A/N: You know what I haven't written in a while? A lemon! Enjoy! I think y'all have earned it. Calliope's name is pronounced "kuh-lie-uh-pee." Thank you so much BeetlejuiceLvr03, Caz Ezemay, Honey the Queen Bee, Ironically Irrelevant, and the guest who left that extremely flattering long review. It's crazy, because I reread this story all the time, and I can really see the improvement in my writing. I had no idea what I was going to write when I started the first chapter of A Haunting in Connecticut. I am way too proud of this piece of work to let it die. My new chapters may be few and far between, but rest assured, this story will be finished.

I

"Betelgeuse."

The enormous striped serpent currently coiled around the chimney atop the Deetz residence chuckled down at his wife who stood in the driveway with arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently. Adam and Barbara Maitland, who were still under semi-permanent house arrest, could do naught but stare on in horror from the porch. Calliope Quinn Deetz, most recent addition to the Deetz-Maitland family, squealed madly in delight. The 10-month old's onesie was pierced through one of the serpent's vicious elongated fangs. She hung from his mouth, clapping her hands together and laughing.

"You can play snakes and ladders later. It's time for dinner, bring her down." Snakes and Ladders, as Lydia liked to call it, was Calliope's favorite game. Betelgeuse would take on his snake form, grab up the infant, climb to the highest point he possibly could, and try his damnedest to give his father-in-law a heart attack.

He released her, still coiled atop the chimney, and the Maitlands screamed, throwing their arms out to catch her. Lydia rolled her eyes and held her arms out, knowing better. Instead of falling to a tragic death, Calli floated down gently to her sister's arms, giggling the whole way. Lydia smiled brightly and kissed the top of her fire-engine red head. "Yeah, that was lots of fun, wasn't it?"

"Buh-guh!" She shouted in response, reaching chubby fingers back toward the roof. Lydia passed the child off to Barbara so that the panicking ghost could check her for injuries.

"You know she's fine. Let it go." Lydia remarked as she passed by them on her way inside. Betelgeuse was already in the kitchen, back to normal and taste-testing Barbara's marinara. "Do you have to antagonize them every time we come to visit?" She swatted his hand away from the pot, knowing how Barbara would react if she saw.

"They make it so easy, babe. Can't help myself. S'like takin' candy from a baby." He was digging into one of Calli's fruit gummy snacks while he said this.

Lydia sent him a sultry look over her shoulder as she began setting the table. "If you can play nice until Calli goes down for bed, maybe we can take a walk through the cemetery later tonight."

Betelgeuse paused mid chew, eyes darkening. With the birth of Calliope, Lydia's old bedroom had been converted from an art studio into a nursery. They opted out of painting the walls pink or purple, as is the norm, and left them as they were; splattered and multi-colored. Delia thought it would help "inspire her natural creativity." The child was going to live an unusual life. It only seemed natural that she should have an unusual bedroom.

While this was all well and good for the child, it meant that when Lydia and Betelgeuse came to visit, they were forced to sleep on the pullout couch in Charles' study, much to Daddy-in-Law's displeasure. Betelgeuse was no fan of the arrangement, either. The study was smack dab between the baby's room and his in-laws'. Getting down and dirty with Lydia just wasn't going to happen there, no matter how badly he wanted to bend her over her daddy's desk and make her scream.

He was behind her in an instant, hands on her hips, fingers crawling up the hem of her shirt. She shuddered involuntarily when his lips played at the skin below her ear. "Oh, I'll be nice. I'll be real nice. I'll wash dishes n' everythin'. You still wearin' that lil red thing?" Watching his wife dress in the morning had been torture the past few days.

She slipped out of his arms with finesse at the sound of the storm door opening and Barbara cooing to Calli. The look in her eyes was just as dark as his. Seems he wasn't the only one missing out. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

"One fish,

Two fish,

Red fish,

Blue fish."

