna isn't feeling well, but he's been doing so well in school he can afford a day off or two. Is there something else you wanted to talk to me about, or do you want to go back to pretending you can't speak to women."

"It's just you, don't think too much of yourself," Madara huffed, lifting his chin. "Things are no different. I still don't accept you."

Sakura pouted. "You're so stubborn, Madara chan, just like your father when he was that age."

There was a still in the air between them as Sakura went on scrubbing and Madara reeled from her words.

"You're far too young to speak like you knew him, woman," he finally grumbled out, sounding less lofty.

"You're so sweet, but I'm actually a lot older than I look. But don't tell anyone. People still think I'm twenty three when I tell them that and it makes me feel good."

He glared. "I'm not going to ask you how old you are."

Sakura glanced back over her shoulder, still scrubbing away the stains in her own tub. "You're not curious at all, are you? That's another thing you and your father have in common, you're both terrible liars when you're embarassed. Ruffle the feathers of an Uchiha and suddenly they're an open book of expressions."

Madara was never readable, not even when he was ruffled. She irked him to no end with her presumptions. "You did something to the old man for this. I don't know what it was, but it can't be worth it. How much was it and what is it worth to you to walk away?"

"Grow up and maybe I'll consider it, but until you're actually an adult, Madara chan, I'm here to stay. That's what your dad wanted, and I'm going to do right by his memory, even if you're a little unhappy about it."

"Don't talk about him like you two were close. He never mentioned you." Madara reached into the back pocket of his black denim jeans and started to write out something while she continued to clean in the tub.

"Yo, your dad didn't talk about anything without a pretty good reason. We called him the stone because that's how much lip flapping he did. I'm not surprised he didn't sit you down and talk about all the other members on his squad units when he was in the force or in the coalition. You hear about Butsuma or Toka? No?"

Sakura sat up in the tub and narrowed her eyes at the younger boy's hands.

"What are you doing?"

Madara ripped the paper free from the checking book and turned it around before sliding it across the counter. "Write in what you want, it won't make a dent. Take it and never look back."

Sakura left the scrub brush behind as she stood and stepped out of the tub, holding onto the wall for balance. She reached for the check and then looked to Madara. He watched her, unblinking as she took his blank check and lowered it slowly into the open toilet. Sakura grinned as the paper soaked through before pulling it out again and dropping it into the trash.

"You'll regret that," Madara threatened.

Sakura rolled her shoulders and sat back down on the edge of the tub. "You're cute when you think you're scary, Madara chan, but save your energy. You have mock entrance exams coming up in a few weeks and your teacher promised to get me the study materials you would need once results are posted."

Madara turned on his heel and left her there, fuming as he locked himself away and skipped dinner.

Later that night he woke up panting, the image of his current caretaker rising from a bubble bath in nothing but bubbles and that wicked smile haunting him more vividly than ever before. He groaned and held his face, knowing he shouldn't have talked to her. It only made the dreams worse.

Sakura waited by the car for the boys to file in, tugging her coat closer. Moments later the head maid held open the doors for all five of them to file out. Obito skipped half the steps down as he raced to greet her.

"Oba-oba-oba!" he chanted, jumping for her. "I look like a soft man now. Tell me I look nice pleeeeeease."

"You always look adorable, Obito chan, but tonight you look extra good. Are you looking forward to the party? Sasuke will be there for you to play with."

Obito hummed, but was already wiggling out of her arms back to Shisui who helped him into his car seat. Kagami waited and watched the two younger boys before smiling up at Sakura.

"You did a good job on your makeup, Sakura chan," Kagami complimented. "I'm sure you're just as elegantly dressed, but I'll save my compliment for later once we are inside." His smirk was flirtatious for a fourteen year old.

"You can buckle up," Shisui grumbled, tugging on the older boy's arm. "And cut that out. You're creeping her out with your old lines."

"At least I have lines."

"I-I have lines too!" Shisui inflated where he sat in the back of the limo. Kagami rolled his eyes and shook his head dismissively. It only angered the younger Uchiha more. Obito kicked his legs in the carseat and played with the buttons on his coat.

Sakura looked up to see both Madara and Izuna round the opposite side of the limo and take their seats without a word. It was back to the silent treatment it seemed. She wanted to believe she was close, it had been over a month of living together and she had already won over three out of five of them. Madara would talk to her ever so often, mostly to tell her to leave and insult her, but Izuna was still polite with her at least. He didn't meet her eyes anymore, but he also didn't try to get her lost or sent to the wrong place anymore.

