What's this? An update? It can't be! But it is!

So I'm a trash human being and I realize that and I'm so sorry for being trash but sadly that is just my personality. This story is not abandoned. It's just...going through a slow phase. I'll give a more in depth life update and what's in store for the future at the end of the chapter. For now, thank you to everyone who has not given up and who continues to read this. Love you guys!

I was in my room, calling my parents as the day played out again and again in my head. There had been a bank robbery in DC with some well known and not so well-known robbers. The bank exploded, Will ended up being taken and had a bomb strapped to him, and Henry was put in danger. My emotions and adrenaline was still running high when I had finally made it back home to my apartment. I had several missed calls, mostly all from family. They had seen the news, seen me on the news, and wanted to make sure everyone was okay.

The phone calls to my family went fairly quickly. I told them I was fine, we all were, and that I was very exhausted from everything that had happened. They understood and were just happy that I was safe. The phone call I was dreading the most was Ben. He had called several times and texted me even more.

He answered on the first ring. "There you are. Lila, I was worried sick watching the news! I was ready to get the first flight out to make sure you were alright."

"How do you think I felt actually being there?" I retorted, wanting nothing more than to go to bed. "And you don't have to do that. I'm perfectly fine. Just really tired."

I heard him sigh. "Lila…"

"Ben, please. I'm so tired."

"I know. I just…seeing the news…what if something happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"But it could have. Maybe…maybe we're making a mistake. I can still find something out in DC by you."

I laid down in bed, not in the mood to talk to him about this yet again. "Ben, I love you. I will always love you. But…you're just making things so much harder."

He sighed again. "I know, I know. I just…I love you too. This break up really fucking sucks."

"They're not supposed to be fun," I said softly.

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. "Is the rest of your family safe?"

"Will's a little beat up but Henry and JJ are okay. Just shaken. We're having a surprise wedding for them tomorrow at Rossi's. Well, it's a surprise for JJ."

"That sounds like a good time. I wish I could be your plus one."

"Ben."

"I know. I just…" He trailed off and my heart ached. "I should go. I'm glad you're safe."

"Thanks, Ben."

"Bye, Lila."

"Bye, Ben." I hung up the phone first, feeling miserable. Ben and I had broken up a couple weeks ago and the pain was still going strong. Talking to him on the phone like that just made everything ten times worse.

I closed my eyes, still fully dressed from the days adventures. I didn't care. I just needed to sleep and reset myself. Hopefully the wedding would take my mind off everything going on in my person life.

The next day I spent most of it with Penelope. We both decided that we needed new dresses for the wedding, so we went out to get some. It was much needed girl time.

We browsed the dress racks as I told her about my phone call with Ben. "I was super short with him. I just didn't want to deal with all the mushy feely stuff."

"Totally understandable, Blondie. It's been what, two weeks since the official break up?" She glanced at me and I nodded. "You spent the first five days sobbing at my place."

"Don't remind me," I said, trying to push the pain back out of my mind. I could barely function when Ben and I first split and spent most of my free time with Penelope. Well I spent all my free time with her. She just had the best ice cream selection, the best movie selection, and the fuzziest blankets. Perfect for eating your feelings and drowning sorrows.

"This is my point. You're still healing and him barging in and being all sweet and caring and charming isn't going to help you get over him. You know what will?"

I signed. "Penny, please don't say dating Spencer."

"Okay, then…" She pressed her lips tightly together and looked between me and the dresses. After a few moments she spoke again, "but really, just give him a chance. He's so sweet and you know he really cares about you."

"I know he does, Penny. I'm not doubting him at all. I'm doubting myself. I'm upset and still miss Ben and I don't want just a rebound fling. Especially not with Spencer."

"You are killing my little shipper heart, you know that right?" Penelope said out of frustration and I laughed.

We continued shopping for dresses then got a quick lunch. I decided to go back to my place to get ready. I have an advisor meeting tomorrow in the morning so I wanted to make sure I had my own transportation to and from the wedding.

Once I was ready and had gone over my paper a few more times, I headed out to Rossi's. Almost everyone was already there. It was nice to see everyone. Especially my aunt, JJ's mom. Even though she's close I don't see her as much as I should. And she brought her old wedding dress for JJ which was really awesome of her.

Once JJ, Will, and Henry arrived, the big surprise was revealed. JJ was shocked but excited about it. Her mother's wedding dress fit her like a glove and she was absolutely glowing in it. Watching her getting married to the love of her life with her child by her side warmed my heart. It's a future I could only hope that someday I would have.

The reception was really nice as well. Rossi went all out in making sure there was plenty of food, drinks, and music to go around.

I helped myself to some of the delicious food and a glass of wine. I then went to join Penny and Derek in some intense dancing. It reminded me of my first time meeting everyone and dancing at the bar.

After several songs I went back to grab a sip of my wine. As I did, I saw Spencer head in my direction. I had been keeping an eye on him for most of the night. He looked so dapper in his suit it made my heart flutter. I had been wanting to talk to him, maybe even dance, but I had just gotten swept up in everything I had only been able to make small talk with him and steal some glances.