Lydia didn't bother pausing to show Calli the pictures as she read on. There was no point. Betelgeuse's magic really was beautiful when it wasn't dark and terrifying. The fish swam from the pages of the book to spin through the air in circles around the enchanted infant. The illusions nipped at her cheeks and tickled her ribs.

"Black fish,

Blue fish,

Old fish,

New fish."

Four new fish joined red and blue. By the time Lydia was about done with the book, Calliope's room was for all intents and purposes a water-free aquarium. She read slowly to allow time for the fish to do tricks. They were acrobats, swimming through the air in erratic, intricate patterns and bouncing off the walls. As Lydia reached the last couple pages, the lights in Calli's room dimmed of their own accord and all the fish slowed at once. They fell in line, floating along at a snail's pace in a circle above Calli's crib. Her big blue eyes watched on, hypnotized, before slowly, slowly, slowly closing for the night. Lydia smiled, her heart melting.

"Today is gone.

Today was fun.

Tomorrow is another one."

With that, the fish shimmered out of existence. Adam and Barbara watched the entire spectacle from the doorway, unable to stop themselves. Barbara couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at the sight. She had no trouble entertaining Calliope with the few parlor tricks she knew, mostly levitation and possession of inanimate objects. However, there was no denying that the no good rotten poltergeist was the child's favorite person in the world. It wasn't fair. A part of her would never be able to trust him, not fully. But Lydia and Calliope were her babies. This… this thing made her babies happy. Who was she to fight that?

"Thank you." She conceded with a sad smile to the poltergeist as he and Lydia stepped out of the room. She immediately regretted it when he grinned smarmily and waggled his brows at her.

"Aw, you warmin' up to me, Babs? Look, I'm flattered, really, but it would never work. Don't get me wrong, ya got a great ass and those legs go on for fuckin' days. But I'm married. You're married. S'too complicated for me, ya know- GAH!"

Lydia was dragging him down the stairs by his ear. "Shut up before I change my mind about that walk. We'll be back later, don't wait up!" She called back to a red-faced Barbara and facepalming Adam before practically jogging out the door, Betelgeuse hot on her heels.

His wife threw him an annoyed sideways glance as they walked the dirt path through the woods that led to the Winter River Cemetery, her arms crossed. "You know, flirting with Barbara is a really shitty way to get me to fuck you." There was a bite in her tone that suggested this wasn't just their usual banter.

He didn't pick up on it. "Hey! She's the one who's got the hots for me! I was very clearly rejectin' her advances."

"Whatever." Lydia walked on ahead of him, glaring at the ground with stiff shoulders.

What the fuck? Betelgeuse sped up to meet her pace. "Hey, what gives?"

"Nothing." She did not pause her stride or lift her gaze. He stared at the back of her head, puzzled, until it clicked.

He appeared in front of her in an instant, making her walk right into him. She would have fallen backward if he hadn't caught her around the waist. "Babe…" He began, the side of his mouth curling like he'd just been told a dirty secret. "Are you jealous?"

Her cheeks turned a shade of red he hadn't seen on her in a while and she glared past his shoulder, refusing to look him in the eye. "No."

Well, that was just fucking adorable. "You are!" She huffed and shook him from her, turning so her back was to him, arms still stubbornly crossed. "Baby, cmon, you know this stiff only gets stiff for you." She snorted and muttered something so low he couldn't hear it. "What?"

"And Barbara. And Mandy. And Claire. And Nona. Fuck, you can barely string together a sentence when Delia's breastfeeding. She wears a coverup! You will never see her tits!" Lydia was talking more to herself now than him. "Hmph… great ass… legs for days…"

"Lyds. Baby. That's nothin'. That's just talk. I don't mean it, I just say shit."

She turned and faced him now, a fire in her eyes. "You would lose your mind if I started hitting on guys the way you hit on women." The mere idea of it made his jaw clench with fury. "Maybe I will. Maybe the next cute guy I see I'll just walk right up to him and say 'Hey, stud. Nice dick.'" If he wasn't enraged by the suggestion, he would have laughed outright at her. Lydia was not adept at flirting.

