Trigger warning: slight mention of depression and suicide. Stay safe.

Ruby pulled the scratchy black hem of one of her new shirts as far down it would go, draft skimming along her skin. Fall had set in with a deep defiance that swept the warmth out of her apartment with no budget for air conditioning to replace it. Ruby let the hem bounce back to her belly button, reaching for Roman's jacket and pulling it back around her shoulders, settling into her bed. With her arms wrapped around her knees, she lifted a cup of tap water to her lips, drifting away into the perplexing web of constraint.

Following a plan never felt as foreign to her as it did now—Ruby felt as if she were missing something important, a caustic piece to the puzzle. But after weeks of work, no new revelations appeared in the clustering webwork of the future to come. Her efforts seemed pointless, trapped in a fallacy of infinite possibility. Ruby had no problem acting without knowing the full scope of her situation, but in this case, she had no choice but to wait for all the pieces to show themselves. However, as she was learning firsthand, no criminal organization will volunteer the kind of information she needed.

"Hey, Roman," she mocked, rolling her eyes, "Wanna tell me about all the illegal stuff you plan to do in the next couple of months? Don't worry, I definitely won't tell the police."

Ruby scoffed. Yeah, right.

She poured the rest of the water into her mouth, falling onto her back. The ceiling, littered with fragments of peeling paint and water-damaged drywall, greeted her as a reflection of the state of consciousness she lived in. Her sense of urgency had disappeared. Why panic and fret when the world is still in a time of quiet peace? All of her loved ones were walking around safe and sound, so why worry now? The answer may have been obvious, and the age of tomorrow would come in a million shards of broken glass, a pale and fragile blue. The same color in Neo's lips when she was beyond saving, the same color she can expect to see if she continues to walk around and do nothing.

The sky would open and pour out its hell across the ground, spreading wall to wall with such a vicious fervor and unrelenting disease that would tear through the entire city and destroy everyone. But that wouldn't rouse Ruby out of her bed. A part of her welcomed the chaos because it was inevitable. No matter what she did, it would come for all of them, and in the future that she will fragment, she might be endangering even more lives. In the event that one of her loved ones gets infected sooner, will doctors be able to manufacture a working cure fast enough to save them?

Ruby marked a difference in her mind: most days, she would step away from such dark thoughts and turn to more optimistic alternatives, but today, she felt like letting go and seeing just how far down she could go.

She opened her burner, dialing Roman's number with shaking fingers and holding up to her face.

"What is it now?"

"Come over," Ruby said.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't be alone right now."

"Uh," Roman sighed, "I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Since when do you fucking care?" Ruby spat. "You've hurt so many god damn people that 'good idea' probably doesn't register in your brain anymore."

"How passionate. What do you want?"

"Someone to keep me from doing something drastic."

"I am the man to call when you want to do something drastic. As you have pointed out, I'm a terrible influence."

"Fantastic. Piss me off for all I care. Make fun of me until your jaw is sore. I don't care."

"Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?"

"I don't know," Ruby said, voice shaking in her throat. "Alone is just the worst thing I can be right now, and I don't have time for stupid shit like therapy."

"Well, all right then. I found a guy with a rifle at your specifications, so I'll bring that over when I finish up here. Try not to jerry-rig a new chandelier before I get there."

"Don't be snide. Just hurry up."

"Patience, Red. Four hours."

The line went dead, the phone falling out of her hand.

"What does he mean, 'new chandelier?'" Ruby thought aloud.

Ruby twiddled her fingers, Roman sitting on the couch with a heavy glare. Neither of them had spoken since she had opened the door for him, even as Roman was pulling the pieces of her new rifle out of his bag.

He drew in a sharp breath, as if preparing to speak, but no words came out. At the same time, Ruby exhaled, scrambling for something to fill the awkward silence. Her eyes avoided his, fidgeting under the knowledge that he was still watching her.

Her stomach grumbled. "Oh shit," she remarked.

"You didn't buy yourself food with all that money?"

Ruby looked up at him. "I bought beer," she defended.

"That's not food."

"It's very filling."

Roman scratched his chin and reached for his back pocket. "Pizza?"

"I don't wanna break out," she whined.

He squinted at her. "You're kidding, right?"

Ruby rolled her eyes and walked to the kitchen. "Whatever, just order the damn pizza."

Ruby opened her bag and withdrew a small package that fit in the palm of her hand. It cost far more than it weighed, but the packaging was very sleek, showing only a brand name on the surface.

"What's that?" Roman asked.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." Ruby slid the outer layer off and looked inside at the device: a small, pod-system vaporizer.

Roman appeared beside her, standing over her shoulder and scoffing. "What'd you get that shit for?"

Ruby slapped the box down on the counter and cringed away from him. "Can you not do that?"

"Do what?" he sighed, leaning on one arm.

Ruby turned away, rubbing her hand against her arm. She pushed a pod into the slot with fumbling fingers and lifted the piece up to her mouth.

"Is that your first—"

A burst of coughs spilled from her mouth, Ruby spewing clouds that stung her eyes. "Oh my god," she groaned.

Roman laughed. "Oh, and that's only three percent."

"How would you know?"

"I smoke. A lot."

"I know," she scowled. "Did you smoke a pack before you walked in here?"

Roman smirked in response. Ruby regained control of her lungs and raised the device back to her mouth.

This time, the cloud came out in a shaking breath, but she limited her coughing with a handful of tap water straight out of the faucet. Ruby shook her hand and walked to her bed, picking up Roman's jacket, tucked under the sheet so it wouldn't get cold under the draft.

Roman watched her quietly, noting the way her limbs loosely filled the sleeves that were snug around his arms. She almost appeared childish, but her head turned back towards him, and in her eyes he spotted a self-assured look in her eyes—the kind that sparkled instead of glazing when she drifted off into her own personal world.

"What?" she muttered.

Roman swallowed.

Hey everyone! I know, it's been a while. It's finally fall break, and even though I only really get two days to unwind, this is the first time I have ever found time to write for all of you guys. Or shower. Or sleep. Or breathe. UGH college is so stressful. Sera has it even worse—she has been all over the place with the honors school and whatnot. Us hanging out is just doing our homework in the same room, so yikes. ANYWAYS I'm glad to be back. Sera will update soon once she gets back from home. So look out for that.

And no, it's not a fucking juul. They only lowered their prices to get people to buy their overpriced sets of pods. Stop buying vape at a gas station. Some other things: three percent is thirty milligrams of nicotine—and yes, that is a LOT. It just goes down easier because it's not free base, but it does still affect the body in the same way. Three percent would hit about as hard as a regular cigarette, but to a novice smoker/vape nation citizen, that kind of vapor in your throat is gonna hit hard and make you dizzy pretty quick. That should have you up to speed with the references I made in this episode. If you would like to learn about the rest of the science behind vape, try google. Helped me.

Another side note…you may have noticed a couple of common trends at this point, and yes, I didn't realize that was what's happening because I was just writing what I know, but yes, these are symptoms of depression that Ruby is displaying. PSA, you don't need to be suicidal to be depressed, and none of the DSM-5 symptoms really reflect what anyone is actually feeling when they're chronically depressed. So if you find Ruby's behavior disturbingly similar to yours, please, do the research, take a lot of Vitamin D, and find a person to talk to about any issues. If you would like, privately message me and I'll do my best to provide resources that will be able to help your situation. Be safe, and remember that the world is too big to not have people out there who would love to get to know you.

See you guys next time!

-Mima