"Hey," he said softly once he approached me. I could tell by the ways he was switching the weight between his feet that he was nervous. "You look really nice."

"Thank you, Spencer." I blushed. "You do too."

He smiled his cute, awkward smile. "Thank you. Um, I was- I was wondering if you wanted to, uh, dance? With me?"

"I'd really love that, Spencer," I said, softly. The tone of the music had changed to a slow rhythm, perfect for a more intimate dance.

I let him lead me to the dance floor, the smiling never really leaving my face. I leaned into him easily as we started our dance. Spencer had his arms wrapped around me as we swayed to the music. Being in his embrace was so comforting, so natural. I could hear the faint beating of his heart as my head lay pressed against his chest. I let my eyes close for a moment as we moved. Part of me wanted to stay there forever. There was something just so...so right about being held by Spencer. Something familiar that I wanted to keep forever.

"Lila," Spencer said softly. I picked my head up and met his eyes. He was reading my face carefully. I could tell by how his eyes darted across every one of my features.

"Spence," I said matching his tone. I tightened my hold on him, wanting to keep him as close to me as possible. I could feel him do the same to me.

"You look so beautiful tonight." His comment made me blush and give a light laugh, even if it is the second time he's said it.

"Thank you, Spencer. That means a lot to me."

"You're welcome."

We continued dancing, our eyes locked on each other. Slowly, almost painfully, Spencer started to lean down towards me. His eyes flickering close as he did so. My breathe caught in my throat and I closed my eyes just before he gently pressed his lips against mine. This was probably his first time making the move and he was adorable how soft and gentle he was being. I easily captured his lips between mine as I kissed back.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about kissing him. I thought about it a lot, especially since splitting up with Ben. Grabbing Spencer and kissing him for all its worth as been the front thought on my mind and I've practically gone crazy not acting on it. I haven't because I'm not sure if I'm being genuine. And that's the reason I was the first one to pull away.

"Spencer," I whispered and his face instantly fell, my tone giving me away.

"I'm sorry." He quickly apologized. He tried to tear away from our dance but I wouldn't let him.

"Spencer, please don't apologize. Please. I want you, Spencer. Truly, I do. That kiss was amazing." The hurt and embarrassment I saw in his eyes made mine well. "I really like you, but I'm hurting. I'm still hurting a lot from my break up with Ben. It's not fair to you if I'm still getting over my feelings for him."

"You're right. I get it." He said flatly and averted his eyes from mine.

"I do want this, Spencer. I want you to kiss me again and again until I'm dizzy and can't think straight. But I'm scared if we do that now it won't be real and you'll just be a rebound. And you deserve so much better than that. You deserve the world, Spencer. And a girl who can give you that. And I don't think I can be that girl right now." We stopped swaying to the music and our arms fell apart. I stayed looking at him but his eyes were trained on his shoes.

"I really do care about you, Spencer," I said softly, hoping he would at least partially understand and not hate me.

He picked his head up and met my eyes. It was like a knife was cutting through me with the amount of hurt that was there. "I really care about you too, Lila. That's why this hurts so much." He held my eyes for another second before walking away. I wanted to go after him.

I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him, but I couldn't. Instead, I stood at the edge of the dance floor, trying not to cry.

I was holding myself together as I went to an empty table. Everyone was either on the dance floor or in the house, having the time of their lives. I watched JJ, holding onto Will tightly, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. The look in their eyes when they see each other is so magical. So pure. I was so happy for them yet in so much pain.

"My bambino, what's wrong?" I looked up and saw Rossi taking a seat next to me, drink in hand. "This is a happy time. Why are you crying?"

"Because my life is a hot mess, Rossi." I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

"Working for the BAU, that's a given. What else is going on?" I couldn't help but smile. He did have a point.

"Well, to begin, I broke up with Ben and I'm still pretty torn up about that."

"I think I remember Penelope talking about it a couple weeks ago. I'm so sorry to hear that. I know you two were very serious." He seemed genuine with his apology. I really appreciated that. I know Penelope and to an extend JJ felt sorry for me but their sympathy only ran skin deep. They, specifically Penelope, didn't want me to end up with Ben. But Rossi looked and sounded like he actually cared to his core and that meant the world to me.

I grabbed my phone from where I had stored in it my bra and opened it to a conversation between Ben and myself. "We were." I showed Rossi. "These are pictures of rings I sent him. We were planning on getting engaged." I could feel the lump in my throat as I spoke. Talking about what could have been between Ben and myself still hurt my heart. I didn't want to be in this much pain, yet here I am.

"That is pretty serious." Rossi looked over what I showed him, taking it all in. "I'm sorry you're hurting so much."

"Thank you, Rossi." I turned my phone screen off so I didn't have to look at the rings anymore. I still couldn't bring myself to deleting the conversations.

"I probably have no room to give relationship advice as I've had three failed marriages, but for what it's worth I think you made the right decision."