He growled and got up in her face, backing her into a tree. "Don't you fuckin' dare."

She stood her ground. "Don't you fucking make me." There was tense silence as they stood on the path, toe to toe, nose to nose. "Are we gonna go to this cemetery and fuck or are we gonna stand here and talk about our feelings all night?"

She was mocking him. "Fuck the cemetery." He had her turned back around before she knew what was happening, her front pressed against the tree trunk while he expertly unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled down her jeans. She was, in fact, still wearing the little red thing. A string and two itty bitty triangles made up her scrap of a thong. She cried out at the first stinging slap to her backside. "Take it back."

"Fuck you." She bit out, gritting her teeth against the pain of the second strike.

"We're gettin' there. First, I gotta mouthy little girl on my hands that needs ta learn a lesson." He paused after the third slap to smooth his hands over her lily-white globes. His fingers drifted under the damp material of her panties and he nearly groaned at the moisture he found there. She was practically dripping for him. Two of his fingers plunged inside of her without warning. His other hand fisted in her hair, pulling her head back so that he could hiss in her ear. "This tight little pussy right here?" His fingers curled inside of her, rubbing at her sweet spot, and her body spasmed against him. "This is mine." The sight of her exposed, thin throat was too tempting and he latched his mouth there. Her breathing sped up as his teeth scraped against her sensitive flesh and she started riding his fingers with vigor, irresistible little noises crawling up her throat and out her mouth.

He had driven her over the edge enough times now that he knew the signs. Her eyes clenched shut, all her muscles went rigid, her mouth was open in a silent scream. He stopped. She about started crying. "Take it back."

"Please!" She thrust herself back onto his fingers, but it was too late. He was already removing them. "I take it back! I won't flirt with anybody! Please don't sto-" She was cut off by the force of him slamming into her and the orgasm that ripped through her. The little red thing was no more, in pieces on the dirt path.

He was brutal, pulling her back to meet him with each thrust, drawing out her climax for all it was worth. Once her screams calmed down to gasps, he bent with her so that her was back flush against him and slowed. His hands slid up her front and under her shirt to grasp each of her breasts and massage them gently. She moaned low at the sensation, bowing her head down while he kissed her neck tenderly. "You think I wanna do this with anybody else?" He breathed against her, keeping up his slow, punishing rhythm.

"You keep hitting on girls." She whined, her voice thick with pleasure.

"Yeah, I like girls." She squirmed in his arms and his grip around her tightened. "I love you."

"Then stop hitting on other girls!" She insisted, even as she ground him further into her. He groaned, exasperated and close to coming. It was his turn to object when she pulled away from him completely and turned to face him. The objection died when she pulled her top off, kicked her jeans away, and dropped to her knees before him in the dirt path, completely nude. She stroked him slowly and licked his head once, torturously, before lifting her evil eyes up to his. "You like it when I do this?"

"Uh-huh…" He gulped, speech failing him.

"And you like that I only wanna do this for you?" She took him into her mouth fully and he groaned, answer enough for her question. She sucked him like a popsicle on a hot day, one of her hands oh-so-gently caressing his sack while her mouth burned and pulsated. He had both hands in in her hair and was thrusting shallowly with her, biting his lip. He was so close…

And then she stopped. "I can play that game, too." The fire in her eyes from before was back. It was impressive that she could manage so intimidating an expression whilst kneeling butt ass naked in the dirt with a cock in her hand. "Stop hitting on other girls."

He about tackled her to the ground. "DEAL!" And then he was inside of her. "You evil," he grunted, slamming himself as deep as he could go, "communist," One of his hands was grasping her breast so tightly it almost hurt and he paused to lick her nipple roughly, "WITCH!" And then he was coming, face buried in her hair, body shuddering against hers. She stroked his back soothingly until he was still above her, using her chest as a pillow. There was a victorious smirk on her lips that rivaled his. "That was a dirty, dirty trick, babe."

"What can I say?" She leaned up on her elbows and drew him into a deep, burning kiss. "I learned from the best."