Sakura slipped in last to the passenger's seat in the front and watched the manor pull away as they turned towards one of the branch family homes for the evening party. The Uchiha had parties on the average every three months, excluding December where there were entire weeks of parties. Sakura had to dip into her personal funds for a new dress.

"Is this your first time at an Uchiha party?" Shisui asked, leaning over the headrest as far as he could to see her better.

"My first in a while," Sakura admitted, watching as the new home came into view. "It's been a few years since I've had to dress up for anything."

"It's your first time as our guardian then," Shisui added, tone thoughtful. Behind him Madara huffed, smirk taunting. It was enough to make Shisui ruffle, but Kagame held up a hand and stopped it before it could escalate.

Sakura glanced up into the mirrors and smiled to herself. "It'll be nice to see a few old friends. We're almost there. You boys ready?"

No one knew how untrue their answers were when they all said they were before exiting the limo.

Madara and Izuna stayed close to each other as the younger brood raced off to greet friends. The other Uchiha children were present at the party and Shisui and Obito were especially close with a couple of them.

"Did Sakura chan come?" Itachi asked after greeting Shisui.

The question made Madara pause and exchange a glance with his brother. The pair hung back to watch from a short distance as Shisui begrudgingly led Itachi over to the front entrance where Sakura had been talking to the coat check woman.

She undid the front of her cloak and the fur fell away to expose the element folds of a midnight blue strapless that bled to black at the bottom and white at the neck. It was cinched at the waist but the curves were by no means lost. It came up into a high neck collar and when she turned to pass the coat back Madara hear the Itachi boy make a sound as he nearly stumbled. It was backless and low enough to show off a generous canvass of skin. It also distracted the average eye from how few jewels she wore.

Madara hated how he could already feel the flavor and direction of his dreams that night.

Sakura became the focus of a handful of young boys, most of whom chose to observe her from a distance. Madara and Izuna watched her socialize with ease, greeting old and young Uchiha alike. No one seemed to dislike her and a few went out of their way to greet her.

A few young Uchiha bachelors.

Kagami, Shisui, and Itachi were a mess of stealth, making it obvious who they were tracking but Sakura never seemed to care. After a while she asked Itachi to dance and the boy looked over the moon at the offer, much to the horror of Shisui and Kagami alike. Sakura danced with all of them eventually. She might have even danced with Izuna and Madara if they didn't pull away when she looked for them.

"You're still committed to hating her?" Izuna asked as the night aged.

"You sound tired. Do you want to give up?" Madara bit back.

"I'll do whatever you wish, but is this what you wish. You're staring at her the way I stare at her, the way those boys stare at her." Izuna ducked his head and blushed. "Also, the walls are thin between our bedrooms. I know better."

Madara refused to blush.

"She's just here for the money. She'll leave once she gets what she wants. Best not to get attached."

They left together before midnight, but by the time their car pulled in and the boys were put to bed it was well after the witching hour. Obito clung to her even in his sleep and it took a bit longer to settle him, but Sakura finally accomplished her goal.

She was wiping off her make up in a nightgown and house slippers when she heard the scuffle. Sakura dropped the wet pad back onto the vanity and crept out into the hallway, drawing her silk robe closed to keep back the chill. She saw a door open and Izuna poked his head out. A second later Madara did as well.

"Was that you?" the eldest hissed at her.

Sakura touched a finger to her lips and passed them up, slipping out of her slippers as she walked and bending low into the shadows. The boys stayed in the hallway, thankfully, as she made her way down the stairs and onto the main floor. She found the overturned vase and righted it, before turning and scanning the room. There was no way a vase as heavy as that one turned over on it's own.

She swept the rooms, one by one, going slow and remembering much as old training took over. She was nearly through the first floor when she heard it. Footsteps on the stairs. There were two of them, both looking familiar until Sakura remembered seeing their faces at the party earlier. Most of the Uchiha were still celebrating and it was unusual for members to leave as early as Sakura, but she had to with the kids. It was a smart idea to sneak out and try to rob the homes of people you knew were still out partying. Too bad these boys didn't do their homework well enough.