"You're just saying that because you want Spencer and myself to get together."

"Ah, bambino, unlike some here," I saw his eyes shift over to where Penelope was dancing with Derek, "I don't care who you're with. I just want you to be happy."

I couldn't help but smile. It was nice having the support of an unbiased party. Even if said party doesn't have the best track record when it comes to relationships. "So what do you think I should do?"

"That," he rose from his chair, "is not something I can tell you. What I can say is to listen to your heart, your gut, your brain, and go from there. Things have a way of working themselves out."

"You don't seem like the type of person who believes that." I narrowed my eyes at him. He was way too logical to go for the whole 'whatever's meant to be will work out' type.

"Ah," he said with a smile on his face. "But you do." He took a swig of his drink, eyes twinkling, before walking away. That son of a bitch profiled me and told me exactly what would help me out the most. I want to be annoyed with the profiling but I didn't even care. His words helped me and that's all that matters.

My eyes skimmed the dance floor again. I found Spencer smiling and dancing with JJ. I wanted to go talk to him but I didn't want to ruin such a happy moment either.

"Care to dance?" Emily was standing over me with her arm extended.

"How can I refuse an offer like that?" I smiled and took her hand, following her to the dance floor. We held hands and swayed to the music.

"You look a bit distraught." Emily made the observation.

"Rossi already profiled me. I'm not letting that happen again," I said and smiled.

"Fair enough," she laughed. "Sometimes it's hard to turn off. But we don't have to talk about what's troubling you if you don't want. I actually wanted to talk to you about something specific." I nodded at her to continue. "I'm moving back to England to work for Interpol."

I stared at her, trying to grasp what she was saying. After being away for months, making us all think she's dead, she's going away again. She doesn't want to be here with us anymore. She wants to move across the world to another freaking country.

"Please don't think this has anything to do with you guys." The hurt was on my face plain as day and I couldn't help but assume that that was the cause of the guilt on hers. "I love you and I love working with you. But after being over in England I feel like my heart belongs there now. But just because I'm going to be far away does not mean I don't want to keep in contact. We can email every day and I'll do what I can to make as many trips out here to see you guys as I can."

I have experienced so many emotions over the last forty-eight hours that hearing Emily was leaving the family just tipped me over the edge. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I just froze in my spot and started to cry again. Being the great friend Emily is, she pulled me into a tight tight hug and just let me cry. She ran her fingers through my hair and whispered soothing words to me. Once I had finally calmed down enough to speak, she pulled away. "You're one of my best friends, Lila."

"You're one of my best friends too," I choked out. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too." She wiped a few tears from my eyes. "But we'll get through this."

"Yeah. Yeah we will. And I'll be sure to come visit you too."

"I'd really like that," she said with a soft smile. "Are you gonna be okay if I go talk to Rossi now?"

"Yeah," I sniffled. "I'll be okay."

"I love you, Li." Emily squeezed my hands.

"Love you, too." I watched as she crossed the dance floor over to Rossi who easily swept her up in his arms.

I made my way back over to the drink table and helped myself to a new glass of wine. I wanted to drink several more, but I had a meeting in the morning with my doctoral advisor. I needed sobriety for that.

The night slowly wore on with me avoiding most people, especially Spencer. Our eyes would find each other every now and then I could feel the pang in my heart each time. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him and that's exactly what I'm doing.

I was one of the first people to leave the party. Partly because I wanted to go home and wallow in self-pity and partly because I needed a decent night of sleeping for my meeting. I said good-bye to everyone, taking my time with Emily. When I got to Penny, she instantly knew something more was up but thankfully didn't push me. Spencer was the last on my list.

"I'm heading home." I slowly walked up to him, unsure of how I should approach.

"Be safe," he said flatly.

"Thanks, I will. I have an advising meeting in the morning." I didn't know what else to say. I was rocking back and forth on my feet, my hands twisting together behind my back. "I'm nervous."

"You'll do great. Your dissertation is solid." His voice remained flat.

"Spencer, I-"

"Please, Lila. I don't want to hear it. It was hard enough to get rejected when you were still with Ben and now that you're not together, I'm still getting rejected by you. Please, just…just leave me alone." His words were riddled with anguish and I felt a stab in my stomach. This was all my fault. The least I could do was respect his wishes.

"Okay, Spencer." I kept my head down as I walked away from him and towards my car. I waited until I was back in my apartment, ready for bed, before I started to cry.

I hope this lived up to what your imaginations had created during the hiatus. I also threw a little bit of foreshadowing in there. Now for the other stuff,

Life update: During the hiatus I got promoted (which I think I said before), got food poisoning, went to Disney, got the stomach flu, got my manager fired, applied to grad school, broke my computer, and now am planning another Disney trip for next week.

Future of story: I can't say when the next update will be for sure since I am going on vacation again. There definitely won't be another gap like this last one. Once I come back I can plan this a little bit better and give you guys more of a schedule.

That's about it! I hope you guys liked it!