She trailed them up, feeling her robe open and flap soundlessly behind her, as she made her steps low to the ground and long. She was behind the first one and struck before he could hear. He went down in a crumple and that was enough to make the first robber take notice.

Still too late.

They exchanged a few blows, but it was laughable how easy his moves were to see through. He wasn't trained, he wasn't fast, just a little strong and stupid.

Sakura was stronger.

The sound of him falling limp drew Madara and Izuna both out of their rooms, but the rest of the boys stayed asleep. Sakura saw their eyes widen at the sight.

"Keep it quiet, but Madara, call the police department for a pick up. I'll take these boys down to the front to meet them. But go back to bed after that. You need your rest."

"Who…?" Izuna let his question hang.

"Simple thieves," Sakura answered with ease, picking one up by the belt loop and heaving him up onto her shoulder before grabbing the other to stack onto her opposite shoulder. "Now go to sleep."

Sakura turned and started carrying them down the stairs, only slightly annoyed when she heard the boys follow after her. They never listened to her before, so why would they now? Sakura was in the foyer when she hear the shot. It rang out and ripped right through her lower abdomen. She fell with both bodies sliding off her shoulders, only to turn and see a third man, also from the party.

'Shit, I got sloppy.'

Izuna screamed her name and Sakura saw the thug turn. He almost raise his gun but Sakura flung the blunt side of a cartridge at his head and rushed went down like a sack of potatoes and she pummeled into him like he was her punching bag. He tried to swing back, but Sakura hit hard and there were teeth on the floor, bloody at the root and freely scattered.

He stopped moving and so did Sakura. He was still alive, but recovery would be a bitch and take forever.

There were sirens outside as Sakura started to stand. The blood leaking out of her was thick in color, staining huge slabs of her nightwear.

"Why would you do that?" Izuna asked on a strangled note of panic. Sakura looked up and saw both boys not far away, Madara crouched protectively in front of her brother. She turned a little and lights from the outside made the room bright enough to see how wet with blood she was for a split second.

"You're hurt!" Madara exclaimed, even as Izuna pushed forward to try and reach her first with helpful hands.

Sakura kept them back with a hand raise and told them to not get too close or else they would get dirty too.

"Like any of us care about that now," Madara muttered, looking down at the destroyed face of her shooter. "Where did you learn to do such damage?"

There were police rushing in and flooding the foyer. A few went to the knocked out thieves and a pair went to Sakura, helping with her wound and pushing Izuna aside. Over their shoulders Sakura's eyes found Madara's. She smiled and he felt pinned to the spot. She touched her lips and let the on site paramedics patch her up while she recounted her tale to the police officers.

It was probably the last night Madara was embarassed about his dreams and also the last night of the freeze out. A month later and the oddly aged family unit was unrecognizable.

"They're really overdoing it. It's a little cold, but you'd think she'd freeze and die with a stray wind," Fugaku huffed to his wife, watching Madara and Izuna fuss over Sakura's lack of a scarf when she said she was going out to the car to get something she forgot. It was a half minute walk and they insisted on making her wear a scarf and hat, much to her displeasure.

"They're trying to stand out," Mikoto cooed into her husband's ear. "Don't tell me you missed how our son fawns over her. He's been doing that for ages and they're all trying to catch up."

"They're brainless."

Mikoto smirked. "Uchiha boys usually are when it comes to matters of the heart, my love."

AN: These are all going to be oneshots based on what was asked of me on tumblr. The ask box is closed for the foreseeable future, but I may open up requests later on.

Original prompt list:

1. "you died and left me your children, even though they're only a few years younger then me"

2. "you died and left me a haunted house"

3. "you died and left me an obscure magical object, I'm not sure what it does, and your instruction sheet just says 'have fun storming the castle!'"

4. "you died and left me a fanatically loyal warrior order"

5. "you died and left me a bunch of money and a pile of really weird IOUs?! why did someone owe you a free body disposal. why did someone owe you two brides and a goat. why did someone owe you an island. WHY"

6. "you died and left me to repay a bunch of really weird IOUs"

7. "you died and left me a small country"

8. "you died and left me six research labs that operate in international waters and I'm kind of scared to find out why keeping them out there was a stipulation of the will"

9. "you died and left me a menagerie of animals that are supposed to be extinct? and some that aren't supposed to be real? where did you get unicorns. where did you get gryphons. where did you get pegasi?"

10. "you died and left me on the hook for a hereditary marriage contract"